Have you ever TRIED to fuck a grapefruit?

February 25, 2008 7:00 PM

I knew that sooner or later, the backlash to xkcd would begin, but I never expected it would start over.... fruit... R. Stevens, that old Diesel Sweetie, is the first to respond.... Now, a very well-interfaced polling device is put online for your fruit opinions...Vote for the fruit of your choice... but vote!

Anybody can make an X/Y chart... as this response found @reddit proves... (the poster says... "Um... the grapefruit drew it. I just uploaded it for him." and "Please also keep in mind that the grapefruit has an axe to grind.")

posted by wendell (152 comments total)

Tomatoes got screwed as well.
posted by puke & cry at 7:10 PM on February 25, 2008

I feared an actual backlash for a second there. xkcd has been on a tear recently.
posted by bonaldi at 7:10 PM on February 25, 2008

I knew it, now I'm going to have to name my first kid grapefruit.
posted by pwally at 7:12 PM on February 25, 2008

He is wrong about the grapefruit. The grapefruit is tasty.

Pomegranate is actually not that hard to eat. Take a knife, score it all around the side, drop it into a bowl of water. Let it sit for about a half hour. Then start peeling it apart with your hands. Keep it underwater. The pith floats to the top, the seeds sink. When you're done peeling it, just drain the water, and you have a bowl full of delicious seeds.

I'm not sure how banana isn't the easiest and tastiest, though. It may be slightly easier to eat grapes than a banana, but it's much easier to just grab a banana and walk than it is to grab a bowl of grapes and walk.
posted by empath at 7:13 PM on February 25, 2008 [12 favorites has favorites]

I like how he added in tomatoes just so people would argue about whether tomatoes are fruit.
posted by empath at 7:13 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Bananas are not tasty?

BANANAS ARE NOT TASTY??????
posted by mediareport at 7:14 PM on February 25, 2008 [14 favorites has favorites]

I did an experiment with fruit flies that proved that tomatoes are, indeed, fruit.
posted by StickyCarpet at 7:16 PM on February 25, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

"Bananas are not tasty?

BANANAS ARE NOT TASTY??????"

You got it right the first time. Yes. Bananas are not tasty.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:20 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

bananas and tomatoes. That is where the source of my backlash comes from. Two of my favorite fruits, right there.
posted by subaruwrx at 7:21 PM on February 25, 2008

...and he didn't even include limes and avocados.... obviously mr. xkcd has never been to Caifornia.
posted by wendell at 7:24 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

This thread is saving me from FPP'ing this.

How to eat a watermelon.
posted by empath at 7:24 PM on February 25, 2008

Where are the raspberries/blackberries?
posted by veronitron at 7:25 PM on February 25, 2008

Woops:

How to eat a watermelon
posted by empath at 7:25 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also missing: bacon.
posted by veronitron at 7:27 PM on February 25, 2008 [14 favorites has favorites]

When I first saw the plot, I assumed "tasty" meant "sweet", but he has green apples above red apples. So "tasty" on this plot is, (prepare to be shocked), completely subjective.

Still, I don't get how oranges are to the left of lemons. If I didn't love xkcd, I wouldn't care.
posted by Loudmax at 7:28 PM on February 25, 2008

I'm fairly sure that bacon is a vegetable.
posted by empath at 7:28 PM on February 25, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

Difficult: durians, coconuts

Easy: Everything else
posted by iconomy at 7:29 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Perry Bible Fellowship isn't pretty.
posted by Phire at 7:29 PM on February 25, 2008

Pomegranate is actually not that hard to eat. Take a knife, score it all around the side, drop it into a bowl of water. Let it sit for about a half hour. Then start peeling it apart with your hands. Keep it underwater. The pith floats to the top, the seeds sink. When you're done peeling it, just drain the water, and you have a bowl full of delicious seeds.

Versus my instructions for eating a pear*, I would say that's pretty difficult.

*Rules for eating a pear

1). Eat pear
posted by Bookhouse at 7:31 PM on February 25, 2008 [77 favorites has favorites]

Bananas would be tasty, except that they taste like bananas.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:32 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

empath: "Pomegranate is actually not that hard to eat."

Why don't you tell that to the Greek goddess Persephone.

empath: "Take a knife, score it all around the side, drop it into a bowl of water. Let it sit for about a half hour. Then start peeling it apart with your hands. Keep it underwater. The pith floats to the top, the seeds sink. When you're done peeling it, just drain the water, and you have a bowl full of delicious seeds."

Delicious seeds which CONSIGN YOU TO HADES.
posted by Rhaomi at 7:35 PM on February 25, 2008 [19 favorites has favorites]

That rat bastard.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 7:35 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I can't stand bananas, unless they are to the point that they are getting brown spots. If not, you can have them...

as for the Citrus... they are my favorite family of fruit.
posted by ArgentCorvid at 7:37 PM on February 25, 2008

That chart is incorrect, Diesel Sweeties was never funny.
posted by Pope Guilty at 7:40 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Technically, sir, tomatoes are fags.
posted by Naberius at 7:41 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Watermelon beats pineapple beats red delicious apples beat strawberries beat bananas beat green apples beat seeded grapes beat seedless grapes, and they ALL beat both grapefruit and tomatoes.

And XKCD rocks.
posted by misha at 7:42 PM on February 25, 2008

No lychee? No mango? Guava? Cherimoya? Persimmon?

