... over 6 months of experience in online dating and relationships

January 10, 2008 5:15 AM

"Carl knows how to treat the ladies. And with all of his qualities in one package, he is quite the value meal. Eat up ladies. His fries are getting cold." Fun stuff from one of the members of comedy troupe The Groundlings.
posted by jbickers (29 comments total)

I looked and looked but couldn't find this guy's page.
posted by TedW at 5:31 AM on January 10, 2008

Well, I was rejected from eHarmony for being overqualified. Maybe I'll give this a shot.
posted by aftermarketradio at 5:36 AM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected from eHarmony because I once gave money to Dukakis.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 5:52 AM on January 10, 2008

eHarmony secretly bought classified gaydar equipment from the North Korean military. It's all very hush-hush.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 6:03 AM on January 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I was rejected from eHarmony for failing to submit an application.
posted by DU at 6:05 AM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected from eHarmony because I am Spartacus.
posted by Greg Nog at 6:07 AM on January 10, 2008

IMO these videos pale in comparison with the dating agency clips from Smack the Pony
posted by FidelDonson at 6:09 AM on January 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I was rejected from eHarmony because I am how babby is formed.
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 6:13 AM on January 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I was rejected from eHarmony because I am a founding member of eDiscord.
posted by Astro Zombie at 6:22 AM on January 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I thought Iran was the leader in gaydar technology.
posted by CautionToTheWind at 6:49 AM on January 10, 2008

CautionToTheWind: Iran has no homosexuals, and thus no need for gaydar technology.

I was rejected by eHarmony because I am an unlovable monstrosity.
posted by absalom at 7:01 AM on January 10, 2008

I was evicted from eHarmony. I had to live in a lake!

But you try telling that to kids today. And they won't believe you.
posted by The Bellman at 7:06 AM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected by eHarmony because I'm Satan.
posted by hojoki at 7:08 AM on January 10, 2008

You don't fool me, Eartha Moon! You can change your name and turn into a man in drag... I still remeber you from our brief but quite serious silver-knife-glistening-in-the-moonlight-tryst there in the basement of that art school. I never thought you'd apply for a dating site, though. I guess you can still surprise me. Let a thousand petals drown in the hatred of our love, my pet. SOMEDAY WE WILL MEET AGAIN
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:11 AM on January 10, 2008

I didn't even apply to eHarmony because I am already a member of paperHarmony, and I like the feel of a good Harmony in my hands. Also, I get eye-burn from the screen.
posted by taliaferro at 7:11 AM on January 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also, I get eye-burn from the screen.

Listen, I already told you: Don't put your eyes directly on the screen. Just look at it from a safe distance. OK?
posted by lodurr at 7:24 AM on January 10, 2008

*peels face from monitor, begins online dating*
posted by taliaferro at 7:28 AM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected from eHarmony because I am normal.

I always wanted to set up a fake eHarmony profile and see what comes up.

Male, 34, zoo feces engineer, spent 2 years in jail for zoophillia, 4'1', 210, 3 hairs, loves to give back massages while petting your cat.
posted by dasheekeejones at 7:35 AM on January 10, 2008

I'm an eHarmony reject, and am now living in eHell.

Damn you, eHarmony! : shakes fist :
posted by metrocake at 7:42 AM on January 10, 2008

Oh yeah, eHarmony upside-down is almost huowJeHa. Think about it.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:54 AM on January 10, 2008

I tried dating a garden once. It didn't work out well, every time I brought her flowers I had to explain that I wasn't trying to set up a threesome.
posted by quin at 8:51 AM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected from eHarmony because my name is David Crosby.
posted by spock at 9:33 AM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected from the Eye of Harmony, because I'm The Master.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 9:34 AM on January 10, 2008

I'm on MetaFilter because I was rejected from eHarmony.

I was rejected from eHarmony because I used to date former members of the Groundlings (Elvira and Pee Wee Herman).
posted by wendell at 1:19 PM on January 10, 2008

I wasn't rejected from eHarmony...

What?
posted by saysthis at 2:43 PM on January 10, 2008

I liked eHarmony so much I bought the company
posted by mmrtnt at 2:55 PM on January 10, 2008

I was rejected by eharmony 'cause I'm kinda funny looking.

it's true.
posted by CitizenD at 2:58 PM on January 10, 2008

I didn't just buy eHarmony. I'm also a member.
posted by miss lynnster at 6:51 PM on January 10, 2008

In Soviet Russia, eHarmony is rejected by YOU!
posted by Talanvor at 12:04 AM on January 11, 2008