Super-Duper-Size Me
February 29, 2008 5:04 PM Subscribe
Hungry? Arteries not quite plugged enough? Behold, the Big MacChicken.
From the author:
"The Big MacChicken sandwich got me all fucked up. I need to take a few days off to figure some shit out. Maybe I’ll come back and share some of the heathier shit I’ve been eating."
Heavy, man.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:12 PM on February 29, 2008
"The Big MacChicken sandwich got me all fucked up. I need to take a few days off to figure some shit out. Maybe I’ll come back and share some of the heathier shit I’ve been eating."
Heavy, man.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:12 PM on February 29, 2008
Viral deep fat chicken fried marketing?
Could it be that this was the coup de grace of McDonald's main ad guy who recently snuffed it?
Nah, I'm just chain yankin' over a big ass macChicken and wishin' I had one right about now, 'cause it looks nutritious, don't it?
posted by isopraxis at 5:24 PM on February 29, 2008
Could it be that this was the coup de grace of McDonald's main ad guy who recently snuffed it?
Nah, I'm just chain yankin' over a big ass macChicken and wishin' I had one right about now, 'cause it looks nutritious, don't it?
posted by isopraxis at 5:24 PM on February 29, 2008
(that link is an in-joke for a very exclusive crowd.)
posted by isopraxis at 5:26 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by isopraxis at 5:26 PM on February 29, 2008
"Thoughts of running to the restroom to vomit are racing through my head. I have a conference call in 20 minutes and I don’t know if I can make it."
See, that wasn't too bright. Do the wacky, dangerously overdone food experiments on the weekend, preferably Saturday, to give you at least one day to recover.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:27 PM on February 29, 2008
See, that wasn't too bright. Do the wacky, dangerously overdone food experiments on the weekend, preferably Saturday, to give you at least one day to recover.
posted by krinklyfig at 5:27 PM on February 29, 2008
Have you ever tried the bacon McD's uses on its breakfast sandwiches and select chicken thingies??? (they don't even offer a Bacon Burger, unless they have some secret menu shit happening) It's not the standard-quality meat/smoke/crunch/nirvana of most bacon, it's more like a salt lick glued onto pork rind. Not good, even by their mediocre standards.
posted by wendell at 5:29 PM on February 29, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by wendell at 5:29 PM on February 29, 2008 [2 favorites]
Needs butter.
posted by SteveTheRed at 5:31 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by SteveTheRed at 5:31 PM on February 29, 2008
Krusty: Look... about the rib-wich... There aren't gonna be any more... The animal we made them from are now extinct...
Homer: The pig?
Otto: The cow?
Krusty: You're way off... think smaller... think more legs!
Crowd: Ewww...
Krusty: People, we went through something magical together... And it's not important who got rich off of whom or who was exposed to tainted warts...
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:37 PM on February 29, 2008 [5 favorites]
Homer: The pig?
Otto: The cow?
Krusty: You're way off... think smaller... think more legs!
Crowd: Ewww...
Krusty: People, we went through something magical together... And it's not important who got rich off of whom or who was exposed to tainted warts...
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:37 PM on February 29, 2008 [5 favorites]
Apologies for the self link but it kind of fits here. Since the McGriddle is my guiltiest of guilty pleasures a week ago I was wondering what one would taste like made with decent ingredients (real cheese, real bacon (in a baconweave), real pancakes, real syrup, Plugra butter):
Behold the UberGriddle
posted by mikesch at 5:44 PM on February 29, 2008 [5 favorites]
Behold the UberGriddle
posted by mikesch at 5:44 PM on February 29, 2008 [5 favorites]
What the sandwich really needs is to be battered and deep-fried whole, covered in chocolate, and then placed inside of a chicken, which is inside of a duck, which is in turn inside of a turkey. Then the entire conglomeration is covered in bacon, basted with caramel and deep-fried again.
Then we can start talking about side dishes.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 5:47 PM on February 29, 2008 [12 favorites]
Then we can start talking about side dishes.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 5:47 PM on February 29, 2008 [12 favorites]
Elvis used to eat fifty of these for a midmorning snack.
posted by ben242 at 5:51 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by ben242 at 5:51 PM on February 29, 2008
I think this would be better if you used the patties and chicken from Wendy's.
posted by hjo3 at 5:53 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by hjo3 at 5:53 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
Side dish 1: a bacon-crust pizza, with Snickers bars as a topping. Also deep-fried (like they do in Scotland)
Side dish 2: a Shoofly pie. Only a madman would add anything to this.
Served with a glass of gravy.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 5:53 PM on February 29, 2008 [3 favorites]
Side dish 2: a Shoofly pie. Only a madman would add anything to this.
Served with a glass of gravy.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 5:53 PM on February 29, 2008 [3 favorites]
Then we can start talking about side dishes.
