Comments on: Photos of regular people looking extraordinarily bad

Photos of regular people looking extraordinarily bad

Astro Zombie — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:07:14 -0800

Not all portrait photography studios are equal. "Total frickin' awesomeness from Olan Mills, Sears and other fine portrait studios."

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:17:26 -0800

That first photo had me mesmorized. First, is the kid in back Andy Samberg? Second, how in the world did that troll get a fine redhead like that? She's actually quite fetching, while he is borderline revolting.

By: MaryDellamorte

MaryDellamorte — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:17:33 -0800

I think this one is my favorite. These pictures are awesome!

By: washburn

washburn — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:21:43 -0800

Hilarious in a oddly painful way. Thanks.

By: gummi

gummi — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:24:17 -0800

Memories. Lots and lots of memories. Thankfully, none of those are of me. So of course I can laugh. Ha! Now I'm off to destroy any trace of me having lived through the 70's and 80's.

By: bonobo

bonobo — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:28:34 -0800

Nice find! I worked for a couple of years in the digital department of a lab for pro photographers and ran across many epic portraits. Alas, if I unleashed them upon the public, I would have been punished somehow...and not in the fun way.

By: heyho

heyho — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:35:20 -0800

The captioning is hilarious! Nice find, Astro Zombie; perfect capper to my night.

By: doctor_negative

doctor_negative — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:35:45 -0800

Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair. These are actually Siamese triplets.

By: mullacc

mullacc — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:41:16 -0800

I LOLd. Anyone remember the SNL skit with (I think) Alec Baldwin playing the owner of a photography studio that offered "classy" photos like these (the couple-inside-the-brandy-snifter style)? I've been looking for a video clip of that one.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:44:59 -0800

I think it's a rock or something in the background, but now that you mention it, it really does look like an animal carcass...

By: The Bridge on the River Kai Ryssdal

The Bridge on the River Kai Ryssdal — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 23:48:22 -0800

I can only assume that that second photo was taken for the cover of the ultra-rare "mugging for the camera" pressing of Will Oldham's Days in the Wake.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 00:16:49 -0800

... someone I love very much used to work at a portrait studio. thanks for the funny pictures.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 00:18:51 -0800

She used to sneak home the really hysterical ones, and we'd give them funny titles and gather the best of the best into special categories. I really miss those days.

By: wendell

wendell — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 00:44:26 -0800

With the ~~right~~wrong photographer any of us can look like that. That's why it's so important that DaShiv and his camera attend EVERY MeFi Meetup. Ladies and gentlemen, third place in the Adam Savage Lookalike contest. (He was in the lead until he showed this picture) It's so true, honey, we both look better when we've been drinking. How Giulliani keeps his kid from bothering him during campaign speeches. Rejected album cover for Heart I see one of the pictures got taken down... How did Olan Mills get a picture of Sweetney's dog?

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:00:49 -0800

I would love to have a portrait as goofy as #2's. Really. If I ever give in to my parents' request for a 'classy' photo, that's exactly the format I want. "I have a giant, pensive half-lit head floating over my shoulder, and I simply can't stop giggling!"

By: dismas

dismas — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:13:38 -0800

The commentary on the photos could kinda go either way, but it's spot on for this sucker. Someone DID pay money for that. What the hell. Cute cat, though.

By: blacklite

blacklite — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:43:03 -0800

What's wrong with the cat? The cat is serious.

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:55:54 -0800

The cat would've benefited from the pensive half-lit floating head treatment, tho'.

By: cmgonzalez

cmgonzalez — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:58:34 -0800

"Picture day at the asylum" Brilliant.

By: nicolin

nicolin — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 02:19:21 -0800

thanks astro, captions are really great

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 02:23:03 -0800

Thanks for the belly laughs Astro Zombie. Wonderfully funny cheesiness. Adding to the cheese factor, portraits made of people's butts. (bonus link below, cappuccino art). The Awful World of Glamour Portraits. Awful tattoo portraits.

By: bwg

bwg — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 02:23:07 -0800

I needed a good laugh, and this was it. Awesome find, Astro.

By: bwg

bwg — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 02:26:28 -0800

The Awful World of Glamour Portraits. Ah yes, nothing says "glamour" like a feather boa.

By: maryh

maryh — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 02:45:09 -0800

Oh, nickyskye... I truly hope that the tattoo of the little girl on that guy's arm is supposed to be Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Because if it's not... oh, it's too mortifying to think about.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 02:50:40 -0800

Nickyskye, this woman is quite lovely--despite her ridiculous outfit. I think I spent far too many nights alone in high school during the early 80's thinking about her (or her stand-in). Nice find, astro. They're funny, the captions aren't too mean, and they are charming in a mullety way.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 03:31:28 -0800

Oh, man. What a find. ("Butt cut with wings and earmuffs"??? I LOL'ed). The only thing worse than 70s fashions were ... 80s fashions.

By: divabat

divabat — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 03:43:09 -0800

ha! They should check out the bridal studio photos that are everywhere in Malaysia. They're usually quite nice, but if you're not Chinese then they have issues with makeup & lighting & poses and the possibilities for looking strange are endless. I've taken a bunch of those photos and in my first set I have the same smile on ALMOST EVERY PHOTO. As my sister pointed out, it's like they Photoshopped my head and just pasted it on. And it wasn't a lovely smile or anything - it was the "I'm only smiling because you want me to" smile. In another one I was dressed in quite punky clothing - and then I was asked to pose with stuffed toys. And grin. Er, wtf. One time I was waiting at a photo studio and there was a huge framed picture of a married couple. I stated a bit too loudly that the groom looked like he was 12 (well, he did!). My friend poked me and pointed out that the old lady sitting next to the picture was probably his mother.

By: cobaltnine

cobaltnine — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 04:02:39 -0800

Oh, god, the picture of the married couple in the tilty library could totally be my parents. My mother had that hair and that type of dress and my father had that horrible hair. His suit was worse though (he's an engineer, we only recently got him out of aviator glasses.)

By: jbickers

jbickers — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 04:03:42 -0800

I really needed this today ... thanks AZ!

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 04:14:54 -0800

That dude wore a tie for nothing. How very true.

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 04:38:33 -0800

thanks astro, captions are really great Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps. This post is total frickin' awesomeness. National Geographic could not have produced a more authentic ethnographic study of America ca. 1975.

By: TedW

TedW — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:04:03 -0800

I was so relieved that none of my school pictures made it into that thread. Then. like any publicity-hungry American, I wondered if I should send one in.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:07:06 -0800

The past is another country, the people where uglier then (and had terrible clothes)... The 'one shot of me moodily staring into the sky superimposed on top of one of me laughing' just oozes class, wish I had a shot of myself like. Oh and Fred is staring into my very soul...

By: taz

taz — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:09:47 -0800

Great fun! But now I'm terribly, terribly curious about the one that was removed.

By: Terminal Verbosity

Terminal Verbosity — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:10:26 -0800

These are all funny, but the two pedophiles with their latest catch freaks my shit.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:13:30 -0800

The lady on the left looks like an advert for some rather specialist service...

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:58:20 -0800

I'm very greatful that I finally know what a leisure suit is. Albeit a little disappointed to find that it's really just a safari suit executed in turquoise Crimplene.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:59:56 -0800

I'd be even more greatful if I was the sort of person who knew how to spell grateful.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:12:59 -0800

I LOLd and LOLd. What makes the Olan Mills shots even more delightfully creepy is that, at least in my region, they didn't have established studios; the photographers went from town to town renting low-end motel rooms and moving all the furniture out to make room for the backdrops and equipment. Total frickin' skeeviness.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:16:13 -0800

The only thing missing in this one is a copy of The Fountainhead.

By: ForeverDcember

ForeverDcember — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:29:16 -0800

Is there anything inappropriate on the site? For some reason it won't come up here at work... this makes for a very disapointing morning.

By: jamstigator

jamstigator — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:32:37 -0800

Ah, memories of the 70s. Fortunately, I was too young to be wearing leisure suits, but I was seen in bell bottoms during that period. Wish those'd come back around; I kinda liked 'em! (I probably shouldn't say that in public though.)

By: Forktine

Forktine — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:44:31 -0800

I love it. And, I was very relieved to not see myself in there, because no one made it through the 1970s without at least one bad haircut and many strange outfits.

By: TedW

TedW — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 06:52:10 -0800

What makes the Olan Mills shots even more delightfully creepy is that, at least in my region, they didn't have established studios; the photographers went from town to town renting low-end motel rooms and moving all the furniture out to make room for the backdrops and equipment. Where I am there are a couple of free-standing studios, but they also go around to different places as "fundraisers" selling packages with a cut going to the sponsor. In the past couple of years they have done them at the hospital where I work and my mother's church. The ones at the church were kind of assholes; they set up in the nursery of all places and then got pissed off when people actually brought their kids in there to play.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:14:26 -0800

"Is there anything inappropriate on the site?" Everything, my friend. Everything.

By: bibliowench

bibliowench — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:34:04 -0800

Sweet merciful crap, why would you do this to your kids?

By: mds35

mds35 — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:36:08 -0800

Olan Mills, Olan Mills. I am so freaking glad they do not have my current phone number.

By: misha

misha — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:46:19 -0800

First laugh of the day. I remember cheesy photos like these were required for the senior yearbook, and I still have the ones of both my husband and myself (we were dating back then). The captions are spot on, too!

By: tommasz

tommasz — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:48:07 -0800

I felt bad laughing at these.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:48:42 -0800

Not that I stopped looking, of course.

By: hincandenza

hincandenza — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:54:40 -0800

Ynoxas: That first photo had me mesmorized. [...] how in the world did that troll get a fine redhead like that? She's actually quite fetching, while he is borderline revolting.

Yeah, I'm (only marginally) ashamed to admit I thought the same thing. She's foxy! That's what I like about girls in 1970's photography; I keep getting older, and they stay the same age... Kudos to the smuggler, though; I'd petition heartily that we need more such Olan Mills/Sears photography. :)

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:58:18 -0800

Oh man, I remember seeing the brandy glass shot for the first time when I was in kindergarten. some girl came in clutching a photo of her parents trapped in a glass. I remember the whole thing really struck me as classy and expensive. Ah, youth.

By: The Bellman

The Bellman — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:11:45 -0800

Ynoxas and hincandenza ask: how in the world did that troll get a fine redhead like that? She's actually quite fetching, while he is borderline revolting. Maybe he's running for President.

By: Slothrup

Slothrup — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:24:49 -0800

This post is total frickin' awesomeness. National Geographic could not have produced a more authentic ethnographic study of America ca. 1975. But Mike Disfarmer this is not.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:31:00 -0800

Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to make more? I wonder this ALL THE TIME. Any time I meet a family with more than two kids, I wonder how on earth time was scheduled in for procreating, unless time from other essential activities - like eating, sleeping, and watching Law & Order - was sacrificed.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:34:01 -0800

Upon scrolling further down the page, I feel compelled to add: Grapefruit smuggling isn't a crime, but posing it in profile should be. HEY NOW. We have rights in this country. The right to do whatever we damn well please with our grapefruits is in the Constitution! I believe it's the 43rd amendment.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:48:36 -0800

Okay, just who are these guys, and why are they also in this? Hmmm.....

By: Devils Slide

Devils Slide — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:50:28 -0800

Maybe he's running for President. He got the trophy wife, but he also got herpes.

By: goatdog

goatdog — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:55:20 -0800

It's funny he's making fun of the haircuts. Has he been to a college campus lately? Those haircuts are back.

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:56:29 -0800

You just know that the wall street kid is all grown up and is the polar opposite of that photo. Someone should tell parents that if they want a stock market trading kid then they need to dress and photograph him like a stoned hippy a few times.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 08:59:51 -0800

damn dirty ape, for all you know the kid's parents are board members of the local Greenpeace chapter. Give the folks some credit.

By: quin

quin — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:19:20 -0800

The captions are indeed great, but I really like the ones that got no caption at all. They simply exist in a world of awesomeness that needs no snark. But if you are going to caption, you can't fault the genius: Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie

By: clevershark

clevershark — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:35:48 -0800

By: clevershark

clevershark — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:37:13 -0800

...and the caption for the cat picture is spot-on.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:42:26 -0800

After some digging around inspired by the first ad in the side-bar I found out that McGard really does make a product that "limits manhole access". Only it's not nearly as interesting as my snarky self had imagined. Not nearly as interesting? That is the most erotic product name I've ever heard of that wasn't directly a sex related product. For example: "Intimidator Man Locks limit manhole access" I mean, come on, why not just name your product the "Big Black Penetrator" or the "Leatherman Tool" and get it over with!

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 09:44:58 -0800

These are great...i LOLd for about 5 straight minutes...

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:17:03 -0800

Q: Are we not men?

By: Oriole Adams

Oriole Adams — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:22:00 -0800

Great post! I love looking at old photos like these. I've posted this collection of promo headshots from the 70s & 80s before, but it might be worth another mention.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:28:21 -0800

I love that The Unusuals look anything but.

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:42:51 -0800

divabat, for you, Popular Commercial Photography in India and Bangladesh Celebrity mug shots turned into cheesy studio portraits.

By: Atreides

Atreides — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:42:57 -0800

I laughed, but then reflected that in every picture (except maybe a couple) there was an earnest attempt by those in them to simply have a nice portrait taken of themselves. Along those lines, its not much different than laughing at people you see walking down the street, except they can't notice. I then laughed more, and like Tommasz, I felt bad. I'll make this my guilty pleasure for the day, versus eating something horribly unhealthy.

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 10:44:22 -0800

Man, I really wanna see Daybreak grove...

By: zengargoyle

zengargoyle — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:00:19 -0800

me. Oh the Horror, my eyes... they bleed.

By: mzanatta

mzanatta — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:06:27 -0800

A young Mario Lemieux dreams of the haircuts he'll be able to afford with all of his future NHL earnings.

By: rlk

rlk — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:08:46 -0800

This one reminds me of every class photo I've ever taken. I'd start out sitting there comfortably and normally. The photographer would say "Ok tilt your head." "Ok turn to the left." "More." "More." The entire time I'd be struggling to preserve some kind of naturalness to my pose while feeling all the more awkward with each adjustment. I was baffled by the contradiction between what felt right and what this knucklehead behind the camera thought looked right. By the time he said "Ok hold it!" a natural-looking smile was outside the realm of my capability. I couldn't hold both my spine and my face at the same time. I felt just like our friend Kevin there. Most of the time, I ended up looking like him too.

By: bassjump

bassjump — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:44:46 -0800

Ah, Pioneer Woman. How I love reading your peculiar yet lovable blog. I salute you for offering up your photo to the world.

By: wfc123

wfc123 — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 12:50:37 -0800

What is Olands Mills?

By: liet

liet — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:39:59 -0800

"The only thing missing in [Wall Street Kid photo] is a copy of The Fountainhead." Well, shit. Now I have a reason to have kids. That would totally go on the mantle.

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:40:22 -0800

Hey, man, we got to have some mulleted 70's music to accompany these lulz. In honor of the mullets tag, Rate My Mullets photographs. The person in this 70's portrait didn't make it. And Mullet Hunters Flickr pool. Under the cat abuse tag, cats with mullets.

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:55:47 -0800

drat, lost that 70's music link, next best.

By: box

box — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 15:12:43 -0800

wfc: Olan Mills.

By: Frank Grimes

Frank Grimes — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 15:46:08 -0800

Anderson Cooper? (back right) With The Proclaimers? (in glasses)

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 16:41:55 -0800

One of my favorite Olan Mills moments ever. - courtesy of a friend.

By: dantsea

dantsea — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 17:06:34 -0800

This format seemed to be all the rage for grade school portraits in Phoenix, circa 1981. My mother, a woman of extraordinary good taste and judgement, took one look at the sample image on the announcement the school sent home with me, and decided that I should stay home "sick" on portrait day.

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 18:35:45 -0800

Many of these could have been from my childhood. Family portrait day was always a dreaded event. We had a few done with the family dog. "Image removed at request of owner." Ah, well, I can understand that. Glad none of my shots ended up on the site. It would be a bit surreal finding out you're in one of the featured shots on such a blog. It helps to have a sense of humor about it, but, still ... What's up with the shirtless photos? Like this one. Who's sick idea was that? I'm guessing not the girl in the photo. "Hey, how about you guys take off your shirts and flex, and then I'll pose underneath the triangle of muscle you form above me. And for God's sake don't smile! It's going in the Christmas letter!" This one cracks me up. About a third have puzzled and/or surprised expressions, most of the rest seem very serious, and a couple have smirks. Is that just a montage of the 3/4 profiles in these photos? Is this some backroom Olan Mills art project by one of the frustrated photogs, making freeform creations from such rich source material? Gilding the lily, as it were? Smoking some of that Lebanese hash in the darkroom again?

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 18:37:29 -0800

krinklyfig writes "Is that just a montage of the 3/4 profiles in these photos?" Missed the link. These photos.

By: Dr. Zira

Dr. Zira — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:30:18 -0800

krinklyfig writes "Is that just a montage of the 3/4 profiles in these photos?" kinklyfig: I believe you are correct; "Mirthful Lance" is definitely in "The Damned" montage.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:43:00 -0800

Is this some backroom Olan Mills art project by one of the frustrated photogs, making freeform creations from such rich source material? I interpreted it as some sort of bizarre Queen tribute.

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:47:14 -0800

FelliniBlank writes "I interpreted it as some sort of bizarre Queen tribute." Ha! You know, you're probably exactly right.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 19:53:25 -0800

I like how they left out the caption for this one.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 20:20:11 -0800

... and I truly wish to have, to be, as cool of a family as this one and actually have it displayed on the fireplace mantle/sent-out-as-a-xmas-card.

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 23:46:38 -0800

Yea, porpoise, that looks like an awesome family. The sort they write kid's stories about.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 10:12:00 -0800

Goofyy - is there a kid's story series that that family was emulating/referencing?

By: petersn1

petersn1 — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 11:36:44 -0800

Priceless comedy!

By: doug3505

doug3505 — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 21:56:15 -0800

I think a coffee table book is in order on this theme.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:28:59 -0800

FOUND: Proof that the dude in picture 1 is in fact R. STEVIE MOORE What do I win?

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:36:48 -0800

It's extra weird, because I only just saw this FPP, immediately thought, "That guy looks like R. Stevie Moore" and went to his quite extensive website to look for a comparable photo. The linked-to picture was the third or fourth picture, out of thousands on his site, that I frandomly clicked on. The universe is strange.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 15:37:24 -0800

...frandomly strange.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 14:29:44 -0800

The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. That background is all too familiar. The wheel prop, happily not.