It ain't gonna work.

November 18, 2007 1:06 AM

Randy Taylor is not happy about Jimmy Dean's change from 16 oz to 12 oz of sausage in a package.
posted by Pope Guilty (146 comments total)

I'm not sure how I managed to not put the (NSFW) at the end, but it needs to be there. Profanity.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:09 AM on November 18, 2007

Here's a transcript if you want to skip the audio:

That's OK people. I've been used to being SILENCED ALL MY LIFE.

posted by grouse at 1:18 AM on November 18, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

That was surreal.
posted by farishta at 1:25 AM on November 18, 2007

Fuck you all for laughing at this guy merely cuz of his accent and his orderly, dependent clauses.

The man has a point, a 4 oz cut is a ripoff. Lest we forget:

“You shall not falsify measures of length, weight, or capacity. You shall have an honest balance, honest weights, an honest ephah, and an honest hin. I the Lord am your God who freed you from the land of Egypt. You shall faithfully observe My laws and all My rules: I am the Lord”

If you cheat people where it hurts they're going to take it personal. But please, continue scratching your head like that, we'll see who the bigger gorilla is.
posted by chlorus at 1:46 AM on November 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Sumbuddy needs their ass kicked.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 1:47 AM on November 18, 2007

"I'm not going to purchase your product anymore or ever again."

I'm impressed that he'll do neither of those things.

Kidding aside, confronting companies with dissatisfaction can lead to nice little perks, if not a change in policy. I once emailed someone from a restaurant chain complaining that a certain item had been removed from the menu. I received a return phone call and talked to a really nice woman about my complaint. Ultimately, I ended up with a $100 gift certificate to the restaurant. I hope he ended up with some free sausage.
posted by inconsequentialist at 1:50 AM on November 18, 2007

Fuck you all for laughing at this guy

I'm not laughing at this guy, with this guy, or about this guy. This is no laughing matter. Mainly because it's not funny.
posted by grouse at 1:52 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

grouse: I would have just said fuck all y'all who're laughin at 'im but I felt the need to use proper construction.
posted by chlorus at 1:54 AM on November 18, 2007

"...it ain't gonna work..."

I love this guy. He's my hero. I love his accent, I love what he says, I love this kind of straight-upness. An' inny a'yew gaht-damn yankees wunna make fun uvvim, yew jus' go own ahead! Go riiiiite own ahead!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:01 AM on November 18, 2007

I love his main argument: They need all 16 ounces of gristle because they're fat.
posted by Reggie Digest at 2:03 AM on November 18, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Aww, hell, I just saw that the one quote I pulled from the clip was also your post title! I really should read post titles before I comment.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 2:03 AM on November 18, 2007

Mainly because it's not funny.

I thought it was hillarious.
posted by sveskemus at 2:10 AM on November 18, 2007

I wonder if any of the "600 pounds of man" he's referring to would be uncomfortable with the homoerotic undertones of being upset that they don't have enough sausage in their mouth.

I don't want to be so immature, but it's hard to respect people who act like eating garbage is their birthright, a mark of cultural pride, and a reflection of their manhood all at the same time.
posted by Riki tiki at 2:16 AM on November 18, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Mainly because it's not funny.

Well, somebody's not a VULGAR | COMPLEX | DARK... sheesh...
posted by notswedish at 2:31 AM on November 18, 2007

it's hard to respect people who act like eating garbage is their birthright, a mark of cultural pride, and a reflection of their manhood all at the same time.

I agree. Fuck vegans.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 2:57 AM on November 18, 2007 [32 favorites has favorites]

Riki tiki, it's every American's birthright, ever since the 1950's at least, to eat garbage. If only they'd eat more garbage (since they produce more of it than any other country), the global problem of solid waste management would be an easier one.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:00 AM on November 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

it's hard to respect people who act like eating garbage is their birthright, a mark of cultural pride, and a reflection of their manhood all at the same time.

I bet you choke on your self righteousness before he chokes on that pitiful little package of sausage. Ya ponce!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 3:02 AM on November 18, 2007 [15 favorites has favorites]

In other words: STIX NIX LINX TRIX
posted by rob511 at 3:07 AM on November 18, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

What the hell, chlorus -- you're the third comment (beside the original poster), and you're already telling us to fuck ourselves? No one was laughing yet. Somebody's a little sensitive...and also wildly off the mark in tone and seriousness in a discussion about a man complaining about his breakfast. Flagged.
posted by nímwunnan at 3:32 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I don't want to be so immature, but it's hard to respect people who act like eating garbage is their birthright, a mark of cultural pride, and a reflection of their manhood all at the same time.

I don't want to be,
but I am a huge fan
of single sentence hypocrisy.
posted by srboisvert at 3:35 AM on November 18, 2007

I wonder if he would consider switching over to Cox Sausage.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 4:12 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I agree. Fuck vegans.

No thanks.
posted by iviken at 4:13 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I remember hearing they tried the same trick with tampons (reducing the count in the box but charging the same price) and I guess it back-fired on them--they probably got 1000s of calls that would make this one seem tame.

Plus, you guys should realize what a service people like this provide you. Maven-type consumers keep businesses honest. I don't have to time to keep track of things like this--but I'm glad there are people out there that do.
posted by sexymofo at 4:19 AM on November 18, 2007

Eh. The dude might be insane, but he's got a point. You want to cut the size of the sausages by 25%, that's fine, but there needs to be a 25% cut in the MSRP to go with it. Otherwise you're juts ripping people off.
posted by kafziel at 4:26 AM on November 18, 2007

Viral marketing, I bet ya. Watch and next month the 16oz pack comes out.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 4:28 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Naah, Henry, us Southerner's too dumb for viral marketing. Hay-ull, we cain't even say "viral marketing".

