Comments on: In Soviet Russia, baby makes you!

In Soviet Russia, baby makes you!

Lord_Pall — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:38:06 -0800

So we've already learned how babies are made in Germany. But we haven't seen Russia or Israel. Could be NWS if you work with people who don't know where babies come from.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:41:43 -0800

My Universal Translator is offline, but according to the Russkies my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:49:21 -0800

my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka. vodka flows through my prinka into the volga

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:53:59 -0800

The "German" guy looks like a Turk or Jew, but his wife is a blonde Frau. That can't have played well in Bavaria. The second set of Russians (are these supposed to be Israelis? The letters are Cyrillic.) just look disconcerting with those hemispheric eyes and upturned noses. Like sinister eleves or something.

By: king walnut

king walnut — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:55:24 -0800

The Russia link is the same as the Israel link.

By: sour cream

sour cream — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:57:29 -0800

my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka. Maybe it says "smegma"? But seriously, that doesn't say "moka" but "mocha", which is Russian for "caffe latte".

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:59:04 -0800

Which brings a new spin on "Good To The Last Drop"...

By: Lord_Pall

Lord_Pall — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:59:08 -0800

I honked the Israel Link. Here's the right one.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:05:07 -0800

Israelis come from eggs? Did Borat illustrate that one?

By: XMLicious

XMLicious — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:06:25 -0800

Great, now I can spread the rumor that Jews require clowns to reproduce. (paging Astro Zombie...) If I remember right, "family" and "semen" are the same word in русскии язик.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:07:11 -0800

And the text is like, all squiggly. Is this a problem with the server?

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:12:53 -0800

Israeli babies are made by a combination of rigorous determination and sophisticated modern scientific methods, the same way deserts are converted to lush orange groves. Also, babies are made by the participation of everybody on the kibbutz, and afterward everyone does a folk dance while singing Yerushalayim Shel Zahav.

By: frobozz

frobozz — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:15:12 -0800

Even in languages I couldn't read, any of these books would have been more helpful to me as a child than the one I was given, which, when illustrating sexual intercourse, depicted a man and woman embracing each other while wearing pajamas. Even the Israeli balloon people are actually, y'know, naked. In their own minimalist way.

By: limon

limon — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:18:00 -0800

I don't want to spoil the fun, but as with so much else in Israel, this is simply a translation of an English book Mommy Laid an Egg!: Or where Do Babies Come from? by Babette Cole, a shiksa to boot.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:30:45 -0800

Shiksa is kind of a derogatory term. We generally use the word "the girlfriend that mother keeps asking if she'll convert."

By: a robot made out of meat

a robot made out of meat — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:52:09 -0800

These people are clearly doing it right I also like how the german baby is like TADA!

By: effbot

effbot — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 08:55:00 -0800

"Could be NWS" Or NSF(PO)US, perhaps? I mean, even very small things can cause trouble over there: "Deutscher Humor besiegt amerikanische Prüderie: Nach Empörung über das von einem US-Verleger zunächst verlangte Wegretuschieren eines Mini-Penis' aus einem deutschen Kinderbuch kann das "Winter-Wimmelbuch" von Rotraut Susanne Berner in den USA nun doch mit dem winzigen Detail erscheinen."

By: lleachie

lleachie — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 09:15:47 -0800

I SO want to know what it says on the sign the cat is holding up in the Russian version.

By: gubo

gubo — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 09:32:28 -0800

I SO want to know what it says on the sign the cat is holding up in the Russian version. No. 1 - Through this opening they pee. No. 2 - Through this opening, when the time comes, a baby will be planted. When it has grown in mom's belly, it will come out into the world through the same opening. No. 3 - Through this opening girls poop.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:19:49 -0800

Skateboards, clowns, and hoppity-hops. Yeah, looks like a typical Friday night at the Davis house.

By: The Gooch

The Gooch — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:20:50 -0800

I don't want to start getting a reputation on Metafilter as the guy who's always complaining about slights against the Jews, but jeez, it would be nice if we could be portrayed as being at least slightly more endowed than a thimble.

By: damn dirty ape

damn dirty ape — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:23:41 -0800

ould be NWS if you work with people who don't know where babies come from. Hello Boss, I am looking at a cartoon penis being pointed out by a drawing of a child. I cant see how this can be inappropriate.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:35:15 -0800

Gooch, at least you're not Indian.

By: matteo

matteo — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 10:47:29 -0800

Maybe it says "smegma"? that really, actually made laugh. I have no idea why I find the word "smegma" so funny. It sounds like an alien species from old Star Trek episodes, like an uncircumcised Vulcan or something.

By: dejah420

dejah420 — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:20:42 -0800

Man, the Israelis do it on skateboards, balloons and bouncy balls? I've missed so much by sleeping with Gentiles.

By: XMLicious

XMLicious — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:57:04 -0800

From miss lynnster's link: the Germans are about to launch a spray-on condom? Diabolical, indeed. There's a joke in there somewhere but I just can't find it.

By: Faze

Faze — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 16:51:53 -0800

Anyone do a time correlation between the publication of these books and the precipitous decline in the European birthrate?

By: Pinback

Pinback — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:33:34 -0800

From Google Translate on the 2nd link:

It's easy to illustrate sales. Maternal and agrarian reform in the capital and one flakone.tut stumulyatsiya selskoggo economy and improving the demographic situation - modern piarpolittehnologi nervously smoking. pereizdat book and the name must be changed - say, Medvedev in the images. the future of Russia is in your pants.

Now I know where spam comes from.

By: ooklala

ooklala — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 19:38:57 -0800

It is amazing how the rest of the world is so honest. Seems like "political correctness" is isolated to the United States...

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 21:15:38 -0800

So we've already learned how babies are made ... [snip] with people who don't know where babies come from I did not know! Gross! And. Please put ***SPOILER ALERT*** in there next time.

By: Catfry

Catfry — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:45:14 -0800

The future of Russia is in your pants!

By: languagehat

languagehat — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:02:39 -0800

but according to the Russkies my chekma and my moka flow through my prinka. Heh. The first two words are сперма [sperma] 'sperm' and моча [mocha] 'urine'; the third word, клапан [klapan] 'valve,' refers to the thing that keeps the first two from mixing. As for what they flow through, a commenter says:

В РАЗНЫХ СЕМЬЯХ ЕГО НАЗЫВАЮТ ПО РАЗНОМУ!!!!! представляю деточки в детском саду...а у меня краник...а у меня винтик..а у меня гвоздик...а вовочка...а у меня Х*Й IN DIFFERENT FAMILIES THEY CALL IT DIFFERENT THINGS!!!!! I present kids in kindergarten... in my house we call it kranik ['little tap/faucet']... well, we call it vintik ['little screw']... well, we call it gvozdik ['little nail']... but Vovochka [says]... at my house we call it C*CK

(хуй [khui] 'cock, prick' is the basic Russian swear word, like fuck in English, so it's much more unprintable/obscene than cock, prick, etc.)