The "Admiral's" Notebook

January 21, 2008 1:50 PM

"From somewhere around 110,000 trillion trillion years ago" Scientology, a very litigious and secretive group had their website hacked recently and some documents have made it on to the web. The /i/nsurgency haxorz (a splinter group of the famous Anon folks) are claiming responsibility. This is part of an ongoing war of sorts. Also, a helpful Scientology acronym guide of sorts.

The Budapest Times seems to be the only news source that backed up the internet msg board chatter that was rampant the other day. I do not know of its journalistic validity.

posted by lattiboy (121 comments total)

*watches as mathowie straps on one of those robot suits from Matrix 3 and stares at hole in the ceiling where the tentacled Scientology lawyers are due to emerge any moment*
posted by Krrrlson at 1:54 PM on January 21, 2008 [19 favorites]

This may not GiveWell of sorts.
posted by ericb at 1:56 PM on January 21, 2008

Yeah, I tried this 2 days ago and was told to "add context". At least now I'll know its about legal action if it gets pulled again.
posted by lattiboy at 1:57 PM on January 21, 2008

The Budapest Times seems to be the only news source

So what'd that tell you?
posted by AwkwardPause at 1:57 PM on January 21, 2008

Nope, try again. Lil' more context.
posted by AwkwardPause at 1:58 PM on January 21, 2008

No stranger than cannibalism, I guess.
posted by ColdChef at 1:58 PM on January 21, 2008

Praise Bob!
posted by ZachsMind at 1:59 PM on January 21, 2008

This already GaveWell.
posted by localhuman at 1:59 PM on January 21, 2008

Lulz
posted by Skorgu at 2:01 PM on January 21, 2008

Dare I ask about "GiveWell"? I am guessing it had nothing to do with the charity site...
posted by lattiboy at 2:01 PM on January 21, 2008

Dare I ask about "GiveWell"?

Do you have a few hours? Google 'givewell metafilter'.
posted by mr_roboto at 2:04 PM on January 21, 2008

lattiboy, it's kind of a long story.
posted by cortex at 2:04 PM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

lattiboy, it's kind of a long story.


Gotcha! This does not bode well for my post, eh?
posted by lattiboy at 2:07 PM on January 21, 2008

I hope Anonymous is careful. The scientologists have been known to kill IRL.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 2:08 PM on January 21, 2008

The more I read of Hubbard's work, the more I realize that he was a genius that needs to be listened to: Soltan Gris is the (bleepin) messiah, and eventually everyone will come to realize that he is the hero, not that Jettero Heller (bleep).
posted by quin at 2:09 PM on January 21, 2008

(bleep)
posted by quin at 2:10 PM on January 21, 2008

Let us not criticize this great religion.
posted by xmutex at 2:10 PM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

The Budapest Times article is just the wikinews one minus background links.
posted by juv3nal at 2:11 PM on January 21, 2008

*snaps open aluminum lawnchair, settles in*
posted by everichon at 2:11 PM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Aren't these the docs that Grady Ward distributed over the net years and years ago? Seems inconceivable to me that the clams would keep their most super sekret tech on a webserver?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:12 PM on January 21, 2008

As the first words indicate, the Budapest Times -- whatever that is -- is reprinting an article on Wikinews. You can go there and judge the sources accordingly.
posted by dhartung at 2:15 PM on January 21, 2008

I haven't seen anything new in these documents.
posted by stammer at 2:23 PM on January 21, 2008

I like how they claim to be so "aware", yet their logo looks like "BS".
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:24 PM on January 21, 2008 [5 favorites]

MetaFilter: Do to cognition. Note it down.
posted by not_on_display at 2:26 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

this is awesome, please don't delete.
posted by parmanparman at 2:26 PM on January 21, 2008

Right. No indication from either article that the OT material comes from the hacking. Pretty sure that it's the material that was all over the net in the mid nineties. Grady always denied having distributed it, but the courts made a permanent injunction against him, with the threat of a three million dollar judgement if he breached it.

On balance, this post sucks. Nothing new here, just a weak-assed claim that someone has hacked the Scientology website.

Fail.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:27 PM on January 21, 2008

WGP that's the funniest thing I've seen all day.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 2:31 PM on January 21, 2008

You do realize the "anon hacker" you linked is a dude who figures out BASIC POKE commands to cheat at ZX Spectrum games, right? As opposed to the generic 4chan anonymous? You also missed the main Project Chanology page. Personally I'm not sure whether I dislike griefers or Scientologists more, but it does seem like a genius idea to pit them against one another.
posted by whir at 2:39 PM on January 21, 2008

What PeterMcDermott said. It looks like all of this was posted at alt.religion.scientology many years ago.

On preview, I guess it's all just for the lulz.
posted by gubo at 2:43 PM on January 21, 2008

Personally I'm not sure whether I dislike griefers or Scientologists more, but it does seem like a genius idea to pit them against one another.

It is beautiful, isn't it?
posted by mr_roboto at 2:43 PM on January 21, 2008

Its me i'm da hacker in da op.
posted by hellphish at 2:48 PM on January 21, 2008

this is some weird shit. how do we know it really came from scientology, and wasn't just made up by one of the striking writers on drugs?

also, english addresses are so much classier than american "saint manor, grinstead" versus 1805 highway 26.
posted by bruce at 2:50 PM on January 21, 2008

hacker named Anonymous from Project Chanology?

could it actually be that 4chan is behind this? since when did they become relevant?
posted by shmegegge at 2:55 PM on January 21, 2008

This was obviously written by a preclear. Just look at all the line break engrams that haven't been audited.
posted by designbot at 2:57 PM on January 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

You do realize the "anon hacker" you linked is a dude who figures out BASIC POKE commands to cheat at ZX Spectrum games, right? As opposed to the generic 4chan anonymous?


Yeah, sorry. That was my mistake. I had too many goddamn links in my clipboard.
posted by lattiboy at 2:59 PM on January 21, 2008

It's a clam bake! Annette Funicello and the spooky kids begin to gyrate! Big bonfire blooms as, in the distance, a yacht passes by slowly, slowly, blowing its horn like it's Poseidon's Big Adventure! Spooky kids tear Annette limb from limb. Suddenly: zombies everywhere! A mincing preacher with one eye raises his hands to heaven's gate and screams in ecstasy: "I see good spirits! I see bad spirits! I see thetans!" ::laugh track implosion:: Carl Reiner gets the movie rights but is "accidentally" killed in a plane crash at the Bonaventure where, later that same day, Tom Cruise admits is heard to call for tech support when his laptop refuses to clear.

See... I, too, can right like LRH. Now, back to playing Fallout.
posted by Moody834 at 3:03 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

how do we know it really came from scientology, and wasn't just made up by one of the striking writers on drugs?

Impossible to determine. Many of the striking writers are themselves Scientologists.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:03 PM on January 21, 2008

Sheesh, all because L. Ron Hubbard and Jack Parsons wanted to get laid. I guess you can make up a lot of stuff if you’re sexually frustrated.
(Curious if that’s part of their whole birth ritual thing, Babalon, producing the moonchild and so forth)
posted by Smedleyman at 3:04 PM on January 21, 2008

Now, back to playing Fallout.

Fallout 2, surely...
posted by cortex at 3:07 PM on January 21, 2008

The Factnet website is run by Arnie Lerma. He of the Electric Toothbrush Acid Test:

Arnie Lerma this week revealed that the cult placed LSD on his toothbrush
during the raid on his home.

"During the raid, a massive dose of LSD was placed on a toothbrush. An
electric one.

"Enough, IMHO, that had I used it Saturday night, I likely would have been
tripping my brains out, up for days...then after going quietly mad - as if
the stress of the raid, the searching of my HOME, the vision of my evil
antagonists, the $cientologists crawling like roaches over my personal
belongings.

"What went wrong ... I'm too frugal, I don't spend much on myself, having
been battling corruption for many years...I should have replaced that
toothbrush head, a long time ago. The gears inside are badly worn, and I
HAVE to run it, under HOT water for some time, perhaps 30 seconds, then
turn the motor on, for it to loosen up and not jam."


posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:08 PM on January 21, 2008

Anon is being surprisingly organized about this. Is history being made? Is an anonymous, headless, spontaneously self organizing net-creature rising from the muck of anime, mudkip and longcat?
posted by fleetmouse at 3:37 PM on January 21, 2008

Tom's next movie: Snakes In A Mailbox
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:42 PM on January 21, 2008

I kinda wish someone would put lithium on Tom Cruise's toothbrush, myself.

Daily.
posted by konolia at 3:47 PM on January 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

Nothing new here, just a weak-assed claim that someone has hacked the Scientology website.

Fail.

Try to go to the Scientology website. I mean, it's probably more DDoS and less "hacked into" but it's not like Anonymous just makes up their raids.

Anon is being surprisingly organized about this. Is history being made? Is an anonymous, headless, spontaneously self organizing net-creature rising from the muck of anime, mudkip and longcat?

Welcome to the future. I find some lulz in this idea that because this is only on 4chan, ED, digg, etc. and not on CNN it's conclusively "not real." We're going to see more of this. Fox News will keep calling it Internet Terrorism and showing pictures of exploding vans. It's an interesting shift, I think, in that as far as I know Anonymous really has no leaders or structure - probably the largest vaguely anarchist group ever. I'm not part of these things so I don't really know, but the closest thing to a position of power seems to be hosting one of the forums or sites, and even then, it's beyond any single site. Then my mom got scared...
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 4:23 PM on January 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

Xenu hates thetans!
posted by Pollomacho at 4:29 PM on January 21, 2008

USA Today: Hacking makes strange bedfellows

"It's also not a shock that hackers hold a grudge against Scientology, whose site [was] also down over the weekend. Apparently, some took issue with the organization's demands that YouTube remove a certain scary video featuring Tom Cruise from its site. Gawker held strong so we can all learn why Scientology is the 'way to happiness.'"

posted by ericb at 4:55 PM on January 21, 2008

It's so nice to see a religion with such a robust legal team. Heartwarming.
posted by chuckdarwin at 5:02 PM on January 21, 2008

Ahhh, now I understand not just the reason Battlefield Earch was such a crap movie, but why is such a crap movie.
posted by mattoxic at 5:17 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Earch=Earth
posted by mattoxic at 5:17 PM on January 21, 2008

Yay! I'm confused.
posted by sir_rubixalot at 5:22 PM on January 21, 2008

I just found it odd that in checking background for this, that Snopes has zero matches for "scientology", apparently.

You'd think that they'd constantly be inundated with questionable claims about LRH and the like, but maybe they simply can't verify the truth of it better than anyone else.
posted by Navelgazer at 5:26 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Praise Bob!
posted by ZachsMind at 5:42 PM on January 21, 2008

Truly epic lulz.
posted by Curry at 5:49 PM on January 21, 2008

"They may be pink, but their money's still green." - J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, in a letter to L. Ron Hubbard
posted by fleetmouse at 6:07 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

I work al day at an honest job, so I have no idea of what is going on here, other than that scientology.org is still unreachable. Whoever -- whatever -- good work!
posted by Devils Rancher at 6:10 PM on January 21, 2008

fleetmouse said: Anon is being surprisingly organized about this. Is history being made? Is an anonymous, headless, spontaneously self organizing net-creature rising from the muck of anime, mudkip and longcat?

They've named their activities Operation CoSPlay. I do not think that word means what they think it means.

The printed materials don't seem to be anything new. The video, linked by ericb above, of TC Superstar? New. And indeed spooky, for a given value of bugfuck insane.
posted by dejah420 at 6:48 PM on January 21, 2008

I just found it odd that in checking background for this, that Snopes has zero matches for "scientology", apparently.

You'd think that they'd constantly be inundated with questionable claims about LRH and the like, but maybe they simply can't verify the truth of it better than anyone else.

As far as I know, the Mikkelsons own Snopes independently. They probably don't have the resources to deal with the Scientology litigation shitstorm that would ensue if they said anything that wasn't favourable to those assholes.
posted by Mikey-San at 6:53 PM on January 21, 2008

They've named their activities Operation CoSPlay. I do not think that word means what they think it means.

If you think there's something deviant that Anonymous doesn't understand, you do not understand Anonymous.
posted by Mikey-San at 6:54 PM on January 21, 2008 [9 favorites]

"From somewhere around 110,000 trillion trillion years ago"

Insert Dr. Evil joke here.
posted by matteo at 7:09 PM on January 21, 2008

Here is a manifesto of sorts from Anonymous. I've gotta say that I do find their crypto-fascist tactics to be reprehensible, though nowhere near as serious as the misdeeds of the CoS itself. (That video is itself pretty entertaining though; I like how they're edging ever so gently towards the Church's science fiction aesthetic.)
posted by whir at 7:10 PM on January 21, 2008

Also, parody "Leave Tom Cruise alone!" video in 4... 3... 2...
posted by whir at 7:12 PM on January 21, 2008

Scientology kidnapping. Fuckers.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:23 PM on January 21, 2008

Try to go to the Scientology website. I mean, it's probably more DDoS and less "hacked into" but it's not like Anonymous just makes up their raids.

You miss my point. If somebody had haxor3d into Scientology's website and in doing so, had discovered new and hitherto secret information as the post implies, that would definitely make it FPP worthy.

The fact that a bunch of script kiddies have mounted a DDOS attack on them? Meh.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:24 PM on January 21, 2008

They've named their activities Operation CoSPlay. I do not think that word means what they think it means.

epic fail

That is not cosplay.

This is cosplay.

a billion years before the mast
posted by fleetmouse at 7:27 PM on January 21, 2008

You know, this is all a waste of time. The most insane stuff Hubbard ever wrote is all over wikipedia already:

[the goals were] given in an amusement park with a single tunnel, a roller coaster and a Ferris wheel ... The symbol of a Gorilla was always present in the place the goal was given. Sometimes a large gorilla, black, was seen elsewhere than the park. A mechanical or a live gorilla was always seen in the park.

This activity was conducted by the Hoipolloi, a group of operators in meat body societies. They were typical carnival people. They let out concessions for these implant "Amusement Parks." A pink-striped white shirt with sleeve garters was the uniform of the Hoipolloi. Such a figure often rode on the roller coaster cars. Monkeys were also used on the cars. Elephants sometimes formed part of the equipment.
("Routine 3N: Line Plots", HCOB 14 July 1963)

Isn't Meat Body Society a Feist side project?
posted by fleetmouse at 7:34 PM on January 21, 2008

scientology.org is still unreachable

It's fine from here. The site works perfectly, but Los Angeles Colocation, who appear to be hosting them, look like they've started dropping pings as a traceroute refuses to return the last ten hops or so.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:35 PM on January 21, 2008

"Gentlemen, This is what I have been waiting for. Habbo, Fox, The G4 Newfag Flood crisis. Those were all training scenarios. This is what we have been waiting for. This is a battle for justice. Everytime /b/ has gone to war, it has been for our own causes. Now, gentlemen, we are going to fight for something that is right. I say damn those of us who advise against this fight. I say damn those of us who say this is foolish.

/b/ROTHERS, OUR TIME HAS COME FOR US TO RISE AS NOT ONLY HEROES OF THE INTERNETS, BUT AS ITS GUARDIANS.

/b/ROTHERS. LET THE DEMONS OF THE INTARWEBS BECOME THE ANGELS THAT SHALL VANQUISH THE EVIL THAT DARE TURN ITS FACE TO US.

/b/ROTHERS....

MAN THE HARPOONS!"





The revolution will not be televised.
posted by Iron Rat at 7:36 PM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

"They are simple aberrative words. Start, Never Start, End, Never End are always the first firings, followed by Begin, Never Begin, Stop, Never Stop for the second whole series of firings. The same four run through all five pictures. Then the next four go through all five, etc.
There are many words used."
Apt.
Meh. Pretty much heckling a crazed (albeit somewhat dangerous) street preacher.
posted by Smedleyman at 7:53 PM on January 21, 2008

Many of the striking writers are themselves Scientologists.

Not bloody likely. Everybody knows you should never reward a down-stat.
posted by brain cloud at 8:32 PM on January 21, 2008

Gorilla Goals? Bear Goals? That stuff looks like it came out of a Markov generator.

