Comments on: Men from Nantucket need not apply

Men from Nantucket need not apply

kyleg — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:27:18 -0800

The man who runs xkcd
has created the LimerickDB.
Though often quite dirty
There are more that are nerdy;
If you check out the best ones, you'll see.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:31:04 -0800

Awesome.

By: DU

DU — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:32:56 -0800

But I thought the guy from xkcd was funny. (That said, a few of the meta-limericks are good. Like this one: There once was a gal from Peru whose limericks stopped on line two.)

By: Partial Law

Partial Law — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:38:22 -0800

Some nerds on the http believe that they're poets, you see. But their sense of timing is worse than their rhyming and the meter goes completely to shit by the end, we agree.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:40:49 -0800

"The limerick's structure somewhat necessitates *eloquent* smut. If you haven't the time to learn meter and rhyme, then don't write them, you ignorant slut. "

By: notsnot

notsnot — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:41:24 -0800

#53 isn't right. If "cotangent" rhymed with "nine" it would be better.

By: Floydd

Floydd — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:51:39 -0800

I think my take on Moby Dick was better than this one.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:53:16 -0800

I agree.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:56:50 -0800

A filthy and foul-mouthed young man Writes limericks like all-too-few can Heaps of cunts, shit and cocks For cheap, prurient shocks But the fucking things rhyme and they scan

By: notsnot

notsnot — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 07:58:01 -0800

Oh goddammit. Yeah, #53 works.

By: crunch buttsteak

crunch buttsteak — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

There once was a man named Vegeta Who thought he was quite a bit leeter. Yet nine thou on the gauge left him maddened with rage, and he went and destroyed his own meter. Thank you for this. Thank you so, so much.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:05:16 -0800

My favorite: A certified poet from Slough Whose methods of rhyming were rough Retorted "I see That the letters agree And if that's not sufficient, I'm through."

By: Jofus

Jofus — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:07:06 -0800

There was a young lady from Bude, Who went for a swim in the lake. A man in a punt, Stuck a pole in her ear, And said you can't swim here it's private.

By: martinrebas

martinrebas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:11:35 -0800

There once was a poet named Gunderson Whose rhyme schemes were all very cumbersome. With each botched refrain, he'd be heard to exclaim, "Oh, how do I get myself into these situations?!"

By: anthill

anthill — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:13:06 -0800

The modern ones are novel, at least: The army had intricate plans, but found victory snatched from their hands. "You've run out of time," said their foe, "because I'm in ur base, and I'm killing ur mans." Let's examine the memes of the day I can haz Cheeseburger's okay 2 Girls gagging shit sure beats Leeroy's lame bit ORLY YA RLY NO WAI

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:15:33 -0800

User seventeen-oh-two-two Thought limerick 53 was poo. Upon further reflection He offered retraction-- His detraction he'd started to rue.

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:20:00 -0800

Oh, thank fucking god-- another excuse for mefites to write nine hundred terrible limericks. I really look forward to this rest of this thread.

By: sdodd

sdodd — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:23:09 -0800

There's a perl pragma joke on the front page of the site. He gets style points for that.

By: cowbellemoo

cowbellemoo — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:28:10 -0800

Previously. :P

By: BrianBoyko

BrianBoyko — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:30:08 -0800

There once was a poster who wrote prose. Because he could do so in a very intelligent manner. When asked why he wrote a particular meta passage, he said that he did because he could never stand instruction in poetry when he was in high school. This was one of the reasons he never became an English major.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:33:26 -0800

Originally posted here.. There once was a man named Brock Who had an unusual cock his curious erection was bent in a direction 'tween midday, and seven o'clock

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:40:19 -0800

dersins says "thank fucking god" 'bout a limerick site that's quite odd. His words should remind ya Of a sandy vagina... Oh shit--sexism--delete, mod.

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:43:21 -0800

See-- case in point. If you're going to write a limerick to mock me, at least try not to write a shitty one.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:49:36 -0800

It's the ones with the math that I shun; Those are far too abstruse to be fun. By the time I detect That the math is correct, I have long since forgotten the pun.

By: jquinby

jquinby — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:54:59 -0800

Writing limericks can be oh-so-fun! Can you count? Then the game has begun! But please mind the meter, or I'll stomp on your peter With blinding hot rage of the sun.

By: danb

danb — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 08:57:43 -0800

I once had to write a bad poem for a high school creative writing class. I got a 100. I'll sit on the sidelines.

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:01:01 -0800

I was fucking this girl a bit rougher-- But she had one peculiar druther: "Stick it in my butt, But I ask that you nut On the face of dersins' mother. (just kidding dude.)

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:04:25 -0800

There was a man named Duck Phun whose name formed a wonderful pun involving some kittens and sexual ambitions; too bad my limerick's done.

By: Jon Mitchell

Jon Mitchell — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:04:50 -0800

If you want to write limericks, first You should master the type which is worst. If you have a tin ear, Or are called Edward Lear, You should try rhyming first with first first. Once you've done that, move onto type two Where the word that rhymes last is quite new This type is less dreary, But would make Edward leery, And don't work in the way that his do.

By: smackfu

smackfu — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:05:54 -0800

I was the limerick master in 6th grade.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:06:25 -0800

MrMoonPie's shitty limerick In dersin's craw will surely stick. Limericks, trite? Well, no-fuckin-shite. No reason to be a dick.

By: Jay Reimenschneider

Jay Reimenschneider — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:15:08 -0800

Great... xkcd and limericks: The metafilter thread I have been waiting for for so long has finally arrived. I guess dreams really do come true sometimes. (sniff)

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:15:57 -0800

Though mefites will frequently plan to lim'rick as best as they can, despite all their care it's really quite rare for any to properly scan.

By: Burger-Eating Invasion Monkey

Burger-Eating Invasion Monkey — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:16:06 -0800

What the fuck Metafilter? There were some great ones in the last thread, yet these are all shit. Get it together!

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:17:21 -0800

The database has me a-grin: Here's a place to keep limericks! Win! But without cottontail It's a db of fail, So that stuff better find its way in.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:27:00 -0800

iamb anapest anapest iamb anapest anapest. iamb anapest iamb anapest, iamb anapest anapest. now with feminine rhymes for those who like the word Nantucket! iamb anapest anapestic iamb anapest anapestic. iamb anapest iamb anapest, iamb anapest anapestic .

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:28:28 -0800

The once was a poet named Fending, Whose limericks were always offending. While switching rules like an amateur, Using imabic pentameter, He wasn't scared to use a fem'nine ending.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:29:48 -0800

What the fuck, Metafilter? Your rhymes are way off-kilter. The old thread was a hit, But this one's just shit. If it was living, I'd kill `er!

By: tommasz

tommasz — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:31:35 -0800

The awesome thing about this is that it's its own Rule 34.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:36:13 -0800

There once was an obtuse fellow, Who was a cashier so mellow. "What's this?" he cried, To which I sighed, "Idiot, it's a fucking portobello."

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:42:15 -0800

(just kidding dude.) Really? You're really so upset that I think these limerick are shit that you're going to write a (shitty, by the way) limerick about ejaculating on my mother's face? Do you think that maybe means you have a little too much invested in your conception of your own (shitty, by the way) limerick-writing abilities? Learn meter. Learn it well. Learn what it means to talk about a poem "scanning." Once you actually understand that, come back and write a limerick about ejaculating on my mother's face. If it's not shit, I might even laugh. As it is, I just kind of pity you.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:47:31 -0800

I kinda have to agree with dersins here. If your scansion is that lacking, just don't bother. Except, of course, for the ones where fucking with the scansion is the point.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:47:34 -0800

I once spilled a plate of beans It went all over my jeans I threw them away On Tuesday I've no idea what this means.

By: Memo

Memo — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:52:14 -0800

I don't agree with the abuse of Chilean Chinchillas presented on limerick #44.

By: RokkitNite

RokkitNite — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:55:36 -0800

There was a young girl from Kilbride Who ate fifty apples and died. It was her mother who found the body; She lumbered in through the back door Like a caveman, weighed down with groceries (including, ironically, a dozen apples – For she knew how her daughter loved apples) And called out: 'Alicia! Alicia!' And recounting the story to police later She'd remember the tetchy edge to her voice Because she had bumped her elbow On the way out of the car And there was a half-eaten bowl of cereal next to the sink And she just felt like no one appreciated All the work she did. 'Al-ic-i-a!' The way her cry seemed to die Against the soft furnishings Like the last muffled thump of a muted drum The slow fission of her anger As she waited for a: 'Coming, Mum!' The creak of the carpeted stairs As she climbed A vague unease building now 'Alicia?' inflected as a question The frisson of transgression As she twisted the cold plastic door knob And entered a teenager's room unbidden The details become hazy here Like a picture seen up-close, She knows them all too well Slack body slumped in black hoodie Hair stuck up at Manga angles with dried puke And that dreadful, caustic smell The funeral was delayed by six long, deadweight days While the coroner investigated In the end, he declared it 'A prank gone wrong' The local newspaper printed a picture Of her grinning In a school production of the Lion King And quoted her Headmistress Who said: 'Alicia was one of our brightest, Most bubbly students. She was always Willing to help. This is a tragic waste Of a young life.' A few days passed before A national tabloid Linked her death to a Similar stunt on youtube Where a Puerto Rican girl Ate twenty boiled eggs before puking Down her front. It slammed the 'craze' Amongst 'our nation's teens' For grotesque self-abasement In a bid for online status. But their feigned rage soon passed; O young girl from Kilbride Sometimes the apple bites back Had you forgotten Eden's dismal sting? The bland facts of how we crumple and turn rotten; Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:58:34 -0800

