Extreme Oxygen, dude!

December 12, 2007 7:48 AM

The Big Ox.Power oxygen for real extreme athletes... available in a variety of flavors: Polar Rush, Tropical Breeze, Mountain Mint, and Citrus Blast. Is this The Next Big Thing?

According to the website, "Big Ox is 89% pure flavored oxygen... In business and sports you have to out-last and out-think your competitors! A purer form of Oxygen can give you an edge over those not supplementing yet. If you really want to be victorious, step it up and compete with your stamina and mental clarity! Try Big Ox! You would be wise not to let some oxygenated person get any edge over you!"

posted by ph00dz (60 comments total)

I picked up a can of this stuff @ Circle K this morning... set me back $10, but it was too hilarious to pass up. Still haven't tried it... but I bet it'll be awesome!
posted by ph00dz at 7:50 AM on December 12, 2007

... it completely relieves many headaches without putting any chemical in the body

*sigh*
posted by motty at 7:56 AM on December 12, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

This tells me that the end of the world is nigh. Maybe if this had what plants crave?
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 7:58 AM on December 12, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

Mel Brooks beat them to the punch.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:00 AM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you're just breathing air and not chugging it, then you're not living.
posted by hermitosis at 8:01 AM on December 12, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Pepsi.. uh.. oxygen.
posted by the dief at 8:03 AM on December 12, 2007

In related news, allegation of oxygen being a key element in the oxydation process, leading to catastrophic ferrous failures and skin aging !
posted by elpapacito at 8:03 AM on December 12, 2007

PepsiO²
posted by Malor at 8:05 AM on December 12, 2007

Food, water and oxygen are key to a healthy lifestyle.
posted by itchylick at 8:05 AM on December 12, 2007

I saw this junk in the local Circle K a few weeks back and took three pictures of it with my phone. I look at these pictures periodically to make sure I'm not insane.
posted by Pecinpah at 8:08 AM on December 12, 2007

This is both brilliant and unspeakably depressing.
posted by aramaic at 8:12 AM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

This idea has been around a while. I say that to make you realize that we're even closer to the apocalypse than you originally thought.
posted by suckerpunch at 8:12 AM on December 12, 2007

This shouldn't be sold in stores! After all by merely mixing this with some hydrogen you can make a very hazardous substance that kills thousands every year and is a major component of acid rain!
posted by clevershark at 8:15 AM on December 12, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

I love that they sponsor a race car! Nothing says "health" like car racing. Other sponsors of the same car include Boss Hogg beef jerky.
posted by ba at 8:20 AM on December 12, 2007

Oxygen was the Next Big Thing around 1989, but maybe as a retro thing, sure.
posted by DU at 8:23 AM on December 12, 2007

Big Ox is 89% pure flavored oxygen

H2O molecular weight = 18.015 g/mol
O atomic weight = 16.0 g/mol
16.0/18.015 = 0.89

...can't argue with their math.
posted by rocket88 at 8:26 AM on December 12, 2007 [12 favorites has favorites]

This seems like something you'ld see in the background of "Back to the Friggin Future II: Electric Boogaloo".
posted by blue_beetle at 8:31 AM on December 12, 2007

I have to see "Idiocracy" now, to see if Mike Judge saw this one coming...
posted by clevershark at 8:35 AM on December 12, 2007

I thought all the oxygen bars crashed and burned. I've seen fancy oxygen tubes in bars and clubs before, but not for several years.
posted by mrgrimm at 8:37 AM on December 12, 2007

I thought it was liquid oxygen. That would be, um, refreshing.
posted by lukemeister at 8:42 AM on December 12, 2007

I mocked pancakes from a can too. Until I tried them. *sobs* Please lord, don't let me try this even as a joke.
posted by cairnish at 8:42 AM on December 12, 2007

In other news, the oxygen used in cellular metabolic functions forms free radicals as natural byproducts. Free radicals are known to cause cellular damage. Use of this product may (or may not) cause your head to explode.
posted by lekvar at 8:45 AM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

If only the can contained actual ox in addition to the oxygen.
posted by GuyZero at 8:52 AM on December 12, 2007

I'm totally serious here: Can they lace this with eucalyptus and menthol? Because that would feel awesome to us chronically-congested types.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:54 AM on December 12, 2007

Because of increased pollution and the continued destruction of our forests, you might not always be getting the oxygen you need for your active lifestyle.

Bullshit.

The typical inhalation is 20% Oxygen, 79% Nitrogen and 1% trace gases.

The typical exhalation is 15% Oxygen, 5% Carbon Dioxide, 79% Nitrogen, 1% trace gases.

You don't use most of the oxygen you take into your lungs.
posted by jason's_planet at 8:57 AM on December 12, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Next thing you know they'll be charging you for blowing smoke up your ass.
posted by Killick at 8:58 AM on December 12, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Ah, but does it come in Manana and Gun flavours?
posted by slimepuppy at 9:05 AM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

EPO is easier
posted by caddis at 9:09 AM on December 12, 2007

ph00dz, you gotta take that oxygen and tell us what it's like. If you climb a mountain and parachute down as a result take pictures.
posted by schroedinger at 9:09 AM on December 12, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

But does it have electrolytes?
posted by Tenuki at 9:15 AM on December 12, 2007

Because of increased pollution and the continued destruction of our forests, you might not always be getting the oxygen you need for your active lifestyle.

