Comments on: "Garlic: The Silent Killer," "Juicy Beans," and 39 other fascinating projects of SCIENCE!

"Garlic: The Silent Killer," "Juicy Beans," and 39 other fascinating projects of SCIENCE!

Hat Maui — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:49:23 -0800

Crystal Meth: Friend or Foe High school science project alchemy: dumb shit into comedy gold.

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:53:48 -0800

I bet that "The Wii Workout" will be a peer-reviewed scientific paper within the next 18 months. If it isn't already. They might use a more obscure title.

By: Turtles all the way down

Turtles all the way down — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:56:11 -0800

I will say this: I was a professional scientist, who wrote a few very good papers based on my research and published them in very good journals. If you could have seen my science fair projects you would have laughed at the lame-in-osity. They were pathetic. Lame-in-osity is a scientific word.

By: redhanrahan

redhanrahan — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:59:48 -0800

Boy, kids sure are stupid!

By: blastrid

blastrid — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:02:42 -0800

The kid in the last one has a great gangsta lean; he just needs to be holding his collar up. And I hope he got points for using notebook paper and packing tape. >Boy, kids sure are stupid! And funny looking!

By: oddman

oddman — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:04:30 -0800

>>Boy, kids sure are stupid! >And funny looking! And lame!

By: kuujjuarapik

kuujjuarapik — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:06:57 -0800

That was the coolest thing ever. The sweater I mean.

By: danb

danb — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:08:24 -0800

Garlic: The Silent Killer OH SHIT OH SHIT

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:13:29 -0800

Hilarious, reminded me of the horrible science fair projects of my peers...

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:14:42 -0800

Fashion SWAT More Fashion SWAT

By: pompomtom

pompomtom — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:15:38 -0800

>>>Boy, kids sure are stupid! >>And funny looking! >And lame! And stupid! No, wait....

By: WolfDaddy

WolfDaddy — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:18:39 -0800

What the fuck is RYSTAL MET?

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:19:26 -0800

I feel bad for the Electro Worms kid. He looks so disillusioned. "Hypothesis: WORMS CAN CONDUCT ELECTRICITY" "Finding: not exactly"

By: !Jim

!Jim — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:26:01 -0800

Really these aren't all that bad. It's actually pretty hard to come up with things to research (at least for me), and I always had trouble coming up with science fair ideas. I don't really like the "Haha, look at how stupid and unoriginal little kids are" aspect of this but I guess if I wanted to be charitable, I could view it instead as "Kids science the darnedest things". I had a lot of really lame science fair ideas that were put together at the last minute because I could never think of anything good. Then there was the time I tried to do a coilgun. This was in junior year of high school, and there were so many reasons it was doomed to fail. For one, we didn't have hundreds of dollars to spend on huge capacitors. What's worse than that, though, was that we tried to do it without them. We had never taken any kind of magnetism course, and our research didn't turn up any kind of work that made sense to our pre-calculus brains (see, e.g., Maxwell's equations), so we did what you do when you don't know what to do. We bought a bunch of magnet wire at Fry's Electronics, wrapped it around some giant iron rods by hand, and hooked up the wire to a power supply we pulled out of a computer. As you can imagine, this device did next to nothing. It did actually manage to pull the ball -which was about 3/4" in diameter, way bigger than anything you see on coilguns that work- up to to the magnet, but that was about it. I still remember having a lot of fun working on that project, though, and when I finally did take E & M, it had a lot more relevance to me as I began to understand the kind of power we would have needed to do what we were trying to do. So yeah, you could see me standing in one of these pictures with this retarded-looking, non-functional coilgun, and laugh at what an idiot I was, but that's really besides the point.

By: PhatLobley

PhatLobley — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:27:02 -0800

We seem to have an epidemic of bad posture in this country.

By: Hat Maui

Hat Maui — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:32:07 -0800

Boy, kids sure are stupid! "Haha, look at how stupid and unoriginal little kids are" aspect of this FWIW, that wasn't really my intent. i found it funny because kids are funny. i guess the "dumb shit into comedy gold" post framing implied that i think the kids are stupid, but that's not the case. i just wanted to incorporate "alchemy" in there, because, well, SCIENCE!