Okay, everyone who thinks the only requirement for a limerick is the rhyme scheme stand over here, against this wall.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 09:58:35 -0800

Steganographical limerick: A juxtapositional gimmick. "Splash 'midst old fronds, Frog enters pond." O'Bash would be more patronymic.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:00:09 -0800

Oh boy! I can't wait to read more Crap poesy from MeFites galore. But since I'm too sick To hack Limerick, I'll hack loogeys, and go to bed. (....snore)

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:02:08 -0800

The integral of zee-squared dee zee, From 1 to the cube root of 3, Times the cosine, Of 3 pi over 9, Is the log of the cube root of e. No it's not. It's D times R cubed, or R-D-R-R. Get it? Har-de-har-har? Jebus, you have no sense of humour. I'm outta here.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:02:17 -0800

(I also considered Methuselah puddle, Amphibian scuttle. but I was short a few words. Also, words-as-syllables in this strained analogy, since a seventeen syllable limerick would be in even worse taste than a haiku limerick.)

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:16:42 -0800

Metareferences, in-jokes and flow Are swell on the web 2.0, So, xkcd, A challenge for thee: One for Poesy (Emmeline Fibonacci Nautilus Taylor Doctorow)!

By: cgc373

cgc373 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:23:40 -0800

MetaFilter: in even worse taste than a haiku limerick.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:44:42 -0800

Limerick very brief; Haiku lurks beneath. "Bog, Frog." Basho begs relief.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:45:09 -0800

See? See?

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:55:05 -0800

Massachusetts man Self-serviced and satisfied What next - ear canal?

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:05:50 -0800

~~One for~~ Defend I think, for more metamileage and greater griefing potential.

By: lupus_yonderboy

lupus_yonderboy — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:11:30 -0800

There once was a girl from Japan, Whose limericks never did scan. She said, with a grin, "I just try to fit in, Absolutely as many syllables in the last line as I possible can." There once was a gal from Peru whose limericks stopped on line two. There's a sequel: There was a young man of Verdun

By: StrikeTheViol

StrikeTheViol — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:13:01 -0800

A girl I once woo'd said I'd tilt her If something impressive I built her I'm not good with my hands So I made other plans And posted to AskMetaFilter. True story.

By: tehloki

tehloki — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:17:08 -0800

There once was an X from place B, That satisfied predicate P, He or she did thing A, In an adjective way, Resulting in circumstance C. HA!

By: Flunkie

Flunkie — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:28:56 -0800

There once was a man from Crewe Whose limericks stopped at line two There once was a man from Verdun

By: lupus_yonderboy

lupus_yonderboy — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:36:09 -0800

Oi, Flunkie, I just posted both of those!!

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:38:43 -0800

There once was an i before e except after consonant c or sounding like "ay," like "neighbor" or "weigh. It's really that simple, you see.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:02:28 -0800

Feisty felons whose heists are revered Sovereign souls that society cheered Either way, please admit That your rule is forfeit English vowels, let's be honest, are weird

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:10:36 -0800

It's also important not to forget that neither sheik seized either species of weird leisure.

By: Phire

Phire — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:11:23 -0800

Squee. This is like everything I love about the internet. (Yes, I adore the silly and often terrible MeFi limericks, shut up.)