...hey, now there's an idea for a religion...
posted by spiderwire at 8:58 PM on January 21, 2008

Wow, this is like Rumsfeld on acid. You can even make poetry out of it, just like you can Rumsfeld's speeches.


But exploration
has its disadvantages.

Definitely has its
disadvantages

because more than once, why,
one finds himself

out at the end of a ridge
and there's no way

back -- he can't
get up the sheer

surfaces he's come
down -- and he looks

in front of him
and he finds

there's no
way down.
posted by treepour at 9:09 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Sheesh, all because L. Ron Hubbard and Jack Parsons wanted to get laid.

You take that back! Jack Parsons was the motherfucking rocketmaking man.

Death of a clam! Death of a clam!
posted by oncogenesis at 9:34 PM on January 21, 2008

Personally I'm not sure whether I dislike griefers or Scientologists more, but it does seem like a genius idea to pit them against one another.

Mutual Assured Lolstruction.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:53 PM on January 21, 2008 [5 favorites]

I, for one, welcome our new Scientological dissent-crushing overlords. Somebody's got to stand up to the rising tide of Thetanism.
posted by eritain at 10:46 PM on January 21, 2008

Obscene Dog Incident

In the "Assists" lecture of October 3, 1968, Hubbard described a surreal cosmological event said to take place shortly after Incident I (the creation of the universe): "There's the incident called "The Obscene Dog" with it's just a little bit later than Incident One. And sometimes actually by running it, why you can get the PC into Incident One. The Obscene Dog was a sort of a brass dog in a sitting position and anybody who got around to the front of the dog got caught in some electronic current and passed through the dog to the dogs rear end and spat out. Thetans didn't like this."[7]

Oh man. This is a perfect illustration of why I find L Ron's appeal so baffling. He loads up his narratives with all these zany spicy details (Obscene Giant Brass Pooping Dogs, Carnival Gorillas, Thetan Toasting Volcanos, Rocket Powered DC 10s, etc, etc) and he manages to make all of it so... fucking...boring. How on earth did he get published as a sci-fi writer? I've seen photos of the guy, so I know he wasn't just coasting on his looks. He had some strong arming goons on his side, but really, is that all it takes to turn a toadish drear into a cult leader? This stuff reads like genre fantasy for people who are uncomfortable with the idea of imagination, written by a guy with empathy deficits who was persisitantly mistaking these bizarre little details of his own life for EPIC TRUTHS. I have no idea what drove him, but I'm really curious about why anyone chose to follow him. (Unless it was $$$, I guess.)
posted by maryh at 10:49 PM on January 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

Alright. None of the main CoS site stuff is coming up here in Key West.

And I am still amazed that the Tom Cruise video on this Gawker site page is getting overlooked here on MeFi. It's so fun! As a matter of fact it was amazing played against this Richard Kamerman track from the homophoni site.

And this video from Anonymous! What fun! Even better than Anonymous' reply to the Fox News piece on Anonymous. And Anon teh itself! I tell you, woot!

Undoubtedly, this is the future unfolding.
posted by humannaire at 10:55 PM on January 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

This indoctrination video runs the gamut. First on the plate, we have a heaving plate of tinfoil, where we learn that the evil government was going to begin mind control and subvert the population, but a mediocre sci-fi writer saved us all. Then, we learn that the way to enlightenment is to start by purchasing a dozen books, like ordering CDs from those by-mail CD catalogs that you'd get every month. You know, the one with the stamps. But we don't stop there, no no. The last five minutes of this video will lends us this wonderful nugget of love and truth:

"If you leave this room after seeing this film and walk out, and never mention Scientology again, you're perfectly free to do so. It would be stupid, but you can do it. You can also dive off a bridge or blow your brains out. That is your choice. But if you don't walk out that way—if you continue with Scientology—we will be very happy with you and you will be very happy with you."

posted by Mikey-San at 10:56 PM on January 21, 2008

First on the plate, we have a heaving plate

How did I miss this? I'm really ashamed of this bit of horrendous writing.
posted by Mikey-San at 11:01 PM on January 21, 2008

