Join 3,561 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


“You got gun in my blade!” “You got blade in my gun!”
November 21, 2007 6:17 PM   Subscribe

Imagine a world without lightsabers—where, instead, every big Star Wars finale consists of a 10-minute slap fight. Thank the maker we’ll never have to witness such a spectacle, because magical and impossibly high-tech weapons are staples of nearly all of our favorite entertainments! ToyFare Magazine presents the 50 Greatest Fictional Weapons of All Time.
posted by cmgonzalez (59 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
I wish that Iain Banks' Against a Dark Background was a movie then the top of the list would feature a Lazy Gun
posted by mattoxic at 6:26 PM on November 21, 2007 [5 favorites]


The Kamehameha doesn't count? (I guess it isn't a weapon, even though it could trounce everything on that list.)
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:37 PM on November 21, 2007


Neither the ZF1 nor Leeloo made the list? This is like a totally unimportant version of an outrage!
posted by aubilenon at 6:40 PM on November 21, 2007


No Nude Bomb? Pheh.
posted by jonmc at 6:49 PM on November 21, 2007


No bronze pantalettes?
posted by YoBananaBoy at 6:55 PM on November 21, 2007


First impression before clicking link... 50 Fictional Weapons?!? I can hardly think of ten.

Second impression before clicking link but after seeing first few comments... ...and two on my list isn't on theirs???
posted by wendell at 6:57 PM on November 21, 2007 [1 favorite]


NTM, Oddjob's steel derby?
posted by jonmc at 7:09 PM on November 21, 2007


No Death Star? Ok, then.
posted by dreamsign at 7:10 PM on November 21, 2007


Pips just nominated the Mechanical Hound in Fahrenheit 451.
posted by jonmc at 7:12 PM on November 21, 2007


Captain Kirk's improvised cannon from Arena. C'mon, the thing shot a diamond...
posted by Tube at 7:13 PM on November 21, 2007


No Wave Motion Gun, Excalibat, no Durandal, not a single mention of any of Reid Fleming's milk trucks...and worst of all, no Severed Nord Leg.
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:15 PM on November 21, 2007


Or Soy Bomb?
posted by photoslob at 7:16 PM on November 21, 2007


This list has not even one of the three or four sublimely badass weapons in Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash. Somebody make them listen to reason!
posted by wobh at 7:19 PM on November 21, 2007


The only non-fictional weapon is the bitchslap?
posted by DU at 7:23 PM on November 21, 2007 [1 favorite]


The Glaive? Hell-lo?
posted by mindsound at 7:23 PM on November 21, 2007 [1 favorite]


I, too, thought of the Lazy Gun and hoped it would be on there.

Then again, you've got your Zen Gun, which, if I recall correctly, once it has targeted someone can never fail to hit them at any point in the future. Simon R. Green's Nightside series has the "Speaking Gun," an unattractive, biologically-constructed weapon which speaks the words used in Creation backwards to simply unmake things. No gom jabbar. I vote this list increase to 100 items.
posted by adipocere at 7:26 PM on November 21, 2007


And where's the Blamethrower and Tornado-in-a-Can from Mystrey Men?
posted by Smart Dalek at 7:35 PM on November 21, 2007


No Iraqi WMDs?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:39 PM on November 21, 2007 [9 favorites]


I know I made this one, but I like these list posts sometimes because people here often make suggestions or recommendations that pique my curiosity enough to discover something new.

Since there's never enough room on any list for your favorite, of course.
posted by cmgonzalez at 7:40 PM on November 21, 2007


Is it wrong that I was hoping for a single-link youtube post to someone reenacting every Star Wars finale as a slap fight?
posted by logicpunk at 7:48 PM on November 21, 2007


logicpunk, if that's wrong, I don't ever want to be right.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:48 PM on November 21, 2007


Seconding the Gom Jabbar.

This one only kills ... fanboys.
posted by eclectist at 8:02 PM on November 21, 2007


No Tardis??? A simply unforgivable omission.
posted by stonesy at 8:13 PM on November 21, 2007


No Flying guillotine? No Chakram? No Banhammer?
posted by Sailormom at 8:25 PM on November 21, 2007


logicpunk: I was hoping for the same thing. Luke losing his hand would've made for a great moment.

I think you should the idea and run with it.
posted by ODiV at 8:26 PM on November 21, 2007


The Banhammer is real, very real.
posted by delmoi at 8:31 PM on November 21, 2007 [1 favorite]


The Predator frisbee needs to be way higher on the list. That thing is great.
posted by Reggie Digest at 8:33 PM on November 21, 2007


/me is bitterly disappointed not to see gridfire incursion on their list. Bitterly *swings CAMduster mounts menacingly* disappointed.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:43 PM on November 21, 2007 [1 favorite]


He-Man's sword isn't even a weapon -- it's just a magic wand that gives people fabulous makeovers, like a lamer version of the Wonder Twins' power rings.

And speaking of Wonder People, where's Lasso of Truth?
posted by Reggie Digest at 8:43 PM on November 21, 2007


I was really, really hoping to see that someone had made a video clip of Star Wars remixed as a slap fight somehow.

