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Jew - Not a Jew.
December 10, 2007 2:59 PM   Subscribe

Know your musical Jews!
posted by KevinSkomsvold (49 comments total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

 
I got an 85%. Patzen in tuchus en shrei 'bravo!'
posted by jonmc at 3:21 PM on December 10, 2007


80%. I can call home and boast! It did get easier once I realised that pretty much all of the answers were 'YES'.
posted by Lotto at 3:22 PM on December 10, 2007


I failed, but I'm not going to let it get me down.
posted by inconsequentialist at 3:25 PM on December 10, 2007


I'm really dissapointed inconsequentialist. Let's never speak of this unfortunate event again.
posted by nola at 3:38 PM on December 10, 2007


I got 75%. But that's because they threw me off with Beck. He's more of a Xenu kinda guy, I thought. I'm sure he could make some kickass klezmer music, though.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:45 PM on December 10, 2007


Aww, hell, only 75%... and I spent 11 years in NYC, dammit! I shoulda aced this thing!

I did know that Schneerson was an occasional sub for ZZ Top, though, so I'm proud of that.

And what, no Burt Bacharach?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:47 PM on December 10, 2007


And forgive me, but I'm going to take this opportunity to link to my old buddy Frank London's record (with his band, the Klezmatics) because it has the best album title in the history of Klezmer: Jews With Horns.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:50 PM on December 10, 2007


80%. I could call home and boast except that I'm already home. Good thing I spent all those years in NYC!
posted by languagehat at 3:53 PM on December 10, 2007


Not enough non-Jews. You could get a high score just by guessing "Jewish" for everybody, which is what I did.
posted by Justinian at 3:56 PM on December 10, 2007


oh, except Avril Lavigne whom I figured wasn't jewish for reasons unclear to myself.
posted by Justinian at 3:56 PM on December 10, 2007


Everybody in music is, in some way, Jewish. Sammy Davis Jr. just made the fact explicit.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:56 PM on December 10, 2007


Oy gevalt. That's a quiz? 19 yes questions and a punchline? Go back to the Catskills.
posted by not_on_display at 4:06 PM on December 10, 2007


65%. Apparently, all y'all can see is the semitism. All I can see is the person deep down inside.
posted by Bugbread at 4:06 PM on December 10, 2007


75%. was surprised by a few of them, like Marianne Faithful and Paula Abdul.



Enjoyed reading about likable, handsome and funny, old childhood Central Parkie friend, John Segal (JJ French in Twisted Sister). He went to Trinity School on the Upper West Side, where boys were encouraged to diminish their Jewish heritage. He pronounced his name with the accent on the last syllable, Suh-Gall as in gallon, as if it were French. Maybe that's where he got the French in JJ French?



Related: Jew Watch.



It surprised me to learn about hidden Jewish stars in Hollywood too, like Kirk Douglas, Paul Newman especially, or Robert Evans who played the matador in The Sun also Rises.



Some Jewish Hollywood stars took Christian names, even when they were obviously Jewish like Woody Allen. His Jewish name is Allen Konigsberg.



Some others that were notable:

Adopted Christian Name ..........Real Jewish Name

Lauren Bacall ........................... Joan Perske

Joan Crawford .......................... Lucille Le Sueur

Kirk Douglas ............................ Isadore Demsky

Judy Garland .............................. Frances Gumm

Tony Curtis ............................... Bernie Schwartz

Danny Kaye.................................. David Kominsky

Dorothy Lamour ........................... Dorothy Kaumeyer

Eddie Albert ...............................Eddie Heimberger

Mel Brooks .............................. Melvin Kaminsky

Charles Bronson ....................... Charles Buchinsky

Walter Matthau ........................... Walter Matasschanskayasky

Edward G. Robinson .................. Emanuel Goldenberg

posted by nickyskye at 4:32 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


Paul Newman's half Jewish.
Goldie Hawn is too.
Put them both together,
What a fine looking Jew.