So all these cans, labels, shipping, advertising, etc. will help the environment?
Big clumsy ox.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:18 AM on December 12, 2007

I saw this last year at a local Mobil Mart.
posted by tommasz at 9:30 AM on December 12, 2007

If you think you're hard enough, try the Greasetrap, Fart, and Brushfire flavors. So as not to be all, you know, metrosexual.
posted by facetious at 9:31 AM on December 12, 2007

From the FAQ:

Q. How much oxygen is in the air?
A. The air today only contains about 21% oxygen.

Tomorrow, 20%...the next day, 19%...QUICK, GIMME THAT CAN!

alternative: back in my day, the air was 97% oxygen, we were always on fire, and we liked it!
posted by davejay at 9:36 AM on December 12, 2007 [5 favorites has favorites]

Big Ox is squeezing out the small, local producers. I recommend finding a local supplier of free-range oxygen, or joining a co-op or barter group. For instance, in return for access to great local oxygen at affordable prices, I contribute copious amounts of methane at cost.
posted by cairnish at 9:41 AM on December 12, 2007 [7 favorites has favorites]

Just O₂ It!
posted by Poolio at 9:43 AM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

"Mel Brooks beat them to the punch."

I was going to post that exact image.

Perri-Air.

*snicker*
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:48 AM on December 12, 2007

If only the can contained actual ox in addition to the oxygen.

Yeah, could have been a really interesting way of reprocessing and marketing the methane that cattle produce. They totally blew it.
posted by hermitosis at 9:50 AM on December 12, 2007

They should add anti-oxidants to this stuff. Then it would be rad. Right now it is merely dope.
posted by Mister_A at 9:55 AM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

They once thought bottled water was a crazy idea, but most everybody's addicted to it now.
posted by troybob at 10:03 AM on December 12, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

My understanding is that purified O2 is a fire/explosion hazard. There will probably only need to be one lawsuit.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 10:05 AM on December 12, 2007

The hors d’oeuvres today are boxes of pure oxygen infused with a saffron and a white truffle oil.
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:09 AM on December 12, 2007

O2 + $$ + greed = BS
posted by Skygazer at 10:16 AM on December 12, 2007

“The hors d’oeuvres today are boxes of pure oxygen infused with a saffron and a white truffle oil.”

Who’s laughing now Tina Fey? WHO’S LAUGHING NOW???
posted by bondcliff at 10:30 AM on December 12, 2007

...Greasetrap, Fart, and Brushfire flavors.

Is this all in one can, like a crab, tiger, and almond requisite?
posted by Mister_A at 10:35 AM on December 12, 2007

Please make my air from a can, the whippng cream kind.
posted by thomcatspike at 10:41 AM on December 12, 2007

OK, how do you flavor oxygen? 'Cuz that would change its atomic weight and then water wouldn't be 89% O any more. I call false advertising!
posted by Quietgal at 11:55 AM on December 12, 2007

Also, how do you consume it? Do you just open the can and huff it? Will the oxygen dissipate before you can get a lungful? Does it come with a mask?

Once on the TTC I saw a guy open what I thought was a tall-boy can of beer until he started sniffing it. Then I saw the side of the can and the label clearly: "TOLUENE". Where he got that big-ass can of toluene I still haven't figured out. But dude was huffing it up right there on the subway.
posted by GuyZero at 12:19 PM on December 12, 2007

Spagetti-O2?
posted by Sam.Burdick at 12:38 PM on December 12, 2007

to answer your question: no.
posted by joelf at 12:51 PM on December 12, 2007

Okay, who's going to toss a full one into a campfire?
posted by eriko at 12:56 PM on December 12, 2007

You know what is insanely great about this? That it's going to end up getting sold in gas station convenience stores.

So, you are going to be able to walk in to the soda/ canned oxygen area and grab a can of Big Ox. Then on your way to the counter, you can stop in the tobacco section and nab a can of butane. Right before you check out, you can pick up a novelty lighter, and now you have everything you need to do something really dangerously stupid.

Or, you can stop outside, pick up some propane to mix with your oxygen inhalant and have a real blast.
posted by quin at 1:47 PM on December 12, 2007

You know what is insanely great about this?...

They should rethink the name then -- maybe it should be known as Darwin's Little Helper.
posted by clevershark at 1:59 PM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Someone should tell them that the Registry of Toxic Effects of Chemicals (RTECS) lists oxygen as a mutagen.
posted by Mister Cheese at 2:08 PM on December 12, 2007

I think quin is on to something here. What happens if you open that can when holding a lit cigarette in the same hand as the one that's holding the can? Wouldn't that cause a flash fire?
posted by clevershark at 4:42 PM on December 12, 2007

Never mind, I just looked at the "molecular weight" post above and it suddenly made sense...
posted by clevershark at 4:44 PM on December 12, 2007

Alright. True story. In my undergrad years, we kept a big tank of "medical-grade oxygen" (?) in our dorm room. We scored it from collge medical services. What we did with it was first drank hard for hours — barrels of vodka punches followed by 100-count keg stands — then strapped the mask on for about ten-to-fifteen minutes, and voila! Instant ready-to-party again! It was totally sobering!

Also, about ten minutes of mask-wearing before bed resulted in a cleared head no hang-over. The best!

While I have since sobered up, the amazingness of pure oxygen stays with me, and now I recommend it to all the undergrads.
posted by humannaire at 8:04 PM on December 12, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hmmph. There've been standard-issue unflavoured Oxygen spray cans (with mouthmask attachments) with design cues straight out of the 1970s sitting on the shelves here in the office (in Korea) for a couple of years now. I took a few huffs once; didn't impress me a whole bunch.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:54 PM on December 12, 2007

Mel Brooks has prior art, copyright denied.
posted by mecenday at 7:09 AM on December 13, 2007

errr... patent. Sorry. Early. Need more coffee.
posted by mecenday at 7:12 AM on December 13, 2007