[NOT SOUTHERNIST]
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:39 AM on November 18, 2007

Hmmm. At least 92 web sites (as of this moment) are featuring Mr. Taylor's rant, including those of The Consumerist and The Cleveland Plain Dealer. I wonder if this was planted by Jimmy Dean. After all, "no publicity is bad publicity". I notice that the packaging change has received no other news coverage. Don't bother to tell me I'm paranoid, I already know my enemies are everywhere.
posted by ubiquity at 4:39 AM on November 18, 2007

Actually, I think maybe Henry's nailed it...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:40 AM on November 18, 2007

Just wait till Big Bad John hears about this...
posted by jonmc at 5:02 AM on November 18, 2007

Fucker thinks sausage shrinkage is bad, he ought to look around himself and see what the world is like. He might even get up enough gumption to vote even.

And, yeah, probably viral marketing. Nice job.
posted by Eekacat at 5:03 AM on November 18, 2007

Awwww. I hope Henry's wrong. I want to believe this is real and that the over-modulation on the recording is actually the fat in his neck is screwing is voice up...please be real.
posted by greenskpr at 5:03 AM on November 18, 2007

aah, Pope Guilty, will this turn out to be an eponysterical post? Will you be guilty of spreading viral ad evil, via the noble Blue? Only time will tell...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:16 AM on November 18, 2007

Ah...killing the messenger in order to ignore the message.

The guy has a good point. That's a huge reduction in product size at the same price. To someone who cooks for a family, you rely on certain products coming packaged in standard measures...like a pound of sausage. Whacking 4 ounces off a pound roll of sausage is a big deal.

(We're a Tennessee Pride Hot family anyway, so fuck Jimmy Dean.)
posted by Thorzdad at 5:26 AM on November 18, 2007

i LOVE this guy. i'm going to choose to believe those 4 ounces broke the camel's back and instead of sucking it up and shelling out the $, he took it to the people who made the decision and can make a difference. the world would be a better place if more people spoke up once in a while.
posted by msconduct at 5:47 AM on November 18, 2007

Complaining about breakfast portions is missing the point. Jimmy Dean taking out 4 oz. of product from every package sold will really fuck with a lot or recipies, though.
posted by yhbc at 6:00 AM on November 18, 2007

This worked a few years back with ice cream- the containers are now "1.75 liters" instead of "half gallon" and the companies got away with it. The one that I actually laughed at when I saw it in the store was the reduced-size Coke bottles... a few years back, they changed the 2-liter bottles to a 1.5-liter one in the shape of a old Coke bottle and tried to brand it as the "new, easy to handle design" while pretending they weren't actually just charging the same price for 75% of the product.

It actually amazed me that Coke really thought no one was going to notice this, let alone not be completely pissed about it. You would think of all people, Coke would understand how consumers react to a change in their product. You will notice the "new, easy to handle design" is no longer available in stores.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:06 AM on November 18, 2007

The guy puts some passion into his complaint. I see that as the art of personality and I gotta respect him for speaking up.

Is there somebody that tracks that sort of corporate flim-flamery? (Other than The Consumerist)
posted by jaronson at 6:16 AM on November 18, 2007

You will notice the "new, easy to handle design" is no longer available in stores.

The weird thing about that is that it did "stick" in a few places. A relative lives in Orange County New York, and they still get the smaller bottles. I guess some bottlers figured they could push it through by sheer force and persistence.
posted by smackfu at 6:19 AM on November 18, 2007

Product shrinkage pisses me off, too, whether it's sausage, candy bars, or whatever. It's companies trying to fool you into thinking they haven't just raised the price of their product by 25%.

If it were your favorite tofu packager that had done this, then maybe we'd have some high-brow three-syllable calling-out to listen to. At least I'd hope.

Flim-flammery is right.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:25 AM on November 18, 2007

This worked a few years back with ice cream- the containers are now "1.75 liters" instead of "half gallon"

Blue Bell prints "Still a Half Gallon" in pretty large type on their packaging. That street can run both ways.
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:27 AM on November 18, 2007

I love the part about how he ain't gonna eat that maple sausage or that sage sausage, that made me chuckle.
posted by nola at 6:30 AM on November 18, 2007

I have no probs with this guy. I've called companies on their bullshit changes many times--and I'm sure I sounded crazier than he did. Most recently, I called Kiehls. They changed their customer loyalty program from "any purchase over $30 equals one point" to "any item purchased over $30 equals one point". (10 pts gets you a $50 gift certificate.)

The problem is that with one exception, they don't have any men's products that cost more than $30 so any purchase of shaving cream, deodorant, soap, shampoo, etc., don't count. Fuck 'em. I switched brands after that shit and I had no problem telling them why.
posted by dobbs at 6:30 AM on November 18, 2007

I'm just a no nuthin sage-and-maple eatin nawthener I guess because I'm missing some sort of economics 101 element in this...

these are true?
.The correct volume/weight is on the package
.You can choose to read the label
.You can choose not to buy it
.cost of living goes up
.capitalism is alive and well

...either they raise the price, or cut the size...which do you hate less? Is undue profiting ours to debate? As long as companies remain private, don't force you to buy(key), and make stuff you want...mmmmmm juicy.
What's the alternative?
posted by greenskpr at 6:54 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Sausage shrinkage is very common in cold weather.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:55 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Why does sausage come in 12 ounce packages and hot dog rolls come in packs of 10? I mean, really ....

The consumers' loss is Gallagher's gain.

That said, this is just another example of corporations doing what corporations do. I guess they gave up on Jimmy looking into a camera and saying, " I'd rather have to explain the cost than apologize for the quality."
posted by Benny Andajetz at 7:07 AM on November 18, 2007

I feel for the guy. I almost did the same thing when they changed the Cheez-its in the vending machine at work from the 2 oz package to the 1 oz package but kept the price at 75 cents.