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:32:17 -0800

I like the Plants and Pop kid. He knows he'll probably never be quite so correct about anything ever again, and he is absolutely correct here. Those are most definitely plants and that? Hot damn. That is pop. That's for damn sure.

By: 0xFCAF

0xFCAF — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:33:48 -0800

My friends made a functional coilgun as high school physics project using some soda can-sized capacitors and a transformer from a neon sign. It fired a nail (sans head) at potentially-lethal speeds, and their genius teacher let them fire it inside the classroom as a demonstration. An odd ricochet sent the nail exactly in the direction where the teacher had been standing prior to saying "For safety's sake, I'm going to move behind this thing" and stepping a few feet to the side.

By: mistersquid

mistersquid — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:38:35 -0800

It's getting late and I want to thank you, Hat Maul, for some tear-inducing giggles. As kittensforbreakfast noted, the look on Electroworms kid's face is awesome in its dejectedness. Then there's the unbridled suspicion of the "tour guide" on the right. I have renewed belief that children are the proper subjects of our unselfconscious laughter.

By: fshgrl

fshgrl — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:42:32 -0800

>>Boy, kids sure are stupid! >>And funny looking! >And lame! And fat! When did middle school kids all get that heavy?

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:45:13 -0800

Oh, and these kids are total amateurs, I just wanted to say. When I was a kid, I witnessed the full potential of baking soda and vinegar, and I harnessed that power into a force normally reserved for nature and God Himself. I created with my own two 12-year-old hands... a volcano. YES. On that day in 1992, a man-made volcano sat RIGHT THERE on a Kansas folding table! You never saw such a sight! And you never will again because it was an ORIGINAL. My childhood was a little disappointing.

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:48:12 -0800

Oh this is great.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:49:00 -0800

Scoffers. You shall learn. RELEASE THE ELECTRO WORMS!

By: The Great Big Mulp

The Great Big Mulp — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:50:35 -0800

That was the coolest thing ever. The sweater I mean. Yeah, that's about the best sweater I've ever seen. Man, I want one.

By: never used baby shoes

never used baby shoes — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:52:14 -0800

The Ideal Pancreas: Part II Some of us haven't seen Part I, you know. Maybe a spoilers tag? Now all the suspense is gone.

By: never used baby shoes

never used baby shoes — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:53:38 -0800

Who's Your Daddy? And the suspense returns!

By: patr1ck

patr1ck — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:56:44 -0800

But is it crystal meth in a can?

By: danb

danb — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 20:59:38 -0800

I created with my own two 12-year-old hands... a volcano. That's nothing. You should have seen my scale* model of the solar system made with Styrofoam and coat hangers. * not to scale

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:00:39 -0800

When did middle school kids all get that heavy? I smell Science Fair first prize material!

By: Anything

Anything — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:04:55 -0800

I also like the plants and pop kid. Of all the projects, that seems the one most probably giving valid results, assuming I'm correct on what it's about. Now, I'd like to know which of the plants had the pop.

By: zenzizi

zenzizi — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:11:32 -0800

needs more POP THAT CORN (a 4chan favorite)

By: caddis

caddis — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:15:18 -0800

Kid, take an E.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:17:38 -0800

The Code of the Meniscus! That torrid law - wetness clinging, cleaving, climbing the inside lip of the scientific vessel, or presenting itself nudely upward in quivering tumescence, each state controlled only at your will, oh Colin, you wild wizard! Only you could study the code and not succumb to its molecular allure! You needn't be told where my fealty lies, Colin. I swore to the code long ago. But I was never so overwhelmingly meniscal as this. Not till your work moved me. You've done science on my soul.

By: caddis

caddis — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:17:48 -0800

Pantheistic solipsism

By: caddis

caddis — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:25:45 -0800

Plants and Pop - Kid, give me your lunch money or die right here in the hallway (damn, this is good weed).

By: middleclasstool

middleclasstool — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:30:31 -0800

Garlic: The Silent Killer Some think "silent, but deadly." I say "silent, but merely violent."

By: [son] QUAALUDE

[son] QUAALUDE — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:30:59 -0800

uggghh, i feel like i need a shower... and some topical 5% benzoyl peroxide and some orthodontic work and a hot pocket?? WTF HIGHSCHOOL!!!1 gross that said, i liked the shady a/v nerd kiddies with the website/science projects and their dim futures as faux-russian black hat google adsense exploiters, LOL!

