In Soviet Russia, baby makes you!

January 21, 2008 7:38 AM

So we've already learned how babies are made in Germany. But we haven't seen Russia or Israel. Could be NWS if you work with people who don't know where babies come from.
posted by Lord_Pall (31 comments total)

My Universal Translator is offline, but according to the Russkies my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka.
posted by Dizzy at 7:41 AM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka.

vodka flows through my prinka into the volga
posted by pyramid termite at 7:49 AM on January 21, 2008

The "German" guy looks like a Turk or Jew, but his wife is a blonde Frau. That can't have played well in Bavaria. The second set of Russians (are these supposed to be Israelis? The letters are Cyrillic.) just look disconcerting with those hemispheric eyes and upturned noses. Like sinister eleves or something.
posted by orthogonality at 7:53 AM on January 21, 2008

The Russia link is the same as the Israel link.
posted by king walnut at 7:55 AM on January 21, 2008

my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka.

Maybe it says "smegma"?

But seriously, that doesn't say "moka" but "mocha", which is Russian for "caffe latte".
posted by sour cream at 7:57 AM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Which brings a new spin on "Good To The Last Drop"...
posted by Dizzy at 7:59 AM on January 21, 2008

I honked the Israel Link. Here's the right one.
posted by Lord_Pall at 7:59 AM on January 21, 2008

Israelis come from eggs? Did Borat illustrate that one?
posted by orthogonality at 8:05 AM on January 21, 2008

Great, now I can spread the rumor that Jews require clowns to reproduce. (paging Astro Zombie...)

If I remember right, "family" and "semen" are the same word in русскии язик.
posted by XMLicious at 8:06 AM on January 21, 2008

And the text is like, all squiggly.
Is this a problem with the server?
posted by Dizzy at 8:07 AM on January 21, 2008

Israeli babies are made by a combination of rigorous determination and sophisticated modern scientific methods, the same way deserts are converted to lush orange groves. Also, babies are made by the participation of everybody on the kibbutz, and afterward everyone does a folk dance while singing Yerushalayim Shel Zahav.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:12 AM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Even in languages I couldn't read, any of these books would have been more helpful to me as a child than the one I was given, which, when illustrating sexual intercourse, depicted a man and woman embracing each other while wearing pajamas. Even the Israeli balloon people are actually, y'know, naked. In their own minimalist way.
posted by frobozz at 8:15 AM on January 21, 2008

I don't want to spoil the fun, but as with so much else in Israel, this is simply a translation of an English book Mommy Laid an Egg!: Or where Do Babies Come from? by Babette Cole, a shiksa to boot.
posted by limon at 8:18 AM on January 21, 2008

Shiksa is kind of a derogatory term. We generally use the word "the girlfriend that mother keeps asking if she'll convert."
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:30 AM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

These people are clearly doing it right

I also like how the german baby is like TADA!
posted by a robot made out of meat at 8:52 AM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

"Could be NWS"

Or NSF(PO)US, perhaps? I mean, even very small things can cause trouble over there:

"Deutscher Humor besiegt amerikanische Prüderie: Nach Empörung über das von einem US-Verleger zunächst verlangte Wegretuschieren eines Mini-Penis' aus einem deutschen Kinderbuch kann das "Winter-Wimmelbuch" von Rotraut Susanne Berner in den USA nun doch mit dem winzigen Detail erscheinen."
posted by effbot at 8:55 AM on January 21, 2008

I SO want to know what it says on the sign the cat is holding up in the Russian version.
posted by lleachie at 9:15 AM on January 21, 2008

I SO want to know what it says on the sign the cat is holding up in the Russian version.

No. 1 - Through this opening they pee.
No. 2 - Through this opening, when the time comes, a baby will be planted. When it has grown in mom's belly, it will come out into the world through the same opening.
No. 3 - Through this opening girls poop.
posted by gubo at 9:32 AM on January 21, 2008

Skateboards, clowns, and hoppity-hops.

Yeah, looks like a typical Friday night at the Davis house.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:19 AM on January 21, 2008

I don't want to start getting a reputation on Metafilter as the guy who's always complaining about slights against the Jews, but jeez, it would be nice if we could be portrayed as being at least slightly more endowed than a thimble.
posted by The Gooch at 10:20 AM on January 21, 2008

ould be NWS if you work with people who don't know where babies come from.

Hello Boss, I am looking at a cartoon penis being pointed out by a drawing of a child. I cant see how this can be inappropriate.
posted by damn dirty ape at 10:23 AM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Gooch, at least you're not Indian.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:35 AM on January 21, 2008

Maybe it says "smegma"?

that really, actually made laugh. I have no idea why I find the word "smegma" so funny. It sounds like an alien species from old Star Trek episodes, like an uncircumcised Vulcan or something.
posted by matteo at 10:47 AM on January 21, 2008

Man, the Israelis do it on skateboards, balloons and bouncy balls? I've missed so much by sleeping with Gentiles.
posted by dejah420 at 1:20 PM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

From miss lynnster's link: the Germans are about to launch a spray-on condom? Diabolical, indeed. There's a joke in there somewhere but I just can't find it.
posted by XMLicious at 1:57 PM on January 21, 2008

Anyone do a time correlation between the publication of these books and the precipitous decline in the European birthrate?
posted by Faze at 4:51 PM on January 21, 2008

From Google Translate on the 2nd link:

It's easy to illustrate sales. Maternal and agrarian reform in the capital and one flakone.tut stumulyatsiya selskoggo economy and improving the demographic situation - modern piarpolittehnologi nervously smoking. pereizdat book and the name must be changed - say, Medvedev in the images. the future of Russia is in your pants.

Now I know where spam comes from.
posted by Pinback at 6:33 PM on January 21, 2008

It is amazing how the rest of the world is so honest. Seems like "political correctness" is isolated to the United States...
posted by ooklala at 7:38 PM on January 21, 2008

So we've already learned how babies are made ... [snip] with people who don't know where babies come from

I did not know! Gross!

And. Please put ***SPOILER ALERT*** in there next time.
posted by tkchrist at 9:15 PM on January 21, 2008

The future of Russia is in your pants!
posted by Catfry at 3:45 AM on January 22, 2008

but according to the Russkies my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka.

Heh. The first two words are сперма [sperma] 'sperm' and моча [mocha] 'urine'; the third word, клапан [klapan] 'valve,' refers to the thing that keeps the first two from mixing. As for what they flow through, a commenter says:

В РАЗНЫХ СЕМЬЯХ ЕГО НАЗЫВАЮТ ПО РАЗНОМУ!!!!! представляю деточки в детском саду...а у меня краник...а у меня винтик..а у меня гвоздик...а вовочка...а у меня Х*Й

IN DIFFERENT FAMILIES THEY CALL IT DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!! I present kids in kindergarten... in my house we call it kranik ['little tap/faucet']... well, we call it vintik ['little screw']... well, we call it gvozdik ['little nail']... but Vovochka [says]... at my house we call it C*CK

(хуй [khui] 'cock, prick' is the basic Russian swear word, like fuck in English, so it's much more unprintable/obscene than cock, prick, etc.)
posted by languagehat at 10:02 AM on January 22, 2008