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Jared from Subway? WE GET IT ALREADY. STFU!
March 4, 2008 2:40 PM   Subscribe

People are sick of hearing Jared Fogle's rap about Subway and weight. (Warning: NSFW language) The guys in the video aren't the only ones sick of Jared: Jared Fogle Sucks. If you hate Jared too, join the Jared is Lame livejournal.

Personally, I congratulate anyone for losing hundreds of pounds and keeping it off in today's society where the norm is a sedentary job and fast food is cheap and plentiful. How did Jared get fat in the first place? He blames Nintendo. By the way, others have tried the Subway diet and are not impressed.
posted by Unicorn on the cob (106 comments total)

 
Those South Park weenies were complaining about Jared long ago.

Honestly, no matter how he annoys me personally, I can't for the life of me imagine why someone would claim that he sucks or is lame.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:47 PM on March 4, 2008


This man, he has sex appeal of biscuit with two shits inside.
posted by flod at 2:50 PM on March 4, 2008 [8 favorites]


Say what you will about Subway, at least it's some kind of alternative to McDonalds et al.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:50 PM on March 4, 2008


An alternative with totally shitty food.
posted by item at 2:52 PM on March 4, 2008


Why slag on Jared? He was fat, he lost weight, he cashed in. It's the American dream. You want to pick on somebody, pick on Subway or Subway's ad agency, because you can't say that you'd turn down the money if you were in Jared's shoes.
posted by Enroute at 2:52 PM on March 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


People have that strong of an opinion about a corporate mascot?
posted by absalom at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2008


From the "others have tried" link:

I started on January 15th, and by June of that year I was so disgusted with Subway sandwiches I could barely walk into the restaurant without feeling nauseous.

It feels as though I am on a de facto Subway diet because it's the closest non-greasy eatery to my office, and damn, it really is bad.

But Jared? How could you think a normal guy who parlays a commonsense diet plan into a very lucrative career as a celebrity sucks or is lame? More power to him.

I think Jared lucked out in the sense that, underneath all the blubber, there was a decent-looking All-American guy.
posted by jayder at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2008


In all fairness, his aides helped him slim down.
posted by porn in the woods at 2:54 PM on March 4, 2008 [6 favorites]


Oh, I don't think he is lame. But other people do, and I found it interesting that there was so much hate on the internets for him. So I posted it.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 2:55 PM on March 4, 2008


Say what you will about Subway, at least it's some kind of alternative to McDonalds et al.

I love ya, Blazecock, but if McDonald's is your benchmark, you are not shooting high enough. ;)
posted by Mikey-San at 2:58 PM on March 4, 2008


you can't say that you'd turn down the money if you were in Jared's shoes

You want to know something interesting? You're wrong. You're totally, completely, and damn near fascinatingly dead wrong. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone has dollar signs in their eyes. There really are a whole shitload of people that aren't motivated by money, and it's a shame if you don't know any of them.
posted by item at 2:58 PM on March 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


I found it interesting that there was so much hate on the internets for him.

I'm not really seeing how the internet is seething with Jared-hate. The last post to the Jared is Lame livejournal group is from December 2005. That Nintendo article is from January 2006. The Jared Fogle Sucks page mentions Henry Clay, which a little googling reveals appeared in his own Subway commercial all the way back in 2002. I think this guy's 15 minutes were up a long time ago.
posted by turaho at 2:58 PM on March 4, 2008


In all fairness, his aides helped him slim down.

I knew that guy was a shooter. Dirty needles, man, avoid 'em.
posted by Mikey-San at 2:59 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Awesome. Yet another thing to blame on videogames instead of addressing the actual root of the problem.

Choke on a foot-long, you douche.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:01 PM on March 4, 2008


addressing the actual root of the problem.

The controllers?
posted by cashman at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2008


You want to know something interesting? You're wrong. You're totally, completely, and damn near fascinatingly dead wrong. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone has dollar signs in their eyes. There really are a whole shitload of people that aren't motivated by money, and it's a shame if you don't know any of them.