AUDIT MOAR
posted by infinitewindow at 11:12 PM on January 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Key to lulz with anything you see involving Tom Cruise, from movie to leaked video: constantly imagine he actually is Maverick from Top Gun. So Mission Impossible was Maverick's second military job after he was done flying fighter jets, and these videos are Maverick's domestic life, his ego constantly writing checks his body can't cash. It fits the movie played when he won the Nobel Prize for Scientology: (cue Don LaFontaine wannabe) "BUT THERE'S SOMEONE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT GLOBAL ARENA. SOMEONE ADVANCING SCIENTOLOGY ON A FULLY EPIC SCALE TO A FULLY DIFFERENT FUTURE. AND HE IS CLASS FOUR OT SEVEN PLATINUM MERITORIOUS AND IAS FREEDOM MEDAL OF VALOR WINNER: TOM CRUISE!!!!!!!!!!!" (UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ TECHNO MUSIC)

On a different tack, did you know you can submit reports to Scientology to warn them of wrongdoings such as:

# Any misrepresentation of Dianetics or Scientology.
# Developing and/or using squirrel processes and checksheets.
# Unauthorized use of the materials of Dianetics and Scientology.
# Infiltrating a Scientology group or organization or staff to stir up discontent or protest at the instigation of hostile forces.
# Any anti-Scientology, anti-Source, anti-org or anti-Church management actions or intentions.
# Any person who is hypercritical of Scientology or the Church.
# Publicly departing Scientology.

I let them know about Anonymous.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 12:41 AM on January 22, 2008

Metafilter: Elephants sometimes formed part of the equipment.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 12:43 AM on January 22, 2008

The thing I love about the church of scientology is that they are the closest thing to a Bond villain that the world is likely to meet.

Thank god for Anon, keeping us safe.
posted by dr. moot at 4:49 AM on January 22, 2008 [2 favorites]

[the goals were] given in an amusement park with a single tunnel, a roller coaster and a Ferris wheel ... The symbol of a Gorilla was always present in the place the goal was given.

Also from the wiki: The Gorilla Goals were a series of implants created by invaders from Helatrobus "between about 319 trillion[1] years ago to about 256 trillion trillion[2] years ago"

....

The Hoipolloi used "fantastic motion" as well as "blasts of raw electricity and explosions" to brainwash the hapless thetans into accepting the Gorilla Goals. The goals themselves were a series of simple tasks intended to trick the thetans into limiting their inherent abilities, with the goals including "To End", "To be Dead", "To be Asleep", "To be Solid", "To be Sexual" and so on.

Intergalactic carnies from the planet Helatrobus brainwashed alien thetans in an amusement park 256 trillion trillion years ago?

Hmm... makes sense!

WHAT. THE. FUCK. HOLLYWOOD?
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 5:00 AM on January 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

Those Anon videos should have a Panther Moderns byline.
posted by Skorgu at 5:22 AM on January 22, 2008 [3 favorites]

Everybody needs a touch assist.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:54 AM on January 22, 2008

I've been furiously meditating on how we can drag the RIAA into this fight and make it a 3-way 'net implosion for the BEST YEAR EVAR.

So here's a question: do you think the CoS paid for the performance rights to that Mission Impossible bassline they use in their leaked Tom Cruise promo video?
posted by bhance at 6:58 AM on January 22, 2008

I always enjoy the CoS cognitive reprogramming stuff, but I don't really understand the history/purpose of the whole faith side with aliens and all that. Certainly every religion does it, JC could certainly be seen as an alien with his reprogramming being the new commandment, love thy neighbor. Can anyone explain the aliens? Seriously. Maybe the reality is that people can't reprogram without some kind of crazy/insane byline, "brought to you by aliens and/or the son of God".
posted by ewkpates at 7:23 AM on January 22, 2008

So, wait, Stephen Hawking is Anonymous?
posted by everichon at 8:13 AM on January 22, 2008

Tom Cruise has definitely had a nose job. I think he's trying to morph into Ethan Hawke.

Also, everything he says sounds like a pep talk from a chiropractic workshop.
posted by Jess the Mess at 8:20 AM on January 22, 2008

Jack Parsons was the motherfucking rocketmaking man.

