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Where's the protein, ma?!
January 27, 2008 11:09 PM   Subscribe

Nothing says douche like a new haircut. Not your thing? Well, it comes in enough styles for everyone.
posted by MaryDellamorte (62 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite

 
This is the funniest fucking video ever!! I have watched it like amillion times! haha

Thank you, YouTube user jen2995. You are a poet and a scholar.
posted by oncogenesis at 11:20 PM on January 27, 2008 [6 favorites]


fucking hillarious
posted by growabrain at 11:22 PM on January 27, 2008


I didn't think it was possible, but I believe I have just become a lesbian.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:24 PM on January 27, 2008 [5 favorites]


Urg. Can I have my 2:46 back?!

The worst part is that that first video has been watched over 10,000,000 times -- that's over 52 consecutive YEARS of watching this video. I would literally request death after even a few days.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 11:29 PM on January 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


I didn't think it was possible, but I think I just ate my own kneecap out of sheer frustration with the stupidity of that video.
posted by koeselitz at 11:31 PM on January 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think the funniest ones are the Scene Haircut and the Senior Citizen Haircut.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 11:32 PM on January 27, 2008


Thanks for that. Now if you don't mind, I'll just be in the bathroom hacking my testicles off with the tarnished edge of this old Mr. Pibb can.

*(SCHLORP)*

Ahh. That's better.
posted by bunnytricks at 11:35 PM on January 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Is this self-parody? The first one, I mean. Because the way L2X describe themselves is pretty fantastically douchey, considering.
posted by mumkin at 11:36 PM on January 27, 2008


"e-lebrities." Heh heh.
posted by koeselitz at 11:37 PM on January 27, 2008


miss lynster: You didn't think lesbianism was possible before this?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 11:37 PM on January 27, 2008


miss lynnster is queen victoria, AICMFP.
posted by hattifattener at 11:39 PM on January 27, 2008


Painfully unfunny. Now, the origins of this video are funny.
posted by lalochezia at 11:44 PM on January 27, 2008 [3 favorites]


The verdict is in: YouTube people aren't funny.

Now, why the hell does my Schlorp Cola taste like Mr. Pibb?
posted by koeselitz at 11:47 PM on January 27, 2008


Please, please tell me this is photoshopped. *gags*
posted by MaryDellamorte at 11:49 PM on January 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


If the original video hadn't been intentionally, uh, "funny," the subsequent riffs would have been worthwhile. Unfortunately, nothing there was funny at all. Except the scene kid avoiding the toughguy moshers. That was good. lolmoshing.
posted by wemayfreeze at 11:53 PM on January 27, 2008


MaryDellamorte writes "Please, please tell me this is photoshopped. *gags*"

There are a couple other pics of those two swirling around digg and reddit, and a bunch more of NJ Guidos with similar tan-from-a-can complexions. I don't think the photos you linked show it, but part of that look includes the guys wearing lipgloss.
posted by orthogonality at 12:02 AM on January 28, 2008


Ortho, the last shred of faith I had left in humanity has now been vanquished into the pit of despair. Now I understand why Artax let himself go in the Swamp of Sadness.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 12:06 AM on January 28, 2008 [5 favorites]


Please, please tell me this is photoshopped. *gags*

The tall oompa loompas get all the pussy.
posted by Foam Pants at 12:10 AM on January 28, 2008 [14 favorites]


One of the guys who made the first video is called Tietjen, which is an old fashioned way of saying 'titty' in Dutch. Their parody betrays an obsessive attention to detail.
posted by jouke at 12:15 AM on January 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


MaryDellamorte writes "Artax let himself go in the Swamp of Sadness."

This has something to do with Huckabee's FairTax plan?
posted by orthogonality at 12:27 AM on January 28, 2008


This sucked the first time it was posted on MetaFilter.

[Flagged as a double. A terrible double.]
posted by fandango_matt at 12:51 AM on January 28, 2008


No one's done the Irish edition yet, because we can't do a thing with our hair.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 1:04 AM on January 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


Double.
posted by fandango_matt at 1:04 AM on January 28, 2008


This is horrible. Just really depressingly bad. No redeeming qualities whatsoever. Pure crap. And I'm so glad it's a double, so it can be wiped from the MetaFilter front page as soon as possible.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:11 AM on January 28, 2008


Or, as I said before it was deleted last time it reared its ugly head:

That was stunningly lame on so many levels.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 1:13 AM on January 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


Good premise wasted.


Now which of of you skanks wants to lick Chee-Toh dust off my rock hard abzzzzz?
posted by Senor Cardgage at 1:24 AM on January 28, 2008


Miss Lynnster: You didn't think lesbianism was possible before this?