Well sure but it's not like Jared has screwed over anyone to get his money, nor has he rejected any of his principles (as far as we know). So now he gets to do whatever he wants with 98% of his time, and for a living he shoots a new :30 spot every four months or so. What reason would someone have to turn that down?
posted by shakespeherian at 3:03 PM on March 4, 2008


What reason would someone have to turn that down?

Some people wouldn't be comfortable with being a corporate tool.
posted by item at 3:06 PM on March 4, 2008


If you hate Jared too, join the Jared is Lame livejournal.

nothing sells a movement less than saying "Join our livejournal!"

How did Jared get fat in the first place? He blames Nintendo. his own behavior. ftfy, etc...
posted by shmegegge at 3:09 PM on March 4, 2008


Fair enough, turaho. But the first video I linked to was posted today.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 3:10 PM on March 4, 2008


What reason would someone have to turn that down?

Integrity, man! item is the only one here who has realized that punk died the day Jared signed with Subway. He should have kept his integrity and stayed with that independent sub shop in that alley by the waterfront. That was awesome! Now everyone knows who Jared is and I feel cheated.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:10 PM on March 4, 2008 [6 favorites]


How else can Jared die
posted by fleetmouse at 3:10 PM on March 4, 2008


Mayor Curley, I honestly don't give a flying one what Jared chooses to do with his life. I was responding to blanket statements like "you can't say that you'd turn down the money" and what shakespeherian said. Maybe you didn't realize that. Sorry I had to point it out for you.
posted by item at 3:16 PM on March 4, 2008


Some people wouldn't be comfortable with being a corporate tool.

I really don't want this to turn into an argument, because there's nothing I can think of that would be stupider to argue about. But the discomfort of some people with being in any way a part of corporate America does not, cf.'d with Enroute's comment to which you originally responded, seem to legitimate slagging on Jared.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:16 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


STOP SLAGGIN STOP LYIN.
posted by cashman at 3:18 PM on March 4, 2008


I'd also like to point out that some of 'what shakespeherian said' was nor has he rejected any of his principles (as far as we know). So not wanting to be a corporate tool doesn't enter in.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:18 PM on March 4, 2008


This is a very poor post.
posted by tkchrist at 3:22 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


You want to know something interesting? You're wrong. You're totally, completely, and damn near fascinatingly dead wrong. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone has dollar signs in their eyes. There really are a whole shitload of people that aren't motivated by money, and it's a shame if you don't know any of them.

I think that everyone has at least one product that they honestly like, and that they would gladly endorse for shitloads of money because they actually like the product. Jared likes Subway, so he takes their money. What a terrible, terrible thing that is. I wonder how he sleeps at night.
posted by 23skidoo at 3:23 PM on March 4, 2008


shakespeherian, you asked what reason would someone have for turning down a gig where they get to do whatever they want with 98% of their time, and shoot the occasional :30 spot for Subway for their income. I do think there's a reason: there are plenty of people out there that wouldn't be comfortable shilling for a fast-foot company. Not wanting to be a corporate tool enters in very nicely. I never said the guy's rejected his principles, not was i responding to that portion of your statement.

For the record, I don't really see the point on slagging on Jared and haven't given any indication that I care one way or another if people do so.

Also, I agree: this is a stupid thing to argue about.
posted by item at 3:30 PM on March 4, 2008


was responding to blanket statements like "you can't say that you'd turn down the money" and what shakespeherian said. Maybe you didn't realize that. Sorry I had to point it out for you.

I'm sorry about that. I regularly trade my labor in exchange for money, just like Jared does, so I was slightly offended.
posted by Mayor Curley at 3:31 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


This is the first I've ever heard of "Jared". Looking through these links about him reminds me that I am so happy to be so far removed from the soul-crushing banality and horror that is the American mass media landscape. This stuff is just bad. Just bad all around.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 3:33 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think that everyone has at least one product that they honestly like, and that they would gladly endorse for shitloads of money because they actually like the product. Jared likes Subway, so he takes their money. What a terrible, terrible thing that is. I wonder how he sleeps at night.