I come from a Southern family and I will tell you that it is possible both to laugh at this guy's rant and find his complaint valid.
posted by fructose at 7:08 AM on November 18, 2007

Well, greenskpr, given the fact that his third or fourth sentence is

"I don't mind paying you more money for your 16oz. roll of sausage."

I'd wager that he'd hate a price increase less.
posted by 2or3whiskeysodas at 7:09 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

This has happened to numerous products in the grocery store. From sausage to bread, and cheese and coffee. This is the hidden inflation. These are the signs of a market that is sputtering and flailing.

A pound of coffee is long since dead, replaced by the ubiquitous 14oz brick. A number 10 can of coffee regularly fetches over $7.00. The price of food and transportation isn't taken into the account of inflation and the cost of living, because those numbers would scare the majority of the public numb.

My wife and I are eating less, and spending far more than most. We stick to the local and the organic products. Most do not, and I hate going to the grocery store for that reason alone. Seeing a mother with numerous kids around her pushing a shopping cart full of processed foodstuffs. It's depressing. But to most it's their only recourse.
posted by PROD_TPSL at 7:12 AM on November 18, 2007

What's the alternative?
Voicing your objections as a consumer of the goods? Or is your point that we, as consumers, are to shut-up, don't complain, and keep forking over our cash?

Obviously, the guy 1) Noted the volume/weight on the package. 2) Is choosing not to buy it any longer.

Is undue profiting ours to debate?
Yes, actually, it is. As consumers, it is our money that fuels said profits. As partners in the capitalist transaction, we absolutely have the right to question undue profiteering. Hell...I'd go so far as to say it's our duty.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:17 AM on November 18, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Sausages are funny because they remind us of penises.
posted by horsewithnoname at 7:28 AM on November 18, 2007 [6 favorites has favorites]

Alas, Mr. Taylor is clearly unaware of the First Rule of Retail: Everything is free; you only pay for the packaging, and any air that's trapped inside.
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:36 AM on November 18, 2007

Just another example of how Big Sausage has its hands in the pockets of the American consumer.
posted by The Deej at 7:52 AM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

fret not...by next year that stuff will be made inChina, contain some lead, and sold here.
posted by Postroad at 7:59 AM on November 18, 2007

That guy reminds me of my Dad (Oklahoma born and raised), with the accent and that righteous "Ain't no-one gonna rip me off, boy" attitude.

That was some good shit. While I agree with the point that trying to feed a family of four on a reduced amount of food sucks, Reggie Digest has it right when he says "I love his main argument: They need all 16 ounces of gristle because they're fat."

Which was pretty much what I thought. "Maybe you wouldn't be so big (note: I'm 370 lbs, so I'm "not fattist") if you didn't eat so much god-damned sausage."

The irony is that with the "food" products I buy, they continue to increase the size. I'm not talking Mickey D's I'm talking Energy Drinks. I swear they're gonna start selling gallons of those things. And they upsized candy bars from regular to fucking monstrous (as an option, not the default, of course). Seriously, WTF?
posted by symbioid at 8:02 AM on November 18, 2007

It's strange to me that so many can be progressive or liberal in conversation, yet when confronted with the actual middle class they roll their eyes, sneer, or generally not realize that if you spend any time in the South this is the guy you are behind at the gas station.

I also don't think his life, as anchored by this audio clip, should be used as a reference point to your own, look at me I'm a svelte Bostonian and my vegan demagoguery is now all too clear because this fat motherfucker from Texas wants to voice his concern as a consumer.

Anyway, someone should tell the guy that the Jimmy Dean company was sold to the Sara Lee Corporation, an international corporation based in Illinois, but at least it's made in Alabama. If that's too far away, he needs Internet. And to get a life. Fuck that guy!
posted by four panels at 8:03 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

The irony is that with the "food" products I buy, they continue to increase the size. I'm not talking Mickey D's I'm talking Energy Drinks. I swear they're gonna start selling gallons of those things. And they upsized candy bars from regular to fucking monstrous (as an option, not the default, of course). Seriously, WTF?
posted by symbioid at 11:02 AM on November 18

Yeah, even a package of trail mix is like 700 calories - if you look at the nutritional information there are like "6 servings". If I recall Gatorade is 2.5 servings, for 250 calories.
posted by four panels at 8:08 AM on November 18, 2007

This worked a few years back with ice cream- the containers are now "1.75 liters" instead of "half gallon"

Oddly enough, in the last few years in Canada, ice cream is increasingly packaged in 1.89L containers (half an American gallon), rather than the standard 2L.
posted by ssg at 8:09 AM on November 18, 2007

Now if only Randy Taylor had been pissed about Liquorice AllSorts, then emslj's Dad could have had an ally in his "beef" (or, err -- would that be "pork") against Cadbury!
posted by ericb at 8:23 AM on November 18, 2007

Downsizing packages and selling them for the same price is sleazy. But I do wish they'd downsize single serving packages. For awhile I could buy 8 ounce cans of coke at my grocery store. Same price as the 12 ounce, or near to it, but 33% less sugar water. Still plenty for me on the rare day I want a coke, and without the extra 4 ounces I don't want but can't bring myself to throw out.

BTW, the caller? He's just a good ol' boy.
posted by Nelson at 8:33 AM on November 18, 2007

It's strange to me that so many can be progressive or liberal in conversation, yet when confronted with the actual middle class they roll their eyes, sneer, or generally not realize that if you spend any time in the South this is the guy you are behind at the gas station.

But not necessarily part of the Klan. (Because one non-sequitur deserves another).
posted by Brian B. at 8:36 AM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I remember hearing they tried the same trick with tampons...they probably got 1000s of calls that would make this one seem tame.