Well, not for me.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:26 AM on January 28, 2008


Actually, I think the funniest part of it is just comparing the various ones. And I did laugh when the guy couldn't drink a sake bomb.
posted by miss lynnster at 1:27 AM on January 28, 2008


Ew. Just ew. *clings to the pacific coast with her dear life*
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:23 AM on January 28, 2008


You have to watch all the videos. Some of you are completely missing the context of this post by only watching the first video and casting stones.

It reminds me of this one time I hosted an orgy at my pad. I posted a listing on Craigslist, and each guy that saw me answer the door turned away in disgust. In the end, it was me and thirteen women. I called the oldest one Don Wrinkles.
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 2:42 AM on January 28, 2008


Two parts defeat and one part lame.
posted by maxwelton at 3:02 AM on January 28, 2008


I'm getting a new haircut this week.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:08 AM on January 28, 2008


Ganguro / Gyaru for white dudes.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 3:10 AM on January 28, 2008


He really embodies the WASP style.
posted by oxford blue at 4:50 AM on January 28, 2008


I believe I have just become a lesbian.

Aw, dang...too late! *fingersnap*
posted by pax digita at 4:50 AM on January 28, 2008


Is "Guido" here intended to mean "Italian-American"? Is it considered offensive? Hadn't heard the term before.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:02 AM on January 28, 2008


Re Guido: the previous thread explained.
posted by jouke at 5:39 AM on January 28, 2008


Oh yeah? I fucking like it.

Let's face it, these guys were creating fucking internet memes when you guys were still sucking your Mom's fucking dicks. So fucking can it, bitches.
posted by fungible at 5:40 AM on January 28, 2008


The one thing I got out of the first video is that there's apparently at least 10,000,000 people who have never heard of Denis Leary.

And any one with emo kid scene hair calling anyone a poseur is probably the funniest thing out of all of them.
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:50 AM on January 28, 2008


I spent my twenties playing in punk bands and avoiding dance clubs and bars where Darwinian hiccups like this guy congregate. Having seen this video, I am glad to know I made the right choice. Testosterone poisoning FTW!


On a side note, I wish they'd play country music in health clubs, if only to scare away these douches from the weights area.

posted by spoobnooble at 6:17 AM on January 28, 2008


i think i'm driving my wife insane. i've been running around the house screaming "not now chairman mao" for hours.

that first link might be a "double", but the rest of the link makes it worth it.
posted by jcterminal at 6:23 AM on January 28, 2008


Yeah, the first link is just for reference. The other links are the post.
I like the Jewish one. Also the one from RPI.
'But you know what? I go to RPI. I'm not gonna see a fuckin' chick all semester.'
posted by MtDewd at 6:41 AM on January 28, 2008


MtDewd, exactly. I didn't think the first one was that funny either, but I had to put it up there for a reference. Too bad some people missed the point.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 6:49 AM on January 28, 2008


Ah - thanks, jouke.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 7:05 AM on January 28, 2008


This is where I point out that I haven't had a new haircut since 1988.
posted by nowonmai at 7:07 AM on January 28, 2008


MaryDellamorte: I didn't think the first one was that funny either, but I had to put it up there for a reference. Too bad some people missed the point.

I watched them all. What was the point? Yes, the other ones were funnier. I really liked the Jewish dude. He was relatively funny. But the whole piggyback thing kind of kills it, I think; it didn't turn out half as funny as it could have been because the source material was lame. Overpoweringly lame. I think that's why people couldn't see past it.

It's like if James Joyce had based Ulysses on Family Guy instead of Homer's Odyssey.
posted by koeselitz at 7:55 AM on January 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


I would watch that!
posted by Mister_A at 8:06 AM on January 28, 2008


I didn't think the first one was that funny either, but I had to put it up there for a reference. Too bad some people missed the point.

It's generally a pretty good idea to be explicit about your first link being anything other than aces, and why, if it's necessary to lead with a bad link. At a glance, your post looks like it's saying "here's the thing you should click on, and also there's some related stuff too if you feel like it." Helps avoid spit-take reactions, makes it a lot more likely that your point will actually be perceptible.
posted by cortex at 8:09 AM on January 28, 2008


I watched the original, Jewish, and Asian ones in a row. It was like seeing the Evolution of Modern Man.