I don't entirely blame people for thinking bananas are not tasty. Most of the things we see in grocery stores are pretty pathetic - they're bred for shipping, not deliciousness.
posted by rtha at 7:42 PM on February 25, 2008

So, empath, it takes what 40 minutes to get a pom ready to eat? This, I'm thinking, fits no ones definition of "easy to eat." Compare with the apple instruction set: grab, bite, (rinse, optional).

Objectively speaking strawberries taste horrible.
posted by oddman at 7:42 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

My favourite fruit is steak.

Yeah yeah, you all say that steak isn't fruit, but I hate fruit - so steak is as close as I'm going.
posted by pompomtom at 7:45 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

The absence of mangos makes this chart WRONG.
posted by casarkos at 7:46 PM on February 25, 2008 [7 favorites has favorites]

well, you don't need to watch it for 30 minutes. And if you are not the one peeling, what you end up with is a bowl full of seeds you can munch on. It's kind of a fruit-for-two.
posted by empath at 7:46 PM on February 25, 2008

Objectively speaking strawberries taste horrible.

Objectively speaking, you are defective.
posted by Mikey-San at 7:49 PM on February 25, 2008 [10 favorites has favorites]

How has no one mentioned his outrageous assertion that coconuts are down and to the left, that is both difficult and NON-TASTY. What kind of moron thinks coconuts are NON-TASTY!!! I mean, have you never eaten a fucking macaroon? Jesus!

Also, tomatoes suck.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 7:49 PM on February 25, 2008

Self Defense Against Fresh Fruit
posted by plinth at 7:50 PM on February 25, 2008

... I loathe Bananas!
posted by octothorpe at 7:52 PM on February 25, 2008

No lychee? No mango? Guava? Cherimoya? Persimmon?

No rambutan? No fig? Date? Jackfruit? Starfruit? Mangosteen? No pawpaw or papaya? No honeydew melon or rockmelon?

Man, I pity Americans. Especially because of the mangoes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:55 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

So, empath, it takes what 40 minutes to get a pom ready to eat?

Yeah, but most of that time's spent just getting him to stop whingeing about having to take a bath.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:56 PM on February 25, 2008 [13 favorites has favorites]

I like pomegranates spefically because they're hard to eat. I just get one and kinda peck at it for an hour or whatever. Of course, if you wanted to you could just cut it and half and whack it with a big spoon. That's kinda messy though.
posted by puke & cry at 7:57 PM on February 25, 2008

ArgentCorvid writes "I can't stand bananas, unless they are to the point that they are getting brown spots. If not, you can have them..."

Thank you. You may send them via my private banana plane, which will be along shortly to rescue you from lack of fruit appreciation. Please have your spare bananas ready. No clamoring, thanks.
posted by krinklyfig at 7:57 PM on February 25, 2008

Since when are oranges harder than cherries? Or tastier?

And coconuts may be tasty, but I hereby nominate them for The Difficultest Fruit.
posted by dosterm at 7:58 PM on February 25, 2008

My banana plane will also take grapefruit.
posted by krinklyfig at 8:00 PM on February 25, 2008

Ubu, we have mangos all over the place.
posted by empath at 8:01 PM on February 25, 2008

No rambutan? No fig? Date? Jackfruit? Starfruit? Mangosteen? No pawpaw or papaya? No honeydew melon or rockmelon?

No need to pity us. I've seen all of those but mangosteen in my local grocery here in DC.

And I don't get the orange hate. They're very easy to eat, especially the Satsuma mandarins I've been getting lately. Nummers!
posted by me & my monkey at 8:11 PM on February 25, 2008

That's the first time I've enjoyed reading an xkcd FPP or comic. Also, your favorite fruit sucks.
posted by not_on_display at 8:11 PM on February 25, 2008

Your mangoes can't possibly be any good, or else they'd automatically be on top of the list for tastiness. And that's even more objective than previous claims of objectivity here. The mango is, quite simply, the tastiest fruit in existence, and everybody knows this.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:11 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'd think of greater concern might be grapefruit's quiet attempt to destroy humanity by modifying how our bodies metabolize medications.

But then, I suppose you'd have to add an additional axis to the graph -- on the right side, "Trying To Destroy Us", and on the left side, "Not Trying To Destroy Us". Grapefruit and durian on the right, and everything else on the left.
posted by Robson at 8:11 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I read the coconut bit as being just objectively difficult, without any real judgment on the taste (which is, of course, amazing).

I don't get the orange hate, though, but then again, I've also never understood people's love for pears or peaches.

Is it possible that this is all based on opinion, after all?
posted by Navelgazer at 8:12 PM on February 25, 2008

I'm fairly sure that bacon is a vegetable

Think again
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:14 PM on February 25, 2008

Sweet Jebus - how did I forget peaches? The only equals of the mango. Apricots, plums, nectarines & tangellos come a very close second. As do quinces.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:19 PM on February 25, 2008

I saw the strip this morning and I was all ready to start me some backlash myself, but then I had to go to work. Thanks Diesel Sweeties for representing me!

Although Robson is right. Grapefruit are trying to destroy me.
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:20 PM on February 25, 2008

Your mangoes can't possibly be any good, or else they'd automatically be on top of the list for tastiness. And that's even more objective than previous claims of objectivity here. The mango is, quite simply, the tastiest fruit in existence, and everybody knows this.
posted by UbuRoivas

You're obviously a shill for big mango, some sort of fruit lobbyist otherwise there's no reason you'd attempt to deny the clear superiority of the mangosteen. Tastier AND easier to eat.

