Loser gets creamed

February 8, 2008 12:35 PM

The Belgian version of Russian roulette.
posted by Blazecock Pileon (67 comments total)

Cream my face, mom.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:42 PM on February 8 [2 favorites]

I'm not really proud, but the conversation was eventually going to end up there anyway.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:43 PM on February 8 [2 favorites]

Someone had to set the dialectic early on anyways.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:45 PM on February 8

Shouldn't this involve waffles?
posted by doctor_negative at 12:47 PM on February 8

why "belgian" ?

Is "belgian" a punchbag/scapegoat nationality ?

I'm asking this because... I'm belgian.


(Well... I am right now. The way things are going in this country, I may get a new nationality it a few years...)
posted by Baud at 12:49 PM on February 8

Sorry, Baud, I mentioned Belgian in honor of Noel Godin. No offense meant.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:52 PM on February 8 [2 favorites]

Needs a facefullofgoo tag.
posted by puke & cry at 12:57 PM on February 8

Is "belgian" a punchbag/scapegoat nationality ?

It is, to the Dutch.

I'm asking this because... I'm belgian.

Well, I am Dutch.
posted by monospace at 1:00 PM on February 8 [4 favorites]

Buck-cake!
posted by unSane at 1:01 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]

I was trying to meld Buckaroo and Bukkake.
posted by unSane at 1:02 PM on February 8

It's the way he says "Fills your face full of GOO!" that sent a shiver down my spine.
posted by JimmyJames at 1:02 PM on February 8

Entarteur is my new favorite French word. I'm disappointed that Éclaireur means something entirely different.
posted by XMLicious at 1:03 PM on February 8

But in the end we settled on three choices: number three ... the Sprouts, sent in by Mrs Vicious of Hastings... very nice ; number two..... the Phlegms... from Mrs Childmolester of Worthing; but the winner was undoubtedly from Mrs No-Supper-For-You from Norwood in Lancashire... Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards.
posted by InfidelZombie at 1:04 PM on February 8

IT'S PIE FACE
posted by tepidmonkey at 1:06 PM on February 8

Shouldn't this involve waffles?

See, a Belgian waffle to the face would be excellent. Not tragic and wrong, which is the theme of the game.
posted by JimmyJames at 1:06 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]

Hey Baud, don't worry about the possibility of Belgium breaking up. We'll just go back to how things were in 1579 where Holland and Belgium were called the Federation of the Netherlands aka Belgica Foederata. Get it? Historically Belgium and the Netherlands are different words for the same thing!
But what do we do with our monarchies?
posted by jouke at 1:16 PM on February 8

This is simultaneously a waste of pie and an opportunity to punch a Belgian in the face.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:17 PM on February 8 [3 favorites]

Flagged as most obscene word in the universe.
posted by everichon at 1:21 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]

Also, pls to be shutting up about waffles, cos now I need some, and I have no chance of wafflage in the near future.
posted by everichon at 1:22 PM on February 8

Hey puny bagel, back away from Baud, my fellow Belgian/Netherlander!
Yay, ethnic feuds on metafilter!
(see the funny lamest wikipedia edit wars that was linked in the recent wikipedia cult thread for the flaming power of ethnic historical differences.)
posted by jouke at 1:24 PM on February 8

monospace: "

Is "belgian" a punchbag/scapegoat nationality ?

It is, to the Dutch.

I'm asking this because... I'm belgian.

Well, I am Dutch."

It is, to the French as well.

And well, I am French.
posted by McSly at 1:24 PM on February 8

I'm English and I'm in Belgium - whilst it still exists.

But I've seen something like that video often her, but with plates of frites.
posted by quarsan at 1:26 PM on February 8

Does not one have to be packing a waffle iron to play Belgian Roulette?
posted by chimaera at 1:33 PM on February 8

HAHAHA, what a great game.
posted by hellslinger at 1:36 PM on February 8

Hey puny bagel, back away from Baud, my fellow Belgian/Netherlander!

The Belgian I was referring to was the kid in the video. That kid strikes me as an asshole. All smiley because he got a new toy. Well, fuck you, you ratfaced little shit. Some of us didn't have fancy Pie Face toys growing up, okay? We didn't have a governess to supervise our play and keep happy simles on our happy Pie Faces. Our version of Pie Face was called You Shut Up About My Mom and we played it with our dads' empty bottles of Milwaukee's Best.

Ah, memories...
posted by Pastabagel at 1:38 PM on February 8 [6 favorites]

As long as we can all agree that we hate the fucking Danes.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:41 PM on February 8

Fun for you... or grown-ups too!
posted by anthill at 1:44 PM on February 8

I agree Ambrosia, the smaller the country the more hateful its inhabitants. Those awful Luxembourgers with their vulgar sounding Lëtzebuergesch language.
posted by jouke at 1:49 PM on February 8

What?! Don't tell me you're siding with those pansy Dutch van Houtens, AV.

