Join 3,512 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)


The perfect foil for abstinence-only initiatives
December 15, 2007 9:13 PM   Subscribe

Abstinence: 98% effective in preventing HIV/AIDS, STDs and pregnancy (when used consistently and correctly) "If you're having sex, thinking about having sex or trying not to think about having sex, try Abstinence....the condom."
posted by sneakin (58 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
If you have a one in fifty chance being abstinent quite frankly maybe you should be having sex and at least enjoying yourself.
posted by Rubbstone at 9:16 PM on December 15, 2007


Quite frankly, maybe you should read the link first...
posted by lovejones at 9:22 PM on December 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


The question: is this more or less amusing than a bad pun?
posted by smackfu at 9:24 PM on December 15, 2007


So it's... it's a joke, right?
posted by Naberius at 9:25 PM on December 15, 2007


The question: is this more or less amusing than a bad pun?

I dunno. But I've heard abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:27 PM on December 15, 2007 [6 favorites]


I am so looking forward to when cafepress starts offering custom-printed condoms.
posted by monocyte at 9:27 PM on December 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


Okay, Judy is cute, but - what was the joke site about "technical virgins" that I can't seem to find without entering way too many compromising words and phrases into google? Those girls were cute.
posted by yhbc at 9:33 PM on December 15, 2007


Coming soon: Sobriety BeerTM
posted by jonmc at 9:34 PM on December 15, 2007 [2 favorites]


So it's... it's a joke, right?

"Dad, Brandon was killed in a Chainsaw accident. I'm dating Tod again"
posted by delmoi at 9:34 PM on December 15, 2007


Okay, fine; girls, you're ALL cute.
posted by yhbc at 9:34 PM on December 15, 2007


is there a secret contest going on to see who can post the worst fpp?
posted by pyramid termite at 9:36 PM on December 15, 2007 [4 favorites]


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".
posted by intermod at 9:41 PM on December 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


I think it's funny how the Christian right promotes abstinence, while also requiring people to believe that it doesn't prevent pregnancy. Yes, I'm referring to the Mary incident.
posted by martinrebas at 9:41 PM on December 15, 2007 [21 favorites]


it's a joke, right?

PayPal order link looks legit. Why not. At $2 each they'll do well for making a clever infomercial.
posted by stbalbach at 9:46 PM on December 15, 2007


Related: Midwest Teen Sex Show.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 9:51 PM on December 15, 2007


Episode 11 is a hoot. "It's my turn now baby." ;)
posted by caddis at 10:11 PM on December 15, 2007


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".

Holy crap you live in cookeville TN too? Oh wait it's just a coincidence.
posted by nola at 10:17 PM on December 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


"Sobriety Beer, for the sober drunkard."
posted by nola at 10:20 PM on December 15, 2007


Quite frankly, maybe you should read the link first...

Not even the link. Just the text of the FPP.
posted by The Deej at 10:20 PM on December 15, 2007


Fucking jerkoffs.
posted by autodidact at 10:49 PM on December 15, 2007


Well, you could read the text of the FPP, but then you wouldn't be FIRST LOL.
posted by tehloki at 10:54 PM on December 15, 2007 [1 favorite]


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".

We've got one called The Study Hall.
posted by lostburner at 11:10 PM on December 15, 2007



Abstinence Condoms. Please fuck responsibly.
posted by not_on_display at 11:11 PM on December 15, 2007


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".

There's one in Gainesville too.
posted by casarkos at 11:39 PM on December 15, 2007


There's one everywhere. On the largest giant star to the tiniest speck of dust.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:55 PM on December 15, 2007


Abstinence Condoms.

Heh. I had one of those when I was 16. That condom in my wallet maintained my (unwanted) abstinence until the expiry date went out.
posted by three blind mice at 12:16 AM on December 16, 2007


three blind mice FTW.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 12:39 AM on December 16, 2007


You know what's 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, and about 99.9...% effective in preventing STDs (barring a cut in the wrong place)?

Handjobs.
posted by kigpig at 1:09 AM on December 16, 2007


There is a bar (called "O, Inappropriate Apostrophe's") in our actual library. It's between Romance and the children's room. The place is packed with expectant mothers on "Ladie's Night".
posted by pracowity at 1:35 AM on December 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


I was expecting this to be about a condom with a unopenable foil wrapper.
posted by srboisvert at 2:35 AM on December 16, 2007


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".

or the local dive bar "The Office."
posted by eustatic at 2:49 AM on December 16, 2007


How can you not throw a water balloon with an "Abstinence" logo on it?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:17 AM on December 16, 2007


sneakin? Is it my R-rated way of reading this, or is this eponysterical?
posted by scblackman at 4:36 AM on December 16, 2007


Oh my God, thank you for introducing me to the Midwest Teen Sex Show, this site deserves its own FPP.
posted by schroedinger at 6:06 AM on December 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Wish granted schroedinger
posted by fermezporte at 6:50 AM on December 16, 2007


Leaving out Midwest Teen Sex Show was definitely an error on my part. I briefly considered it and decided to do a one linker. Thanks to Foci for Analysis.
posted by sneakin at 7:16 AM on December 16, 2007


"Today we'll be making the Chocolate Peanut Butter Weiner Surprise." That's friggin awesome.
posted by waraw at 7:34 AM on December 16, 2007


Holy crap you live in cookeville TN too?

... or Binghamton NY or Ithaca or New Paltz NY or ...
posted by lodurr at 8:01 AM on December 16, 2007


"Sobriety Beer, for the sober drunkard."

They do make non-alcoholic beer. And I've seen people who I happen to know are in AA drinking it. And I've wondered about whether or not this makes any sense at all.