And fuck banana's. Every time I travel somewhere tropical I seek a banana, because as a pasty northerner I know supposedly nothing of good banana's. Wrong. They're always pretty much the same as home. Fruit is supposed to be juicy, banana is a fail.
posted by Keith Talent at 8:20 PM on February 25, 2008

Whatdayamean, no [insert snobby, obnoxious, WholeFoody uppercrust fruit]? Man, you people are limited.

Also, grapefruits are awesome.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:20 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Peaches? Those horrid things? Yack!
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:21 PM on February 25, 2008

Banana = proof of God's existence (hangover cure).
posted by Baby_Balrog at 8:21 PM on February 25, 2008

*opens freezer*

The key to making the best possible banana-based smoothie, see, is to freeze the bananas ahead of time.

*breaks a couple of frozen bananas into bite-size pieces over blender*

Be sure to peel them first - you don't want to be peeling frozen bananas, trust me: you'll only make that mistake once in your life. Freezing the bananas ahead of time eliminates the need for ice, which keeps the smoothie thick and ultra-cold without diluting the flavor.

*drops in a handful of blueberries*

You don't need much of the berry of your choice to alter the taste and color, but if you use frozen berries you'll have to add a little liquid. You'll probably have to add a little liquid anyway, actually, to get things smoothing.

*pours in just a little bit of half-and-half*

Go very easy on the liquid at first, especially if you prefer thick smoothies, which any sane person does. You can always add more in small amounts later. You want just enough liquid to help the frozen chunks start blending, without diluting the fruity flavors too much. Something like a teensy bit of milk or cream is best, I've found, but water will do in a pinch. Use a spoon between blending rounds to push the chunks down, then blend some more, adding teensy bits of liquid until it's the consistency you like. Be patient; it's much better this way.

*pours in a shot of vodka*

Oh, like you don't.

*blends, scoops out of blender into mugs*

Cheers, banana haters.
posted by mediareport at 8:30 PM on February 25, 2008 [64 favorites has favorites]

Where does Durian fall? Do we need a Z axis for stinky?
posted by jenkinsEar at 8:30 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

You're obviously a shill for big mango, some sort of fruit lobbyist otherwise there's no reason you'd attempt to deny the clear superiority of the mangosteen

*DAMN!!!*

Exposed the very fucking day before I was set to post our multimillion dollar Mango Blue viral ad on the blue!

All this work here, for nothing; they won't even pay me now.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:31 PM on February 25, 2008

Whatdayamean, no [insert snobby, obnoxious, WholeFoody uppercrust fruit]?

Mate, we don't have WholeFoods here. All this stuff grows in the backyard.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:32 PM on February 25, 2008

Banana = proof of God's existence (hangover cure).

Yeah! In that "take two bites to induce vomiting" sort of way.
posted by weebil at 8:33 PM on February 25, 2008

If your Mango Blue ad has some sort of flash game, no matter how hackneyed or inane you still might be able to get away with posting it.
posted by Keith Talent at 8:34 PM on February 25, 2008

No rambutan? No fig? Date? Jackfruit? Starfruit? Mangosteen? No pawpaw or papaya? No honeydew melon or rockmelon?

Papaya! Starfruit! How could I forget you? Figs, too - the tree in our next door neighbor's yard produces very nice figs twice a year....if we can get to them before the fracking starlings to.

(And not these giant weird things called papayas that I mostly see here - I mean the little ones. The little, delicious ones.)

Ubu, I experienced all of these fruits and more, right here in the USofA - Hawaii, mostly, true. But still. When I was a kid, there was a guy who had a lychee tree in my neighborhood. When the fruit came ripe, he'd chain his dog up to the trunk of the tree to keep the neighborhood kids of raiding the tree. Fortunately, a couple of branches grew over the fence....

I might have to agree with you about mangoes.

Peaches? Those horrid things? Yack!

You poor thing. Oh well - more for me!
posted by rtha at 8:37 PM on February 25, 2008

All fruits are tasty. I never met a fruit I didn't like. Of course, some are more tasty than others, but even my least favorite fruits (cherries, very tart apples) rate about a 8.8 on a 0-10 scale of tastiness.

And grapefruit are not overly difficult, as long as one has a grapefruit spoon.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:38 PM on February 25, 2008

If your Mango Blue ad has some sort of flash game

wow, how bizarre - i went out for a walk for an hour, and my cat seems to have walked all over the keyboard in my absence, randomly striking keys that coincidentally formed meaningful sentences! what are the odds against that?
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:41 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, blood oranges.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:43 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Where are the cherries?
posted by Lynsey at 8:47 PM on February 25, 2008

Cuuuuuuuustaaaaaard Aaaaaappplllllleeeeeeeeesssss!!!!!
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:48 PM on February 25, 2008

yeah I dunno why the banana is so low on all these lists. it comes in a candy wrapper for no mess, is very mouth insertable, easy to bite/chew/swallow, and it's oh so tasty. top right corner, in my book.

orange at top center. pineapple/melons at top left. kiwi dead center. pomegranate left center. cherry right center. grapefruit bottom left. apples lower center. rasberries bottom right.
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:48 PM on February 25, 2008

Oranges deserve to be higher on these graphs. People must be getting some shitty oranges or something; a good orange tastes heavenly.
posted by Justinian at 8:51 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I have to agree with mangoes. With some exceptions (like the criollo), the smaller mangoes, with big pits and little flesh tend to be tastier, and not carried by supermarkets. The good news is that Indian mangoes can be imported to the US since 2007!

Manila mangos, ripe, soft as butter, to be eaten shirtless at the beach, let it melt in your mouth, cool juice running down your chin and dripping on your chest. Ocean dip to clean up.

Ataulfo mango, semi-ripe, hedgehog cut, eaten with a spoon in polite company. Add some key lime juice and salt when no one is looking.

Mango criollo, unripe, whole mango spiked on a stick, inverted hedgehog cut, slathered in hot sauce and lime juice. To be eaten after school with your lunch money.

Haapus mango, in a cool spiced lassi, to wash away the heat from your mouth.

Po Pyu Kalay, if you can find it, eat it like you would an ortolan, under a towel, and get drunk in the aroma.

But the best mango you can eat is the one found growing in a ravine, while hiking through the jungles of any tropical country in the world.
posted by Dr. Curare at 8:51 PM on February 25, 2008 [10 favorites has favorites]

One more thing, I used to think peaches were lame, until I tried some tiny, deformed and very hairy peaches growing in an abandoned peach grove in Mexico. THAT is what peaches are supposed to taste and smell like. If you ever have the chance to eat 'rustic' peached, don't miss it,
posted by Dr. Curare at 8:53 PM on February 25, 2008

Bananas aren't easy? I mean some of the stuff is subjective, but the idea that bananas only rate mildly easy on the easiness scale is provably false imo. I mean, they have their own easy to remove biodegradable wrapper.
posted by SomeOneElse at 8:55 PM on February 25, 2008

Durian defines the bottom left corner. Mango, the top left. Mmmm.

Best way to eat mango: Slice in half, around the pit, using your pre-existing mango coring skills. Then, score the fruit side of each mango half in a hatch pattern, pop the skin inside out, and you have little bite sized juicy mango cubes. Mmmm.
posted by anthill at 8:55 PM on February 25, 2008

Dear bananahaters and sympathetic parties,

I respectfully disagree. Allow me to illustrate.

Thank you.
posted by dgaicun at 9:00 PM on February 25, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

Bananas are easy. I mean, I can show you SUCH videos...
posted by Samizdata at 9:13 PM on February 25, 2008

Keith Talent: And fuck banana's.

i do. all the time.
posted by CitizenD at 9:16 PM on February 25, 2008

did i just say that out loud?
posted by CitizenD at 9:17 PM on February 25, 2008

They're a devil to handle but I'm a big fan of prickly pears.
posted by tellurian at 9:28 PM on February 25, 2008

I don't trust people who love grapefruit and hate bananas. Obviously bananas are delicious and grapefruit tastes like diabetic wino piss, so there must be something off about them. Perhaps they are clandestine pedophiles.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:38 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Sometimes the truth hurts, or at least tastes bad.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:46 PM on February 25, 2008

I'm wondering how many people are going to catch on that xkcd's previous previous comic made fun of this EXACT phenomenon. I'm guessing you're all being set up for epic lulz.
posted by onalark at 9:46 PM on February 25, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I've always thought xkcd was clever, if a bit precious for me, but I just can't respect someone who doesn't like oranges.
posted by obvious at 9:48 PM on February 25, 2008

His newspost gives a reaction. He is right about cantaloupe. Always messing up my fruit salads at outdoor picnics and leaving me looking all weird with a plate full of picked through melon, covered in ants. All getting its gross cantaloupe juice into my potato salad. Cantaloupe, I am giving you the finger as hard as I possibly can right now.
posted by MidAtlantic at 9:49 PM on February 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Wait !! there is some sort of banana tolerance level that may or may not be 2 bites. I think we need some empirical evidence of this. To the youtubes !! Avast me hearties !!. Unless we are talking plantain .. brandish that banana .
posted by stuartmm at 10:12 PM on February 25, 2008

Just to respond to Robson's link, slandering grapefruit for maliciously manipulating humanity's drug metabolism. According to your link, the actions of the bergamottin and whatnot seem to me far more a blessing than a curse. By inhibiting the enzymatic breakdown of delicious delicious drugs we happen to ingest into our digestive tracts, grapefruit acts to enhance the potency of the presumably desirable substances we've chosen to digest. The focus of the wikipedia article, as well as all media coverage I've seen, has been the dangers of this effect in combination with a heavy drug regimen we often deem necessary in Western medicine. Sure, if you're on some heavy pharmaceutical regimen, this enhances the already present danger. But for those of us hungering animal organisms, who ferret and forage from the wilderness and the marketplace a vast pharmacopoeia of organic body and mind altering substances, this is an exponential multiplying of the rare and precious resource of drugs in and as food. I say all those on drugs that grapefruit over intensifies should be put on a regimen of grapefruit and nutritional medicinal foods.
posted by kaspen at 10:15 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Disagreements:

Peaches are at the exactly wrong corner of the square, being both irritating to eat and not tasting good.

