....nothing but the truth so help you yourself
December 7, 2007 6:25 AM   Subscribe

A judge has issued a court summons for Lord Hanuman and Lord Ram, two Hindu gods, to settle a dispute over ownership of a temple. The initial summons were rejected due to an incomplete address, following which adverts were placed in the local press.

This isn't the first time deities have become involved in Indian politics. Earlier this year, the Culture Minister almost had to resign after a report into the proposed construction of a canal questioned the existence of the god Ram. The canal would have crossed the path of the bridge Ram and his army of monkeys supposedly built to reach Sri Lanka. Following a row involving many major political leaders, the report was subsequently withdrawn.
posted by bap98189 (35 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
LOLUMAN
posted by DU at 6:28 AM on December 7, 2007 [1 favorite]


Previously
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:34 AM on December 7, 2007


I just happen to have here two teddy bears, one named Hanuman and the other named Ram. They are here with me at an undisclosed location, but are willing to travel.
posted by b1tr0t at 6:50 AM on December 7, 2007 [1 favorite]


wow. just wow.
posted by saulgoodman at 7:00 AM on December 7, 2007


This would've made a great opening for that private eye show from the 80s, Simon & Simon, with Rick and AJ going into the temple and pretending to worship and then the gods come out and Rick and AJ hand them a piece of paper and then they yell "you've been served!" and run away and then the credits start and the theme music with the cowbell. I loved that show even though it was a Magnum PI ripoff.
posted by Koko at 7:08 AM on December 7, 2007 [3 favorites]


Now this is a case for Judge Judy.
posted by purephase at 7:23 AM on December 7, 2007


This case could wind up solving a lot more than just ownership of a temple.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:09 AM on December 7, 2007


I hear it's easier to get hold of Zarquon.
posted by maxwelton at 8:19 AM on December 7, 2007 [1 favorite]


This case could wind up solving a lot more than just ownership of a temple.

Hahaha, no.... We'll just get some other rationalization: "The gods are not accountable to HUMAN legal proceedings, and therefore choose to ignore them."
posted by LordSludge at 8:20 AM on December 7, 2007


Amazing story. Would Vatican lands now come into question? What if this lawsuit were used as a precedent to settle the Mid-East War? Smackdown between the deities. whoa. Sounds like something the ancient Greeks would cook up.

Indian man marries dog to cast off curse.
posted by nickyskye at 8:25 AM on December 7, 2007


We'll just get some other rationalization: "The gods are not accountable to HUMAN legal proceedings, and therefore choose to ignore them."

To be fair, I'm as atheistic as any other RATIONAL PERSON, but even I wouldn't put too much weight behind the "failed to appear at court" attack. I mean, by that argument, Karl Rove, Harriet Miers and Josh Bolten don't exist either.
posted by DU at 8:33 AM on December 7, 2007 [3 favorites]


Wow. Thanks. Always blown away by the complexity of the Hindu legends. Yet, how can there be a contest between Hanuman and Rama, when Hanuman was Rama's devotee? Silly, seems to me.
posted by Goofyy at 9:07 AM on December 7, 2007


Hanuman rocks. They should just give him the temple for being completely awesome.
and his mom is hawt.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:12 AM on December 7, 2007 [2 favorites]


DU: It's not meant as an "attack" on religion, per se, just a known future legal circumstance and an extrapolation/prediction. I mean, we *know* neither of the two gods are going to appear in court.

So, thinking ahead to *when* they don't show up, what will the court's response be? What SHOULD it be? Hold the gods in contempt? Put out a bench warrant for their arrest?? Or, instead, will the court establish a precedent for dealing with dieties? I find this prospect fascinating, and, incidentally, funny as hell.

CALLING ALL CARS, CALLING ALL CARS: Be on the lookout for a pair of Hindu dieties; both should be considered armed, immortal, and extremely dangerous...

I'd love to see more cases like this, maybe a Joseph vs. Jehovah custody battle, Zeus vs. Jupiter identity theft, Mercury vs. Ford Motor Company trademark infringement. (Hmmm, do we have sufficient evidence to charge God with murder?)
posted by LordSludge at 9:14 AM on December 7, 2007


Explosive Report by Indian Magazine Exposes Those Responsible for 2002 Gujarat Massacre
posted by homunculus at 9:18 AM on December 7, 2007


Yet, how can there be a contest between Hanuman and Rama, when Hanuman was Rama's devotee? Silly, seems to me.

Yeah, old buddies. I sense a secret shared ownership deal. Also.
posted by ersatz at 9:20 AM on December 7, 2007


LordSludge, you now have a fantastic concept for a new niche blog. Seriously. I'm actually tempted to try my hand at that one myself.

Oh, and I love that in Baby Balrog's first linked video, the monkey king is "handsome." You wouldn't want the goddess to go after one of the ugly monkey kings, after all...
posted by misha at 9:23 AM on December 7, 2007


Not like this hasn't happened in the U.S. as well.
posted by Inkoate at 9:31 AM on December 7, 2007


Hahaha, no.... We'll just get some other rationalization: "The gods are not accountable to HUMAN legal proceedings, and therefore choose to ignore them."
posted by LordSludge at 10:20 AM on December 7 [+] [!]


This seems to imply that the judge in question has understood the nature of religion and divinity perfectly. What are you, twelve?
posted by goethean at 9:40 AM on December 7, 2007


misha: I was thinking a skit for Robot Chicken, paradying Law & Order, but I'm sure a blog could work if you wanna get all high-brow on me.

goethean: If the judge understood the nature of divinity, the case would never be heard, as it's a waste of the court's time. But since he apparently understands religion, he has to put on a show. I'm just curious as to how that show will play out. (And yes, I'm twelve. Big for my age, or so says Ms. Teacher.)
posted by LordSludge at 9:49 AM on December 7, 2007


I was thinking the reverse with my comment, LordSludge. Not that anything would be settled if they didn't show up; more that big things would be settled if they did.

Plus, it would be infinitely more interesting. Not going to happen, but its fun to think about.
posted by never used baby shoes at 10:14 AM on December 7, 2007


As atheistic as I am, I would fucking love it if they showed up; just to see them sitting in the crowd waiting to be called to the bench. I'm envisioning them wearing ill fitting suits that they only break out for formal occasions, like court and funerals.
posted by quin at 10:19 AM on December 7, 2007 [1 favorite]


Oh, let's all laugh at the Indian people - ha ha ha! Look at their stupid customs and beliefs!

You insensitive morons make me SICK. You don't know the first thing about Indian culture - and yet you're always ready to chuckle up hairballs of hate when confronted with anything outside your miniscule orthodoxies.

I just hope that these Indians rush from their little teepees, grab their tomahawks and give you all a heap big scalping. Go suck on THAT peace pipe, you COWBOYS.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:15 AM on December 7, 2007 [6 favorites]


Goofy, it's not between Ram vs Hanuman. It's Ram & Hanuman vs guy who owns the land where the temple was built.

One of my favorite Hindi cinema scenes was when Vishnu or Krishna turns up at the bedside of a dying man, who was once generous and became close-hearted and greedy with increasing wealth. Vishnu in all his blue, resplendant glory, picks up the medicine bottles by the man's bedside and says, Strepto-my-sin, Neo-my-sin, Erythro-my-sin. The man realizes the error of his ways, that his illness is karmic, needing antibiotics with a suffix of "my sin" is based on his "sins" and miraculously he opens his heart again.

Anyone remember the name of that 1980 Hindi movie?

God turns up at court all the time in America...With the vow to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Why not with so help me Gods?
posted by nickyskye at 11:30 AM on December 7, 2007


Calm down, the quidnunc kid, and take a few deep breathes. I'm Hindu and my family god is Hanuman. This thread isn't anything more than very minorly offensive to the most sensitive Hindus. If anything, Hindus are more likely to get pissed off about beef or historical grievances. Hell, even sandals will piss off a righteous hindu more.
posted by desiderandus at 11:31 AM on December 7, 2007


Oh, and seconding nickyskye. Seems to be a dispute between a brahmin and townspeople over land, not between two temples.
posted by desiderandus at 11:50 AM on December 7, 2007


desiderandus, I just hope you Indian guys get to hunt the. Buffalo again in your feathered head-dresses in a world free of ignorance.

I've seen Dances with Wolves 8 times, by the way - I fucking love Indian culture, dude.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 11:57 AM on December 7, 2007


Ook the quidnunc kid, seems I'm the one being trolled. Time to get back to having a nice Friday, methinks.
posted by desiderandus at 12:36 PM on December 7, 2007


We do get a bit silly on Fridays...
posted by LordSludge at 12:46 PM on December 7, 2007


In remarkably similar news
posted by criticalbill at 1:37 PM on December 7, 2007


Karl Rove, Harriet Miers and Josh Bolten don't exist either.

Welcome to my dream planet.
posted by mephron at 1:54 PM on December 7, 2007


dude...desiderandus...joke...
posted by Baby_Balrog at 4:01 PM on December 7, 2007


The Brahmin cast seems to have a pretty sweet deal going in India.
posted by Sukiari at 5:23 PM on December 7, 2007


Rama Rocks
posted by tellurian at 6:21 PM on December 7, 2007


Fun fact: Those Indians running your Apache server? They aren't real Apaches.
posted by b1tr0t at 10:30 PM on December 7, 2007


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