One phone call, and I'll have all of Solvang at your doorstep. Don't make me do it.
posted by CKmtl at 1:55 PM on February 8

Heh, pansy Dutch? We're the tallest on the face of this earth. So what are you measly handful of Danes gonna do about it?

Yay, metafilter brawl!

Another round of beer here please.
posted by jouke at 2:02 PM on February 8

What could have been a nice intellectual discussion on the merits of the posted video has devolved into yet another wankfest of Dane dissing, Flem flinging and Belgian bashing.

I blame the goddamn Dutch.
posted by Floydd at 2:05 PM on February 8

AAAAAAGH! LYE FACE!

didn't you read the directions?
posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:06 PM on February 8 [2 favorites]

Also: Fuck the Phegmish, nawmean?
posted by everichon at 2:09 PM on February 8

Er, "Phlegmish". Alllllmost time to go home.
posted by everichon at 2:09 PM on February 8

I agree Floydd, that video is rife with intellectual discussion fodder. Were is the quiet sport on the internet where you can seriously discuss the finer points of goo being flung in smiling childrens faces with rigour?
But here? Nothing but derails.
posted by jouke at 2:11 PM on February 8

Belgium: The new Texas
posted by Bovine Love at 2:14 PM on February 8

I gotta say, watching the video? I thought of nothing before Don't Wizz on the Electric Fence. Bonus: Swede.

Metafilter: Fuck the Phegmish.
posted by cortex at 2:20 PM on February 8

the smaller the country the more hateful its inhabitants

*checks Wikipedia* Indeed.

Netherlands - Area 41,526 km² (18.41% water)
Denmark - Area 43,094 km² (1.6% water)

We're the tallest on the face of this earth.

You'd have to be, to keep your heads above water. It also makes you gangly bastards easier to knock over, high centre of gravity and all that.

So what are you measly handful of Danes gonna do about it?

You know all those redundant Dutch vowels? Those weren't originally part of the language... they got there by the Dutch constantly shaking in their clogs and stuttering in fear of our dreaded Viking marauders.

Now, are we going to lay off the trashtalk and go after the real problem? Those dirty Swedes need a seeing-to.
posted by CKmtl at 2:25 PM on February 8

Well now, the result of last week's competition when we asked you to find a derogatory term for the Belgians.

Well, the response was enormous and we took quite a long time sorting out the winners. There were some very clever entries.

Mrs Hatred of Leicester Said 'let's not call them anything, let's just ignore them' ...

(applause starts vigorously, but he holds his hands up for silence)

...and a Mr St John of Huntingdon said he couldn't think of anything more derogatory than "Belgians."

(cheers and applause)

But in the end we settled on three choices: number three ... the Sprouts, sent in by Mrs Vicious of Hastings... very nice ; number two..... the Phlegms ... from Mrs Childmolester of Worthing; but the winner was undoubtedly from Mrs No-Supper-For-You from Norwood in Lancashire... Miserable Fat Belgian Bastards.

(roar of applause)

Python's PREJUDICE
posted by Clave at 2:30 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]

In Belgium they speak Belsh. I heard.
posted by psmith at 2:32 PM on February 8

Shouldn't this involve waffles?

My gut says maybe.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:43 PM on February 8

Monty Python weren't fond of Belgians either
posted by doctor_negative at 2:46 PM on February 8

Let's go global with this:

Millimetres matter, miniature entarteurage.

Tortenschlacht, Germans cream each other.

Pudding Wrestling.

Clown College Reunion
posted by nickyskye at 2:56 PM on February 8

what do we do with our monarchies
The traditional solution to a surfeit of monarchs was beheading, of course, but make sure you go the French way and get the lot, rather than our cack-handed English attempt which let the heir escape only to come back later. Possibly a touch harsh on the modern mainland European models, who all seem to be cheery bicycle-riding social workers rather than the despots of yore. But as keen upholders of anachronism themselves, I'm sure they'd agree that the chop is only what proper form demands.
posted by Abiezer at 2:59 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]

that was funny
posted by caddis at 3:03 PM on February 8

And here I was thinking it would be something about beer. What a let down.

Can somebody over there send me a bottle of Westvleteren, pleasepleaseplease?
posted by slogger at 3:27 PM on February 8

The Canadian Version_[mp3] of Russian Roulette
posted by not_on_display at 3:30 PM on February 8

Is "belgian" a punchbag/scapegoat nationality ?
It is, to the Dutch.