What kind of inhuman mutant prefers grapes to cherries? I mean, I'm not ripping on grapes, I like a good grape, but cherries are in a different league, up there with the raspberries. Come to think of it, preferring grapes to blueberries is also heresy.

How is cutting up a watermelon, putting 3/4 of it in the fridge if you lack a party large enough to consume the entire thing, and then spitting out seeds constantly while you eat it with a plate and utensils harder than peeling an orange?

Pears should be shunned by all for their awful texture.
posted by Mitrovarr at 10:27 PM on February 25, 2008

I am willing to debate fruit tastiness to the ends of the earth, but what the double-you-tee-double-fuck? There are people who don't like bananas? Really? How?

Bananas are hilarious. They are shaped like a phallus, telephone, and six-shooter all-in-one.

They are creamy and delicious. They make pie, pudding, splits, shakes, and oatmeal worth living for. I mean. Bananas can be fried for Christ's sake.

[wanders off muttering incoherently]
posted by device55 at 10:29 PM on February 25, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

Bananas are full of win. Simply because, if you're male, it's always fun watching people of your sexual preference eat them. Ahem.

Anyway, no nectarines? That is an outrage! When they are ripe and juicey there is nothing more tasty, nor easier to eat.
posted by Talanvor at 10:39 PM on February 25, 2008

Tellurian: 3 easy steps (4th is optional) to enjoying prickly pears. This is how the pros do it, I can do a dozen in 3 minutes.
posted by Dr. Curare at 10:48 PM on February 25, 2008

de gustibus non est disputandum
posted by batmonkey at 10:51 PM on February 25, 2008

By the way, Spanish for prickly pear is 'tuna'.

Lots of fun in my local hipster patronized Chinese operated mexican grocery when someone asks for 2 pounds of the $1 tuna.
posted by Dr. Curare at 10:51 PM on February 25, 2008

Bananas can be fried for Christ's sake.

The fryability of fruit would make an interesting graph as well. Bananas would be tops, of course (along with plantains), followed by apples. Pears, yeah, okay. Mangos? Maybe. Pineapple? I think we could do it. Down at the bottom: oranges and grapes.
posted by Bookhouse at 10:56 PM on February 25, 2008

knowing xkcd onalark is probably right if that's not intentionally funny then it's the universe's sense of humor, no?

Seriously I thank the FPP for reminding me that XKCD is awesome and I need to read it daily. Now whose gonna handle the reminders about vitamins and flossing? . . .
posted by oblio_one at 11:03 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I feel like I don't know any of you anymore.

ALL fruits are delicious. Some are a bit more work than others, but except for some extreme outliers (like coconut and poms) all are pretty fucking easy to eat.

Bananas are delicious. Grapes are delicious. Grapefruits are delicious.

I'm not a big fan of plums. Except for that, bury me in a giant mountain of cold wet fruit.

I'm somewhat certain that if there is a heaven, and I get to go, it will be a land of milk and honey and pre-sliced fruit, with fountains of freshly squeezed juices making icy waterfalls of fruit smoothies.

I've sometimes wondered if I could live as a fruit-a-tarian, like a vegetarian but only eating fruit, since I dislike most vegetables.

Everyone is welcome to their opinion, but saying a banana is difficult to eat or an orange does not taste good is hard to take seriously. I think a few people here have lapsed BADLY into hyperbole.

Also, tomatoes are not fruit, I don't care what your 8th grade science teacher or the guy at the organic market tells you.

Ask a farmer. Tomatoes are sold along with vegetables. Whoever heard of tomatoes in fruit salad? Go to the farmers market. You'll find a guy on one side selling apples, oranges, and grapes, and a guy on the other side selling corn, broccoli, and tomatoes.

I can't let the banana thing go. If you've never had banana pudding, then please come south of the Mason-Dixon line just once in your life and have real banana pudding. With genuine Nilla Wafers and maybe a touch of caramel. I guarantee you will try to stab me with your spoon if I try to take it away from you.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:03 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Also, I just went and ate a banana at 1 o'clock in the damn morning to try to make up for some of you who are demonstrably crazy.

I loved every single creamy smooth bite.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:10 PM on February 25, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Fact is, a lot of fruit sucks. I can't count the number of lousy strawberries I've eaten. I think it's probably a result of how we get lots of unripe and otherwise low-quality fruit at the supermarket. But I've also eaten fruit which tastes sublime. I wonder how many of the objectors have never had a decent-tasting banana/peach/strawberry and have unfairly written them off?
posted by alexei at 11:12 PM on February 25, 2008

I have to say, just about all fruit is on the tasty+easy end of things to me, when we think of the best examples of each kind (ripe peach, fresh Braeburn apple, perfectly ripe banana, etc).

Bananas are less of a hassle than other fruit because you don't have to wash them.

A great thing to do with pomegranates in a relaxed meal-with-friends setting:
1. a bowl with plain (or vanilla) yogurt,
2. with brown sugar crystals (sugar in the raw) and canned mandarin orange slices on top
3. give each guest a few pomegranate segments to wrestle with, to drop seeds onto the tasty dessert, laugh over stained fingers, and then eat eat eat. (or you could just extract the seeds in the kitchen and give them the seeds alone, but where's the theater in that)
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:24 PM on February 25, 2008

*slaps empath and pompomtom upside the head*
You coulda had aV8.
posted by Cranberry at 11:37 PM on February 25, 2008

Those who dislike cherries must have been eating the wrong kind. When the big dark cherries from Oregon come on the market, try those. Peaches and pears are wonderful if they are perfectly ripe. Pineapple should only be purchased in cans! The raw fruit is just too messy and too laborious to prepare. The only thing good about raw pineapple is that is melts Jello which I dislike.
posted by Cranberry at 11:41 PM on February 25, 2008

And what about cranberries?
posted by wendell at 12:41 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Starfruit are the least tasty fruit. Pretty to look at, perhaps, but utterly lacking in any flavour whatsoever.