- Adam Sandler

posted by Sk4n at 4:36 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


I always win at Musical Jews. That fershnikered Shiksa with the schnel tuches, they call me.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:42 PM on December 10, 2007


flapjax, languagehat: Jewish people do live other places besides New York, you know.
posted by jonmc at 4:42 PM on December 10, 2007


of course Noo Yawk has given us a few Jewish Punk Rock and Heavy Metal Legends.
posted by jonmc at 4:51 PM on December 10, 2007


"flapjax, languagehat: Jewish people do live other places besides New York, you know."

You mean like Brooklyn?
posted by klangklangston at 4:53 PM on December 10, 2007 [3 favorites]


flapjax, languagehat: Jewish people do live other places besides New York, you know.

True, jonmc, true. Why, even my hometown of Birmingham, Alabama! Which reminds me, on one of my visits to the ol' stomping grounds some couple of years back, I had my usual dose of minor culture shock: the suburban shopping mall, where, good lord, what's gotta be more than half the folks are obese. And, whoa, real, you know, crackery. Except for the obese black folk, who aren't crackery. Anyhow, I'm a cracker myself, but, hey, there's subcategories of cracker, and I don't fall into the high-fivin', Bush-votin', junk-food-eatin' fat crackery camp. And, like, folks with t-shirts that say "Jesus is Lord" and all? Dag. Sure, not everybody down there is like that, but enough are, and when they come together at the mall, when you get that many together in one place, well, there's a vibe. A certain vibe. And it ain't a New York vibe, I'm-a tell you that right now. It can be somewhat... uncomfortable, tell you the truth. Anyway, that same evening, after the mall, me and the wife went out to see a concert. Who was in town for a show, but the aforementioned Klezmatics! A nice treat, see some old friends from NY, hear some Klezmer, and way down in B'ham! Who'd a thought? So, what struck me of course, at the show, was... no fat crackers. Nary a one. The Birmingham Jewish community was out in force for the concert, and the vibe was, well, it was more like, you guessed it: New York. And it felt... comfortable. So yeah, believe me, I'm aware there are Jews outside of NY. And thank god for 'em!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:19 PM on December 10, 2007 [4 favorites]


On the other hand, I knew a prof who went down to teach in Montgomery, and she got her tires slashed and "Go home JEW" written across her windshield. She said that even though the administration was supportive, at the end of the semester she "went home, jew."
posted by klangklangston at 5:27 PM on December 10, 2007


So, apparently, by "home" they meant "Birmingham, Alabama," not "Birmingham, Michigan."
posted by klangklangston at 5:28 PM on December 10, 2007


Pffft. No Michael Bloomfield = sucks
posted by horsemuth at 5:35 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


I always win at Musical Jews.

Me too. When the music stops, you better believe I'll be sitting on a Jew!
posted by Koko at 5:42 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


No John Zorn? wtf!
posted by Mach5 at 5:44 PM on December 10, 2007


That fershnikered Shiksa with the schnel tuches, they call me.

Wait, they call you that too?
posted by miss lynnster at 5:55 PM on December 10, 2007


Hell, they call me Goy Wonder.
posted by jonmc at 5:59 PM on December 10, 2007


Hell, they call me Goy Wonder.

Somehow this reminds me of another story: on tour in Europe, circa 1986, with my old trio Semantics. The two other members (Elliott Sharp and Ned Rothenberg) are Jewish. Elliott, bless his heart, once christened* us 'two kikes and a kook'. So, we were playing the BimHuis in Amsterdam. A fellow from Algeria approached our table (we were on a break between sets), introduced himself, made a little small talk (we were saying we were from NY and all that), when he looks straight at me (the kook!) and out of nowhere says: "You're Jewish, right?" I think Ned almost spit out his beer laughing.