Don't mess with Texas.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:53 PM on February 29, 2008
Don't mess with Texas.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:53 PM on February 29, 2008
Meat is the new bread!
posted by Navelgazer at 5:56 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by Navelgazer at 5:56 PM on February 29, 2008
Oh god.. that's a fast track to a heart attack
posted by majikstreet at 5:57 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by majikstreet at 5:57 PM on February 29, 2008
Just looking at that made me diarrhea my pants.
Seriously, I have to go change my underwear.
posted by jefbla at 6:10 PM on February 29, 2008
Seriously, I have to go change my underwear.
posted by jefbla at 6:10 PM on February 29, 2008
I'm underwhelmed. The special sauce could have been replaced by foie gras. Instead of pickles, he could have used pickled pigs feet. The onions could have been replaced with tripe. And the lettuce? Try week-old corned beef hash.
The holy grail of an all-meat Big Mac has yet to be realized. This amateur is pretending at a man's game.
posted by felix betachat at 6:12 PM on February 29, 2008
The holy grail of an all-meat Big Mac has yet to be realized. This amateur is pretending at a man's game.
posted by felix betachat at 6:12 PM on February 29, 2008
I think just substituting the two-all-beef-patties in the Big Mac with two McChicken patties or Filet-O-Fish squares would be some of the best food-hacking you can do at Mickey D's. Or try two sausage patties from Jack in the Box's "Extreme Sausage Breakfast Sandwich" (which are bigger than any sausage used by McD or BK), or just get thee to a Chick-Fil-A for your sandwich-able chicken needs. Jack's also has breaded fried Mozzerella Sticks which are a most excellent substitution for the uninteresting cheese on most fast food burgers. Carl's Jr./Hardees did a 'hack' on their Western Bacon Burgers of using Onion Rings instead of raw onion that I consider the one true justification for those chains to exist.
And mikesch's UberGriddle is nice, but I'm not sure if the sharp cheddar is the right way to upgrade the cheese. I'd go with a relatively-thick layer of the more-breakfast-friendly cream cheese myself. And does anybody remember, those 30-odd years ago when the Egg McMuffin was first introduced, it came with a packet of jelly to spread on one half of the muffin, if you were thusly inclined? I loved that, and for years, when I would bring any fastfood breakfast sandwich in to my work, I'd whip out a jar of Smuckers Strawberry Jam or Knotts Boysenberry and apply liberally to the muffin/biscuit/bun...
Oddly, I've been experiencing all 5 steps of the Pepto Bismol dance today, so I'm not in the mood to actually EAT anything, but I'm enjoying the hamburger hacking. But synaesthetichaze, you are so stealing from the SNL Taco Ad Absurdum bit...
posted by wendell at 6:13 PM on February 29, 2008
And mikesch's UberGriddle is nice, but I'm not sure if the sharp cheddar is the right way to upgrade the cheese. I'd go with a relatively-thick layer of the more-breakfast-friendly cream cheese myself. And does anybody remember, those 30-odd years ago when the Egg McMuffin was first introduced, it came with a packet of jelly to spread on one half of the muffin, if you were thusly inclined? I loved that, and for years, when I would bring any fastfood breakfast sandwich in to my work, I'd whip out a jar of Smuckers Strawberry Jam or Knotts Boysenberry and apply liberally to the muffin/biscuit/bun...
Oddly, I've been experiencing all 5 steps of the Pepto Bismol dance today, so I'm not in the mood to actually EAT anything, but I'm enjoying the hamburger hacking. But synaesthetichaze, you are so stealing from the SNL Taco Ad Absurdum bit...
posted by wendell at 6:13 PM on February 29, 2008
Little known fact about McDonald's:
There is a secret menu item known as the "McCube". A McCube is simply a hamburger sandwich after you discard all those bits you really don't want anyway.
It is a cube of meat and grease the size of your head, formed from dozens of hamburger patties, cheese, fries, fried cheese or whatever delicious non-vegetable matter you can cram into the cubing-press.
You can order your McCube a variety of ways. Undoubtably the deep-fried MegaMeat McCube with Cheese is a best seller, but chicken-fried bacon-bacon McBaconCubes are also highly popular. The breakfast McCube is over 12 pounds of highly compressed sugar, starch and fat - just the ticket for the truly hungry professional on the go. And at only 12,783 calories (per cubic inch) it's truly a healthy option for morning breakfasts.
posted by loquacious at 6:25 PM on February 29, 2008 [7 favorites]
There is a secret menu item known as the "McCube". A McCube is simply a hamburger sandwich after you discard all those bits you really don't want anyway.
It is a cube of meat and grease the size of your head, formed from dozens of hamburger patties, cheese, fries, fried cheese or whatever delicious non-vegetable matter you can cram into the cubing-press.