That is all.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:49 AM on February 26, 2008

I think he should really stick to bash and FOSS jokes.
Banannas are awesome.

Not as good as apples.
posted by eclectist at 12:57 AM on February 26, 2008

Madness! The banana is proof of intelligent design, didn't you know?

Oh, except for the whole being a fucking mutation from 1836 thing!

A tasty, tasty mutation. Mmmmmm. Banana.
posted by MythMaker at 1:00 AM on February 26, 2008

Starfruit are the least tasty fruit. Pretty to look at, perhaps, but utterly lacking in any flavour whatsoever.

you obviously haven't eaten an indonesian-style fruit salad, with a satay kinda sauce, salt & chilli. the starfruit, along with green papaya & unripe mango, are a perfect complement to the sweeter fruits.

otherwise, they're great - like nashi pears - as a crunchy, watery mouthcleanser, eg when feasting on cheese and fine wine.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:11 AM on February 26, 2008

"And what about cranberries?"

Last fall at the farmer's market an organic cranberry farmer was handing out samples of fresh cranberries to some little kids who were passing by his booth. The expressions on their faces were priceless.

I'm happy to see all the pomegranate love here. I still have 2 pomegranates that I'm rationing, the last until next year. They keep so well (unopened) in a refrigerator it's amazing.

probably my favorite fruit - which most Americans have never eaten - is the rose apple (or wax apple, or lian wu) Syzygium samarangense. Very tasty and very easy.
posted by Auden at 1:27 AM on February 26, 2008

He could have included coconuts if he had used a log scale.
posted by grouse at 1:44 AM on February 26, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I can't get enough of this thread.

Interesting thing about mangoes and papayas: in some countries, everyone knows that green papayas will give you the runs, in others it is ripe papayas. The same goes for mangos.

You can find all 4 combinations. I grew up eating ripe papayas and mangos, until in central america I had green mangos and ripe papayas. A thai cook I know would only eat green papayas and ripe mangoes.

Now I make it a point to try fruits in all different levels of ripeness. Green bananas suck, but almost rotting zapotes are amazing.
posted by Dr. Curare at 1:59 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Ah, man...I was hoping this really WAS the XKCD backlash thread. Rats. See you guys in a year!
posted by Ian A.T. at 2:04 AM on February 26, 2008

Sorry, Ian, this is the xkcd backslash thread.
posted by grouse at 2:51 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Fucking peaches. REMOVE THE FUCKING SAND. Then we can talk.

Bananas are the perfect fruit. Just ask Kirk Cameron.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:45 AM on February 26, 2008

Peaches: no fruit should have fuzz on it before it goes bad.
posted by tommasz at 4:46 AM on February 26, 2008

I want a graph that proves once and for all that the potato is the world's best vegetable, on all levels.
posted by hoverboards don't work on water at 4:55 AM on February 26, 2008

Don't hold your breath, french fry.
posted by anthill at 5:03 AM on February 26, 2008

Fuck fucking bananas. Aside from the fact that they taste and smell like fecal doom shat from the horrorguts of Satan himself, they're wet and dry at the same time, and smooth and grainy at the same time. Make your fucking minds up, you curvy yellow gits.

(For some reason, the only foods I don't like are yellow: bananas, custard, tinned sweetcorn. I also don't much like chicken gizzards but since I doubt anyone is a big fan of the gésiers, I don't bother to keep them on the List of Hated Foods.)
posted by jack_mo at 5:20 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Previously, I argued tomatoes are a vegetable.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:44 AM on February 26, 2008

Im pro-banana and FUCKING PROUD OF IT

Grapefruit is just being held down by THE MAN, and on standardized tests which don't show cultural citrus bias, grapefruits score just as well as your precious apples.

Before you know it, the world will be ready for you a Grapefruit President...


THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO??
posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 5:47 AM on February 26, 2008

Don't worry banana haters, they will be gone soon. That's what we get for playing God and creating clones.
posted by Hubajube at 5:55 AM on February 26, 2008

>Oranges deserve to be higher on these graphs. People must be getting some shitty oranges or something; a good orange tastes heavenly.
posted by Justinian at 8:51 PM on February 25 [1 favorite +] [!]

I think there may be something to this. I agree that good oranges should be way north on that graph, but all too often I've come across bland, stringy, lousy oranges. Even among fresh oranges of varieties that people swear by. They're sort of hit and miss. However the good oranges more than make up for the lousy ones.

>Ask a farmer. Tomatoes are sold along with vegetables. Whoever heard of tomatoes in fruit salad? Go to the farmers market. You'll find a guy on one side selling apples, oranges, and grapes, and a guy on the other side selling corn, broccoli, and tomatoes.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:03 PM on February 25 [1 favorite +] [!]