Jesus Hellfuck Christ - do I have to spell it out? I don't care if the motherfucker sells sandwiches for Subway or tissues for Kleenex or guns for Toys R Us. I was responding to the assumption that no one has any reason to not sell shit for a corporation.

Argh. You people.
posted by item at 3:35 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


I have seen Jared in person - in a cafeteria, no less. I'm still kicking myself for not checking to see what he was eating. Dammit.
posted by naoko at 3:37 PM on March 4, 2008


/cue Chris Crocker.
posted by RavinDave at 3:40 PM on March 4, 2008


I might as well jump in here. Subway isn't that bad and it's sure as hell better than McDonald's. I lost about 60 pounds last year and since Subway is one of the few restaurants in the still-being-gentrified neighborhood I work in, I ate there quite a bit. I'm a little sick of it but it's acceptable.

How many fast food places tout a healthy menu? McDonald's has started to offer a few things but Subway was way ahead of the curve. Frankly, if you ask me, the fast food restaurants aren't going with the healthy stuff, they're offering more and more crap like this thing and this. Make sure to get that 64oz soda and the extra large fries with it.

Yee God. Even when I was fat I wouldn't have eaten those. But whatever, it's what the public wants. MOAR PHAT!
posted by smoothvirus at 3:46 PM on March 4, 2008


Looking through these links about him reminds me that I am so happy to be so far removed from the soul-crushing banality and horror that is the American mass media landscape.

Dude. You live in Japan. I'm pretty sure that disqualifies you from criticizing anyone else's mass media, even the USA.
posted by dersins at 3:48 PM on March 4, 2008 [5 favorites]


Jared is just another iteration of the classic American diet problem -- that the best, and nearly the only, way to sell a diet to Americans is to tell them the yummy things they can eat and still lose weight. There's like this mendacious idiocy in this country that desperately wants to believe the key to weight loss is eating more, if you can just know the right kinds of food to eat. The Subway diet? Seriously? Wake me up when they get to the chocolate chip ice cream diet.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:48 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Awesome. Yet another thing to blame on videogames instead of addressing the actual root of the problem.

Choke on a foot-long, you douche.
posted by slimepuppy at 3:01 PM on March 4 [+] [!]


The actual problem? Like eating too much junk food combined with spending way too much time being relatively inactive (perhaps playing too much video games, for example)? Funny, seems to me that's exactly what he was talking about. Both this comment and the comments in the 'Jared "blames" Nintendo' link remind me of the irrational rage that some gamers can muster up.
posted by the other side at 3:52 PM on March 4, 2008


Yo, Item keeping it real! He gots mad integrity.
posted by Bonzai at 3:53 PM on March 4, 2008


Is there slash porn with the guy from Subway and the guy from Verizon fucking? There should be.
posted by meehawl at 4:02 PM on March 4, 2008 [9 favorites]


There's a chocolate chip ice-cream diet? Can it be mint chocolate chip?
posted by Pantengliopoli at 4:02 PM on March 4, 2008


freedom of speech apparently does not apply to people with the "sex appeal of biscuit with two shits inside" who have "lost more than a hundred pounds" with the "help of aids" shilling "totally shitty food." we have standards, you know. anyone not meeting them needs to "STFP" or worse.
posted by krautland at 4:04 PM on March 4, 2008


Dude. You live in Japan. I'm pretty sure that disqualifies you from criticizing anyone else's mass media, even the USA.

Admittedly, the mass media here is mind-blowingly silly, with hour after hour of TV broadcast time devoted to grown men in frog costumes hitting each other on the head with oversize rubber hammers. But at least this jaw-droppingly dumb stuff is, for the most part, benign and innocent, compared to the overall tone of US television, which is much more mean-spirited. I find Japanese TV less insidious: US media offers a continual subliminal (or not-so-subliminal) message to viewers: "you don't quite make the grade ... you're too fat/thin/ugly/whatever".