Indeed. But I still blame him for the whole mess.
posted by malocchio at 8:26 AM on January 22, 2008

I think maybe there was acid on my toothbrush this morning.
posted by ninjew at 8:46 AM on January 22, 2008

But I still blame [Jack Parsons] for the whole mess.

Why? Parsons had fuck-all to do with the creation of Dianetics/Scientology.
posted by oncogenesis at 9:53 AM on January 22, 2008

I always enjoy the CoS cognitive reprogramming stuff, but I don't really understand the history/purpose of the whole faith side with aliens and all that.

The way I understand it, what auditing is is free-associating abreactive therapy, where you dredge your memory to answer questions posed to you by your auditor & then try to remove the effect of that memory (that's what an "engram" is) on your mind/soul/thetan by reliving it over & over until the E-Meter reads flat as you remember it. That's called "clearing the engram". When you have no more engrams, you have no more reactive mind to get in the way of being completely logical & fully functional & you're declared Clear.

At some point in the process many people find themselves having memories of previous lives, which is called "whole track recall". At some other point they start going back even further into fantasy/sci-fi experiences, which is what the whole Xenu/Gorilla Goals/110,000 trillion trillion years ago stuff is about. That's just what Hubbard found when he did his own auditing & since he went first he got to lock in his narrative as the one to be imprinted on everybody who came after him.

If you want a general introduction to the whole range of Scientology Tech in practice I suggest "The Road to Xenu" by Margery Wakefield. Also there's a hard-to-find but delightfully quirky book written by Hubbard called "Mission Into Time" which recounts the time he led his little private Navy (that was the inception of the Sea Org) throughout the Mediterranean on a cruise to validate his past-life memories. One incident you won't find in there though, was the time they went looking for a spaceship (scroll about halfway down for story). Such was Hubbard's power of persuasion that he somehow made his followers believe they were finding all these things, which made for a very exciting trip.
posted by scalefree at 10:04 AM on January 22, 2008 [3 favorites]

So, the popular take is that Hubbard believed what he preached? Other than him trying to sell us on it, is there another side?
posted by ewkpates at 10:07 AM on January 22, 2008

Who can tell what he really believed? My personal take is that he alternated between knowing it was all a con & fooling himself into believing his own con, which is very dark magic indeed.
posted by scalefree at 10:10 AM on January 22, 2008

4chan FTW?
posted by alby at 10:27 AM on January 22, 2008

So, the popular take is that Hubbard believed what he preached? Other than him trying to sell us on it, is there another side?

I think he was taking a lot of acid.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:33 AM on January 22, 2008

One metric you can use is the amount of time he spent doing auditing. The whole OT levels & NOTS levels are the result of thousands of hours he spent auditing himself or being audited by the only person he ever trusted to audit him, a guy named David Mayo, who he eventually & inevitably turned on & made an UnPerson of because he threatened to overshadow the Big Man.
posted by scalefree at 10:53 AM on January 22, 2008

Hubbard was messing around with a lot of occult stuff iirc....I'm sure the religion was a planned con job but once you open the portals to the demonic, you might just go a heckuvalot deeper into woowoo land than you'd planned.
posted by konolia at 11:05 AM on January 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

Here's a hilarious comment on the Wikinews article about the hacking (context):

On the planet Teegeeak born and raised in Volcanoes is where my Thetans spent most of their days, Being overpopulated and cool and all watching some brainwashing movies outside of DC8 making school Till a couple of Psychiatrists who were up to no good, started freezing aliens in my neighborhood, I got in one little explosion and my Overlord Got scared and said "your moving with the homospaiens on Earth, that planet with air" So I floated toward home but when I came near the Soul Catching devices trapped me like Ghostbuster gear. If anything I could say the in-flight movie was rare but I thought "nah forget it, Yo Xenu to to Earth if you care" I looked at my fleshy prison and I was finally there to sit on my throne as the Prince of the beasts with body hair.

posted by desjardins at 12:51 PM on January 22, 2008 [6 favorites]

“Wow, this is like Rumsfeld on acid.”

I was totally thinking that, what with the vague abstract “they’re in the north...and west, and south....and east somewhat”
...he’s got a bit of a lisp. Say, y’know what it sounds like if you say Thetan with a lisp?