You can order your McCube a variety of ways. Undoubtably the deep-fried MegaMeat McCube with Cheese is a best seller, but chicken-fried bacon-bacon McBaconCubes are also highly popular. The breakfast McCube is over 12 pounds of highly compressed sugar, starch and fat - just the ticket for the truly hungry professional on the go. And at only 12,783 calories (per cubic inch) it's truly a healthy option for morning breakfasts.
posted by loquacious at 6:25 PM on February 29, 2008 [7 favorites]
I had never actually seen that wendell, thanks for the link... the tote bag is what makes it truly hilarious. The real origin of my ramblings is, at work we have a running contest as to who can create the most horrifyingly ridiculous imaginary foodstuff. I always win. I just thought I would share the love with mefi.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:28 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:28 PM on February 29, 2008
Note to self: hire synaesthetichaze to cater next imaginary dinner party.
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:32 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by FelliniBlank at 6:32 PM on February 29, 2008
it's more like a salt lick glued onto pork rind
You say that like it's a bad thing.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:36 PM on February 29, 2008
loquacious, I had a MegaMeat McCube once, but a single sesame seed had strayed from an erstwhile bun and corrupted it completely. My advice for the true gastronomic thrill-seeker is to find the nearest Hardee's (arrive in disguise), head to the condiment bar and scrawl the following on a napkin:
1 MeatWaffle
Hand this to the cashier without speaking. S/he will eat the napkin, and not respond. Immediately leave, again without speaking. The next day, a black van will be parked in your driveway or otherwise within sight of your residence. Hand the driver 1 ounce of solid platinum, three hairs plucked from your own head, and a single drop of your own blood.
Take 2 weeks vacation.
You will have satiety.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:36 PM on February 29, 2008 [7 favorites]
1 MeatWaffle
Hand this to the cashier without speaking. S/he will eat the napkin, and not respond. Immediately leave, again without speaking. The next day, a black van will be parked in your driveway or otherwise within sight of your residence. Hand the driver 1 ounce of solid platinum, three hairs plucked from your own head, and a single drop of your own blood.
Take 2 weeks vacation.
You will have satiety.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:36 PM on February 29, 2008 [7 favorites]
Five Words: In And Out Mutant Style.
posted by wendell at 6:40 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by wendell at 6:40 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
Mutant style? I've heard of animal style, but what the fuck is mutant style?
posted by loquacious at 6:42 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by loquacious at 6:42 PM on February 29, 2008
EXPLAIN DAMN YOU OR YOU WILL END NO SO VERY WELL, WENDELL. Oh, god, salivating...
posted by loquacious at 6:43 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by loquacious at 6:43 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
this is nothing... eat a cow covered with melted butter and bacon and I'll be impressed....
posted by HuronBob at 6:44 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by HuronBob at 6:44 PM on February 29, 2008
See also: The 20x20. (I mirrored the images a few years back after getting direct permission from the guy who actually did the eating.)
That burger is incredible, and from what I've heard has caused a number of In N Outs to limit the number of patties they will now put on a single "burger".
posted by c0nsumer at 6:54 PM on February 29, 2008
That burger is incredible, and from what I've heard has caused a number of In N Outs to limit the number of patties they will now put on a single "burger".
posted by c0nsumer at 6:54 PM on February 29, 2008
Blazecock Pileon that link was awesome. and seeing the cigarette smoke mixed in with the shots... well that sure as gosh darrnit is movie legend.
posted by Frasermoo at 6:54 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by Frasermoo at 6:54 PM on February 29, 2008
Alas, my gastronomic capacity knows no satiety.
posted by mr_book at 7:09 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by mr_book at 7:09 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
All them ingredients, and they plum forgot the babies.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:32 PM on February 29, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:32 PM on February 29, 2008 [3 favorites]
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, Taco Bell's Five Ingredients Combined In Totally New Way.
posted by mosk at 7:53 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by mosk at 7:53 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
im still stuck on the bacon bowl.
posted by fuzzypantalones at 8:20 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by fuzzypantalones at 8:20 PM on February 29, 2008 [1 favorite]
Man, that's the awesome. The Internet -is- good for something other than pron!
posted by Ogre Lawless at 9:17 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by Ogre Lawless at 9:17 PM on February 29, 2008
That burger is incredible, and from what I've heard has caused a number of In N Outs to limit the number of patties they will now put on a single "burger".
This is what we call a bad business decision. Some dude comes into your store and wants to buy $100 of your product, and you decide to forbid it.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:29 PM on February 29, 2008
This is what we call a bad business decision. Some dude comes into your store and wants to buy $100 of your product, and you decide to forbid it.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:29 PM on February 29, 2008
that is worse than tubgirl...seriously, this needs a 'NSFW'
posted by sexyrobot at 11:24 PM on February 29, 2008
posted by sexyrobot at 11:24 PM on February 29, 2008
He didn't even finish it! If you're going to put your burger experience on the internet, eat the fucking thing. It's just 3 McChickens. I'm pretty sure I could do it. Not... completely sure. But I know I could have in high school.