My conclusions thus far: Nope.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:10 AM on December 16, 2007


MTSS is pretty good.
posted by Mr_Zero at 8:17 AM on December 16, 2007


yhbc

It was technicalvirgin.com, but the site no longer exists.
posted by Target Practice at 8:45 AM on December 16, 2007


You know what's 100% effective in preventing pregnancy...
Strict inequalities. Like 46 < 78.
posted by Wolfdog at 8:50 AM on December 16, 2007


I prefer the bar next to the hospital called the Recovery Room. Just as universal, and no goddamn undergrads.
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:10 AM on December 16, 2007


They do make non-alcoholic beer. And I've seen people who I happen to know are in AA drinking it. And I've wondered about whether or not this makes any sense at all.


It makes perfect sense, if you still kinda like the tase of beer, but don't want to get drunk. I don't get why that's hard to understand.

You want to confuse a bartender? Go up to the bar and order an O'Doul's and a shot of vodka. It's worth it just to see the look on their faces.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:16 AM on December 16, 2007


I kind of like Buckler and Molson Excel.

My big problem is that I can't drink more than one or two beers these days without getting sleepy. Shots, red wine, fine -- but beer? ZZZZZZZ.......

As I understand it, the majority of AA people will tell you in no uncertain terms that NA beer and NA "wine" are not acceptable. I used to go to a rationalist "sobriety group" with an XSO. Most weren't AA, but many did also go to AA or had gone in the past. Most were atheists or other freethinkers who had issues with the "higher power" step, anyway, we used to talk about things like that: Is it OK to have a "substitute"? Is that a crutch? And what does it matter if it is?

A lot of these rationlist types didn't like the idea of it either -- they'd scoff at it as a "crutch", but at the same time they would mostly refuse to condemn anyone who used that crutch. There was a tension between empathy and (for lack of a better term) contempt.
posted by lodurr at 9:28 AM on December 16, 2007


they'd scoff at it as a "crutch", but at the same time they would mostly refuse to condemn anyone who used that crutch.

when these people break their legs, do they drag themselves around just using their forearms or something, like army-crawl style? That'd be badass.
posted by mdn at 10:14 AM on December 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".

There's one in Tempe (where Arizona State is).

For that matter, there's a strip club called "The Library" near my workplace.
posted by Target Practice at 10:30 AM on December 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


I actually think this has terrific potential to undermine the abstinence dogma going around. If we can transform the word 'abstinence' into something else through popular culture slang and corporate marketing, then we can exploit the enormous sums of money being spent by the government to promote abstinence into actual sex education! Each time a high-school or middle-school teacher tries to teach a class about abstinence, they'll really be promoting a condom! Let's make these people the next Trojan or Durex!!! BUY BUY BUY! Spread the meme! Long live abstinence! Let's do like the Republicans and hijack a perfectly good word for our own manipulative purposes and force them to abandon it. What will replace abstinence once its destroyed?
posted by PigAlien at 10:45 AM on December 16, 2007


Thanks for linking to that other thread, fermezporte.

Adds "Yelping Prostrations" to list of imaginary band names.
posted by JaredSeth at 11:05 AM on December 16, 2007


when these people break their legs, do they drag themselves around just using their forearms or something, like army-crawl style?

No.

In fact, being alcoholics, they were liable to need "crutches" of their own, sometimes.

Which would probably have something to do with their failure to condemn the use of "crutches"...
posted by lodurr at 1:37 PM on December 16, 2007


What will replace 'abstinence' once it's destroyed?

An earlier FPP offers many possibilities:
* No invasion plans on my desk
* Drown it in the bathtub
* Coalition of the willing
posted by ryanrs at 1:38 PM on December 16, 2007


That's like naming a college bar "The Library".

My favorite bar when I lived in Quebec City was called "The faculty of beer" (in french of course). The BA was a pint, the Master's was a larger glass stein, and the doctorate was a large pitcher.
posted by clevershark at 1:45 PM on December 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


No.

In fact, being alcoholics, they were liable to need "crutches" of their own, sometimes.

Which would probably have something to do with their failure to condemn the use of "crutches"...


Hm, you said they "scoff at it as a crutch", so I was assuming they were just being polite in not condemning people who used it, but still basically looking down on the use of crutches. I just find it funny when people speak of crutches as if they're a bad thing. Sorry if I assumed more than you meant - but a lot of people do use the metaphor to mean "a thing for weak people" instead of "a useful tool".
posted by mdn at 2:13 PM on December 16, 2007


Oh, yeah, they sure did mean it that way.

They also knew that someday, maybe soon, they were likely to be weak.

Being rationalists, they thought they ought to be able to handle that. Hence the scoffing.

Being human, they couldn't. Hence the failure to condemn, the empathy.
posted by lodurr at 2:17 PM on December 16, 2007


The debate over their use of the word "cancer" continued.
posted by waraw at 4:51 PM on December 16, 2007


schroedinger's endorsement finally got me to visit midwestteensexshow.com. I left Firefox, fired up Safari, and put it in "Private Browsing" mode. Because I thought, you know, I probably wouldn't want that in my browser cache.

After having watched four videos, I'm now going to proudly open that site in a Firefox tab. I love the Midwest Teen Sex Show, and I don't care who finds out.
posted by sdodd at 5:30 PM on December 16, 2007


Oh, err, TUAW has a description of the Safari browser's Private Browsing mode, which I believe is new to the 3.0 release. It's available for Windows as well.
posted by sdodd at 5:35 PM on December 16, 2007


Abstinence Poster Child, Jamie Lynn Spears
posted by homunculus at 11:12 AM on December 31, 2007


« Older Eclipse is a free on-line archive focusing on digi...  |  You can own your very own AOL ... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments