Lightly smooshed will get you lightly tased.

December 3, 2007 4:33 PM

"What do you think of that, Santa?"Yet another case of student 'art projects' out of control . . . other incredible violations of mall-Santa lap etiquette:1, 2, 3, and no doubt the most flagrant example, 4. Be careful out there.
posted by huckhound (32 comments total)

This sauce, she is weak, no?
posted by dersins at 4:37 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas this year is OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

Oh, it's your penis. Gee, the North Pole really is cold, isn't it?
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:39 PM on December 3, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

Very weak indeed.
posted by doctor_negative at 4:39 PM on December 3, 2007

wait...there's more than one Santa??????? WTF!
posted by HuronBob at 4:40 PM on December 3, 2007

Westwood said he and companions had waited for a girl about 15 years old to finish sitting on Santa's lap

Wait - was this a mall or a strip club?
posted by CynicalKnight at 4:41 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

/smooshes pie in this post's face

WHERE'S YOUR MESSIAH NOW, METAFILTER?
posted by DU at 4:59 PM on December 3, 2007

The guy's name is actually Clint Westwood?

He might have been almost cool because his name is so close to Clint Eastwood. Instead, because of this lame ass stunt, he is the opposite of cool, as West is to East.
posted by Alex404 at 5:00 PM on December 3, 2007

Did he have a long, pretentious artist's statement to go with this stunt?
posted by sock it to me monkey at 5:18 PM on December 3, 2007

i was trying to bag my limit and this funny guy in a red suit got in the way, so i shot him, too
posted by pyramid termite at 5:28 PM on December 3, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'm so sick of all these Ali-G knock offs. Awkward, uncomfortable and inappropriate humor only works when it's.... what's the word?

Right. FUNNY. Ha-ha funny. This is neither kind.

I hope he adds this to his "reel", and get's laughed out of every art school he applies to. The bad kind of laughing.
posted by butterstick at 5:33 PM on December 3, 2007

What do you think of that, Santa?

I woulda gone with ""Kenneth, what is the frequency?" Now that's art.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 6:00 PM on December 3, 2007

This seems to be a stunning example of the world gone awry.
posted by ND¢ at 6:10 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ah yes, The Staten Island Mall. I spent many a terrified childhood hour there trying to evade the children of local mafiosos.

I especially like how a casual Santa is "inappropriate." Not unwanted, or unexpected, but inappropriate.
posted by 1adam12 at 7:24 PM on December 3, 2007

> He said that after the pie ruckus, he expected to approach Santa for a signature on a film-release form, but police arrived first.

Take a tip from Sascha Baron Cohen's handlers: Folks are generally more willing to sign away their rights before they know what you'll do to them.

But besides that, I can't see the humor in humiliating workaday schmoes who haven't done anything to deserve it. The Ali G. Show mostly enrages me.
posted by ardgedee at 7:33 PM on December 3, 2007

If they use that film clip without obtaining a release, they'll learn even more about the legal system.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 7:42 PM on December 3, 2007

Wait wait wait.

Westwood said he and companions had waited for a girl about 15 years old to finish sitting on Santa's lap

We don't get any explanation of that? Because I, for one, am distinctly curious.
posted by booksandlibretti at 7:44 PM on December 3, 2007

Because I, for one, am distinctly curious.

And re-thinking not volunteering for Santa duty.
posted by maxwelton at 8:20 PM on December 3, 2007

"How would you explain Santa going around dropping his pants? How would you explain that to [children]?"

Children, I have an interesting chainletter to show you, regarding the forces involved in a human body crisscrossing the world at mach 612
posted by tehloki at 8:34 PM on December 3, 2007

LOLDRAMASTUDENTZZ!!!!111!!eleventy!!1

Addendum:
LOLMONTANANITEZZ!!!!22@!
posted by Mister_A at 8:48 PM on December 3, 2007

I can't wait to pee on Santa's lap again this year.
posted by Balisong at 9:10 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

If they use that film clip without obtaining a release, they'll learn even more about the legal system.

I think I'd like to see that story in colouring-book format, starring a friendly bear.
posted by ArmyOfKittens at 1:02 AM on December 4, 2007

Link number 3 is bullshit, right?

http://www.uncoveror.com/santa.htm

A parody newsletter. Whatever you call them.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:38 AM on December 4, 2007

"Link number 3 is bullshit, right?"

I'm thinking you can put the period after "bullshit".
posted by Mike D at 5:56 AM on December 4, 2007

Pumpkin pie? Really? Pft.
posted by Pecinpah at 5:57 AM on December 4, 2007

Because I, for one, am distinctly curious.

And re-thinking not volunteering for Santa duty.
posted by maxwelton at 11:20 PM on December 3

[Making mental note never to take the kids to sit on Santa's lap again.]

I sat on Santa's lap when I was in high school and never thought twice about it. Until today.
posted by notashroom at 7:53 AM on December 4, 2007

I prefer this as video Santa humor.
posted by phearlez at 8:47 AM on December 4, 2007

I sat on Santa's lap when I was in high school and never thought twice about it. Until today.

Hey, just because he's a saint, it don't mean he's dead!

. . .

Oh, I guess it does.

WHAT
THE
FUCK
UNDEAD
SANTA?!
posted by Atom Eyes at 9:04 AM on December 4, 2007

Each of these links was depressing in its own way.
posted by ducksauce at 10:04 AM on December 4, 2007

In the category of inappropriate Sint-a-Klaas (one more night of putting carrots in your shoe) debiteuren crediteuren (a 1995 precursor to The Office. Try to catch the very effective mix of Sinterklaas' moralistic patronizing tone of voice and innuendo although it's in Dutch(!).
jiskefet natuurlijk
posted by jouke at 10:10 AM on December 4, 2007

atom eyes, Hey, just because he's a saint, it don't mean he's dead!

. . .

Oh, I guess it does.

Dead, undead, cranky, and a Disney property (scariest of all)! But hey, at least he's keeping busy.
posted by notashroom at 10:39 AM on December 4, 2007

Link number 3 is bullshit, right?

Apparently there are some department stores that are instructing their Santas to say "Ha ha ha!" instead of "Ho ho ho!" this year.
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 2:05 PM on December 4, 2007

Oops, looks like that's in Australia, but still....
posted by Nathanial Hörnblowér at 2:14 PM on December 4, 2007