*no pun intended
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:09 PM on December 10, 2007


I call shenanigans (shanda-gans?) on Beck, but who knew Alecia Moore was a Jew. Chag Sameach and get the party started.
posted by Dreama at 6:20 PM on December 10, 2007


MeFites linking to jewwatch now???
posted by rottytooth at 6:31 PM on December 10, 2007


95% bitches. My jewdar makes the Russian Woodpecker look like two tin cans and a string. I missed Marianne Faithfull, who I only know of as someone who banged Mick Jagger (who is NOT a Jew).
posted by bunnytricks at 6:36 PM on December 10, 2007 [2 favorites]


The one great thing about jewwatch is that they have King Diamond listed as a fellow tribesman. You know, because of his name.
posted by bunnytricks at 6:39 PM on December 10, 2007


I always win at Musical Jews.

Me too. When the music stops, you better believe I'll be sitting on a Jew!


Well, you better get off of him so he can start playing the music again!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:08 PM on December 10, 2007


CF: "I am Not Hippy Johnny" about the Jewishness of Jonathan Richman, by Anthony Michels.
posted by escabeche at 7:09 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


Walter Matthau ........................... Walter Matasschanskayasky

Wrong.
posted by piratebowling at 7:33 PM on December 10, 2007 [1 favorite]


100%. Though I wouldn't have known about Marianne Faithfull if I hadn't recently read her autobiography.
posted by oneirodynia at 7:51 PM on December 10, 2007


The Beck thing is totally unfair - not only is he a Scientologist, but he was raised as one (yikes).

oneirodynia - is that worth a read? It's been on my list for awhile.
posted by naoko at 9:12 PM on December 10, 2007


nickyskye - you may want to avoid Jew Watch, it is a scary anti-semitic site, but it also thinks everyone is Jewish, so it is both scary and inaccurate. On the other hand, obligatory joke.
posted by blahblahblah at 10:07 PM on December 10, 2007


piratebowling, Thanks for outing that urban legand about Walter Matthau.

rottytooth, had no idea what the Jew Watch site was until your comment and then I Wikipediaed it. yikes. I regret linking to it. Sorry, that was not my intention at all. I linked to it only because of the list of actors and musicians who are Jewish. If I could edit my comment I would.
posted by nickyskye at 10:21 PM on December 10, 2007


95% bitches.

I believe we're on the search for Jews. Get yer slurs straight.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:29 PM on December 10, 2007


I believe we're on the search for Jews. Get yer slurs straight.

You've hurt my late Tel Aviv Chabadhound's feelings.

Poor Kayla, even though only the reconstructionists recognized you, you'll always be a JAP to me.
posted by bunnytricks at 12:38 AM on December 11, 2007


What about Elvis? His mother was Jewish... I was clicking through the questions, guessing wildly, just so I could get to The King and count him in.
posted by MinPin at 1:13 AM on December 11, 2007


I know that posting anything with jewish in it is stupid, but anyway : jewish princesses are not only fantasies : they are real.
posted by nicolin at 1:57 AM on December 11, 2007


Ok the stupid thing about this quizzes is the bands. It's not fair for them to call a band Jewish or not based on the faith of a partial amount of the band. I call SHENANIGANSKY
posted by poppo at 4:30 AM on December 11, 2007


Oh, now I know why that Hammond guy's band sounds exactly The Strokes. I was watching the amazingly fantastic Centre Stage last night and booing at them for plagarism!
posted by chuckdarwin at 5:15 AM on December 11, 2007


Pink? I repeat, Pink?

We're not even Jewish but my mom would just plotz if I brought her home.
posted by tommasz at 6:57 AM on December 11, 2007


Ah, Jews. Such wonderful musical people.

kidding, totally kidding
posted by psmealey at 7:01 AM on December 11, 2007


I'll trade you one Beck for a Mandy Patinkin and a half-Jew to be named later.
posted by cogneuro at 12:00 AM on December 12, 2007


Musical Jews who wrote christmas songs.
posted by terrortubby at 1:34 PM on December 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


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