I could be wrong, but I think technically corn is also a fruit, being the seed pod thingy of the corn plant.
posted by Reverend John at 6:16 AM on February 26, 2008

They're sort of hit and miss. However the good oranges more than make up for the lousy ones.

True. The orange I had this morning was working overtime to be the exact definition of just how good an orange can be. Insanely good. This chart is just. not. right.

And bananas are probably in the same category. A good banana is pure ambrosia.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:46 AM on February 26, 2008

Damnit, here I thought I was so cool to make a vote-your-own fruit graph, but alas I was too late. Here's my foray into the world of two-axis fruit mapping:

http://mapki.com/fruits/
posted by yellowbkpk at 6:50 AM on February 26, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

In a discussion on this very topic yesterday, I said:

This is a timely post, as I was introduced to the clementine this weekend. All the flavor of mandarin oranges but in a super convenient, highly portable and easy-to-peel form.

By my calculations, clementines should appear somewhere in the vicinity of strawberries, blueberries and seedless grapes.

In summation: clementines ftw.

To which Olivier responds:

The clementine should be very top-right, while it’s evil twin the tangerine should be way down in the bottom left quadrant.

Love it. Evil twin the tangerine.
posted by cdmwebs at 6:56 AM on February 26, 2008

No love for the cherimoya?
posted by brain_drain at 7:02 AM on February 26, 2008

Watermelon is the fruit of all evil
I noticed on preview: WTF liberal redneck??
posted by Psychnic at 7:13 AM on February 26, 2008

Perry Bible Fellowship is too pretty. I've got a copy of the book, it's beautiful IRL.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 7:42 AM on February 26, 2008

just to back up UbuRoivas and DrCurare -- it's not foodie snobbishness to state a simple point of geographical fact: tropical fruit grown and harvested in the tropics will always taste better than their equivalents grown in some hothouse in California.

having grown up in the Philippines, I've learned to accept the mangoes and papayas that you sell here. But, I only eat grapefruit when I go home, because I agree partially with xkcd -- grapefruit can be a tasty thing, but the grapefruits in North America are an atrocity in the eyes of the Creator.

Though, just so that this isn't yankee threadbashing -- in equal measure, if I ever wind up in the tropics in September, I'm sure I'll develop a deep pining for a perfectly good, crisp Braeburn apple.
posted by bl1nk at 8:11 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Actually, Reverend John, now that you mention it, I'm inclined to claim that corn is a berry.
posted by MadDog Bob at 8:17 AM on February 26, 2008

You like bananas. I hate bananas. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SO FASCINATED?
posted by tehloki at 8:38 AM on February 26, 2008

Anybody try to peel a whole coconut? Not just the little brown jobbie, but the huge green hulk? Off the freaking map in the difficult direction.

Peaches are also a little to the difficult side, do to juiciness complications.
posted by craven_morhead at 8:43 AM on February 26, 2008

Apples and oranges
posted by bouvin at 8:46 AM on February 26, 2008

The Absolute Objective Truth:

Oranges are God's fruit, particularly of the satsuma or clementine variety.
Mangoes can be wonderful or disgusting, depending on their ripeness.
Bananas are fine, and great in a smoothie, but I've never in my life found myself craving one, and have to assume that those who do have a potassium deficiency or something.
Apples are easily the most overrated fruit there is, except for when paired with caramel sauce, where their crispiness is quite refreshing. On their own, they serve no purpose that I can discern.
Limes are great for putting in Mexican beers.
Lemons will do ina pinch for the same purpose if you're in, like, Italy or some other country that doesn't have limes for whatever reason.
Grapefruit juice is tasty, especially when mixed with Ginger Ale. This does not mean one should eat grapefruits on their own.
Cranberry Juice is tasty, especially when mixed with Coke. This does not mean that one should eat cranberries on their own.
Pineapple is very circumstance-specific.
Coconut is amazing, but is a reward for the degree of difficulty in getting to it.
Good strawberries are wonderful, but I always feel like a jackass trying to bite off as much as I can without eating the leafy bit.
Grapes are grapes, sweet, delicate, and subtle, and we are lucky to live in a time when we have such easy access to them.
Tomatoes are only a fruit in a way that will never matter to any consumer anywhere.

That is all.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:05 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Hey yeah, where do guavas fit into all this?
Auden: thank you for mentioning lian wu, I've never been able to find its scientific name. So delicious.
posted by casarkos at 9:14 AM on February 26, 2008

Having savored the blood orange, regular oranges taste like penance. Bananas, I eat cos they are an ok accompaniment to coffee, but their consistency always makes me a little uneasy.
posted by everichon at 9:27 AM on February 26, 2008

I have two observations. 1.) Peanuts do not make the list. If bacon and Hitler make the list, then peanuts should be on there. They are, after all, the perfect food.

2.) Ease of eating is as much a relative distinction as taste. I mean, a coconut or a pineapple are really no more difficult to open than an apple when you are using a 12 gauge slug.

And anyone who doesn't have a shotgun in there gadget drawer isn't serious about their kitchen tools or food preparation.
posted by quin at 9:55 AM on February 26, 2008

What's with all the tomato hate? Tomatoes are delicious.
posted by geeky at 10:36 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Am I the only one who peels grapefruit and eats it like an orange?
posted by johnofjack at 10:59 AM on February 26, 2008

evil twin the tangerine

*curtseys*
posted by tangerine at 12:14 PM on February 26, 2008

I have been a member of metafilter for over 5 years. In that time I have been sent to lame flash games and I did not complain. I have read pages of bizarre conspiracy theories and tried to be polite about it, admittedly not always successfully. I try to offer the occasional helpful advice in Askme and twice I have made front page postings.

