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24: The Unaired 1994 Pilot
November 8, 2007 9:56 PM   Subscribe

It's 1994, there's a bomb in Los Angeles, and THERE'S NO TIME! Will Jack Bauer save the world with AOL 3.0?
posted by dhammond (45 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite

 
It turns out he does.
posted by Citizen Premier at 10:11 PM on November 8, 2007


shit
posted by edgeways at 10:12 PM on November 8, 2007


way to ruin the suspense
posted by edgeways at 10:13 PM on November 8, 2007


I'm impressed
posted by niccolo at 10:15 PM on November 8, 2007


This is the closest you're going to get to a new season of 24. It's been postponed for this season due to the strike.
posted by ALongDecember at 10:17 PM on November 8, 2007


I had a cell phone in 1994, does that make me cooler than Jack?
posted by blue_beetle at 10:17 PM on November 8, 2007


"... trying Encarta now."
heh, the memories! What happened to Encarta? A couple of years ago it was at the forefront of the "multimedia revolution" and pretty much ubiquitous at schools and libraries. It's been years since I last saw Encarta let alone used it. I guess a more mature web and Wikipedia is what happened.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 10:20 PM on November 8, 2007


Shit, Jack Bauer doesn't even use technology circa 2007. "Patch the live satellite video of my random location through to my PDA instantly!" WTF? I can't even get my iPaq to sync my contacts properly.

Also, "You picked up the phone while I was doing the Internet" was excellent.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:25 PM on November 8, 2007


Foci for Analysis: ""... trying Encarta now."
heh, the memories! What happened to Encarta? A couple of years ago it was at the forefront of the "multimedia revolution" and pretty much ubiquitous at schools and libraries. It's been years since I last saw Encarta let alone used it. I guess a more mature web and Wikipedia is what happened.
"

Encarta is still around as packaged software and as a website. The last computer I got came with it as a freebie. It's very slick and fairly useful, but as you say Wikipedia, Google etc have made it superfluous.
posted by aerotive at 10:33 PM on November 8, 2007


I'm impressed by the attention paid to 24 continuity in this... Actually, I guess there's not a whole lot, but the CTU liaison (or whatever) is Nina and not Chloe.

And that counts for somethin', I guess.
posted by incomple at 10:35 PM on November 8, 2007


That was great. Thanks.
posted by brundlefly at 10:40 PM on November 8, 2007


Funny stuff, but how many anachronisms are there? The Geocities thing is an obvious problem, but what else? There must be a couple more.
posted by jdroth at 10:55 PM on November 8, 2007


That was much better than I'd expected.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:59 PM on November 8, 2007


This reminds of me of when I was about 17, and I discovered I could get past my parents' internet ban by using one of those AOL CDs to sign up for a free trial and then use my time to sign up for Netzero to outlast the AOL trial.

I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that meddling CHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEORRRRRREEEEORRRRRRRR....

...
...
...

CHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
posted by katillathehun at 11:01 PM on November 8, 2007 [4 favorites]


Chloe O'Brian only appeared in the third season. Wasn't the closest the first season had to the later geek role Milo Pressman, who was drafted in during season 1?
posted by meehawl at 11:03 PM on November 8, 2007


A website the internet forgot for the past 10 years: America On-Hold

And of course, the all time classic, Mark Eats AOL. Last updated in 1996.
posted by ALongDecember at 11:04 PM on November 8, 2007


In 1994, AOL was still at 2.0. It had no "go" menu, and no maps online. And, of course, it looked a lot different than the AOL in the clip.

Still, pretty funny stuff.

What they should have done is have him sit there and wait for fifteen minutes while all the new AOL graphics downloaded. Remember that? You'd log on, and get hundreds of kilobytes worth of graphics, trickling in over your modem, for areas of the service you'd never even go into. But they forced that download on you every time you logged in.
posted by JWright at 11:35 PM on November 8, 2007


I can't wait until today's internet is as sucky as yesterdays!

March on, progress!
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:56 PM on November 8, 2007 [1 favorite]


God, old things are stupid.

It's 1884, there's an Irishman stealing a look at a gentlewoman's exposed ankle, and THERE'S NO TIME! Will Jack Bauer save the world on his Penny Farthing and a bottle of Dr. Watson's Cataleptic Neuroplexy Cocaine Tonic And Elixir?
posted by stavrogin at 12:48 AM on November 9, 2007 [4 favorites]


LMAO stavrogin, that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time.
posted by leibniz at 1:20 AM on November 9, 2007


Prodigy's down! When I was 14, I would go in Prodigy chat rooms during episodes of The X-Files using the screen name AgentScully. Sometimes my cat would knock the phone off the hook and disconnect the modem.
posted by Locative at 3:55 AM on November 9, 2007


Nice post, enjoyed the hell out of that.
posted by rudster at 4:30 AM on November 9, 2007


Damn. I showed this video to some of my student workers and they just stared at it blankly. Then I remembered that most of them were 4 years old in 1994.

So now I sit alone in my darkened office listening to Ace of Base's The Sign over and over again. Every so often I look at old pictures and take a sip of warm, flat Zima.

