"He'd zap the programme off and holler/ 'Go and read some Emile Zola."

November 9, 2007 3:41 AM

Boris Johnson, poet.
posted by fearfulsymmetry (16 comments total)

Previously.
posted by Skeptic at 3:54 AM on November 9, 2007

Poet? Piss-artist, surely?
posted by Abiezer at 4:16 AM on November 9, 2007

monstrous twat, more like.
posted by patricio at 4:17 AM on November 9, 2007

Dr. Suess Ponce
posted by greenskpr at 4:37 AM on November 9, 2007

...or Seuss...dammit
posted by greenskpr at 4:39 AM on November 9, 2007

Your plaintive comments please me not,
You understand poetry not a jot,
for classically trained was I
My verse is so sharp it'll poke out your eye.

So, stop all your moanings and pass me a gun
I'm going to shoot Ken Livingstone.
posted by Boris Johnson at 5:03 AM on November 9, 2007 [3 favorites]

So it's this book is the 169,999th least worth reading.
So actually he's saying it's the 2nd most worth reading. This will be the cause of some merriment to those who write letters to the Guardain - BoJo himslef probalby.
posted by Flashman at 5:23 AM on November 9, 2007

"I refuse to be charmed by this gaffe-prone berk (he lost his wedding ring within an hour of getting married), this inventor of quotations (for which he was fired from the Times), this witless calumniser of scousers, witless calumniser [sic] of Papua New Guineans, this bad novelist, this brazenly buffoonish poetic dabbler."

Now that's a book review, by God.
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:15 AM on November 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

Oh come on. What you fail to realise is that Boris is FUN. And I'm not even British. I'm on the other side of the Irish sea. Has everyone lost their capacity for childish fun? Don't you realise that it's a prerequisite for longevity?
posted by oulwan at 6:55 AM on November 9, 2007

It's that streatch of water that allows you to take him so lightly, oulwan. To paraphrase Behan:
The sea, oh the sea is the gradh geal mo croide
Long may it stay between England and me
God help the poor Londoners n'er to be free
Oh, thank God we're surrounded by water.
posted by Abiezer at 7:09 AM on November 9, 2007

You have a point, Abiezer. I watch him from afar, on the dreaded box. The subject of his book, I believe. Maybe it's worse for me than I thought. :)
posted by oulwan at 7:46 AM on November 9, 2007

Boy is he blond!

Every child's a human being,

not a piece of Plasticine.

[There's not much more, stay with me]

Loving parents, learn from me.

If your children crave TV

Tell them, OK, what the hell

You can watch it for a spell ...

IF YOU READ A BOOK AS WELL.

(A proper book, you'll understand

Like the volume in your hand.)

Well said. Although Monty Python's take on politicians and ministers were made for the Boris Johnsons of British Parliament.
posted by nickyskye at 8:24 AM on November 9, 2007

... and here's some more Tory twits.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 9:18 AM on November 9, 2007

Yup, that's what I was thinking, Tory twits! Love it!
posted by nickyskye at 9:28 AM on November 9, 2007

*smacks forehead...Tory twits.
posted by nickyskye at 9:30 AM on November 9, 2007

Boris for Prime Minister!
posted by alasdair at 9:39 AM on November 9, 2007