But I wind up buying them anyway, because they're just so delicious.
posted by The Straightener at 8:36 AM on November 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Tee hee, 600 pounds worth of men to feed.
He should take his business to the Sausage King of Chicago.
posted by porn in the woods at 8:45 AM on November 18, 2007

In other words: STIX NIX LINX TRIX

That's very Variety of you.

This reminds me of the first time I ordered a chocolate milkshake at Bob's Big Boy in, like, 20 years. I remember it used to be a such a major treat for me to have one of those... they were HUGE, served in a tall, frosty metal mixing glass with a cup of EXTRA shake on the side, too! Alas, the modern version was barely a drinking cup in comparison. I was sooooo disappointed.

Sometimes change is bad.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:53 AM on November 18, 2007

What's the alternative?
Voicing your objections as a consumer of the goods? Or is your point that we, as consumers, are to shut-up, don't complain, and keep forking over our cash?


...either voice/demonstrate your power as a consumer and willpower as a human by not purchasing overpriced bullshit that you don't think is a 'good deal', or deal with the disadvantaged position you're in as an end user and a lover of a product that you just can't live with out it and pay up. Bitching about it will get him a free case of 14 oz sausage rolls...

If you can't live without a product or a brand than they've got you....that's their intention, their goal! what's with acting surprised and outraged? This a new strategy? You're free to give your money to someone else, change products, tell em to fuck off like this guy does(assuming it's not an ad)...I just don't get the the entitled consumer vs. dirty rotten scoundrels attitude as if 'who knew'?

yes, the guy is smart enough to know he's 'forced' to buy a second package of sausage...but it's this feeling of having to buy 'that' brand or that amount 'or else', that is retarded. His choices aren't the producers responsibility. His choice is to walk away from the brand, and not give them the thing the covet most.
posted by greenskpr at 8:59 AM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Nobody is laughing at Randy Taylor. People are laughing at the comic spectacle of a man getting sputtering, cussing mad about a size reduction in his favorite sausage brand. Somebody saying "motherfuckers" and "somebody needs to get their ass kicked" over a package size reduction is just plain funny, no matter what kind of accent the person has. Imagine this same call with a Boston accent, a British accent, a Wisconsin accent --- it would be funny as hell. It has nothing to do with the accent. It has everything to do with the absurdity of modern life.
posted by jayder at 9:08 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

It's amazing: it's 2007 and people are still shocked or angry about things like this...

Downsizing product and using cheaper ingredients while increasing the price is the American way of running a food company.

The accountants who run Sara Lee have their stockholders to think of, not your actual enjoyment of their products.
posted by wfc123 at 9:21 AM on November 18, 2007

I really have too much time on my hands, but it looks like Jimmy Dean doesn't sell a 12 oz. package, only the 16. So it must be viral? Funny though.
posted by Raoul de Noget at 9:27 AM on November 18, 2007

Ding ding ding! jayder has it.
posted by sveskemus at 9:28 AM on November 18, 2007

Henry C. Mabuse writes "Viral marketing, I bet ya. Watch and next month the 16oz pack comes out."

No, not with the swearing. No company like Jimmy Dean wants to have anyone associated with their brand saying "motherfucker."
posted by krinklyfig at 9:37 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

His choice is to walk away from the brand, and not give them the thing the covet most.

Since that's exactly what he did (and went one step further to tell the company why he wasn't buying their brand anymore), I'm confused by your righteous indignation.
posted by dirigibleman at 9:38 AM on November 18, 2007

So, can he get Neese's Country Sausage there in Texas?
posted by konolia at 9:44 AM on November 18, 2007

That guy is still eating Jimma Dean sausage. Demanding eaters with a sense of entitlement who place phone calls aren't very flexible.
posted by Brian B. at 9:46 AM on November 18, 2007

greenskpr writes "If you can't live without a product or a brand than they've got you....that's their intention, their goal! what's with acting surprised and outraged? This a new strategy? You're free to give your money to someone else, change products, tell em to fuck off like this guy does(assuming it's not an ad)...I just don't get the the entitled consumer vs. dirty rotten scoundrels attitude as if 'who knew'?"

As silly as this seems, I can sympathize with him. It's frustrating to develop a liking to a particular product, only to have the company change it or pull it out from underneath you. The frustration is in dealing with a monolithic entity like Jimmy Dean rather than the corner butcher. But I think if you call the corner butcher a motherfucker and threaten to kick his ass, he'll kick you out of his store. At least that's what happened the last time I did it.
posted by krinklyfig at 9:50 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I really have too much time on my hands, but it looks like Jimmy Dean doesn't sell a 12 oz. package, only the 16. So it must be viral? Funny though.

Hmmm. Looking at their website, you're right. They sell 16 oz, 32 oz and 48-oz "roll" sausage.
posted by ericb at 9:53 AM on November 18, 2007

I'm with those that say it's "viral marketing." Come on -- it is supposedly "a voicemail complaint on Jimmy Dean corporate line." Hence, the source is obviously the company itself. "Hey, guys. I got an idea on how we can do some "cutting-edge" marketing. Let's use the Internets!"
posted by ericb at 10:01 AM on November 18, 2007

I really have too much time on my hands, but it looks like Jimmy Dean doesn't sell a 12 oz. package...

Me, too. When I go grocery shopping later today, I'm gonna amble over to the sausage case and see if there are any 12 oz. packages.
posted by ericb at 10:03 AM on November 18, 2007

It's gotta be viral. Because reading this thread makes me crave sausage like a motherfucker.
posted by The Deej at 10:05 AM on November 18, 2007

Was the recording dated? It may have been in some employee's personal collection for years.
posted by Brian B. at 10:07 AM on November 18, 2007

Raoul de Noget writes "I really have too much time on my hands, but it looks like Jimmy Dean doesn't sell a 12 oz. package, only the 16. So it must be viral? Funny though."