By: eye of newt

eye of newt — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:32:09 -0800

Some of these seem quite creative and inventive (well, maybe not "Plants and Pop"). I see future marketing conference booth designers in "The Right Wipe" gals. I like the white lab coats in "Extreme Wood". Presentation--it's all about presentation. And how much did the kid scientist behind the "Do Video Games Affect You?" pay the poster child of his research to stand there?

By: eye of newt

eye of newt — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:35:44 -0800

On second thought what the "Plants and Pop" lacks in presentation, is clearly made up for with clearly presented evidence.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:38:39 -0800

>>>Boy, kids sure are stupid! >>>And funny looking! >>And lame! >And fat! Once in the fifth grade I made it to the regional Science Fair, which was hosted at another school. I can't remember if it was my awesome kinetic energy project or my impressive exploration of the atom, by regardless, I was beat by a pair of mouthbreathers who're probably the proud parents of at least thirteen of these kids. Their amazing project? "WHICH CHOCOLATE BAR TASTES BETER?" I watched from across the aisle as they plied the judges with nauseating pieces of melted Kit-Kat and Chunkie bars, the chocolate debossed with their grimy fingerprints. The judges were teachers at the host school. The kids were students at the host school. They won. I lost. And that was the day I stopped trying. And that is why my greatest achievement in science is successfully copying an upside-down Punnett Square off the final exam of the uncooperative girl I was sharing a table with in the tenth grade, and that is why I will laugh at these stupid, funny-looking, lame, and fat children.

By: [son] QUAALUDE

[son] QUAALUDE — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:41:57 -0800

but moon babies was HILARIOUS as i have absolutely no idea what it could possibly be about, and the right wipe was like a high school version of a klaxons video or something. OKAY, this is off topic, slightly, but i was talking with some people earlier today... Whats with this whole american cultural nostalgia for high school? Why are teens romanticized in such a way (TV and personal reminiscence...), and that whole age supposedly wrought with epic pent-up sexuality, idolized by "us" well into our adulthood (speculation on my part)? Who actually feels like prom and "the big game" is the pinnacle achievement of their existence? Only like 80% of people i asked... do they remember how OOKY and GROSS they all looked in high school? Look at this list! These pictures! Who but some nambla freak or zit fetishist could covet THAT!? /rant

By: solipsophistocracy

solipsophistocracy — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:43:39 -0800

That last kid is 6 months tops from trading that last p for a t.

By: davejay

davejay — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:47:17 -0800

And that was the day I stopped trying. Alvy, it is that type of experience I hope to help my children anticipate, so that they laugh and mock such people rather than giving up hope. Thanks for the reminder that I need to stay diligent!

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:01:54 -0800

*Adds 'Cautionary Example' to CV*

By: Hat Maui

Hat Maui — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:10:44 -0800

yeah, or the "cautionary whale" of juno.

By: JimmyJames

JimmyJames — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:11:30 -0800

The best I science project I've ever come across was "How long can my goldfish survive without food?" I just stared at it. I couldn't believe it passed the third grade ethics board.

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:15:32 -0800

When I was in fourth grade, my Science Fair project was The Power of the Pyramids. Because back in the '70's, for a brief moment, it was believed by some that anything entombed in a pyramid (even a super-cheap 6" plastic one) would remain! miraculously! unchanged! by some unchallenged scientific principle. I don't know how I came to this dismal project, but I'm guessing it had something to do with all the Unsolved Mysteries shows and Erik Von Daniken books I was consuming at the time. Anyway, after a month and a half of watching razors rust away despite the wisdom of the pharoahs, I came to the really depressing realization that 1) science sometimes exists to prove things are wrong, 2) some adults won't care what science proves, and most importantly, 3) there are adults who will happily make money off desperate 4th graders as long as they can turn a buck for their New Age tchotchke shops. I got a C- on the project, but it taught me a helluva lot more than a baking soda volcano ever would.

By: Pinback

Pinback — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:16:14 -0800

Photos of dorky kids + titles copied directly from photos = comedy gold? Obviously I've been overthinking my FPPs...

By: JimmyJames

JimmyJames — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:17:15 -0800

also, i'm nthing the sweater. Fucking Brilliant.

By: fshgrl

fshgrl — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:28:52 -0800

2) some adults won't care what science proves Some of them are even scientists.

By: jal0021

jal0021 — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:35:43 -0800

My junior high science fair project was about wood, too. Who knew it was such a popular topic?

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:36:07 -0800

What the fuck is RYSTAL MET? Same thing as regular crystal meth, but missing a hydrocarbon.

By: peppito

peppito — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 22:53:50 -0800

Eh, these all look photoshopped.

By: cmonkey

cmonkey — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 23:11:37 -0800

My sole experience with Science Fairdom was a volcano made out of paper mache and baking soda and vinegar and when it erupted it wiped out a little village I built at the foot of the mountain. I don't think I even took it to the science fair, I just liked wiping out the little village over and over again. Kids these days, my god.

By: melodie

melodie — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 23:37:20 -0800

We didn't have science fairs when I was your age. We smeared cheese and peanut butter on paper towels to check for fat content and we fondled mercury with our bare hands and we liked it! Oh my god. But in grade seven, the shopping mall across the street from my school finished its expansion and for some reason we had our classes in the concourse above the food fair for a while. Mostly it was band and art and other stuff designed to charm The Old Folks into thinking that a mall that size needed two bookstores, but science class that year was all about the development of chicks (from chicken eggs, pervo). We had an incubator and every week we'd go and crack open these eggs long before their time and document the development of the embryos. The psychological scars are with me to this day, I shit you not. At any rate, I call awesome on ELECTRO WORMS kid. His heart was in the right place, you bastards.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 23:42:58 -0800

This is an awesome trove.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:05:53 -0800

I officially hand over America to whomever wants it.

By: Hat Maui

Hat Maui — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:14:36 -0800

we fondled mercury with our bare hands man, i remember taking mercuric oxide, putting it in a test tube and then putting that over a bunsen burner so as to extract the mercury. no ventilation whatsoever, and then we played with the mercury, all at the instruction of our beloved teacher. this was in sixth grade. *twitches*

By: chillmost

chillmost — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:42:32 -0800

Ugh. Too many traumatic memories. I can't make it to the bottom of the page. Damn you, Miss Stolz!!! You warped my soul!!

By: grouse

grouse — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 01:50:06 -0800

Some of these look like they could be good school science projects.

By: jamaro

jamaro — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:16:33 -0800

OK, this has inspired me to redouble my efforts to convince my 4th grader that his scifair project about reflectivity and paint colors that he's been slaving over all week should be entitled something other than "Black is hot, baby!" Also, remind me to cancel Cinemax.

By: Samizdata

Samizdata — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:30:37 -0800

Two words, cats and kittens... Kelp. Biscuits. That is all.

By: Malor

Malor — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:50:23 -0800

The one science fair I ever did, I did electroplating. Now, times were a little different back then; this would have been about 1980. I visited a local electroplating shop and asked them how to do it. They loaded me up, a 15 year old boy, with seveal bags of chemicals for the solution. These chemicals, they told me, were so incredibly toxic that even a small amount, anywhere on my skin, could kill me. I don't know if this was literally true or not, but in my somewhat faded memory, they were kind of matter-of-fact about this, not hyperbolic like you'd expect. It was sort of, "oh, by the way, this shit can kill you, so wear gloves and be careful." And I was surprised, and asked them if that was really true, and they said, "yeah, so don't get ANY on your skin at all." I had the feeling then, and I have the feeling now, that they were being literally truthful... and they let me have the chemicals anyway, and off I went with several bags of potassium solution of some kind. I did copper electroplating, which was really pretty cool. I just cleaned up some pennies and used those; unlike today's pennies, they were copper all the way through, and were a great source of the metal. And I made, in a few mason jars connected with a few pieces of thick wire, sitting on a dusty-but-working chest freezer in a largely disused garage, some really remarkably beautiful platings; one was a thin bracelet of some kind, and it took the copper wonderfully and looked just fabulous. But I presented things very poorly, with a badly written notebook and rather crummy-looking equipment, so I won for technical merit, but, overall, lost badly to the typical baking-soda volcanoes. I wish I'd thought of taking pictures; I had no idea at the time that it would ever be unusual for a teenager to be given lethal chemicals, for free, just by asking. And, of course, it's possible they fooled me about the lethality... but they just seemed kind of bored and not very interested, so they didn't have much fun with the joke if it was one. :) (I think I ended up returning what I didn't use, but I don't remember for sure.)

By: Malor

Malor — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:54:04 -0800

I just looked it up on wikipedia: Many plating baths include cyanides of other metals (e.g., potassium cyanide) in addition to cyanides of the metal to be deposited. These free cyanides facilitate anode corrosion, help to maintain a constant metal ion level and contribute to conductivity. Additionally, non-metal chemicals such as carbonates and phosphates may be added to increase conductivity. I think it's entirely possible that they gave two good-sized bags of potassium cyanide. Oh my god. :)

By: chuckdarwin

chuckdarwin — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 04:07:02 -0800

Just look at those enthusiastic youngsters! Can you feel the envy of the rest of the world, America? Can you?

By: spoobnooble

spoobnooble — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 04:27:52 -0800

When I first saw this, I thought we were supposed to laugh at science projects promoting Creationism and disputing global warming. Instead, apparently, we're supposed to laugh at the fatties and the pimpleheads. My bad. Carry on with the LOLHISKOOLZ...

By: Optimus Chyme

Optimus Chyme — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:21:45 -0800

Note that the Fashion SWAT articles linked upthread are a million times funnier than the photos on their own. POP THAT CORN

By: adipocere

adipocere — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:29:05 -0800

Perhaps my favorite high school science project, right in my very school, was "BREAD MOLD." Just a simple white board with a single slice of bread nailed to it. To one side, another nail held little tags, incremented each morning, "Day 4," "Day 5," and so forth. No other identifying marks could be seen. The bookcase on which it stood, also white, began collecting a green dusting of spores. One morning the project simply disappeared. Marvel at the hard work that went into that scientific endeavor.

By: uncleozzy

uncleozzy — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:52:39 -0800

we're supposed to laugh at the fatties and the pimpleheads I think I speak for everybody when I say we're mostly laughing at "Eww, It's All Over Us!!" and "That Will Leave a Stain!"

By: pointystick

pointystick — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:56:56 -0800

The other day in the craft store I saw a kit that had 10 styrofoam balls* of proportional sizes so kids can paint them to make a solar system for the science fair. When I was a kid we had to find our own properly sized balls (uphill! in the snow!). Now they make things too easy and this is the inevitable result. *and one styrofoam ring, natch

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:59:35 -0800

When did middle school kids all get that heavy? DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK, I'VE BEEN HERE FROM 1991-1993

By: lukemeister

lukemeister — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:13:59 -0800

When did middle school kids all get that heavy? Because of the line after the last picture that says "If you enjoyed this post, please consider subscribing to our feed!"

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:49:36 -0800

In middle school, thanks to the help of my scientist father, I had a science fair experiment called "Don't Press That Button!" It consisted of two boxes, each with a button on it, both with signs saying not to press them. The Control button would do nothing. The Experiment button would shock the person pressing it. I'd sit across from the display with a clipboard marking down the number of times the buttons were pushed. As may not surprise anyone, both buttons were pressed a lot, with the electrified one being pressed much more after word of its nature got out. It was a pretty chinzy project, but it did get me out of class a lot as I had to go sit and observe data.

By: rlk

rlk — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:52:50 -0800

If this were actually one science fair, and you were a judge, which would you award? I think I'd go with "What my dog's favorite color?" Kid's probably got a hypothesis, an experimental method, repeated measures, and a firm conclusion. That's a science fair project.

By: aramaic

aramaic — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:12:19 -0800

Goddammit, when I did a science fair project, there was electrophoresis involved! Autoclaves! Bacterial cultures! Protein analysis! Buying time on the mainframe so I could get my charts done on a proper plotter! ...grumble, grumble... The only thing that sucks more than being a young nerd, is being an old nerd.

By: Deep Dish

Deep Dish — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:15:15 -0800

One morning the project simply disappeared. Marvel at the hard work that went into that scientific endeavor. I personally blame big oil for stifiling that kind of research.