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:21:59 -0800

There was a peculiar sestina On love, by a woman named Mina. Dubbed "Vladdy and Harker", It spoke of them, starkers, The Count fav'ring blood over weinah. I apologize.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:31:47 -0800

All your cutesy exceptions aside, (and I do not intend to deride) I'll admit no such thing. Without rules we will bring about hasty destruction's fell tide.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:37:36 -0800

A faggot and dyke from Khartoum Once found themselves locked in a room They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, and with which, and to whom

By: hellslinger

hellslinger — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:49:38 -0800

HAHAHA, ahhhh brightened my afternoon.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 12:54:33 -0800

Catherine's manner was famously snide Poor servants! She'd chasten and chide But for pleasures equine She would gladly recline She was prone, either way, to deride

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:04:59 -0800

god, it took me forever to figure out that cortex's limerick was supposed to have the word "weinah" pronounced "Vine-uh." now it makes much more sense.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:09:53 -0800

Actually, that was just a desperate and shameless Bostonization of "weiner" to shoehorn in a rhyme I hadn't thought through. But I appreciate the generosity.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 13:25:07 -0800

oh, I thought it was supposed to be like a transylvanian [NOT ROMANIANIST] saying Wine with an accent. like "Vinah! Ah. Ah. Ah. Two-ah! Ah. Ah. Ah."

By: kurumi

kurumi — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:07:58 -0800

A truculent student of Zen Revealed his insolence when To sensei he bowed, but uttered aloud, "Ohayo gozaimasen."

By: RokkitNite

RokkitNite — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:22:56 -0800

A strapping young actor named Harris Felt mortification in Paris When a rip in his clothes Saw his Hamlet exposed As he stabbed an old man in the arras An Eskimo, quite unconceited, Had his modest proposal defeated For a chocolate canoe; He retorted: 'Oh poo – Guess you can't have your kayak and eat it.' A chaste farmer's daughter from Cheshire Finally bowed to inordinate pressure From her boyfriend to yield They made love in a field Till her Dad mowed them down with the thresher An old poet who hailed from the Tyne Wrote limericks with no last line. When friends asked him: 'Why, man?' He replied: 'Cos I can.'

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:32:02 -0800

After too many glasses of Spaten In a famous old Munich biergarten The man with the mo Said "It's time to go; Wir mussen die Juden ausraten!"

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:52:35 -0800

some poetic licence taken there, with the spelling of "ausrotten", as a pronunciation guide for non-German speakers. "ausrotten" should be vocalised as if screamed from a podium

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:10:15 -0800

A cheeky young mefite named Ubu Got tired of links to YouTube, ooh! So he penned a rhyme 'Bout genocide crime, What an antisemitical boo-boo!

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:29:44 -0800

A timetravelling hobo named Peaches, Surfing history's great ethical breeches Took der Führ for a fake And asked, in his mistake, "You know who else liked to give speeches?"

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:47:48 -0800

Der Fuhrer did not know this meme, Because tubes in those days were for steam. He glared at the hobo, Now dead as a dodo - "Send Peaches to the ovens, with cream"

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:54:10 -0800

Escaping a fate worse than awful (three Nazis left dead in the scuffle!), Our Peaches, still reckless Tried ordering breakfast From folks he mistook as Luftwaffle.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 15:59:36 -0800

Once a prolific mefite Unsav'ry but gen'rally bright Found a petering thread And helped it go dead with some "LOL holocaust amirite?"

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:02:09 -0800

Limericks! Now that's my bag! But I'm late to the thread, what a drag. For it's clever and raucous But I must go to caucus! "Boufus?" retorted a wag.

By: mazatec

mazatec — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:08:03 -0800

I liked this one: There once was a [person] from [place] Whose [body part] was [special case]. When [event] would occur, It would cause [him or her] To violate [law of time/space].

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:48:02 -0800

*sigh* - and just as I was getting excited about inventing a new genre: Hitler limericks! Ok, then. Here's a nerdy one more keeping with the original post (it might've been in the list, I didn't notice): A mathematician confided That a Mobius strip is one-sided. And you get quite a laugh If you cut it in half, Coz it stays in one piece when divided!

By: aws17576

aws17576 — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 19:58:02 -0800

I wanted to write a series of limericks representing the inhabitants of all the oddly named towns on the Lake Shore Limited. I gave up at Rensselaer. But There once was a gal from Schenectady Whose defect was pure infant ecstasy. People called her a sow, But she's down to two now Since her second cosmetic mastectomy.

By: FrotzOzmoo

FrotzOzmoo — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:58:27 -0800

There once was this cat who lived in a hat with not mice but lice... drat. (apologies to Geisel)

By: flotson

flotson — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 23:18:18 -0800

OH HAI! LIMARIK KITTY IZ IN UR THREDZ RITIN PRITTY POMEZ. THER WUZ KITTIEZ FROM VENUS! HA HA! CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER I?

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 00:32:39 -0800

Limerick Kitties are bores. Their compositions are eyesores. Spell things right, won't you please? And the burger with "cheez"... NO. NO YOU CAN'T HAS. NOT YOURS.