Well, maybe it's a test market product? I just can't see a viral campaign with a guy swearing. "So, kids, remember to eat your motherfucking sausage!"
posted by krinklyfig at 10:12 AM on November 18, 2007

It's strange to me that so many can be progressive or liberal in conversation, yet when confronted with the actual middle class they roll their eyes, sneer, or generally not realize that if you spend any time in the South this is the guy you are behind at the gas station.

And how fucking classist is it to claim that Randy Taylor is a representative of the working class? I'm working class- I've been surrounded by the working class all my life- and most of the working class isn't like that.

So what's worse, laughing at hick idiots like Randy Taylor or claiming that the entirety of the working class is like that? Which is more classist?
posted by Pope Guilty at 10:36 AM on November 18, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

He's too fat to eat sausage. Jimmy Dean did him a favor.
posted by caddis at 10:37 AM on November 18, 2007

Product Manager:

Okay, I'll go with it. But, only on a few conditions. Make sure the script starts out with "...your products are very delicious." And be sure to mention our brand extensions. Ya' know, since most associate us as a "southern brand," Northerners and fancy-pant Blue Staters will like to hear that we also have "Sage" and "Maple" Jimmy Dean Sausage varieties.

Assoc. Product Manager:

How about the script also include references to our links and patties, our breakfast sticks and bowls?

Product Manager:

Aw, come on. Then they'll know we're behind this viral ad. Let's just stick with the basic brand SKU and its two best-selling variants.

Ad Agency Rep:

How about we spice up the language, just as y'all "spice up" your Original Jimmy Dean^® Sausage Products! A fuck here, a shit there? Then we can disavow the notion that someone at corporate could be responsible and would even think of approving such an undertaking. Makes it seem more genuine.

Product Manager:

Ya' got a point there. What we want is for people to crave sausage. We want to "burn" the brand name into their noggins. D'ya think people really like those god damn cavemen, that stupid-as-fuck gecko and that Goddamn annoying duck? Fuck no. But, they remember GEICO and AFLAC, don't they?

posted by ericb at 10:44 AM on November 18, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

It only works as a viral if it goes 'under the radar'. The swearing makes it appeal to the demographic that virals work on - people on the web, people who like humor, people who are not the usual target of tv ads and so forth. That is how viral marketing works. Viral marketing can use anything because it does not appear to be associated with the product, thus the company (thinks that they) do not get any negatives with its use.

I mean.. the guy is supposed to have left his phone on.. he's forgotten to switch the phone off or not cradled it or something and he goes off on a cursing tirade to his sons in the room, after he's left this reasonably carefully worded message, while the phone's on..

I mean, I know (stupid) people who've called me and left their cell on after saying 'buh-bye', so that the call isn't discoed, & you can listen to them farting around in their kitchen until the batteries run out, right, so that does happen, but I ask myself, how long did this guy leave his phone on? What kind of phone was it that he's using at home that would allow this possibility? Is it conceivable that he would actually do this? Why don't we get the part where he says "shoot, I left mah phone on" Etc.

The ending is a little too perfect, like a punchline to a comedy sketch. Perfect things like that do happen in real life from time to time, but you have to be skeptical, don't you?
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 10:47 AM on November 18, 2007

IOW what ericb said.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 10:48 AM on November 18, 2007

If I'm right about it being a viral, I want a pony.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 10:50 AM on November 18, 2007

If I'm right about it being a viral, I want a pony.

D'ya really wanna know how they make sausage and what they put into it!
posted by ericb at 10:52 AM on November 18, 2007

Over the line!
posted by 3.2.3 at 10:54 AM on November 18, 2007

It sounds like Mike Judge, the guy who created and voices "King of the Hill".
posted by wfc123 at 10:55 AM on November 18, 2007

If I'm right about it being a viral, I want a pony.

So this plate of beans, it's actually a super-hip ad for Heinz?

Seriously, folks, we're talking about Jimmy Dean sausage. A brand that used the same spokesperson in cut-and-paste ads for, what, thirty years? You reckon they had a brand manager hip enough to not just know what viral marketing was but understand how far from the company's historically ultra-conservative branding they'd have to go to make it work. You're pretty sure, further, that this mythic brand manager would be able to convince the company's executives to dive whole hog (ha!) into these murky new waters. That this outlaw hero of the breakfast-sausage boardroom would then be able to find just the right ad agency to execute the concept, and that our hero would be both willing and able to convince this ultra-conservative company to directly associate its products with not just the odd "shit" or "ass" but "motherfucking" and "pussy." Thus to create a brief flash of new-product awareness among a demographic that, I'm sure, the Jimmy Dean sausage people have ample data demonstrating is nowhere near their target market.

This, to your mind, is more plausible than the idea that some irate Texan sausage enthusiast called a customer service line to rant about how they stole 4 ounces of his favourite breakfast treat, which some rank-and-file customer service drone at the subcontracted company handling the calls thought was so funny he dubbed a copy and emailed it to his friends?
posted by gompa at 11:13 AM on November 18, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

It's not 'more plausible' it is simply another possibility. Given my understanding of advertising, which I've worked in, and the entertainment biz, which I work in, I don't dismiss the possibility.

It's just Jimmy Dean Sausage? No, man, it's money. Money is money, whether you're paying for oil or fucking beanie babies.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:19 AM on November 18, 2007

I'm fine as long as no-one messes with bacon.
posted by exlotuseater at 11:23 AM on November 18, 2007

I mean - just to belabour the point - look at this page. Just imagine the boardroom presentation . . .

Brand Manager: So my idea is we get this Texan to cuss up a storm about how we messed with our product size. The blogosphere will eat it up, and you'll see a run on our sausage from Williamsburg bodegas to the natural food emporia of Frisco!