However, I don't watch Japanese TV with any regularity anymore, either... disconnected my antenna about 8 years ago! I catch the oversize rubber-hammer antics in ramen shops here and there, though.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:07 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Whoa, stepped away for a bit to do some actual work and check in to find I inadvertently started a brouhaha! I think perhaps not enough attention is being paid to my qualifier "if you were in Jared's shoes," but nevertheless I think my statement was a bit overbroad. Obviously there are some people who don't care about money. I tend to think these are mostly the people who aren't actually being offered any money, but whatever. If you don't want to sell shit for Subway, that's great. Didn't mean to offend.
posted by Enroute at 4:07 PM on March 4, 2008


Surprised at the hate for Jared on the internet? Are you serious? THE INTERNET? The magical combination of networks that brings us videos of people throwing puppies off cliffs? And you are surprised by snark? You can find anything on the internet, from the foulest of the foul, to something even fouler.
posted by blue_beetle at 4:11 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


So, when did this guy and his buddies invade this post?
posted by lattiboy at 4:14 PM on March 4, 2008


Yo, Item keeping it real! He gots mad integrity.

Yeah, I do. It's kind of weird that you might have a problem with that.
posted by item at 4:15 PM on March 4, 2008


Is there slash porn with the guy from Subway and the guy from Verizon fucking? There should be.

In the spirit of the most ridiculous slash, it should be of Jared and the Verizon guy holding each other and looking deep into each other's eyes.
posted by mynameisluka at 4:18 PM on March 4, 2008


I hate subway NOM NOM NOM and Mcdonald NOM NOM , I don't know what I could hate else, bit NOM NOM NOM ! I hate these fries with mayonayse NOMNOMNOM
posted by elpapacito at 4:21 PM on March 4, 2008


Enroute, I've turned down commercial work more than once. I would've received more money for a few days work than I probably would've made in the 6 months after that, but I turned it down because I, as was beautifully pointed out by Bonzai above, have mad integrity. Or something like that.

In any case, I am sorry if I misinterpreted your use of the "in Jared's shoes" qualifier.
posted by item at 4:24 PM on March 4, 2008


I have no reason to dislike Jared - and yet I do. I have hated him from the moment I first saw him. His voice makes me want to kill kittens. His vapid little pasty face makes my stomach heave. The thing is, if I had met him in real life, I would still dislike him, but I could avoid him. At the height of Jared mania, I thought I was going to go mad. Giant Jareds gazing limpedly from billboards haunted me in my sleep. Like I said, I have no excuse, but facts is facts.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 4:25 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Obviously there are some people who don't care about money.

Even if I hated both Subway and money (I quite like both) I would shill for them and then donate the cash to the cause of my choice, which would have a far greater net positive effect than me sticking to my principles and them just hiring the next guy in the line and making the ads anyway.
posted by markr at 4:33 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


flapjax at midnite writes "But at least this jaw-droppingly dumb stuff is, for the most part, benign and innocent, compared to the overall tone of US television, which is much more mean-spirited."

Replace "television" with "culture," and it reads the same. It's not like "the media" is this entity unto itself, existing as a purely top-down influence.
posted by krinklyfig at 4:43 PM on March 4, 2008


mynameisluka writes "In the spirit of the most ridiculous slash, it should be of Jared and the Verizon guy holding each other and looking deep into each other's eyes."

... and comparing the terms of their exclusive clauses in their contracts with their respective employers. And they could measure the size of their residuals. Sexy.
posted by krinklyfig at 4:48 PM on March 4, 2008


When not making commercials, he's speaking on obesity, childhood and adult. You can see him doing it in Supersize Me. Seems a pretty decent thing to do with one's life, and if The Man is helping out, well, power to The Man.

