How to Tie a Tie: The Pursuit of the Perfect Tie Knot
February 8, 2008 7:16 PM Subscribe
After indulging in the irrelevant excess of fashion week, something a bit more practical: the pursuit of the perfect tie knot.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Self-link. -- cortex
This will be great for sunday school.
I don't go to sunday school.
posted by nola at 7:26 PM on February 8, 2008
I don't go to sunday school.
posted by nola at 7:26 PM on February 8, 2008
excessive necktie wearing cuts off the flow of oxygen to the brain.
posted by jonmc at 7:27 PM on February 8, 2008
posted by jonmc at 7:27 PM on February 8, 2008
Last night I’m at a party, and I chat up this gorgeous blonde with dark smoky eye makeup, angular face, an hourglass figure and long legs. After a good session of banter and comfort building, she compliments me on my tie and pulls it towards her for a kiss - at which point I thanked the man who invented them in my head.
Lies.
It’s going to cost you at least $40 for a good tie.
More lies.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:33 PM on February 8, 2008 [3 favorites]
Lies.
It’s going to cost you at least $40 for a good tie.
More lies.
posted by exlotuseater at 7:33 PM on February 8, 2008 [3 favorites]
You should be able to get a perfect tie knot and length in relatively less than 30 seconds.
This sentence is both nonsensical and an insult to the clumsy.
posted by PhatLobley at 7:37 PM on February 8, 2008
This sentence is both nonsensical and an insult to the clumsy.
posted by PhatLobley at 7:37 PM on February 8, 2008
Last night I’m at a party, and I chat up this gorgeous blonde with dark smoky eye makeup, angular face, an hourglass figure and long legs. After a good session of banter and comfort building, she compliments me on my tie and pulls it towards her for a kiss - at which point I thanked the man who invented them in my head.
alternate version:
Last night I’m at a bar, and I said something that offended this huge guy with scary eyes. After a few minutes of telling me to shut the fuck up, he reaches for my tie and pulls it hard, banging my head against the bar, knockingme unconcious. He thanked the man who invented them in his head.
posted by jonmc at 7:37 PM on February 8, 2008 [5 favorites]
alternate version:
Last night I’m at a bar, and I said something that offended this huge guy with scary eyes. After a few minutes of telling me to shut the fuck up, he reaches for my tie and pulls it hard, banging my head against the bar, knockingme unconcious. He thanked the man who invented them in his head.
posted by jonmc at 7:37 PM on February 8, 2008 [5 favorites]
I only wear a tie for weddings and funerals but since I always forget how to tie the damn things in between such occasions, this link might be useful.
posted by octothorpe at 7:56 PM on February 8, 2008
posted by octothorpe at 7:56 PM on February 8, 2008
I wonder how the Croatian mercenaries during the 30 years war c1600's dealt with that, jonmc... ;)
posted by porpoise at 7:57 PM on February 8, 2008
posted by porpoise at 7:57 PM on February 8, 2008
While I share the fetishistic veneration of exotic knot topologies, the tie as a male social convention is a wretched encumbrance.
posted by Tube at 7:57 PM on February 8, 2008
posted by Tube at 7:57 PM on February 8, 2008
The knots are easy. The real art is in getting the perfect dimple below the knot.
Also, she says the full windsor works the best for big guys with wide necks. But that damn knots uses up so much tie that you end up with too little skinny end to tuck into the loop. And extra-long tie selection sucks.
posted by mullacc at 8:03 PM on February 8, 2008
Also, she says the full windsor works the best for big guys with wide necks. But that damn knots uses up so much tie that you end up with too little skinny end to tuck into the loop. And extra-long tie selection sucks.
posted by mullacc at 8:03 PM on February 8, 2008
I had to wear ties to school as a kid. I had a logic professor who gave me the only advice I currently follow: "Big knot, small cock." I think I can do a half-windsor in my sleep at this point. The trick to achieve the dimple is to keep your thumb or forefinger right where the dimple will appear. Do this before the final step where you pull it through.
I can buy 10 Lacoste polos that last me at least a half a decade and cost the same price as the damn expensive ties I used to have to wear. I love fashion and well made suits, but not at dawn when I'm trying to balance waking up with making it to work. Thank God for Silicon Valley and casual wear.
posted by geoff. at 8:11 PM on February 8, 2008
I can buy 10 Lacoste polos that last me at least a half a decade and cost the same price as the damn expensive ties I used to have to wear. I love fashion and well made suits, but not at dawn when I'm trying to balance waking up with making it to work. Thank God for Silicon Valley and casual wear.
posted by geoff. at 8:11 PM on February 8, 2008
Am I the only person on the planet who only ties a tie once?
Working as a english teacher in Japan i just started loosening and re-tightening. Seemed to work, but then again they were just sucky half-windsor knots . . .
posted by panamax at 10:23 PM on February 8, 2008
Working as a english teacher in Japan i just started loosening and re-tightening. Seemed to work, but then again they were just sucky half-windsor knots . . .
posted by panamax at 10:23 PM on February 8, 2008
excessive necktie wearing cuts off the flow of oxygen to the brain.