VP-Marketing: Sweet. Run with it. Oh, but make sure we put a little banner on every roll reading "Now More Flavorful!" The blogosphere lives for that shit.

BM: Fo' shizzle.
posted by gompa at 11:24 AM on November 18, 2007

Nothing is as it appears.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:27 AM on November 18, 2007

Money is money, whether you're paying for oil or fucking beanie babies.

And for the record, I use the money I make selling oil to pay to fuck them beanie babies. Sell high, buy low. That's just how I roll.
posted by gompa at 11:31 AM on November 18, 2007

Why would you want to fuck a beanie baby?
posted by puke & cry at 11:33 AM on November 18, 2007

I just got back from my grocery store. No 12 oz. Jimmy Dean sausage rolls. Maybe they're in other markets.
posted by ericb at 11:33 AM on November 18, 2007

Great, gompa already beat me to the joke. I'm gonna go back to bed.
posted by puke & cry at 11:34 AM on November 18, 2007

Fried eggs, t-bone steak AND sausage? URP.
posted by telstar at 11:35 AM on November 18, 2007

Whatever the case; viral or not, if I were the brand manager, I'd be happy as a "pig-in-shit" (hah!) on Monday when I see that people have been talking about Jimmy Dean sausage, as a result of this audiotape. It's the brand name and its propagation that matters to me.
posted by ericb at 11:36 AM on November 18, 2007

I mean - just to belabour the point - look at this page. Just imagine the boardroom presentation...

Corporate boards do not approve advertising campaigns. Product Managers and the V.P. of Marketing are usually responsible for such.
posted by ericb at 11:38 AM on November 18, 2007

Fo' shizzle.

Shouldn't that be -- Fo' SIZZLE?
posted by ericb at 11:39 AM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Obviously, Blofeld still has Willard Whyte Jimmy Dean tucked away in a desert resort guarded by Bambi and Thumper. The extra profits from 4oz of sausage saved per customer will be used to finance global domination.
posted by dhartung at 11:41 AM on November 18, 2007

I mean - just to belabour the point - look at this page. Just imagine the boardroom presentation...

Ah, I see -- you do indeed know that V.P.'s of Marketing do the approval. A boardroom is just a room! ; )
posted by ericb at 11:42 AM on November 18, 2007

Corporate boards do not approve advertising campaigns. Product Managers and the V.P. of Marketing are usually responsible for such.

My bad. Can I get an admin to rework that posting so it reads: "Just imagine the presentation to marketing VP and the rest of the brand management team in a room that is often by default called a boardroom even when there is no board of directors inside it"?

Thanks.

On preview: Now you're hip to my jive, ericb.
posted by gompa at 11:45 AM on November 18, 2007

gompa -- together -- you and I -- we can go places! Big places!
posted by ericb at 11:50 AM on November 18, 2007

Yes, ericb, product managers at large food producers generally feel free to spice up their new marketing campaign with a couple of "motherfuckers" -- no need to alert the suits.
posted by BaxterG4 at 11:52 AM on November 18, 2007

gompa -- together -- you and I -- we can go places! Big places!

*holds up white page with large black "O" drawn on it*

You know, for kids!
posted by gompa at 11:53 AM on November 18, 2007

I actually had to ask a Yank on another forum what the hell this product was, because we don't have this shit over here. I was confused whether he was talking about real sausage, or lunch meat. I had to have it explained that it was stuff you have to cook, you cut off a slice and you fry it, mash it into your omelette or whatever.

How can you live on this shit for 30 years? Who eats that out of choice? WTF? Someone said "oh, its real tasty" but holy fuck, even when I was a meat eater, I preferred, you know, real meat, rather than minced pig anus & lymph nodes*.

Some theorize that the massive spurt in the size and development of the human brain which began about 4-5 million years ago, leading to our extraordinarily large thinking organs, was fueled by a supply of high-protein, high quality fresh meat feeding our ancestors. So what does that say for all these chumps eating this churned up slaughterhouse detritus with their breakfast every day for the whole of their lives? That might explain the whole Republican voting thing.

I imagine the autopsies on these people, when they schloop open the cranium the brain looks like head cheese. Mostly jelly with bits of meat flecked thru it.

Also, fucking beanie babies is hot, muchachos. Why do you think people collect them so rabidly? Huh? Huh?
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 11:53 AM on November 18, 2007

Two words: blood pudding.

I rest my case.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 12:03 PM on November 18, 2007

Yousa point is well seen.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:09 PM on November 18, 2007

Yeah! And Sweetbreads! Delicious, uriney sweetbreads.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:10 PM on November 18, 2007

I actually had to ask a Yank on another forum what the hell this product was, because we don't have this shit over here.

Excuse me? I'm guessing you're in Britain, though your profile doesn't say. I wouldn't defend U.S. processed meats for anything but British sausage improves on it only by being 75% bread. The remainder is every bit as nasty.
posted by George_Spiggott at 12:22 PM on November 18, 2007

I'm leaning towards believing the viral video idea. Because, if you think about it, we certainly know that the recording (real or scripted) came from the company. And if it were "leaked" by someone in the quality assurance/customer relations department, you'd think Jimmy Dean might have interest in sending out some take-down notices. I mean, if you have a customer confidence line that people know tends to leak your phone message complaints, that doesn't really reflect an ideal customer service record, does it?

Secondly, the guy goes out of the way to name the product and specifically how delicious it is. When people go to the grocery stores and now see only 16 oz packages, they will consider it a triumph of the consumer, not that the 12oz package never existed.