(Curious about which commentators either are morbidly obese, or are related to someone morbidly obese.)
posted by IndigoJones at 5:03 PM on March 4, 2008


Hate is boring.
posted by Dizzy at 5:06 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


You want to know something interesting? You're wrong. You're totally, completely, and damn near fascinatingly dead wrong. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone has dollar signs in their eyes. There really are a whole shitload of people that aren't motivated by money, and it's a shame if you don't know any of them.

Excuse me item, you've been a frequent customer of my establishment for years now, and you've lost a lot of weight. I'd like to have you do a few commercials telling your story, and encouraging people to watch what they eat.

If it isn't a hit, you'll make maybe $100,000. If the commercial is a hit we'll want you back and you could likely earn 10-20 million dollars in a fairly part-time job.

I know you have a life outside our organization, and perhaps the money could help you accomplish some of your more interesting life goals. Please consider it!
posted by mosch at 5:20 PM on March 4, 2008


Maybe this is kind of trolling, but I find it interesting that the same community that has a reputation for defending obesity genuinely entertains fast food as viable dining options.

Fucking gross.
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 5:21 PM on March 4, 2008


item: I can't help but just laugh and laugh as I imagine you going on a lunatic anti-capitalist rant in response to the proposal I made in my previous post.

Honestly, I can only envision a tiny number of reasons to turn it down:
1) Already have significant earning power
2) An association with Subway would hinder future expected earning power
3) Are so incredibly biased against wealth that you actually believe accepting will in some way harm or change you, rather than enabling you to do more of what you actually care about, while helping free yourself from cash-induced problems.
posted by mosch at 5:29 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


item, I think the reason you're getting pounced on is that, as far as I can tell, Jared hasn't sold out one bit, and has integrity in spades. Assuming he actually likes eating at Subway and eating there was a large part of his weight loss program, what's he really losing by speaking for them? Being anti-corporate and having integrity aren't necessarily the same thing. Being anti-fast food and having integrity aren't necessarily the same thing. We should all hope to be so lucky to be able to make a living doing something that we actually like doing. In fact I think that's the very essence of not selling out. It's when you're shilling crap for the Man that you don't even like yourself that you've blown it.

Fer instance: I have a Kelty backpack. I love it. It rocks my world. I tell everyone that asks me about backpacks how much I love it. I bought it at REI, which I also love. I tell everyone that asks me about buying outdoorsy stuff about REI and how great it is. I do this for free! Now if REI or Kelty came to me and for some odd reason wanted me to endorse their product, why shouldn't I be compensated at a market rate for doing so? I think both companies are great, so what am I losing by saying so? How is that selling out in the slightest way?
posted by LionIndex at 5:30 PM on March 4, 2008


but I find it interesting that the same community that has a reputation for defending obesity

And what website would you actually be discussing? It certainly can't be this one.
posted by LionIndex at 5:33 PM on March 4, 2008


I would've received more money for a few days work than I probably would've made in the 6 months after that, but I turned it down because I, as was beautifully pointed out by Bonzai above, have mad integrity.

Are you proud that you turned down money which could've helped the needy, choosing to leave it in corporate coffers, to be doled out to somebody who will almost certainly spend it in an unprincipled way?

There's nothing noble about what you did. If you think there is, you're thinking incredibly selfishly. So selfishly in fact that I'm glad I don't know you, because it's clear that you are a high and mighty selfish person, who cares so much about their image that they are willing to sabotage an opportunity to help those in need.

You should be ashamed of yourself.
posted by mosch at 5:33 PM on March 4, 2008


LionIndex: this is exactly correct.

The idea that a regular customer is somehow lacking integrity because they shared the fact that they were (quite voluntarily) a regular customer for years is incredibly insulting.

My assumption is that this is the standard metafilter "hate the rich" bullshit being applied again. It's a shame that item, and others like her, are too blinded by bigotry and hate to hold a reasonable conversation, instead choosing to launch an attack about how everyone is solely motivated by money. Fucking idiocy.
posted by mosch at 5:37 PM on March 4, 2008


this is the standard metafilter "hate the rich" bullshit being applied again.