Those were... the days.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:10 AM on November 9, 2007 [12 favorites]


Much better than I thought it would be.
posted by slimepuppy at 5:38 AM on November 9, 2007


I'd like to see a sequel where he has just 24 hours to cancel his AOL account. I'm not sure even Jack Bauer could pull that off.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 6:38 AM on November 9, 2007 [3 favorites]


That was brilliant. DAMN IT NINA, THERE'S NO TIME!
posted by brain_drain at 6:48 AM on November 9, 2007


It's very strange for me to read about AOL & Prodigy as "the old days". For me the old days were on the previous version of the Matrix, good old Quantum Link. By 94 I was already an Internet legend. It's always jarring to see when others don't share your frame of reference.
posted by scalefree at 6:55 AM on November 9, 2007


I call shenanigans. The President has a Nortel i2004 VOIP phone - a slightly older model compared to the current i2004, but still.

Totally ruined it for me.
posted by Remy at 7:22 AM on November 9, 2007


scalefree, for me the old days were when you had to drive to the university to get a terminal at the mainframe computer to play DECWAR. If you could afford a couple of thousand dollars worth of home computer gear you could dial up at 300 baud with an acoustic coupled modem (it was still illegal to wire non-Bell devices directly to the phone line). And the university network was not connected to anything offsite of the university -- not even the university's other campus 80 miles away. Oh, and cellular phones didn't exist, so Jack would be hunting up a pay phone (much like the climactic scene in Dr. Strangelove). And you had to hike through the snow, uphill both ways, to torture people.
posted by localroger at 7:38 AM on November 9, 2007


I guess a more mature web and Wikipedia is what happened.
.
.
.
[Encarta is] very slick and fairly useful, but as you say Wikipedia, Google etc have made it superfluous.

I once thought eWorld was simply the cat's @$$. And before that, I thought The Source was just the coolest thing ever. (And I still like to dip into USENET even though topical 'blogs and wikis seem to be more useful.)

I'm gradually getting through my thick skull that the Darwinian aspect of the Internet is such that Google whatever, YouTube, Flickr, Wikimedia et al. are today's seemingly indispensable tools and toys, but only until better ones come along. If history is any guide.
posted by pax digita at 7:51 AM on November 9, 2007


The old days for me were having to walk eight miles in the snow uphill to go play around on the neighborhood difference engine. I was a legend back then, everyone in Walsley-Dillingsford knew I could program the old diffy-en (that's what we called it back then) faster than a fox on the run from Lord Shillingshrop.

Then I'd stop by the candy store and get two bags of sweets for a penny.

Oh wait, I forgot, I'm not a million years old and telling people on the internet how incredibly famous I used to be back when eight people used it.
posted by borkingchikapa at 9:12 AM on November 9, 2007 [3 favorites]


I've never seen an episode of 24 and I still thought this was hysterical. Thanks for posting this!
posted by nevafeva at 9:34 AM on November 9, 2007


scalefree: and now no one gives a damn about you. That must be tough, friend.
posted by absalom at 9:52 AM on November 9, 2007


Actually, not at all. It took years of self-control to make the world forget about me. Best damn decision I ever made.
posted by scalefree at 10:11 AM on November 9, 2007


If only that bomb could be disabled with bad acting.
posted by ninjew at 10:16 AM on November 9, 2007


and now no one gives a damn about you<

That can be a good thing. Someone I know was one of Usenet's more rampant bogey(wo)men. During the transition between the Usenet and the modern panopticon search era, s/he was relatively invisible. Then, first with Deja, and then Google, hir old rantings began appearing because, in those innocent days, s/he had posted under hir legal name. Many of them were quite zealous. S/He found that during interviews for jobs and clients they would be increasingly mentioned. S/He spent quite a lot of time requesting takedowns and it was a couple of years before hir online persona was relatively purged and s/he found no significant adverse affects from hir earlier indiscretions.
posted by meehawl at 11:42 AM on November 9, 2007


It's very strange for me to read about AOL & Prodigy as "the old days". For me the old days were on the previous version of the Matrix, good old Quantum Link. By 94 I was already an Internet legend. It's always jarring to see when others don't share your frame of reference.

One heck of a personal website you've got there, Scalefree.
posted by parmanparman at 12:21 PM on November 9, 2007


Let's see: 1994... I would have been using a Macintosh 635cd, my 'ISP' was a bbs called Phantasy, and it would be three years before I got my first wireless phone.

Clearly I'm no Jack Bauer.

Although, also 1994, Fedora? Check. Pistol? Check. Leather jacket, lucky zippo, bull-whip? Check, check, and check.

So... While I'm no Jack Bauer, I maybe could have been Indianna Jones.
posted by quin at 12:41 PM on November 9, 2007


Meehawl post reminds me that English desperately needs a simple set of genderless pronouns.
posted by caution live frogs at 1:10 PM on November 9, 2007


scalefree: I agree.
posted by absalom at 1:58 PM on November 9, 2007


oh, and to de-derail, I finally got to watch this video now that I'm home from work. Never seen 24, but this clip is pretty funny. Personally, I would never accept a phone call from "DAMNNINATHERESABOMBTHATSGOINGTOGOOFF." I also wonder how long they had to location shoot to find an honest to God phone booth.
posted by absalom at 2:16 PM on November 9, 2007


That File's Done sound brought back so many pavlovian memories I can't go into on here.
posted by Brainy at 2:19 PM on November 9, 2007


would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that meddling CHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEORRRRRREEEEORRRRRRRR....

at
atm 0
posted by psmith at 5:52 PM on November 9, 2007


Actually, the president's phone ruined it for me too. We still use those phones at work. They're out of date but not by thirteen years.

But then, I hate '24' altogether, so the premise ruined it for me.
posted by ZachsMind at 7:00 PM on November 9, 2007


That was pretty darn good.
posted by mickmel at 8:00 PM on November 9, 2007


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