All this and more I have done to be part of this online community. But I will be damned if I'm going to sit here and let you people disparage bananas.

Bananas taste like BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will not use my heretofore unknown psychic powers to cleanse the internet from you anti-nans.

**CONCENTRATING*** ***ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP****

HA! Enjoy your nosebleeds fools!
posted by Bonzai at 12:41 PM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

johnofjack: oh man, I had forgotten. One time my dad got this huge crate of the most awesome grapefruits as a gift and he was giving bags of them away to everyone in my family because he had way more than he and my mom could possibly eat. Good God they were delicious, and yes, we peeled them and ate them like oranges. Even did that a few times afterwards with "normal" grapefruits, and enjoyed it since I had now acquired a strong desire for grapefruity goodness. Sort of fell out of the habit and haven't had another for a pretty long while now. I knew there was a reason this grapefruit bashing seemed so strange to me. I get that a "normal" grapefruit can be difficult, intense, an sour, so not everyone likes them, but man... the best grapefruits are approaching +∞ on that graph's y axis.
posted by Reverend John at 2:18 PM on February 26, 2008

Seedless Bacon!
posted by lunit at 3:07 PM on February 26, 2008

overthinking a bowl of fruit.
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 10:37 PM on February 26, 2008

Am I the only one who peels grapefruit and eats it like an orange?

Yes.

Also, regarding the contentious banana issue...

HEY EVERYBODY! WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S DEPRESSING? BEING ALLERGIC TO BANANAS!

Tasty, easy, even the basis of an awesome ice cream sundae variant gets them a big thumbs up!

Making my mouth itch like I just ate a nice big spoonful of live mosquitoes, however, earns them a sad thumbs down.
posted by infinitywaltz at 11:36 PM on February 26, 2008

Coconuts go from being depressingly difficult to acess to frikkin' awsome when you are 14 and someone who is allegedly an adult lets you hack it open with a machete.

I am envious of all you pomegranate lovers out there, as I have never had a good pom. Just hard and overly sour puzzles that give nothing back after all that effort. But then, I sat in a mango tree, up in the tropics, and eaten the fruit fresh from the branch. So it evens out.
posted by Jilder at 6:25 AM on February 27, 2008

infinitywaltz, Reverend John disagrees with you about the peeling.

Allergic to bananas? Food allergies must be a special form of hell; I know someone who like onions but is allergic to them and someone who loves chocolate but is allergic to it.
posted by johnofjack at 6:27 AM on February 27, 2008

Literal viking.
posted by Kwine at 8:06 AM on February 27, 2008

Tomatoes are fruit. Ask any Taiwanese. Delicious fruit that those weirdo waiguoren eat with meat for some reason.
posted by eritain at 1:33 PM on February 27, 2008

"Pirate's mob gather at the shores of the great refectory table, a southern island well across a tropic or two from chill Corydon Throsp's mediaeval fantasies, crowded now over the swirling dark grain of its walnut uplands with banana omelets, banana sandwiches, banana casseroles, mashed bananas molded in the shape of a British lion rampant, blended with eggs into batter for French toast, squeezed out a pastry nozzle across the quivering creamy reaches of a banana blancmage to spell out the words C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre [...] which Pirate has apprpriated as his motto ... tall cruets of pale banana syrup to pour oozing over banana waffles, a giant glazed crock where diced bananas have been fermenting since the summer with wild honey and muscat raisins, up out of which, this winter morning, one now dips foam mugsfull of banana mead ... banana croissants and banana kreplach, and banana oatmeal and banana jam and banana bread, and bananas flamed in ancient brandy"
(Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow, p. 10)


Okay, now tell me this didn't water your mouth and you don't like bananas again.
posted by Glow Bucket at 1:36 PM on February 27, 2008

empath, fan of Good Eats?
posted by artifarce at 2:16 PM on February 27, 2008

The fryability of fruit would make an interesting graph as well. Bananas would be tops, of course (along with plantains), followed by apples. Pears, yeah, okay. Mangos? Maybe. Pineapple? I think we could do it.

GRILLED pineapple!

And I have to say, the only good ways for eating a banana are, in order of preference, in a smoothie, fried, torched with sugar on top, frozen, or in some sort of savory dish.
posted by artifarce at 2:23 PM on February 27, 2008

Okay, now tell me this didn't water your mouth and you don't like bananas again.

Mostly it just created a near-irresistable urge to tagline.

Metafilter: C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre
Metafilter: a giant glazed crock
and, of course,
Metafilter: bananas flamed
posted by eritain at 3:58 PM on February 27, 2008

ahem.
posted by ifjuly at 4:49 PM on February 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

artifarce, I actually am, but that pomegranate advice was given to me by a helpful produce manager at a grocery store.
posted by empath at 6:26 PM on February 27, 2008

Glow Bucket: ""Okay, now tell me this didn't water your mouth and you don't like bananas again."

No, it made me want to throw up in a bucket, Glow.
posted by jack_mo at 3:39 PM on February 28, 2008

wow. Thank you.
posted by tarheelcoxn at 2:02 PM on March 3, 2008