Most importantly, the guy says "I guess I'll just have to go back to having my own sausage made, which isn't nearly as tasty." Um, I know a lot of southerners who have their own sausage made, and if you switched to Jimmy Dean it would be due to cost or storage issues (you need a big freezer to keep it in). There is no way in hell anyone would say Jimmy Dean is tastier than homemade/butcher sausage, unless you like MSG. Dude would also be way better off having sausage made for him, although obviously it still needs to be eaten in moderation.
posted by SassHat at 12:29 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Invisible inflation.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 12:30 PM on November 18, 2007

I found something interesting.

On the Jimmy Dean site, the nutritional info says that in a sixteen ounce package, there are 6 servings at 2oz each. At first I thought "holy crap 16 grams of fat in 2oz!" Then I thought, "hey maybe that's the mysterious 12oz that no one seems to be finding reference to." But IANASE (I am not a sausage expert) so maybe 4oz of shrinkage is totally normal?
posted by SassHat at 12:33 PM on November 18, 2007

Tracert's Theory of Internet Recordings Regarding Jimmy Dean Breakfast Sausage, Formulated Immediately After Trying Said Sausage For the First Time:

1) No one can actually love Jimmy Dean Sausage that much.
1a) Corollary: Jimmy Dean Sausage is fucking terrible. It is not real food and was invented by Satan.

2) Therefore, any internet recording featuring positive remarks about the taste of Jimmy Dean Sausage must be fake.
posted by tracert at 12:33 PM on November 18, 2007

Oh, I know. My comment about it not being available over here is in no way a slam against America or alleging specifically the fact that this product is not good quality, because I don't know what it is actually like. My use of the term 'shit' is merely a colloquial use of the term to denote 'stuff' or 'thing'. However, I stand by my opinion on the stuff being not very desirable as a foodstuff.

It's not relevant where in the world I am, it is only relevant that this product is not available here.

I do not eat any processed meats, irrespective of what country I am in, because I know what goes into them. Apart from the fact I'm vegetarian, of course.

As for traditional sausage, well, any store-bought sausage is mostly gristle, bread and unappetising offcuts minced up. If you go to your local small butcher and get the sausage they make, though, you're likely to get much higher quality minced meat and spices. I have never particularly liked sausage, but this is what people who do like sausage tell me.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:42 PM on November 18, 2007

my last comment directed to spigot. This thread is humming! Or should I say, sizzling.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 12:43 PM on November 18, 2007

I refuse to eat a Jimmy Dean sausage until they can prove to me that their product is 100% lips and assholes.
posted by The Straightener at 12:45 PM on November 18, 2007

MetaFilter: 100% lips and assholes.
posted by sveskemus at 12:54 PM on November 18, 2007 [8 favorites has favorites]

1) No one can actually love Jimmy Dean Sausage that much.

A counter-hypothesis: I have personally met people who liked Big Macs so much that when they lived somewhere where they couldn't obtain Big Macs readily, they bought extra Big Macs when they were in McDonald's country and brought them home and froze them and then thawed them in the microwave as a special treat. Furthermore, I have personally met people who are quite fond of 7-11 Taquitos, the meat in whose fillings makes Jimmy Dean Sausage look like well-aged striploin.

This is already strong if not quite conclusive evidence that there could be someone out there weighing in at 200-lbs-plus with a "chubby" wife of Scottish heritage who loved Jimmy Dean Sausage just that much.

The clincher, though, is the very existence of Jimmy Dean-brand Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick, which has been made famous by The Daily Show, and which conclusively proves that anything is possible.

QED.
posted by gompa at 12:59 PM on November 18, 2007

Wait a minute... Randy Taylor?
posted by Reggie Digest at 1:30 PM on November 18, 2007

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be carrying on. But this?

Now your favorite breakfast foods are even easier to eat. We wrapped a delicious sausage inside a sweet chocolate chip pancake, and put it on a stick to make it portable.

This is one of the most remarkable verifiably true statements in the history of civilization. Look on my works, ye chubby, and despair!
posted by gompa at 1:31 PM on November 18, 2007

Here you go. Enjoy this "Family Sized" vat of Sausage-flavored lard. It's on me. Yes. Enjoy.
posted by thewalrusispaul at 1:52 PM on November 18, 2007

Ah, the modern contradiction between the obesity-enhancing "Supersizing" of serving sizes and the less-for-the-same-price trend of package sizes. Still, a jump from 16 to 12 ounces is a little steep. The "Big Ice Cream Cartel" (not Carvel) succeeded with shrinking from half-gallon to 1.75 quarts; Jimmy should've just gone down to 14 oz.

Still, when I see that the local price for McDonald's Big Mac is $2.89 and the In-and-Out Double Double is $2.85, I realize there must be Big Mac addicts out there to support it. (But then, every week there's a $1 Big Mac Monday loudly promoted). Personally, I try to keep my fast-food indulgences down to specific items I can count on one hand, but one of them is a Breakfast Sausage and Egg Sandwich from the chain with the worst record for trans fat (and which sells its breakfast items 24/7); so why not Bacon and Egg? Call me a blasphemer or traitor among MeFites, but sometimes I get a little tired of bacon.

Back on topic, could the people behind decades of boring "Hi, I'm Jimmy Dean" commercials come up with a viral so... viral? Well, Jimmy Dean may be a motherfucker, but "he" is now a fully owned subsidiary of Sara Lee, who is a MILF.
posted by wendell at 1:54 PM on November 18, 2007

I can't believe a family of five eats a couple of dozen eggs for breakfast. The chickens in Texas must be exhausted.
posted by gfrobe at 3:41 PM on November 18, 2007

I hate sausage, and I'm always happy when there's less of it, but this was hilarious. That accent, and that sort of pragmatic irascibility was exactly why I loved my next-door neighbor.