By: Pecinpah

Pecinpah — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:43:39 -0800

I wonder if any of the judges called that 'Delerium Tremens' kid on the fact that there are two bottles missing from his table. Thumbs-up indeed.

By: TheOnlyCoolTim

TheOnlyCoolTim — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:48:56 -0800

I would award the prize to the CRYSTAL METH kid if he conducted experimental work.

By: salmacis

salmacis — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:49:59 -0800

Is this something every American kid has to do? I ask because I've seen it in countless films/TV etc, yet I can't think of anything even vaguely similar from my (UK) school days.

By: everichon

everichon — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 08:23:47 -0800

Electro Worms kid succinctly expresses everything there is to know about my own science fair ordeals. Great post.

By: mbd1mbd1

mbd1mbd1 — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 08:29:48 -0800

Yeah, probably most American kids have to do this at one time or another. I can still remember most of my science fair experiments: 6th grade - stuck thermometers in glasses of water sitting in the sun. One of them had red food coloring, so it absorbed more heat and got hotter. This shared first place. 7th grade - can't remember. Not sure I had to do one. 8th grade - this was straight out of World Book Encyclopedia: float a button on the surface tension of a glass of water. Then add drops of liquid detergent until the surfactant breaks enough surface tension for the button to fall. I then normalized those results by the grocery store cost of the detergent to find out which gives you the most bang for you buck. This won first place at regionals; I don't think there was a state level competition for junior high kids. But we had enough dish soap to last two years. 9th grade - short term vs. long term memory. I gave people a 7 digit phone number to memorize, then asked half of them to repeat it back to me in 30 seconds. The other half had to give it back to me in a week. I faked every bit of this data and of course didn't win crap. I saw two kids making fun of my hand drawn basketball scoreboard on my display board and felt like crap. 10th grade - The effect of caffeine on crickets. I went to the bait shop and bought a bunch of crickets and a couple of those wire cricket containers. And then I crushed up some no doze and put it in water in an upside down jar lid in one conatainer. The other was just water. I think I was planning to count how fast or how long they would chirp. Turns out there was no difference, but the crickets with caffeine all died sooner. So I reported this, came up with a way of quantifying it and got a bit of praise from the one judge who was a real life epidemiologist with the med school. I think this got honorable mention. Of course this experiment was done in the middle of winter, and the crickets were kept *inside our house.* Yep, this was when my parents actually almost killed me. 11th grade - Some crap with solar cells, a flashlight, and a fresnel lens. It was pretty worthless, but I didn't care. At this point, it was clear that the kids who were going to win science fair were the ones whose parents were scientists. They were doing stuff on aromatic hydrocarbons...everyone doing garage science didn't stand a chance. Of course they weren't actually designing the experiment, or carrying it out, or analyzing the data, but still. 12th grade - Didn't have to do it. As an incentive to get more kids into AP science classes, they waived the science fair requirement for those classes. So I was in AP Chem and AP Physics and didn't have to do it, thank god. There was such an art to falsifying your log book (different pens/pencils! coffee stains!) and data. And we put a lot of time into the display board. Style over substance. And this was a big part of our grades in the science classes. I loved science but hated science fair.

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 08:47:12 -0800

I wonder if any of the judges called that 'Delerium Tremens' kid on the fact that there are two bottles missing from his table. I found one here. Delicious I might add. The parents of these children should be ashamed of the projects they did for their kids.

By: nicepersonality

nicepersonality — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 08:52:59 -0800

Those kids with the "Global Warming? Yeah, Right!" project are geniuses. Sure, they'll lose the stupid science fair, but they're shoo-ins for the Taxpayers' League Scholarship of SCIENCE!

By: The Bellman

The Bellman — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 09:03:45 -0800

Wait, seriously, these are all photoshopped, right? It says the DTs one is, but the rest are too, aren't they? I never had a highschool science fair so I mean this question sincerely -- kids don't really do stuff like "Eeew It's All Over Us", do they? If they do, good on them because it's hilarious, but, well, do they? For that matter, note the blue ribbon on the side of "Garlic: The Silent Killer". Lad, I don't know where you been, but I see you won first prize.

By: hellbient

hellbient — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 09:05:23 -0800

DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 09:19:54 -0800

I don't really understand what's going on here - the kids do an experiment then write the results on a board? That's it? My inner schoolboy is wondering why would anyone bother with the 'do an experiment' stage. Still, that was one hell of a jumper.

By: googly

googly — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 09:40:09 -0800

OK, OK, I'll be the first to bite. What is all over us?

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 09:40:24 -0800

I only remember doing one science fair project, but I still think it was pretty cool in an "it's-fun-to-mess-with-people" kind of way. I took a carton of vanilla ice cream and divided it into thirds. One batch got mixed with pink food coloring, one batch got brown food coloring and the third was left alone. I asked my victims to sample each bowl, and then asked them what flavors of ice cream they had eaten. Almost without fail, they identified the pink as strawberry and the brown as chocolate, identifications they did not make when I asked them to taste the ice cream a second time while blindfolded. People are weird.

By: mccarty.tim

mccarty.tim — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 10:20:50 -0800

@Quaalude: My theory is that the nostalgia exists in our media because it's a common experience shared in our nation. High school is available publicly almost everywhere in the US, and dropping out is frowned upon in our culture, even if one does not have academic goals. Thus, for script writers and other people generally trying to associate with strangers, high school is a good time to talk about. It also helps that high school is, of all the public school years, the one where people are most adult (relatively speaking). This may extend past cultures into other industrialized nations. I don't mean to sound like a huge nerd right now, but one of my favorite animes, Azumanga Daioh, is about high school and IIRC, it was hugely successful in Japan.

By: NikitaNikita

NikitaNikita — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 10:23:56 -0800

This post reminded me of being that young scientist-in-training, having to stand in front of posters of data... and of that feeling of waiting there, for judges, teachers and peers to eyeball our work, or choose to pass us over... and then I compared this to now as an adult-scientist-for-real, how we all STILL go to conferences, stand in front of our data posters, waiting to be judged in some sense or another, or that awkward moment when people are decidng to read your work and talk to you, or cruise by .... Oh, I dunno, my brain just exploded a little. And I feel very very innately and intrinsically dorky.

By: easternblot

easternblot — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:03:07 -0800

I've been a science fair judge several times, and the projects on this page look like they might be pretty good, actually ("Fat Man To Mars" and "Garlic The Silent Killer" look like a lot of work went into them). I've seen much, much worse at school fairs: -Several versions of "Which Cookie Tastes Best?" Setup: students have their classmates eat cookies and report back which one they liked best. Result: everyone likes Oreo's. -"Rotten Bananas" Setup: one banana kept on kitchen counter, one put in freezer, one left outside for a week in January. Conclusion: bananas should be kept in the freezer because if you leave them at room temperature for two weeks they rot. (The fair was held in March. The kid not only showed me pictures of the bananas that he took in January, but also brought the original, now three months old, rotten banana, shriveled to a scary black crescent.) -A comparison of leg shaving techniques. Setup: a fourteen year old girl removed her leg hair for the very first time using three different methods: One leg with Nair, half of the second leg with wax, and the remaining half with a razor. Conclusion: wax hurts, shaving cuts your leg. You try judging that without laughing. I'd be relieved if I had to look at electroworms or crystal meth.

By: Hugonaut

Hugonaut — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:21:33 -0800

I want to know more about all these experiments. Namely, how will garlic silently kill me and what are Moon babies and how can they can help me in my daily life?

By: Hugonaut

Hugonaut — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:54:09 -0800

easternblot, what were her conclusions on Nair?

By: baklavabaklava

baklavabaklava — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:38:10 -0800

I officially hand over America to whomever wants it. These kids appear to be Canadian, but thanks, I'll take it.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:45:25 -0800

