The world wasn't destroyed after all. Sorry about that.

January 1, 2008 5:01 PM

Mea maxima culpa
posted by ardgedee (98 comments total)

I guess you might say that, for once, this did wendell.
posted by ardgedee at 5:04 PM on January 1, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

meh
posted by GreyFoxVT at 5:06 PM on January 1, 2008

Dang!
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:06 PM on January 1, 2008

eh, there's always next year...
posted by samsara at 5:08 PM on January 1, 2008

I'll take Religious Nutcases Who Should Be Institutionalized for $100, Alex!
posted by Foci for Analysis at 5:11 PM on January 1, 2008

Metafilter: I know this is alot of reading, but YOUR LIFE DEPENDS on you knowing these things. This is more important than watching Oprah or a football game. Turn the TV off for an hour each day and read this website and start reading your bible.
posted by not_on_display at 5:12 PM on January 1, 2008

LOLSCHIZO!!one!

It is a shame this person's illness is not being treated.

I still do not know why the rapture did not happen in the time frame I said. I knew I was not to release this prophecy until God told me to. ...I still believe the prophetic dream I had was fromGod. ...I still do not know what I have done wrong and why the prophecy failed.

It is sad.
posted by five fresh fish at 5:12 PM on January 1, 2008

Maybe all the truly worthy people have ascended. That would probably be a worse kick in the teeth for this guy than getting the date wrong, it happened but he wasn't one of the Raptured.
posted by knapah at 5:13 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Your headline is not very precise. The author states clearly that the rapture is not the end of the world. It's just the good Christians leaving earth for 7 years so there is time for the rest of us to experience the wrath of God. The world wouldn't have been destroyed even if the rapture did happen in 2007.
posted by sveskemus at 5:14 PM on January 1, 2008

I'm always amazed that schizophrenics seem to gravitate toward exactly the same HTML stylebook. It's like they collectively said "Sure, writing in all caps is basically shouting, but what HTML tricks can I use to seem like I am screaming in an absolute frenzy? And they all realized that underlining, bolding, turning fonts red, and increasing the font size at random intervals would do it.
posted by Astro Zombie at 5:18 PM on January 1, 2008 [18 favorites has favorites]

I guess we'll know if it did happen in 2014 then, of course, there's that Mayan calendar that ends in 2012 to assess first.
posted by knapah at 5:20 PM on January 1, 2008

Perhaps all the good Christians did leave? I.e. nobody.
posted by petrilli at 5:21 PM on January 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

It would be freaking great if the rapture happened, just for the sheer shock on the faces of the evangelicals as they asked, "Where did all the Buddhists go?"
posted by mullingitover at 5:21 PM on January 1, 2008 [17 favorites has favorites]

This is obviously not a true prophecy because he stops using ALL CAPS after the preamble.
posted by gallois at 5:22 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'd say that was almost graceful.
posted by bicyclefish at 5:22 PM on January 1, 2008

It has birds flapping!

I read the first few ENORMOUS LINES OF TEXT, but, I just kept going back to those birds flapping.

It has birds flapping!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:26 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"no man knows the day or the hour." Plus, the Rapture won't be happining at the beginning of the Tribulation. We bornagains will be down here right with the rest of you.

Unfortunately, THAT scenario wouldn't sell a series of not-so-great literature.
posted by konolia at 5:26 PM on January 1, 2008

ardgedee, you didn't mention that it was via reddit by way of irc...
[16:39] <wendell> here's a great oops... http://www.2007rapture.com/

But before anyone bashes me for using Reddit, here's their current #1:
1. Vote up if you didn't get laid on New Years Eve. (reddit.com)
772 points posted 8 hours ago by Thistleknot 467 comments
That's Web-ertainment!
posted by wendell at 5:27 PM on January 1, 2008

I still do not know why the rapture did not happen in the time frame I said. I knew I was not to release this prophecy until God told me to. ...I still believe the prophetic dream I had was fromGod. ...I still do not know what I have done wrong and why the prophecy failed.

If you send me $100, I'll tell you why the prophecy failed, and God's plan for you in 2008. Callers are standing by...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:29 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Unfortunately, THAT scenario wouldn't sell a series of not-so-great literature.

Maybe slash fiction instead, then? The Trouble with Tribulation? The Rapture (of Spock)?
posted by cortex at 5:31 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

If he's wrong about the timing of the rapture, what else might he be wrong about?
posted by found missing at 5:35 PM on January 1, 2008

It was supposed to end, but I'm holding it together for the time being. It takes only a small fraction of my power, but I am prone to forgetfulness and distractions - could go any time, really.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:36 PM on January 1, 2008

I'm still waiting for my all caps apology from GW Bush.
posted by found missing at 5:40 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

WHEW!
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 5:47 PM on January 1, 2008

OOPS! MY APOLOGIES! DON'T DILUTE! NEVER DILUTE! OKAY!
Love in (mostly) All-One ... Dr. Bronner
posted by hal9k at 5:47 PM on January 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

The correct answer was: The Mormons.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:50 PM on January 1, 2008

For years I confused the meaning of the words "rapture" and "rupture".

However, that was a long time ago. I'm kinda old.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:55 PM on January 1, 2008

Shit Sandwich.
posted by dbiedny at 6:00 PM on January 1, 2008

For those of you wondering what will happen to all those cars abandonded by ascendant believers after the Rapture-the Russian mob got the contract to reover them in a rigged bid.
posted by jonmc at 6:03 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I SAID :

THE RAPTURE OF THE CHURCH IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THIS YEAR

2007!!
I WAS WRONG!!!

I NOW REALIZE THAT I HAVE BEEN EDUCATED STUPID

I NOW UNDERSTAND EARTH HAS 4 CORNER SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TIME CUBE WITHIN SINGLE ROTATION.

SORRY ABOUT THAT!!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:11 PM on January 1, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Actually, everyone, the Rapture did happen at 12:10 p.m. on November 14, 2007. Everyone in the world turned out to be chosen. So we just can't tell.

Sorry.
posted by nax at 6:11 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

meh, this is grade B crazy-babble.

Not enough colors.
posted by T.D. Strange at 6:17 PM on January 1, 2008

THERE WERE A FEW THINGS IN MY DREAM THAT I SAID WOULD HAPPEN BEFORE THE RAPTURE THAT NEVER HAPPENED. FIRST A GREAT OUTPOURING OF THE SPIRIT OF GOD WITH MIRACLES HAPPENING EVERYWHERE. THAT HAS YET TO HAPPEN. I DO NOT THINK WE CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. GOD HAS TO POUR HIS SPIRIT OUT WHENEVER HE CHOOSES. NEXT, THERE WAS ALOT OF SUFFERING AND A NEED FOR FOOD AND SHELTER FROM MANY PEOPLE. THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
posted by Anything at 6:19 PM on January 1, 2008

That's OK people. I've been used to being SILENCED ALL MY LIFE.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:22 PM on January 1, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

Mea Culpa a video by Brian Eno and David Byrne, circa the early 80's. Not safe for epileptics.
posted by delmoi at 6:27 PM on January 1, 2008

I really wish they had rapture futures, like they almost did with terrorism futures, so I could just take short positions in everything.
posted by Pyry at 6:45 PM on January 1, 2008

Actually, everyone, the Rapture did happen at 12:10 p.m. on November 14, 2007. Everyone in the world turned out to be chosen. So we just can't tell.

Either that or nobody was, which seems more plausible.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:47 PM on January 1, 2008

2008rapture.com - already taken
2009rapture.com - AVAILABLE!

IT'S A SIGN from GOD!!1!one [/LARGE][/LARGE][/LRAGE][/smiting]
posted by swell at 6:51 PM on January 1, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

Millenial prophecies come and go. See http://www.religioustolerance.org/end_wrl1.htm for examples. Yawn.
posted by knackerthrasher at 6:52 PM on January 1, 2008

nax

Actually no-one was chosen. Is it all that surprising?
posted by pompomtom at 7:00 PM on January 1, 2008

Well I'll give him this, he didn't use the comic sans font unlike every single other nutter webpage I've ever seen.
posted by MillMan at 7:03 PM on January 1, 2008

Slightly topical anecdote: in 1989, I was in high school in a very Baptist, very small town (Imagine the "Bomont, Texas" of the movie Footloose, no kidding). And some of the seniors had heard from various church elders that several of the signs indicating the Rapture had occurred worldwide, and that the event itself was predicted for the very next week. Irreverent children that we all were, the Rapture was used as an excuse for lots of keggers in pastures, curfew-breaking, and general debauchery and mischief -- until the pastor at the First Baptist Church was asked by a group of concerned parents to please make an official announcement that there would be no Rapture any time soon, and that if it was to happen, it would definitely not be until well after graduation night, so everyone could please knock it off already.

Now, back to topic. Honest question here:

So this person, clearly very religious, very Christian. Lots of very religious/very Christian people believe in the Rapture. And Nutter Bob has a dream in 1984 or whenever, and he perceives that dream to have been a message from God. This is reaffirmed by a random conversation with a lady from his church.

So he makes a website, and shares his dream/prophecy. And (s.h.o.c.k.e.r.) it doesn't come true. For which he apologizes.

Now, maybe I am just seriously naive when it comes to the ways of the seriously devout -- which I freely admit. But is this guy really that far off the reservation?

I mean, he appears to be, to me -- because I have personal doubts about anyone who takes the Bible as anything other than "Chicken Soup for the Judeo-Christian Soul," i.e. recommendations on how to be a good person, sure, but not actually "literal dictated Word of God to be followed to the letter"... and I would think that to believe in the Rapture you'd have to be in the Bible-is-literal-Word-of-God camp.

But, as already acknowledged, I'm not religious and/or Christian, and yet I do understand that lots of people are... and that they believe in the Rapture.

So, if lots of Christians believe in the Rapture, then is this guy really that much an outlier, considering that set of beliefs?

Don't get me wrong, I think the situation of the FPP is really funny... ardgedee's page title pretty much sums up the comic value for me. But part of me feels a bit weird for laughing, like I'm inadvertently being intolerant because I don't know better. And I'm really not LOLXTIANS!

Or at least, I'm trying not to be. Which should count for something.
posted by pineapple at 7:33 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Now, maybe I am just seriously naive when it comes to the ways of the seriously devout -- which I freely admit. But is this guy really that far off the reservation?

I dunno. Sounds like he (like most people) was a befuddled soul trying to muddle his way through the universe and hitched his wagon to religion, lik emany do. He got an idea in his head and had an easy way to spread it (the internet). he turned out to be wrong and said 'whoops, I was wrong." (which is kind of human of him as well)
posted by jonmc at 7:42 PM on January 1, 2008

So, if lots of Christians believe in the Rapture, then is this guy really that much an outlier, considering that set of beliefs?

Yes, he is a bit of an outlier. Huge swaths of Christian belief do not preach the Rapture at all.

The Orthodox and Roman Catholic churches as well as the Reformed denominations have no tradition of such a teaching and reject the doctrine, in part because they cannot find any reference to it among any of the early Church fathers. Some also reject it because they interpret prophetic scriptures in either an amillennial or postmillenial fashion, as being more spiritual than physical.

Moreover, the Bible itself says nobody knows when this event will occur.

The primary scripture reference cited for this position is Matthew 24:36, where Jesus is quoted saying; "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone."

The humor of it to me is that Jews and Christians are very pick-and-choose when it comes to their own religious texts. They conveniently leave out the portions of the Bible regarding slavery, women's rights and eating shrimp, crab, lobsters, etc.

But here's this guy that has glommed onto the Rapture to the point where he's apologizing for it not happening on time ... not so much LOLXTIANS as LOLTHISPARTICULARXTIAN.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:51 PM on January 1, 2008

Cool Papa Bell: Moreover, the Bible itself says nobody knows when this event will occur.

Makes you wonder if there's heavenly bureaucrats going "Okay, the Rapture is set for March 13, 2008. What? Frank Frankerson of Des Moines, Iowa predicted it for that date? Shoot, now we can't do it then, people will think he foretold it and the Boss said no one'll know. When's the next time we can pencil it in? What? December 25, 2010? Okay, let's give that a try ... "
posted by WCityMike at 8:08 PM on January 1, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

Aside from the rather weak (in my Catholic-educated mind) basis for a Rapture to occur in the first place, did this guy really wake up every day last year, look in the mirror and think "I'm going to tell people that they're going to be floated off the earth "one day this year". So yesterday this guy must have been beside himself with anticipation -- after all, if he believed what he said, it was literally going to happen "any moment now".

And then when it didn't happen it never occurs to this guy that the idea of a rapture is more than a little ridiculous, to most Christians never mind unbelievers, instead of reconsidering the idea he has this extraordinarily-complicated story about how he was only wrong in the details of his prophecy, but he never for a second doubts the main plot.

That's what strikes me as weird.
posted by clevershark at 8:14 PM on January 1, 2008

Cool Papa Bell hit the nail right on the head. Christ pre-empted all of the nutbags by saying that anyone who thinks that they know the date is wrong.

Having said that, there are traditional Christians who think that Revelation is completely literal, who think that it's an extended parable, and every imaginable position inbetween.
posted by roll truck roll at 8:17 PM on January 1, 2008

WCityMike wins.
posted by roll truck roll at 8:19 PM on January 1, 2008

...the Bible itself says nobody knows when this event will occur.

This "Rapture" sounds a lot to me like the Unexpected Hanging Paradox, though I suppose that for that to strictly apply there would have to be some time after which the Rapture can't occur.

For example, if we all knew an asteroid was going to destroy the Earth on Jan. 1, 2100, then we could reason backwards that there could be no Rapture before then (even though, paradoxically in spite of our reasoning, there could be.)
posted by Schmucko at 8:23 PM on January 1, 2008

The humor of it to me is that Jews and Christians are very pick-and-choose when it comes to their own religious texts.

But the Bible's designed that way! Look, here in Genesis -- two creation stories! It's God's will!

I am Christian myself, but more in the way of 'that Jesus guy had the right idea' rather than what most people think. I can poke at the Bible if I want to.
posted by flatluigi at 8:26 PM on January 1, 2008

Thanks, Schmucko. I'll be tossing that one around as I go to sleep every night for the next ever.
posted by roll truck roll at 8:29 PM on January 1, 2008

Bob: ...I still believe the prophetic dream I had was fromGod. ...I still do not know what I have done wrong and why the prophecy failed.
Charlotte: Okay.
posted by From Bklyn at 8:43 PM on January 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I guess you might say that, for once, this did wendell.

Can somebody mefi-mail me a link that will explain what "this will wendell" means? Oooh. nevermind. Thank you google.
posted by tarheelcoxn at 8:50 PM on January 1, 2008

pineapple:

So, if lots of Christians believe in the Rapture, then is this guy really that much an outlier, considering that set of beliefs?

AFAIK, the concept of a 'rapture' is quite recent, and it's only the stranger American protestant sects who believe in such a thing. I don't have numbers, but it does seem laughably absurd to me. Admittedly, I'm mean and nasty and bad.
posted by pompomtom at 9:30 PM on January 1, 2008

Having been around a number of charismatic Christians - I would say this guy is somewhat of an outlier - he seems to be a little unbalanced to have believed his dream so strongly - but not too different from a lot of charismatics that would latch onto "prophecies" as "words" from God.

At least he is honest about it
posted by donaldekelly at 9:31 PM on January 1, 2008

The rapture is not scriptural.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 9:33 PM on January 1, 2008

The Rapture did happen in 2007 -- humans weren't included when the roll was called up yonder.

So long and thanks for all the fish. The one or two left now? Unredeemed!
posted by bonobo at 9:41 PM on January 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Yes, he is a bit of an outlier

An Associated Press survey in 1997 revealed that 24% of American adults expected to be still alive when Jesus returns. Many of these probably believe that they would be raptured (elevated from the earth to be with Jesus) and thus will never experience death.

A poll conducted for Newsweek magazine in 1999-JUN asked American adults whether they believed that Jesus would return during the next millennium -- i.e. between years 2001 and 3000 CE.

Results were:
All persons surveyed : 52%
Evangelical Protestants: 71%
Non-Evangelical Protestants: 48%
Roman Catholics: 47%
Non-Christians: 20%
posted by panamax at 10:16 PM on January 1, 2008

cite for above
posted by panamax at 10:17 PM on January 1, 2008

20% of American non-Christians believed in the Second Coming of Christ? I... wha... how...

That has broken my brain.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:41 PM on January 1, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

See also The True Bible Code, which is the Web site of The Lord's Witnesses, a group (or, in a more cynical estimation, one guy) that's been predicting nuclear annihilation for the UN building in New York (and, one would presume, therefore quite a lot of other parts of New York too...) on a long series of quite distinct dates. Various Biblical hoo-hah will then, of course, ensue.

Unlike most EOTW-predictors, the Lord's Witnesses usually say the Great Event will be coming only weeks or months in the future. This inadvisable policy has now forced upon them a certain amount of humility.
posted by dansdata at 11:04 PM on January 1, 2008

Cool Papa Bell: Moreover, the Bible itself says nobody knows when this event will occur.

Makes you wonder if there's heavenly bureaucrats going "Okay, the Rapture is set for March 13, 2008. What? Frank Frankerson of Des Moines, Iowa predicted it for that date? Shoot, now we can't do it then, people will think he foretold it and the Boss said no one'll know. When's the next time we can pencil it in? What? December 25, 2010? Okay, let's give that a try ... "

Every day, I wake up and say: "Today is the day of the Rapture." Therefore, the Rapture never comes. Also, I've been keeping Schrödinger's fucking cat alive practically forever by refusing to open the damned crate to see if it's dead. You can all thank me later. So many worlds to save, so few observers.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:35 PM on January 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Of course it didn't happen, but for his frankness and transparency, you have to applaud the guy. We've seen bigger-than-life "Christians" who aren't.
posted by drea at 11:37 PM on January 1, 2008

20% of American non-Christians believed in the Second Coming of Christ? I... wha... how...
Satanists hunkering down for the big show-down?
posted by Abiezer at 12:32 AM on January 2, 2008

Yeah, I don't get the mockery- how refreshing that he basically said "Whoops", when usually those we'd call crazy have as a common characteristic an inability to acknowledge their own mistakes.

Maybe I'm misreading the linked site, but it sounds pretty clearly and frankly apologetic. You might disagree, as I do, with the very concept of belief in rapture, but once you move past the mefi mockery of the fact that he has faith itself, this guy comes across as surprisingly sane all things considered. He thought he had a vision, and a message from god. He did the best he could with that once he started by assuming that was true. He now acknowledges to those who believed him that he was mistaken, and he's not really sure why but it wasn't meant maliciously.

So, barring some other info... why was this even posted?
posted by hincandenza at 12:37 AM on January 2, 2008

"why was this even posted?"

Because it's fucking stupid.

Laughter is a social sanction against malfunctioning behaviour.
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 1:10 AM on January 2, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I could live with the all-caps if he'd just use more paragraph breaks. For crissakes, it's just a wall of words.

I would hope that god would choose a more effective communicator to reveal his intentions to.
posted by EatTheWeak at 4:10 AM on January 2, 2008

And then when it didn't happen it never occurs to this guy that the idea of a rapture is more than a little ridiculous, to most Christians never mind unbelievers, instead of reconsidering the idea he has this extraordinarily-complicated story about how he was only wrong in the details of his prophecy, but he never for a second doubts the main plot.

My father is like this. He believes that his life personally is dictated by prophesies from G-d himself. Unfortunately, he receives his prophecies from various citizens who "possess a prophetic gift." They can't always be trusted to reliably interpret the messages from on high, especially as a lot of them come in dream form. I'm personally quite glad that my dreams are not prophetic - if they were, I would have found a dead rat in my bathtub last week, and well, I'm glad I didn't. Anyhow.

(One of my dad's fellow believers is said to have a "gift of healing." I would like to note that this guy is also a failed appliance repairman. He can't fix a refrigerator, but I guess if you're dying of cancer, he's your dude. Go figure.)

The point of the story is that my dad does all sorts of crazy ass shit that doesn't make any sense whatsoever because "G-d spoke to [him]." And when it doesn't work out... it wasn't that G-d was wrong, or that perhaps these ideas weren't so heavenly after all, it's that the details were wrong, or "the word" was misinterpreted.

I have a "word" I'd like to give him and that word is therapy.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:10 AM on January 2, 2008

I really wish they had rapture futures

Hey, Holden! Holden Karnofsky! Don't despair, pal. As one door closes, another door opens.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 4:27 AM on January 2, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

LEFT BEHIND, DAY TWO [BUM-BUM-BUM]
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:38 AM on January 2, 2008

All caps = really sorry.

Shit. I was being good all for nothing.
posted by The Deej at 5:59 AM on January 2, 2008

The rapture is not scriptural.

We need to punch this up if I'm going to make a mint putting it on bumper stickers. How about "THE RAPTURE IS FOLKLORE"?
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 6:51 AM on January 2, 2008

> So, barring some other info... why was this even posted?

Because I found it remarkable that somebody who had so much invested in his prophesy had sufficient personal character to make a prominent apology for being wrong.

> Because it's fucking stupid.

No.
posted by ardgedee at 6:51 AM on January 2, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I want to clarify my post for any that might be misreading it: I don't have a problem with the FPP or with ardgedee for posting it. I thought it was funny, as I said before.

What I wanted to understand more about was the early popular opinion that the guy was schizophrenic or otherwise mentally ill. I just didn't see the line between "Christian who believes God speaks to him in dreams" and "needs to be institutionalized," and wanted more input.
posted by pineapple at 6:56 AM on January 2, 2008

Hey, that's actually offensive to the mentally ill, not Christians, because most of them don't need to be institutionalized.
posted by desjardins at 7:16 AM on January 2, 2008

"Never mind lads, same time tomorrow. We must get a winner one day."
posted by jfuller at 11:18 AM on January 2, 2008

ardgedee: Because I found it remarkable that somebody who had so much invested in his prophesy had sufficient personal character to make a prominent apology for being wrong.

Well, then it seems you and I are the only ones to notice that. The rest seem to just want to point and laugh because they disagree with him. =)

It's actually kind of funny, really: faith-based believers are usually derided for among other things, their avoidance of reason or logic. The existence of God is not falsifiable, so it's considered a pointless belief to hold, from a rational standpoint. However, in the case of the linked site, the faith-based believer not only held a falsifiable viewpoint- "the Rapture will come in 2007"- but then had the intellectual heft to admit their theory was wrong. They took some evidence (their visions), formulated a theory (2007 Rapture), crafted a test case (seeing if the Rapture occurred in 2007) and exposed their theory and test results to peer-review. When their own test showed their hypothesis to be incorrect, they publicly declared that they were wrong, and their theory invalid although they admitted they weren't sure why.

Call me as nutty as you would the site's author, but that actually sounds like... the scientific method, no? Considering that actual scientists sometimes allow greed, ego, or the desire for continued funding to muddy their scientific integrity or efforts (falsifying results, manipulating data, etc), the linked site's mea culpa actually deserves a good deal of praise.
posted by hincandenza at 11:20 AM on January 2, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Thanks for reminding me of The True Bible Code, dansdata.

I came across that site a few years ago and ordered their free book to give my friend who was obsessed with numerology and fringe religious groups.

A few months later, I received a stapled-together appendix to the book, based on recent predictions not coming true. I received two more corrections over the next year, but now I seem to have fallen off of their list.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:18 PM on January 2, 2008

hincandenza, don't you think that a more accurate reaction would be to assess the actual theory of rapture, not just the date on which it will occur?
posted by knapah at 12:31 PM on January 2, 2008

It would seem his apology is just a way to still push his agenda which is what I find offensive about the whole thing. Its what I find offensive about evangelicals of all description.

So you had a vision? Fine. You want to tell the world? Fine. You want to tell me that my lifestyle will mean I'll suffer damnable hell? Go fuck yourself. In fact, allow me.
posted by monkeyx-uk at 3:40 PM on January 2, 2008

And we're back to the heart of the matter. We LOL at their wacky visions, but really only because we hate their religion.
posted by roll truck roll at 3:47 PM on January 2, 2008

Do you only laugh at things you hate?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:54 PM on January 2, 2008

I saw a bit of a show over the holidays in which various contemporary religious leaders from many different religions discuss their lives and their faith. One moment that struck me was a montage they showed of all these people laughing (no context given).
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:00 PM on January 2, 2008

To be clear, I was replying to monkeyx-uk, not to the entire thread.

I did find the linked page adorable in its earnesty, and I did laugh at it.
posted by roll truck roll at 4:19 PM on January 2, 2008

For me, the humor lies in people being so sure of assumptions that are empirically measurable even within their own systems of belief, being then disproved, then re-calculating and starting over, repeating the process indefinitely without ever considering that the premise might be wrong instead of the calculation. And it's not funny because it's aberrant or stupid. It's funny because on some level, it's a universal behavior.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:49 PM on January 2, 2008

It's Raining Florence Henderson typed "And it's not funny because it's aberrant or stupid. It's funny because on some level, it's a universal behavior."

That's one of the most insightful things I've read on Metafilter in awhile.
posted by roll truck roll at 5:01 PM on January 2, 2008

I dunno, I reckon it's a little funnier because it's stupid.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:01 PM on January 2, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

oops, I mean 2008, no really, I'm sure this time.
posted by pywacket at 7:04 PM on January 2, 2008

I still do not know what I have done wrong and why the prophecy failed.

Man, that's pretty fucked-up. Why does it have to be your fault? Maybe God just changed His mind? You ever think of that, fucknuts? Why's it always got to be about you. What, you think God was all like, "Well, I had a change of heart this time 'round, but damn, I already told that Shelby Corbitt guy it was going to happen! Now what do I do?"

And why in the fuck are you sad that the rapture didn't come to pass? What? You want to see people burning in fire and brimstone? What kind of asshole Christian are you, motherfucker? Where's your fucking charity? Maybe He postponed the rapture for another year so you'll get off your sorry ass and save a few souls so he'd have less work to do come Rapturing Time, you pathetic fuck.

Fucking self-serving asshole. "Oh noes, my VISION was false!" Fuck you, you dick.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:35 PM on January 2, 2008

What? You want to see people burning in fire and brimstone? What kind of asshole Christian are you, motherfucker? Where's your fucking charity?

Talk about vitriolic noise. If you want to just say "fuck" a lot while deriding Christians, GYO(F)B.

Also, not knowing why Christians would be eager to see the Rapture occur means you're the ignorant one, really. I might think the belief itself is false, but I at least understand where it fits into the structure of the religion and why followers are so interested in when the Rapture happens.

It would seem his apology is just a way to still push his agenda which is what I find offensive about the whole thing. Its what I find offensive about evangelicals of all description.

I don't think these people think it's an "agenda." I think they really and truly believe this. Do you push science as an "agenda"? Don't get me wrong, I think it represents a state of mind that is fairly close to "kookoo for Cocoa Puffs" (that's a clinical description, you know), but I think some devout people don't see it as a political or manipulative tool.

We LOL at their wacky visions, but really only because we hate their religion.

I thought the FPP was funny because of the juxtaposition of the gravity of the topic (end of days) with a "whoopsie!" mea culpa.

I don't hate Christianity, not even the evangelical stripes. I just hate the intolerance that usually comes with it.
posted by pineapple at 6:12 AM on January 3, 2008

It would seem his apology is just a way to still push his agenda which is what I find offensive about the whole thing.

As long as the dude is not spamming people or using redirects etc, he's not pushing anything on unsuspecting Web surfers. No one forces you to go to a Web site, and you knew what this one was about before you clicked.
posted by desjardins at 8:02 AM on January 3, 2008

Talk about vitriolic noise. If you want to just say "fuck" a lot while deriding Christians, GYO(F)B.

Way to parse. And nice persecution complex you got there.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 9:44 PM on January 3, 2008

Maybe He postponed the rapture for another year so you'll get off your sorry ass and save a few souls so he'd have less work to do come Rapturing Time, you pathetic fuck.

No no, see, if more souls are saved, it's more work for God, because the rapture is the removal of the saved from the earth. So more souls saved = more to rapture from the earth.
posted by The Deej at 11:47 PM on January 3, 2008

"Persecution complex"? Do you even know what that phrase means? I don't have to be religious or a Christian (for example, am neither) to know ignorance and bigotry when I see it. Or are you under the mistaken impression that, because I introduced a topic other than LOLXTIANS to the thread, I'm somehow ashamed of that?

Look, if fuckity-fuck-fuck-fucking-motherfucking-fucker-fuckface is the highest form of communication you can muster, go with what works. We'll all just try to interpret as best we can.

p.s. Smart people would wonder where "methinks he doth protest too much" intersects with "fucking persecution asshole fuckhead motherfucker complexes."
posted by pineapple at 8:42 AM on January 4, 2008

They're just words, you simpleton. Grow up. Here, I'll make this post completely devoid of bad words so you can read it to your children.

You were the one who suggested I was, in your words, "deriding Christians". I did nothing of the sort. I was deriding a particular Christian. Since you were so quick to incorrectly extrapolate that to all Christians, I assumed you to be a believer, but apparently you're just another idiot sympathizer that feels the calling of moral superiority rise up from within them whenever someone derides religious nutjobs as though their rights were being violated just because they're called out for the intolerant idiots that they are.

That's fine. There's plenty of room in hell for the both of us.

The irony is that, had you been able to parse my post through the bevy of swear words, you would have realized that it was I, in fact, that was heeding the call of moral indignation! Now, try and follow along: For someone to be upset about the rapture's apparent postponement indicates they were eagerly anticipating it in the first place. Unfortunately, had you been more familiar with the actual technicalities of the process, you would have known that there's a whole lot of bloodshed towards the "ungodly" folk (i.e., you, me, and approximately 4.3 billion other people that don't share the faith). According to Luke, it's something like seven years of wrath.

Now, maybe you like wrath. Maybe you think that it's A-OK for someone to wish, nay... pray for your death at the hands of a vengeful God. Me, I tend to think that sort of thing is... oh, I don't know... is wrong too strong a word for your stomach to digest? How about ignorant? How about bigoted?

So sorry that I get all ornery over someone feeling bad that I'm not going to have terrible things happen to me for no other reason than that I don't share their beliefs in their invisible boogie-man. So sorry that I tend to rail against this kind of bigotry with emphatic and sometimes offensive turns of phrase. So sorry that I was unable to pierce that thick skull of yours the first time around.

How about now?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:02 PM on January 4, 2008

I'm not the one who was foaming indignantly at the mouth over a bunch of imaginary and indirect ill will from a nutjob stranger on the internet.

I don't believe what the evangelicals believe, so spewing a bunch of noise because they think I'm going to hell is really not worth my time, nor does it contribute to the discussion here. I don't get all het up over what the Muslims, Wiccans, Mormons, or Scientologists believe, either.

If "ornery" is how you need to be, in order to get all that fear of the seven scary years of Rapture out of your system, rock on.
posted by pineapple at 5:38 PM on January 5, 2008

How about "THE RAPTURE IS FOLKLORE"?

How about "WHAT RAPTu..."
posted by nax at 7:47 AM on January 6, 2008

I don't get all het up over what the Muslims, Wiccans, Mormons, or Scientologists believe, either.

But some random dude on the internet... that's another matter!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 10:12 AM on January 6, 2008