Moving from Boston to Texas and realizing that (a) there really are people like Randy Travis, (b) they live on a much different plane of reality than I do and (c) spending a lot of time talking with people like that over the garden fence unlocked an easter egg hidden in the King of the Hill cartoons: Boomhauer isn't just mumbling, but speaking real lines of dialog. I can understand him almost perfectly now.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 4:12 PM on November 18, 2007

I figure it was made by an ad company and has been leaked without corporate approval. Like those PUMA ads a few years ago.
posted by bystander at 4:30 PM on November 18, 2007

Oh, Henry C Mabuse, are you seriously trying to say that English processed meat products are in any way superior to those in the states? I'm a US expat living in the North of England, and I'm pretty certain that the pink, spongy mess inside of pork pies contains more lips and anuses, percentage-wise, than any roll of Jimmy Dean sausage could ever aspire to. I'm also pretty sure that the giant, revolving tubes-o-meat at the ubiquitous donner kebab shops are full of lips and anuses, as well, but not pig lips and anuses obviously because that wouldn't be Halal. And I shudder to think what's inside the pasties/sausage rolls/etc. from Gregg's or Ainsleys. I do know they taste repulsive. Consider yourself lucky if your vegetarianism has spared you.

As far as southern-style pork sausage goes, Jimmy Dean is one of the better mass-produced brands. Some would say the best. Of course, anything made by hand by a real person who cares about food would be better, which is why my family bought our sausage from the Mennonite family down the road - 10 pounds a year, kept in the deep freeze. We only had it about once a month but it was amazing. I think my parents still buy from them, I should give Randy their address.
posted by cilantro at 5:31 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

He's got a good complaint, and I enjoyed his rant. Y'all realize it's possible to do that without the whole LOLREDNECKS thing, dontcha?
posted by dhammond at 5:40 PM on November 18, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

MetaFilter: full of lips and anuses.

I know, I know. Butt, it's a varaint on sveskemus above
posted by ericb at 6:33 PM on November 18, 2007

This is still a funny " want to get fatter" thread. Anyone who eats this shitty product gets whatever they deserve, in either 12 or 16 ounce aortic penetrating versions.
posted by caddis at 6:47 PM on November 18, 2007

So I stopped by the sausage section tonight to investigate this for myself. What I found was that there was, in fact, a 12 oz. roll of Jimmy Dean sausage, but it was the "50% less fat" pork sausage. In addition, there was also the 16 oz original pork sausage variety. Maybe he got the two confused? Who knows.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 8:44 PM on November 18, 2007

50% less pork fat?! I've got my plump body of scottish origin to keep up. I'm callin' them sunsabitches!
posted by Foam Pants at 11:17 PM on November 18, 2007

Snausages.
posted by darkstar at 12:21 AM on November 19, 2007

...my plump body of scottish origin...

And here I was all this time thinking it was just those foam pants!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 12:27 AM on November 19, 2007

"Oh, Henry C Mabuse, are you seriously trying to say that English processed meat products are in any way superior to those in the states?"

No. That was precisely what I was not saying.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 4:10 AM on November 19, 2007

I would have enjoyed the recording more if the caller was from Glasgow and voicing a complaint about haggis.
posted by Tube at 4:40 PM on November 19, 2007

They did the same thing last year with Cadbury Creme Eggs. That dude from The Office (US) had some left over from the year before and showed the difference in size on some talk show.... where's the link.... ok, here it is.
posted by Wild_Eep at 5:00 PM on November 19, 2007

Reminds me; back in the day, my mother used to give us Triaminic a lot. Then one day I noticed the bottle had new labeling, and my mother gave me twice the old dosage. Being a precocious (and not unintelligent) child, I asked her why. She said they'd changed the formula, and so the dosage.

I looked at the bottle. You know what the reformulation was? They'd cut the active ingredient percentage in half. That's it. They cut the active ingredient in half, doubled the dosage, changed the label, and charged the same amount for it.

Even though I was still in the single digit age range, I remember being furious about this. I explained it to my mother, and she said it was fine and didn't bother her. It bothered me, though, and I steadfastly refused to take Triaminic from that day forward.

and generally speaking, as an adult I am distrustful of over-the-counter meds and tend to shun them in favor of toughing it out -- but I still use them to ease the suffering of my kids.
posted by davejay at 6:03 PM on November 19, 2007

The only thing I'm scratching my head over is if 'Jimmy Dean' is a deliberate reference to James Dean, and if so, what the hell is going on there.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:22 PM on November 19, 2007

"He's too fat to eat sausage. Jimmy Dean did him a favor."

What if he's a 6'4" rancher? Not everybody is a willowy little hipster.
posted by Sukiari at 11:28 PM on November 19, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

The only thing I'm scratching my head over is if 'Jimmy Dean' is a deliberate reference to James Dean, and if so, what the hell is going on there.

No, it's a reference to country star/actor Jimmy Dean, who founded the sausage company with his brother and acted as TV spokesman for three decades.

He was born three years before the actor, and they both hit the bigtime in their respective careers in 1953.
posted by dhartung at 12:19 AM on November 20, 2007

Jimmy Dean sausage rolls, Cadbury Creme Eggs, Triaminic...

The most obvious example, of course, is potato chips. They take a few more chips out every year, and still the bag stays the same size. Eventually they'll just be selling bags of potatoey air.
posted by Reggie Digest at 12:40 AM on November 20, 2007

No, it's a reference to country star/actor Jimmy Dean

Whew. Thanks, dhartung. That was hurting my brain.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:18 AM on November 20, 2007

Fuck vegans.

You wish (because our semen is so tasty).

I agree with those who think it's a hoax. As SassHat mentions, this line was the kicker: "I guess I'll just have to go back to having my own sausage made, which isn't nearly as tasty."

Shenanigans.

I don't buy it. And I won't. I feel bad I listened to the whole thing. I kept expecting it to get "funny."
posted by mrgrimm at 3:35 PM on November 20, 2007