“The Gorilla Goals were a series of implants created by invaders from Helatrobus "between about 319 trillion[1] years ago to about 256 trillion trillion[2] years ago”

Yeah, I loved that movie.

“You take that back! Jack Parsons was the motherfucking rocketmaking man.”

Well, not all steely-eyed misslemen are stable. But look, perhaps we can come to some terms that ... hey is that GENE KRANZ!?
*runs off*
posted by Smedleyman at 1:20 PM on January 22, 2008

Scientologists Threaten Gawker Media With Legal Action Over Cruise Video.
posted by ericb at 3:00 PM on January 22, 2008

Did you mean this? Scientologists Threaten Gawker Media With Legal Action Over Cruise Video.
posted by juv3nal at 3:46 PM on January 22, 2008

Oops. Yep.
posted by ericb at 4:09 PM on January 22, 2008

From the chanology page: at every opportunity Anonymous needs to subtly remind women about Tom and his creepy woman haeting behavior

Uh, yeah, Anonymous. Way to build credibility (NSFW). So far this operation has seemed fairly EPIC FAIL to me, I haven't seen a single one of their target sites go down.
posted by whir at 4:52 PM on January 22, 2008

I really want to print copies of The Road to Xenu and pass them out to people in the subways now. Here's what I'm thinking:

"Let's make a trade. I'll refund what you paid the Scientologist for that book and give you this for free. I'll take the Scientology book. If you decide you still want the Scientology book after reading this one, here's my e-mail address."
posted by Mikey-San at 5:15 PM on January 22, 2008

Everybody needs a touch assist.

Every been giving yourself a touch assist when your mother walks into the bedroom?

Simply mortifying.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:30 PM on January 22, 2008

Whir doesn't understand anon.
posted by Lizc at 9:49 PM on January 22, 2008

s/understand/endorse/g
posted by whir at 11:55 PM on January 22, 2008

ps gtfo my lawn
posted by whir at 12:02 AM on January 23, 2008

Between this and Hal Turner, I think Anonymous is turning to the Light Side.
posted by Pope Guilty at 1:52 PM on January 23, 2008

Anonymous has put up some more secret documents: torrent at Pirate Bay.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 7:12 PM on January 23, 2008

Why? Parsons had fuck-all to do with the creation of Dianetics/Scientology.

I think Hubbard's mind was probably warped by the Babalon working. I also think the upper level OTO teachings that he gained access to through Parsons were very influential on the eventual Dianetics book. And I wouldn't be surprised if some of the money that Hubbard embezzled from Parsons went towards the initial publication of Dianetics, but I'm just spouting off.
posted by malocchio at 12:12 PM on January 24, 2008

I've been furiously meditating on how we can drag the RIAA into this fight and make it a 3-way 'net implosion for the BEST YEAR EVAR.

Can we work in militant furries and a raging debate about circumcision, too? Because I would really, really love to see that. They'd keep each other busy for years.
posted by eritain at 12:58 AM on January 26, 2008

Furries should not be circumcised.

Sterlized, yes. Circumcised, no. Besides, who's ever heard of a circumcized wolf?
posted by five fresh fish at 4:52 AM on January 26, 2008

Anonymous, leave our schools ALONE!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 6:30 AM on January 26, 2008

Insider Story.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:32 AM on January 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Whir doesn't understand anon.

Seconded.
posted by humannaire at 6:03 PM on January 26, 2008

This is immensely fascinating. I feel like I've been in a cave for five days and now the plates are shifting. Or, am I just prone to techno-paranoia?
posted by sswiller at 7:55 PM on January 26, 2008

Tom Cruise Crazy, lyrics by Jonathan Coulton. Nice little ditty.

Tom Cruise is Tom Cruise crazy
Just be glad it’s him not you
If you had Tom Cruise’s troubles
You might be Tom Cruise crazy too

posted by five fresh fish at 9:37 PM on January 31, 2008

Newsweek: The Passion of ‘Anonymous’ -- "A shadowy, loose-knit consortium of activists and hackers called 'Anonymous' is just the latest thorn in Scientology's side."
posted by ericb at 12:40 AM on February 9, 2008