And it's funny enough...this is one uptight crowd here.
posted by kittyprecious at 8:13 AM on January 28, 2008


cortex: Shaddup, ya fuckin' skank. I'm gonna kick your ass. My boys? They comin' out, they gonna kick your ass. Bitch's love my new haircut.
posted by Down10 at 10:03 AM on January 28, 2008


"The following is rated R for Real Fuckin' Funny"

Yet more proof that the MPAA are a bunch of idiots.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:06 AM on January 28, 2008


What's Ian Ziering doing on YouTube?
posted by blucevalo at 10:11 AM on January 28, 2008


... well, I mean, I have to say that there were things I was thinking about when watching those. And, on reflection, I'm torn about whether I'm going to find these funny and interesting or just think they're silly and stupid. See, the irony that they're going for, I think, is this: that original video is horrendous. The people in it come off as, as you say, douches. It's offensive on at least two levels. First, obviously, they're saying all kinds of things about "bitches" and "pussy," which is pretty awful and hard to hear. But then, it's intended to be that way, right? It's ironic; the whole point was that the people portrayed were being so horribly offensive as to be silly and stupid. Because those people are offensive like that, right? So we're back where we started. The upshot is, we really can't tell whether they're being more ironic or more earnest. Thing is, I've met people who are very similar to the people in that video, and who would find it hilarious.

We've had discussions here about how sexist or racist stuff isn't cool even when it's ironic. With this, I can't even tell if it's ironic or not. I can laugh at how awful they are, I guess. And that, I guess, was the point. But that's complicated in an interesting way by the responses.

The best of them clearly knew what I'm talking about above, about the fact that you can't tell if it's ironic or not. They noticed that the ridiculous thing about it was that it involved mocking a certain segment of society as stereotypically being offensively mocking and obnoxious. So they contain this odd and silly duality, and take it to extremes. A Jewish guy says the same thing, but adds every Yiddish expression or Hebrew prayer he can think of, and does it with a yarmulke on. An Asian guy goes through the motions acting like he can't pronounce the letter r, and a black guy does it as a thugging guy who's proud to be a criminal, just out of prison, and does huge amounts of drugs. The Jewish dude was sort of cute and charming, and it was funny to hear somebody talk about "fuckin' shiksas," so it almost started to fly over my head; this is a little off. Then it came down like a ton of bricks with the black guy: holy fuck, this guy has to know that he's acting out the worst stereotypes about his own race. Jesus. And the Asian guy-- well, it was just too much. But that's the point, right? They're funny because they're airing the silly shit that they get confronted with. The original was, apparently, created by guys who were unwittingly lampooning their own subgroup. These people responding aren't lampooning their own subgroup; they're lampooning a stereotype people have about them. And maybe they're lampooning how strange it is to hear anybody say that crap.

I don't know. It's not really as simple as "this isn't funny." Funny means something. I'm still trying to sort this one out.
posted by koeselitz at 10:47 AM on January 28, 2008 [4 favorites]


This is exactly the sort of video that rewards my misanthropy -- if I didn't live a hermit's life I would risk running into those people.
posted by clevershark at 5:35 PM on January 28, 2008


It's generally a pretty good idea to be explicit about your first link being anything other than aces, and why, if it's necessary to lead with a bad link. At a glance, your post looks like it's saying "here's the thing you should click on, and also there's some related stuff too if you feel like it." Helps avoid spit-take reactions, makes it a lot more likely that your point will actually be perceptible.

Well, considering I'm fairly new here and and this was only my sixth post, I think I deserve a little slack. Give me some of that credit that you told me that I need to extent to others.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 5:55 PM on January 28, 2008


I thought it was fuckin' hysterical, myself.

But then, I was goofy enough to have posted it the first time around.

Thanks for taking the flak this time, Mary.

JAEGER BOMBS! JAEGER BOMBS!
posted by jason's_planet at 6:01 PM on January 28, 2008


Well, considering I'm fairly new here and and this was only my sixth post, I think I deserve a little slack. Give me some of that credit that you told me that I need to extent to others.

That was slack: neutral, constructive advice on where the point-missing you cited may be coming from and how you can make this stuff work better in the future. I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I'm trying to help you not be given a hard time.
posted by cortex at 6:05 PM on January 28, 2008


That was slack: neutral, constructive advice on where the point-missing you cited may be coming from and how you can make this stuff work better in the future. I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I'm trying to help you not be given a hard time.

I'm sorry for getting defensive. Actually I am, and I see that you were only trying to help...PMS is in full swing and I have a tendency to overreact.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 6:17 PM on January 28, 2008


No sweat. I blame the haircut.
posted by cortex at 6:21 PM on January 28, 2008


LOLZ!
posted by flotson at 7:30 PM on January 28, 2008


"Look at my striped shirt!"
posted by peeedro at 7:33 PM on January 28, 2008


So wait a second... this offensive piece of horseshit is also a double, and it stays?
posted by Ynoxas at 10:39 PM on January 28, 2008


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