Complaints of tightness can usually be chalked up to folks wearing shirts whose collars are too small. That is the one bit of fashion/apparel advice in my repertoire.
Same here, panamax.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:53 PM on February 8, 2008
Complaints of tightness can usually be chalked up to folks wearing shirts whose collars are too small. That is the one bit of fashion/apparel advice in my repertoire.
Same here, panamax.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:53 PM on February 8, 2008
Last night I’m at a party, and I chat up this gorgeous blonde with dark smoky eye makeup, angular face, an hourglass figure and long legs. After a good session of banter and comfort building, she compliments me on my tie and pulls it towards her for a kiss - at which point it comes off in her hand.
Damn clip-on ties.
posted by bigskyguy at 11:00 PM on February 8, 2008
Damn clip-on ties.
posted by bigskyguy at 11:00 PM on February 8, 2008
I learned to tie a tie when I was 8. My stepfather wound up in prison for embezzlement, but he saw to that. Republicans.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:16 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:16 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]
What's a tie?
posted by zengargoyle at 11:19 PM on February 8, 2008
posted by zengargoyle at 11:19 PM on February 8, 2008
Guys, try leaving the ties loose and your top button unbuttoned. The ironic look is in. If you can afford it, the shocked response when you wear a Psycho Bunny tie is worth it :-).
posted by Araucaria at 11:28 PM on February 8, 2008
posted by Araucaria at 11:28 PM on February 8, 2008
I gave away all my ties a few months ago, but I used to use the "Pratt" or "Shelby" knot (third down in the linked article). It's the only knot I ever learned to tie, and the only knot I've ever needed.
I never knew it had a name until now. I found it in, of all places, a newspaper clipping. How classy is that?
posted by retronic at 12:16 AM on February 9, 2008
I never knew it had a name until now. I found it in, of all places, a newspaper clipping. How classy is that?
posted by retronic at 12:16 AM on February 9, 2008
They missed one that took me forever to learn:
The bow tie.
Now I'm addicted.
posted by eclectist at 1:34 AM on February 9, 2008
The bow tie.
Now I'm addicted.
posted by eclectist at 1:34 AM on February 9, 2008
It's at this point that I have to pimp my post on this subject from last year.
posted by psmealey at 3:14 AM on February 9, 2008
posted by psmealey at 3:14 AM on February 9, 2008
I never knew it had a name until now.
My feeling on the Four in One... which, when I wore a tie, I always did because it's like the quickest.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:14 AM on February 9, 2008
My feeling on the Four in One... which, when I wore a tie, I always did because it's like the quickest.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:14 AM on February 9, 2008
Oh and being able to tie a bow tie without the aid of one's valet is the sure sign of a gentleman.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:14 AM on February 9, 2008
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 5:14 AM on February 9, 2008
I'd think being unable to tie anything without one's valet would be the sure sign of a gentleman.
posted by ook at 6:36 AM on February 9, 2008
posted by ook at 6:36 AM on February 9, 2008
As someone who wears ties daily (and often has to tie them in the dark in the middle of the night), the four-in-hand is indeed the lazy man's friend. In fact, due to the rural nature of where I live, I often have grown men show up at my funeral parlor, tie in hand, bewildered look on their face. To save them embarrassment, I always ask, "Oh, may I tie that for you, sir?" before they have to ask.
I am getting to the point where I can knot a tie on someone else faster than I can do my own, which I suppose is a good skill for a mortician.
The full-Windsor is not made for fat men like me (despite what this Pooh-bear wearing site says).
posted by ColdChef at 7:02 AM on February 9, 2008 [2 favorites]
I am getting to the point where I can knot a tie on someone else faster than I can do my own, which I suppose is a good skill for a mortician.
The full-Windsor is not made for fat men like me (despite what this Pooh-bear wearing site says).
posted by ColdChef at 7:02 AM on February 9, 2008 [2 favorites]
I have never been able to tie a tie:
My father showed me how.
My brother showed me how.
My father-in-law showed me how.
I watched videos.
I go the manufacuter's instructions.
....and all have failed.
I wore ties to work for years, and I was unable, over those thousands of days, to tie my own tie.
I had my brother tie up all my ties, and I would just slip them over my head.
...if only I could have tied my own ties...maybe life woulda been better......
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:58 PM on February 9, 2008
My father showed me how.
My brother showed me how.
My father-in-law showed me how.
I watched videos.
I go the manufacuter's instructions.
....and all have failed.
I wore ties to work for years, and I was unable, over those thousands of days, to tie my own tie.
I had my brother tie up all my ties, and I would just slip them over my head.
...if only I could have tied my own ties...maybe life woulda been better......
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:58 PM on February 9, 2008
Half-Windsor represent.
Leave the top button unbuttoned, though - buttoning it cuts off the flow of oxygen to the brain.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:57 PM on February 9, 2008 [2 favorites]
Leave the top button unbuttoned, though - buttoning it cuts off the flow of oxygen to the brain.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:57 PM on February 9, 2008 [2 favorites]
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2) affix other end to downpipe, cistern or window bars
3) climb onto surface that is higher than the length of tie
4) jump
posted by mattoxic at 7:24 PM on February 8, 2008 [2 favorites]