Life imitates soap opera

December 3, 2007 11:34 AM

John Darwin disappeared while canoeing of the coast of North Yorkshire in 2002. He was presumed dead, until he walked into a police station on Saturday with no memory of where he has been for 5 and a half years.

The story is eerily reminiscent of Neighbours stalwart, Harold Bishop who was lost from the series for 5 years, after being swept out to sea (Bonus Harold link). Dissociative fugue or foul play?

posted by roofus (38 comments total)

The guy's 90-year-old dad: "I will tell him 'well done' and I want to find out what's happened to him."

LOLBrits
posted by Camofrog at 11:40 AM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

This one is pisspoor at best.
posted by Webbster at 11:46 AM on December 3, 2007

This one is pisspoor at best.

He can hardly have been earning mad bank whilst in a dissociative fugue. Jeez.
posted by everichon at 11:56 AM on December 3, 2007

Also, unless you have 5 years of lost time, you really just can't understand.
posted by everichon at 11:56 AM on December 3, 2007

Please, just follow that Harold Bishop Wikipedia link and stand in silent awe: it's a thing of wonder, at about 28 million words long. Maybe that's what John Darwin spent the last five years doing.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 11:58 AM on December 3, 2007

It's hard to say whether his "widow's" apparently very recent, apparently very sudden move abroad (possibly to Panama) is connected! The following bit is from today's UK Daily Mail update. It might be a red herring, then again...

"The mystery of John Darwin, 57, deepened this evening when it emerged that his wife Anne, 55, sold the family home less than a month ago for £295,000.

Mrs Darwin, a doctor's receptionist, is understood to be living in Panama City in central America after opening a bank account there..."
posted by Jody Tresidder at 11:59 AM on December 3, 2007

Damn you, Haitian!
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 12:01 PM on December 3, 2007 [9 favorites has favorites]

well, if twin peaks taught me anything about this sort of situation, it's that... hang on... well, there's a dwarf talking backwards... I mean, I know the weird creepy guy hiding in his bedroom that his mother doesn't remember for years until she finally decides for whatever reason to scan her flawless memory one more time has something to do with it.

oh, god and david bowie was there for some fucking reason. that was weird.

so yeah, mystery solved, eh wot?
posted by shmegegge at 12:02 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Shmegegge: I wonder if his favorite gum has come back in style...
posted by schyler523 at 12:06 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

The craziest part is, his t-shirt was last seen in 1992.
posted by designbot at 12:09 PM on December 3, 2007

...it's a thing of wonder, at about 28 million words long.

Compare against the entry for...say, an Archbishop.
posted by jquinby at 12:13 PM on December 3, 2007

Yes, moving away after your spouse has been missing for over 5 years and is presumed dead is definitely a sign of suspicion. No innocent person would want to move away from the scene of such happy memories and closure. The part about neighbors all reporting different countries does sound a little weird though.

foul play?

He's terrible at following directions, if he did fake his own death. Step 7 clearly says "Stay dead." Also, "It is extremely inconvenient, not to mention rude and a terrible let down for your enemies." So there you go. Everyone knows the British are polite to a fault.
posted by Tehanu at 12:18 PM on December 3, 2007

Why don't we have any sort of statement as to what he was doing for the last five years (did I miss a link?). Needs more followup. :(
posted by ODiV at 12:46 PM on December 3, 2007

I remember doing the time warp.
posted by kuujjuarapik at 12:59 PM on December 3, 2007

His appearance coincides with quonsar's disappearance.
There's something fishy about that.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:05 PM on December 3, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Fishy, you say? Someone should check this guys pants.
posted by Elmore at 1:11 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Yes, moving away after your spouse has been missing for over 5 years and is presumed dead is definitely a sign of suspicion.