Also to the French. Telling a joke there with a Belgian accent is something like an American using a hillbilly accent.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:37 PM on February 8

Petty regional animosity is the one thing that lets me know everybody is pretty much exactly the fucking same.
posted by lattiboy at 3:43 PM on February 8

I'm married to a Belgian.... I haven't decided if I'm proud of that or not....does it make it any better that he's Flemish and not French?
posted by meeshell at 3:53 PM on February 8

Best part about any toy is modifying it to the naturally sadistic tendencies of children and the possibilities for fun with this little honey are endless:

Rock face, frog face. ants face. spit face, mustard face, ketchup face (that would be fun!! Yum!), worm face, sharpened pencil face, fork face, knife face, fire face, glass face, dog shit face, human shit face, beer face, soda face, gerbals face, hamster face, goldfish face, draino face, bleach face, ammonia face, ajax face, Raid face, oil face, antifreeze face....etc..etc..

Fisher Price needs to jump on this and get out the waterboarding for preschoolers playset.
posted by Skygazer at 3:53 PM on February 8

Honest, I thought that was a fun game Blazecock. Deliciously messy. Just the kind of thing kids really like but parents would rather not buy. Like a backyard water slide or an Ooey-gooey Gummy Maker Makes 30 Edible Bug Creations.

Always amused me that Belgian-French-Dutch-German-Flemish-Luxembourgeois animosity. Kind of like Manhattanites' snobbery in talking about people a couple of miles away the "Tunnel and Bridge" crowd. Oh puleez.

In Belgium there are two types of waffles (or gauffres as we like to call them): [recipes]the Brussels and the Liege waffle. The Brussels is rectangular in shape with a golden-brown exterior, deep divots and is usually eaten with a knife and fork. Brussels waffles are served with a variety of toppings such as powdered sugar, whipped cream, ice cream, strawberries and chocolate. The Liege waffle is golden-yellow, more dense in texture and has a burned sugar coating on the outside giving it a lightly sweet flavor. This hand-held waffle is sold by street vendors all over Belgium.
posted by nickyskye at 3:55 PM on February 8

I'll take a Belgian over a French person or a Dane, any day of the week. French people have a stick up their butts and Danes well, I don't know. What can you say about a country that thinks Lenny kravitz is the best thing since Elvis. Also, Tuborg is overrated.

Now the Belgians and beer...that's another story entirely. You know physics the science? Well the Belgians they split atoms with their beers...
posted by Skygazer at 4:05 PM on February 8

Come the separation, I'm not exactly looking forwards to being ruled by the Vlams Belang...
posted by quarsan at 5:01 PM on February 8

I thought a Dutchman was just a Belgian who didn't know how to brew decent beer.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 5:06 PM on February 8

Well they've got 56 varieties of hash brownie to make up for it.

Heiniken? F--K that sh1t!! PABST BLUE RIBBON!!
posted by Skygazer at 5:53 PM on February 8

After a successful round of "Pie Face", the kids move on to "Alabama Man".
posted by Tube at 6:52 PM on February 8

Fisher Price needs to jump on this and get out the waterboarding for preschoolers playset.

It's called a sprinkler.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 6:57 PM on February 8 [1 favorite]

*Is torn between his French and Belgian heritages until he realizes he's Canadian and therefore is dead inside anyway*
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:44 PM on February 8

Heiniken? F--K that sh1t!! PABST BLUE RIBBON!!

The analogous Dutch beer is Hollandia.
posted by atrazine at 6:52 AM on February 9

> Petty regional animosity is the one thing that lets me know everybody is pretty much exactly the fucking same

and the future will be pretty much exactly like the past.
posted by jfuller at 7:54 AM on February 9

Let's not forget the Oozinator.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:46 AM on February 9

Sorry, that link went to a comment in the Oozinator thread. Here's the top.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 8:48 AM on February 9

Abiezer The traditional solution to a surfeit of monarchs was beheading
Yes. That's the proper old form. They'll appreciate that. We could also show their bodies to the public. Heads on spikes and stuff.
But maybe a fight to the death between both royal families would be more suitable to the modern times of reality tv. It would be broadcast on television. May the best royal family win.
posted by jouke at 9:53 AM on February 9

One question...

In Russian Roulette, isn't there supposed to be a chance of NOT getting shot?

No one seemed to remain uncreamed in the commercial.
posted by Samizdata at 11:03 AM on February 9

The game itself has that sort of chance factor in it.

Spin the spinner to see how many times you have to crank your pie-handlebars. After N cranks... Splat! Whoever is the last to remain uncreamed wins, I guess.
posted by CKmtl at 11:13 AM on February 9

Telling a joke there with a Belgian accent is something like an American using a hillbilly accent.

It features as an off hand joke in The Dinner Game where the protagonist is at one point supposed to phone someone anonymously and suggests he do it in a comic Belgian accent. (Which is a major derail, but I liked the movie and rarely have a chance to plug it.)
posted by IndigoJones at 11:49 AM on February 9