God, this brings back memories. Sixth grade: Our class's theme was "collections," and I really thought doing a bug collection would be cool. I got way into killing the insects with a faint waft of rubbing alcohol, and enjoyed pinning them down. But a combination of my lack of breadth (you only need so many crickets to establish what a dead cricket looks like), and my mom's freaking out and pitching the foamcore that I'd stuck everything to meant that I ended up trying to make a credible display for a "seed collection" the night before the project was due. I remember going to my dad's office and trying to sort all these goddamned seeds from the kitchen into little baggies. Oddly enough, I didn't realize that my mother smoked pot then. Seventh grade: God only knows. I have absolutely no memories that I can tie to seventh grade, aside from Erin O'Brien being caught with vodka in her thermos. Eight grade: "HOAXES!" In an elaborate act of fakery, I examined the Weekly World News, did a modicum of research to dispute their allegations, then made up a couple of hoaxes and "debunked" them. During my presentation, my pals Terry and Adrian were holding my posterboard behind me while I took questions. Antonia Patako, a chubby girl who tended to dress in purple stretch sweatsuits with glitter appliqué, and who gasped for breath between words like a landed fish (her piggish nose twitching beneath coke-bottle glasses) raised her hand. I called on her, and she said, "I've seen a goat boy at a fair! Goat boys are REAL!" I'm not quite sure what to say, and then I hear my poster crash to the ground as Terry doubles over with laughter. To this day, I feel bad about the abuse that girl got, despite the fact that she was kind of a prig—far more of it was because she was a weirdo, and as a fellow weirdo, I should have been nicer. But Christ if the whole class didn't howl after she said it, and subsequent attempts to get back on track, both from me and the teacher, only elicited more and more fanciful details of this satyr that she'd "seen." Anyway, her grandfather invented Post-It notes (or so she said, but I've no reason to doubt her), so she said she was set for life. Eleventh grade: Technically for a math class, the theme of my presentation was based on a survey where I asked my classmates "What percentage of the data for my final presentation will be falsified?" While most people believed that I would falsify all of it, I actually only rounded off a couple numbers at the end to give myself a sample size that was easier to figure out the confidence for. The best presentation that year was from a kid who got an ungodly number of Skittles from a couple of different locations, and plotted out the probabilities for each color and the amount of deviation within each packet. By the end, he said he fucking hated Skittles.

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:54:31 -0800

My science fair projects were titled, in order, Friction, Crystals, Sleep Tunes, and Hot Balls. Looking at these pictures is like coming home. I hated my science teacher

By: quin

quin — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:44:41 -0800

Make a dotcom 1998: Sure, we laugh now. kid will probably be a millionaire in five years. 2008: Sure. We laugh now; Kid will probably be chasing the lulz and photoshoping lolcats for the next five years.

By: showbiz_liz

showbiz_liz — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:21:28 -0800

God, the bitter memories. I remember fourth grade, when I grew eight petri dishes of bacteria over the course of three weeks. Because I didn't have a camera, I had to sit down every night and hand-draw that bacteria. It took about an hour per night- I really tried to make the drawings good, and I kept at it even when I wanted to scream from frustration. The only girl in class with a color printer won with "At What Temperature Do Different Liquids Boil?"

By: easternblot

easternblot — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 16:32:42 -0800

easternblot, what were her conclusions on Nair? I don't really remember... I think she decided that was the best one based on the other two hurting her.

By: Kid Charlemagne

Kid Charlemagne — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:24:56 -0800

Like easternblot. I've done my tour of duty as a real live scientist at the science fair. Here are the memories I haven't suppressed: 1) School teachers stammer uncomfortably when the big hairy guy tells them he's a research biochemist at a large corporation. 2) Do what you can to avoid being "paired" with a teacher! I knew who did more of the hypothesis/experiment/analysis thing. She knew who she wanted to give the higher score to. (Showbiz_Liz - If it makes you feel any better, imagine a big hairy biochemist causing your teacher's head to explode with the power of his mind because that's what I was trying to do.) 3) You can always tell the schools where they're making all the kids enter the science fair. The schools where they've beaten every bit of original though out of the kid's heads are painfully obvious too. Guess how often it's both! 4) In the school districts I judged, we didn't get to meet the kids, just see they're displays. My suspicion was that they were afraid that some big hairy researcher freak would say something to them that might suggest that it was OK to be curious about the world or to ask questions or something like that.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:28:41 -0800

I won a science fair once. It was a completely bogus "experiment" (in that it wasn't at all experimental, but was a fun little game). Presentation is, indeed, everything in a typical grade-school science fair.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:23:14 -0800

I officially hand over America to whomever wants it. "Whomever"? What are you, some kind of Canadian?

By: nicolin

nicolin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:14:05 -0800

thanks, it was good !

By: nicolin

nicolin — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 07:22:23 -0800

Maybe it can be understood as a metaphor. Then it's beautiful. Thanks anyway.