Anyway, the worst/best part of this post was seeing the "http://www.groceryeats.com" and thinking "hah! Grocer Yeats! What a clever name!"
Disappointment soon followed. :(
posted by blacklite at 1:17 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
Anyway, the worst/best part of this post was seeing the "http://www.groceryeats.com" and thinking "hah! Grocer Yeats! What a clever name!"
Disappointment soon followed. :(
posted by blacklite at 1:17 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
That is fucking disgustipating. I just... I mean... Why would you... what the fuck is wrong with some people, man? I need to lie down.
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:51 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:51 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
Every time I see a post like this it reminds me that I ate at dinner at McDonald's right after seeing Super Size Me.
posted by danb at 7:49 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by danb at 7:49 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
synaesthetichaze, if you're going for classy that meal just has to be washed down with a gravytini. With a blob of some as-greasy-as-possible bacon replacing the customary olive, 'natch.
posted by thisjax at 8:32 AM on March 1, 2008
posted by thisjax at 8:32 AM on March 1, 2008
When it is mortgage time and I'm short of money. I hit McDees dollar menu. 2 double cheeseburgers and a McChicken. I'm no snob when it comes to hunger. #$%@ fat and cholesterol. If I'm gonna die...I'm gonna die..but I'll be damned if I die hungry.
posted by doctorschlock at 10:05 AM on March 1, 2008
posted by doctorschlock at 10:05 AM on March 1, 2008
mikesch, nice job on the bacon weave. That really elevates that already tasty-looking sandwich to pure genius. Really, I am so sick of the bacon falling out of my sandwiches.
posted by artifarce at 10:19 AM on March 1, 2008
posted by artifarce at 10:19 AM on March 1, 2008
Otherwise, I thought the OP was kind of dumb. Sorry. It's a link of the "what can an infinite amount of monkey unleashed at a McDonald's invent, given enough time?" variety.
posted by artifarce at 10:21 AM on March 1, 2008
posted by artifarce at 10:21 AM on March 1, 2008
Man, that's the awesome. The Internet -is- good for something other than pron!
Don't kid yourself. Meat? Sauce? Far more than necessary all at once? This is also porn.
posted by ninjew at 11:10 AM on March 1, 2008
Don't kid yourself. Meat? Sauce? Far more than necessary all at once? This is also porn.
posted by ninjew at 11:10 AM on March 1, 2008
Also, how did you all miss the motherfucking meat house?
posted by ninjew at 11:13 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by ninjew at 11:13 AM on March 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
I am so glad my taste buds are fully satiated by a well-made vegetable curry.
SO INFINITELY FUCKING GLAD
posted by tehloki at 11:48 AM on March 1, 2008
SO INFINITELY FUCKING GLAD
posted by tehloki at 11:48 AM on March 1, 2008
I can't remember if this was on the internets or TV, but I saw a guy zip open a whole can of Spam and put it between two slices of bread and eat it.
It's real quick and easy (and another one of those things I wish I had never watched).
posted by MtDewd at 12:56 PM on March 1, 2008
It's real quick and easy (and another one of those things I wish I had never watched).
posted by MtDewd at 12:56 PM on March 1, 2008
Meh. Guys at Enron ate these for lunch every day and called for more.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 2:11 PM on March 1, 2008
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 2:11 PM on March 1, 2008
GOD BLESS UHMERICA
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:53 PM on March 1, 2008
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:53 PM on March 1, 2008
I've moved on from In-N-Out. My new favorite fast food burger is the Carl's Jr. Guacamole Bacon Six Dollar Burger*. There are over half a dozen varietes of the Six Dollar Burger, the newest being the Chili Cheese SDB, but I almost always get the guacamole bacon one. It's a "charbroiled 100% Black Angus beef patty, guacamole, two strips of bacon, two slices of melted pepperjack cheese, lettuce, two slices of tomato, red onions, and Santa Fe sauce on a toasted sesame seed bun". Because it's spendy (just over $5), they always make it fresh; they never just make a bunch and let them wilt under a heat lamp. And you can request it cooked to order. Those things will be the death of me, I'm averaging 2-3 per week.
IANAFFFS -- I am not a fast food franchise shill...and if I AM one, I'm only mentioning my favorite aorta plug on the Blue because I'm sleep deprived.
posted by Devils Slide at 5:38 AM on March 2, 2008
IANAFFFS -- I am not a fast food franchise shill...and if I AM one, I'm only mentioning my favorite aorta plug on the Blue because I'm sleep deprived.
posted by Devils Slide at 5:38 AM on March 2, 2008
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posted by stbalbach at 5:06 PM on February 29, 2008