Yes, because that's the only thing about it that was suspicious. Not the bank account activity of a presumed dead man with amnesia, or the timeliness of his return with her departure, or as you mentioned the vagaries surrounding her current whereabouts. and yes, leaving the country 5 years after a spouse's disappearance is actually out of the ordinary, insofar as people ordinarily do what they have to to get by in their own country.

not that that condemns her off the bat, but it IS suspicious.
posted by shmegegge at 1:12 PM on December 3, 2007

Mad Traveler. Which is another way to talk about dissociative fugue.
posted by OmieWise at 1:13 PM on December 3, 2007

This sort of thing happened with a guy I was acquainted with 20 years ago. Apparently, during his amnestic state, he forgot that he was heterosexual.
posted by neuron at 1:30 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

All these years of sad Neighbours addiction has not been in vain... I recognised a Harold Bishop joke!
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 1:32 PM on December 3, 2007

Quantum leap. Mystery solved.
posted by T.D. Strange at 1:44 PM on December 3, 2007

And then there was Piano Man -- Andreas Grassl.
posted by ericb at 1:55 PM on December 3, 2007

Previous Piano Man threads - 1, 2.
posted by ericb at 1:58 PM on December 3, 2007

I'm guessing he somehow fell through some rabbit hole into the future and it took him five years to stumble into the return to the present. Of course he can't remember the last 5 years. They haven't happened yet.
posted by spock at 2:48 PM on December 3, 2007

Wow. I love the Britishness of the guy's dad, who is glad he's back but was apparently doing a champ job stiff-upper-lipping his absence for the intervening years.
posted by LobsterMitten at 3:08 PM on December 3, 2007

What, no reference to Paris, Texas? I'm ashamed to be a member of metafilter.
posted by Acey at 3:17 PM on December 3, 2007

No memory, my ass.

Another recent one. How's THIS for an excuse!

Mayor Resigns, Claims Abduction By Satan Worshippers

Apologies if that's already linked somewhere. I'm at work, and only got 5 minutes to spare.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 3:18 PM on December 3, 2007

I bet this is a promo for Journeyman.
posted by mecran01 at 4:32 PM on December 3, 2007

I am impressed by the total lack of sympathy here and the willingness to turn this poor man and his family's situation into fodder for cheap jokes. Keep it up.
posted by A189Nut at 5:03 PM on December 3, 2007

A189Nut.

Read between the lines. A few of us here think the man might be completely full of shit. So to with the idiot in my link above.

Erm. Unless I'm failing to see the joke in your post!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:02 PM on December 3, 2007

A189Nut, also sometimes "wow" just means "that is a helluva thing", no positive or negative about it.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:18 PM on December 3, 2007

Apparently, during his amnestic state, he forgot that he was heterosexual.

That happened to me once after 12 beers.
posted by Falconetti at 10:01 PM on December 3, 2007

Alright I retract my original statement.
This one has just got a whole lot weird.

His wife sold their house a few weeks before and legged it moved to Panama City.
She's just done a Facebook suicide too.

There are also mentions about them running up debts and the missing man applied for a credit card, using his home address, last year.

This was what I thought was going to be a minor item, but now it's got legs...
posted by Webbster at 11:05 AM on December 4, 2007

My bullshit detector is working as well as ever (although this one was a bit of a no-brainer, really).

British police arrest 'dead' canoeist
posted by uncanny hengeman at 11:26 PM on December 4, 2007

He posed for a picture with his wife in 2006 that he apparently knew was going to be used on the website of the company Move to Panama. Genius. [warning: link is to the Mirror website]
posted by Elmore at 4:06 AM on December 5, 2007

A man, a plan a canal--Panama!
He lived as a devil, eh?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:47 AM on December 5, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Reports: ‘Dead’ man hid in home for 3 years

"'For three years, while virtually everyone close to us believed John was missing presumed dead, he was actually at home with me,' Anne Darwin, who recently left Britain for central America, told the Daily Mirror.

'We were living as man and wife, although it was far from a conventional life,' she added.

'There were a few hairy moments and I lived in fear of being found out,' she told the Daily Mail in another interview.

She said Darwin had talked to her before his disappearance about faking his death as a way to solve financial problems."

posted by ericb at 9:20 AM on December 8, 2007

Well oil beef hooked. I wuz only just thinkin' about this chappie's similar disappearance.

McAuley, 39, was attempting to be the first person to kayak solo across the Tasman Sea.

But on February 9, within sight of New Zealand, the Australian released a garbled distress call.

His empty kayak was found the next day but McAuley's body was never recovered.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:28 PM on December 9, 2007