"When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master..." *SLAP SLAP SLAP SOMERSAULT SLAP SLAP*
posted by JDHarper at 8:49 PM on November 21, 2007


I'd have included Spider Jerusalem's bowel disruptor.
posted by homunculus at 8:53 PM on November 21, 2007


I am truly shocked that the sword from Sword & The Sorcerer isn't on here. C'mon! It had three blades, two of which could shoot off and impale people, and the last of which could be further dismantled to reveal a cool dagger underneath.
posted by stinkycheese at 8:54 PM on November 21, 2007


Nthing the wish for Star Wars slapfests.

This is an interesting list, but, speaking as an unrepentant comic book geek, this list leans too heavily towards comics in general and Marvel specifically. Yeah, I know it's Wizard, but that's no excuse.
posted by lekvar at 8:55 PM on November 21, 2007


Rods from God
posted by Freen at 9:01 PM on November 21, 2007


Rods from God

Somewhat similar low-tech version -- the Lazy Dog.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:18 PM on November 21, 2007


No Tardis??? A simply unforgivable omission.

Well, the Tardis isn't actually a weapon. That is, not normally, but if you find yourself in a pinch, you can reverse its polarity with a sonic screwdriver & it will become anything from a negative ionic traction vortex beam gun to a microwave oven.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:18 PM on November 21, 2007


Two Words: Death. Star.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:13 PM on November 21, 2007


What, these fools never saw Krull?
posted by lovejones at 10:17 PM on November 21, 2007


Dorothy's house. Definitely.
posted by dreamsign at 11:09 PM on November 21, 2007 [1 favorite]


Bah, this list is nothing without [The Stoppable Force]
posted by dvdgee at 11:19 PM on November 21, 2007


I have to second "no flying guillotine?" I mean, lightsabers are awesome but they don't need to list em twice.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 11:33 PM on November 21, 2007


Seems like Metafilter could do with a blast or two from the Point-of-View Gun.
posted by Drexen at 3:08 AM on November 22, 2007


I second Senator Mindsound. No Glaive, no good.
posted by dirtdirt at 4:02 AM on November 22, 2007


I got really depressed when I saw that the Dagger of Time beat out motherfucking Excalibur on the list. Then I got nigh-suicidal at the thought I was getting depressed over the ranking of fictional weaponry.

If only I had some sort of fantastical five-bladed, nuclear powered, photon shooting device that was forged in the bowls of Science Hades by a long forgotten demigod and granted to my use via the machinations of a wizard who was borne in fire but will die in water...
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:41 AM on November 22, 2007


Two Words: Death. Star.

From the article:
there were a few rules: The weapon must be wieldable (that means the Death Star didn’t make the cut)
posted by bakerybob at 6:28 AM on November 22, 2007


no "one ring to rule them all" ?

i'm glad phasers made the cut, though.
posted by lunit at 7:35 AM on November 22, 2007


Metafilter.com: Your extensive list of fictional weapons is not only incomplete, but offensive. Please step into our thread where we will beat you to death with arcane minutae, and regale you with tales of weapons only mentioned on the backs of napkins written by long dead science fiction writers in the jungles of third world countries.
posted by blue_beetle at 8:14 AM on November 22, 2007 [1 favorite]


And now I destroy the world: Ice-9
posted by anotherbrick at 8:35 AM on November 22, 2007


To zip to a completely different corner of sci-fi, what about the tracking bullet, missle, ice, and flame firing gun from The Fifth Element--the Z-9's, I think. But I can't remember what that big red button on the bottom does...
posted by anotherbrick at 8:40 AM on November 22, 2007


Terminus Est from Gene Wolfe's The Book of the New Sun does not make the list.

Your favorite fictional weapon sucks!
posted by Mick at 8:57 AM on November 22, 2007


Say hello to the Cerebral Bore.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:05 AM on November 22, 2007


Stormbringer at 42? I'd've thought a towel.
No Hattori Hanzo sword?
No infinity gauntlet?
Ah, it's only the 50 greatest that have replicas you can market.
posted by Smedleyman at 9:18 AM on November 22, 2007


I wish that Iain Banks' Against a Dark Background was a movie then the top of the list would feature a Lazy Gun.

They include other things that are found only in written fiction, so I don't think they're movie-centric or illiterate, just not widely read. (Same goes for gridfire, naturally.)
posted by jiawen at 9:34 AM on November 22, 2007


The Possibility Blade from The Scar by China Miéville makes for a nice ultimate sword...

...and of course the katana wielded by Samurai Jack, especially as Goemon’s Zantetsuken makes it to 31.
posted by bouvin at 9:42 AM on November 22, 2007


Before reading the MeFi comments, I thought the list was nearly perfect. My only changes would have been a higher ranking for the Lightsaber, and He-Man's sword would have been replaced by the Sword of Omens (Thundercats) or the Sun Sword (Thundarr the Barbarian).

But after reading through here... yeah... there's some seriously cool stuff that didn't make the list.

Even so, it's a pretty fun list.
posted by vertigo25 at 1:28 PM on November 22, 2007


I'll go along with the feeling that the list missed stuff.

Animes are great sources of fun The Guitars from FLCL come to mind, as does Wolfwood's weapon(s).
posted by Sam.Burdick at 8:13 PM on November 22, 2007


Orgazmorator.
posted by ryanrs at 4:22 AM on November 23, 2007


They forgot the 2019 Detective Special CS.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:11 PM on November 23, 2007


And! The M41A Pulse Rifle! Sheesh. This list sucks.
posted by fandango_matt at 12:18 PM on November 23, 2007


« Older People's written reports of their psychedelic expe...  |  Terminus.... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments