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Mathowie needs our help...
April 5, 2001 9:24 AM   Subscribe

Mathowie needs our help... seems he can't figure out how to speed up his morning toast. Certainly someone here can point him towards breakfast enlightenment...
posted by silusGROK (25 comments total)

 
Two words: instant coffee.

Good food is worth waiting for.
posted by holgate at 9:30 AM on April 5, 2001


As for myself... Back when I didn't have two dimes to rub together (much less a toaster), I took a wire coat hanger (not enameled or coated in any way), bent it in half along the verticle axis (so it looked like someone kneeling where the hook is the head). Using the burner that was hot from boiling water for my tisane... I sat the new toast rack on the burner, put bread on it, and *poof* toast in 10 seconds. Very handy.
posted by silusGROK at 9:31 AM on April 5, 2001


Lo, for the Earth was empty of form and void,
And darkness was all over the face of the deep,
And we said,
"Thy will be done; there shall be no waiting for the toast."

Tho we may swelter and curse,
And melanomas may plague our bodies,
We shall move t'ward the sun
'til mathowie shall but hold his bread to the skies,
And it shall brown nicely.

Quick toast for Our Lord. He is Almighty, and we love Him.
posted by Skot at 9:36 AM on April 5, 2001


<simple admiration> Nicely done. </simple admiration>

Grrr... want contextual tags...
posted by starvingartist at 9:44 AM on April 5, 2001


can you do a good monty-python style accent skot?

btw...anyone check out the Mefi boardgame link?
posted by th3ph17 at 9:46 AM on April 5, 2001


> Good food is worth waiting for.

Memory: Julia Child "French Chef" TV show from WGBH. She is doing some sort of dessert covered with a large pile of merengue. Julia says at top of show "I'm going to show you how to brown merengue perfectly." OK, secret turns out to be baking the dessert just long enough to set the merengue, it's still white all over. Then JC takes it out of oven, fires up a propane torch with a flame-spreader attachment and proceeds to neatly brown off just the tips and swirls of the merengue with the torch. Picture jfuller going purple in face and screaming THAT'S CHEATING! THAT'S CHEATING! THAT'S CHEATING!

If you can't meditate happily while waiting for toast, when can you?
posted by jfuller at 9:48 AM on April 5, 2001


The board game rocks!
posted by darren at 9:52 AM on April 5, 2001


btw...anyone check out the Mefi boardgame link?

Yes...and almost spewed coffee on my keyboard! *laughing helplessly* Very, very good!
posted by NsJen at 9:53 AM on April 5, 2001


NsJen, shouldn't this be in MetaTalk? ;-)
posted by normy at 9:56 AM on April 5, 2001


The propane torch is a widely-used kitchen implement. Don't you watch Iron Chef?
posted by aaron at 10:01 AM on April 5, 2001


I am alarmed, nay dismayed, at the rather cavalier attitude displayed toward toast by the otherwise irreproachable Mr. Haughey.

It is sometimes the case that the preparations which appear to be the most basic are, in fact, the most difficult to fully master. Thus, the abundance of poorly poached eggs and lackluster toast. Properly prepared toast must have both the right temperature and texture. James Beard lamented that Americans had hot toast that had not been sufficiently cooked, while the British had well-cooked toast that had been allowed to go cold.

You just have to wait for the toast to cook through, and then you have to let it sit in the toaster just long enough so that it doesn't leave a little patch of condensation on the plate but not so long that it doesn't get cold.

People who view toast as the ultimate convenience food are missing out on one of the great joys of life. They may as well just nuke a couple of Pop Tarts and be done with it.
posted by anapestic at 10:25 AM on April 5, 2001


There are, in fact, awesome toasters that will flash toast your bread.

toaster.org
http://www.dmoz.org/Home/Consumer_Information/Appliances/Toasters_and_Toaster_Ovens/
posted by mecran01 at 10:37 AM on April 5, 2001


The man doesn't need faster toast, he needs better toast.
posted by plinth at 10:41 AM on April 5, 2001


Well there's the toaster that runs on Java and tells you the weather, but I don't think it does it any faster than your average toaster.
posted by endquote at 10:44 AM on April 5, 2001


Toast sucks.

That's right. You heard me.
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:47 AM on April 5, 2001


Matt says we can slow down the speed of light, but it still takes five minutes to toast bread. But according to Dr. Toast, the toaster is actually flash aging device that actually speeds up time for the objects contained within it.

So we've got time travel - he just wants it faster. That seems like asking a bit much to me.
posted by endquote at 10:53 AM on April 5, 2001


> The propane torch is a widely-used kitchen implement.

If Carème didn't use it, it's cheating.
posted by jfuller at 11:06 AM on April 5, 2001


he just wants it faster. That seems like asking a bit much to me.

Can you ever ask for too much? Did anyone ever ask too much of Bob Metcalfe, or Albert Einstein, or Neils Bohr?

C'mon people, get out there and innovate! We're talking about toast here!
posted by mathowie at 11:23 AM on April 5, 2001


The man doesn't need faster toast, he needs better toast.

Fuck innovation, go retro.

(Though toast in a country without Marmite seems a somewhat tragic proposition.)
posted by holgate at 12:18 PM on April 5, 2001


"Toast sucks.

That's right. You heard me.
posted by sonofsamiam at 10:47 AM PST on April 5 "


Oh how dare you! ;-)

Ritualistic
A genesis of breakfast
Immaculate toast
posted by FAB4GIRL at 12:19 PM on April 5, 2001


I've got a Dualit, Holgate! It gives me perfect toast, no matter how many slices I do. I could go through three or four loaves of bread and it makes a perfect slice of toast every time. For heathens who don't long for a Dualit in their lives, the $2100 Toastmaster Commercial Toaster will give you 1500 slices a minute. But I bet it's not handcrafted with British pride!
posted by snarkout at 12:42 PM on April 5, 2001


Dorrf. 1500 slices an hour. Not a minute. Transcription error on my part. Still, that works out to 25 slices a minute, well within Matt's specifications.
posted by snarkout at 12:44 PM on April 5, 2001


The Dualit: one heckuva toaster. Fast *and* effective.
posted by mecran01 at 1:11 PM on April 5, 2001


The problem with fast toasters is that they don't sufficiently warm the bread, leaving the toastee with cold, hard toast. YUK! What we need is a contraption that bathes the bread in an ultra hot steam bath and then blow torches the surface, resulting in that oh so desirable quality that all foods strive to achieve: crispy on the outside and chewy on the inside. Now THAT'S what I call toast.
posted by bradlauster at 2:24 PM on April 5, 2001


Hire a butler.
posted by dhartung at 8:39 PM on April 5, 2001


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