Comments on: What would Darth Joker do?

What would Darth Joker do?

Kickstart70 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:45:43 -0800

Can a lightsaber cut through Superman? Through him it cuts, hmmmm?

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:54:05 -0800

Why would The Joker want to cut through Superman? What, Luthor's chopped liver now? The man was our President, PLEASE RESPECT.

By: effwerd

effwerd — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:55:32 -0800

Does the lightsaber have the element of surprise?

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:56:22 -0800

Neither this post nor Superman would survive the green.

By: phaedon

phaedon — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 08:57:15 -0800

But will it blend?

By: Steven C. Den Beste

Steven C. Den Beste — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:10:13 -0800

A red laser can kill Superman, if it's tuned to be the same as the light of a red sun. (Kryptonians gain their power from the light of a yellow sun, and lose it in the light of a red sun.) If the blade of the light saber was that same red color, it would cut just fine.

By: Iridic

Iridic — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:13:31 -0800

"If, on your journey, you should encounter [Superman], [Superman] will be cut."

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:21:04 -0800

I think of neither Superman 2 nor Episode I as canon: do I out-nerd this post?

By: furtive

furtive — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:24:12 -0800

Jedis can't actually cut through "everything" with the sword. Example: the big huge door in Episode I. They had to jam in their lightsabers and "melt" a doorway inside the door. The sword was fast to go into the door because they applied all the force to the tip, but was slow cutting because the Jedis are only so strong. Picture you cutting through a watermelon. In the same principle, a lightsaber technically might be able to cut through Superman, but there's nobody strong enough to force it through. Unless you somehow get the Hulk to use a lightsaber. But the Hulk doesn't exist.

So then by that logic you could stab superman with a lightsaber successfully, but it would be a pain in the ass to slice him in half.

By: TheophileEscargot

TheophileEscargot — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:27:59 -0800

Neither this post nor Superman would survive the green. I'm writing a short story about whether a lightsaber could cut through Superman...

By: fearfulsymmetry

fearfulsymmetry — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:42:20 -0800

This thread is not being respectful of the mythology.

By: otolith

otolith — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:56:25 -0800

I don't know. I think it could easily go either way. Superman doesn't look to be in very prime shape these days.

By: Ironmouth

Ironmouth — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 09:59:26 -0800

Slices through him like butter.

By: vrakatar

vrakatar — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:03:51 -0800

No way ironmouth. If he were weakened from green k maybe, but c'mon, he takes hits from powerful energy weapons all the time and they barely phase him. (geekfight! geekfight!)

By: Steven C. Den Beste

Steven C. Den Beste — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:16:52 -0800

Of course, if we really want to get geeky, then the next question is, "Which Superman? Pre-crisis or post-crisis?"

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:17:40 -0800

The notion that because Supes uses his heat vision to shave therefore means that lasers can harm him is ridiculous. His heat vision isn't 'lasers.' His heat vision can cut his own hair because it's an ability granted to Kryptonions by the yellow sun, thus making it as powerful as the invincibility granted to Kryptonions by the yellow sun. It's not because it's frickin lasers.

By: vrakatar

vrakatar — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:24:09 -0800

and lightsabers are not freakin' lasers either, so.... I think at best, a lightsaber might singe or scorch a kryptonian

By: InnocentBystander

InnocentBystander — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:30:52 -0800

shakespeherian: Nope, you're not alone on the canon thing. The very first time I saw Episode I, when it got to the scene where Qui-Gon melts the door, my first thought was, "Hey! Lightsabers don't work like that!" But yeah, otherwise, I think the question of Superman vs a Lightsaber is pretty clear-cut, no pun intended. Supes has faced far worse and lived. So, next round: Superman vs the Death Star! First you need a small planet and a lot of rope to tie Superman to it while the laser warms up . . .

By: danb

danb — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:32:50 -0800

fearfulsymmetry, that was the most terrifying thing I've heard in weeks.

By: Jon Mitchell

Jon Mitchell — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 10:53:52 -0800

he takes hits from powerful energy weapons all the time and they barely phase him. Typo, or nerd pun?

By: PhatLobley

PhatLobley — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:20:56 -0800

I used to have an old comic where Superman and Supergirl were in the core of the Earth, tossing nuclear weapons into the molten part. They were both smiling and one of them was saying something to the effect of "Our invulnerable bodies are no match for the heat of the inner earth, so we can help out by destroying these nuclear missiles where they won't hurt any one else!" The lightsaber doesn't stand a chance.

By: PlusDistance

PlusDistance — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:28:56 -0800

My money's on Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater

By: OrangeDrink

OrangeDrink — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 11:53:49 -0800

Point's moot. Once a bear with a knife gets in the room, they're all dead.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 12:06:58 -0800

So...Superman, who can shatter planetoids, move faster than thought, fire beams from his eyes, create freezing hurricane winds with his breath, has an array of extremely powerful/ stealthy/ unearthy/ magical allies, is just going to stand there and let someone saw through him? Maybe you could use it to open him up like Rocky Balboa in a fight.

By: Faze

Faze — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 12:17:46 -0800

But the Hulk doesn't exist. This is true, and why I geniunely respect this post. The whole Marvel universe is totally made up and anybody who would believe in it is an idiot. And PhatLobley, I love your quote, although it was probably "The heat of the inner earth is no match for our invulnerable bodies..." But the answer to the question about Superman vs. a light sabre, is that Superman is way to cool to ever have anything to with the George Lucas's pathetic creations, and the whole Star Wars universe is less to him the the dirt between the toes of lowest, filthiest begger in the bottled city of Kandor.

By: Busithoth

Busithoth — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 12:56:26 -0800

Answer: yes. Because as the Dark Knight so correctly said, Superman is an easily manipulated ponce. So why couldn't he be mind-tricked by some hippie with a rat tail and end up with the business end of a lightsaber thru his torso?

By: vrakatar

vrakatar — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 13:13:46 -0800

Busithoth, you ignorant man-slut. Supes could be mesmerizied, hypotizied, it does not matter. The sabre just does not have the juice to really harm him.

By: Kickstart70

Kickstart70 — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 15:02:03 -0800

I wonder if Superman's metachlorians would save him.

By: cytherea

cytherea — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 15:24:56 -0800

Well, I'm not sure whether on not a light saber would cut through superman, but I think it's clear he could easily be carved up into a delightful centerpiece of delicate, fanciful fillets and cuts with the subtle knife. Because that cuts through everything.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 15:32:50 -0800

Ron Popeil has something to say here!

By: Bernt Pancreas

Bernt Pancreas — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 16:41:38 -0800

Superman is vulnerable to magic.Seems like The Force would qualify.

By: vrakatar

vrakatar — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 16:52:02 -0800

Nope. Force powers are telepathic, telekinetic...biological in nature. Jedi are not spellcasters. I'm overly geeky right now. Thanks gods there is a football game tomorrow, I'll drink beer and holler.

By: blasdelf

blasdelf — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 20:11:10 -0800

WTF PEOPLE The conveyor belt keeps the lightsaber from moving through the air, and as such it connot possibly generate lift, much less penetrate Superman.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 01:37:12 -0800

I think of neither Superman 2 nor Episode I as canon: do I out-nerd this post? You clearly haven't seen The Donner Cut of Superman 2, then. There are copies floating 'round the usual places.