Whaddya mean? I think we all like mathowie a lot!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:38 PM on March 4, 2008


Yo, Item keeping it real! He gots mad integrity.

Yeah, I do. It's kind of weird that you might have a problem with that.


I don't think anyone has a problem with integrity.

Self-righteousness, maybe. But not integrity.
posted by dersins at 5:49 PM on March 4, 2008


Self-righteousness, maybe. But not integrity.

I almost wrote item a long mefi-mail explaining how exceptionally offensive I found his post, and all the reasons why from my own life.

Instead, I'll publicly submit that many people who make a lot of money do so not so much because they love money, but because they love other people. Imagine for a moment if you had a loved one who was very sick, whose medical care was a full-time job.

If you were in such a situation, you might be motivated to make more money, to try to ease the lives of all those involved, to try to get the best care for your loved one, and to provide some comfort and rest for all those involved. To try to prepare for what is likely to be long, difficult and expensive life.

And item would be there, claiming he's better than you, based on nothing but his knowledge that you try to make a lot of money. That sort of bigotry fucking pisses me off. It's so incredibly common here, too.

The worst part is that most of the self-righteous assholes won't even admit it or apologize, they'll just say they meant "other" rich people. Just like racist assholes claim they meant "other" black people.
posted by mosch at 6:00 PM on March 4, 2008


I don't hate "the rich", but I generally get uncomfortable having any significant amount of wealth or money. Well, at least when I've been slaving away endlessly for it.

However:

Enroute wrote: because you can't say that you'd turn down the money if you were in Jared's shoes.

Personally? I can. Look, I was ridiculed enough playing RPGs and reading SF in school, and even being somewhat fat - hence, you'd have to offer me the GDP of a large industrialized nation to accept this particular role which is known as "corporate shill sandwich clown".

Above and beyond that, it doesn't need to go any further than the fact that I value my privacy and ability to walk down the street without people pointing at me or even knowing who I am.

That's priceless.

mosch wrote: Honestly, I can only envision a tiny number of reasons to turn it down:

My above answer is plenty of reason to turn it down, but I'll rebut you point by point, because I'm exactly this edge case you're not accounting for, by word and action.

1) Already have significant earning power

I don't. I'm about as "starving artist" as they come. I choose this, yes. I'm not whining about it, I'm pretty happy and satisfied with my life.

But I have no earning power, and even disregarding my answer to Enroute, I would turn it down. If only because I dislike marketing and advertising. If only because the claims made by Subway in the advertising were misleading - which they are, which is why they have that blip of fine print on the Jared ads claiming "results atypical! Consult a doctor!" because they are, more or less, selling false hope and snake oil.

2) An association with Subway would hinder future expected earning power

A real and valid concern for many "spokespersons" of brands over the years. Can you imagine what it'd be like to try to go get a joe-job as "Jared" during the height of his marketing blitz? What about the Dell dude? Didn't that campaign basically ruin his career as a "model"?

3) Are so incredibly biased against wealth that you actually believe accepting will in some way harm or change you, rather than enabling you to do more of what you actually care about, while helping free yourself from cash-induced problems.

Also a valid concern. Sudden wealth only rarely helps the poor. There's a lot of great data about this in lottery winners. Families wrecked, lives totally obliterated. You can even confirm this trend in reality TV shows like "Extreme Home Makeover" where lower-middle class families suddenly find themselves unable to cope with the new tax bracket and new property taxes, living in what amounts to an economic foreign land.


Me? I'm pretty anti-materialism. Happiness doesn't come from stacked paper or piles of shiny things.

I'm sick to death - an extended existential depression in the truest sense - of marketing. That alone is reason enough for me - the pauper-artist - not not take their money IN RETURN FOR marketing.

Buy this! It will make you happy! BUY! BUY! YOU'RE WORTHLESS UNLESS YOU BUY THIS! YOU'RE WORTHLESS! BUY! BUY!

No. I'm not buying it. How about "fuck you"? How about "I'm happy the way I am, and I resent you trying to sell me otherwise"?

How about "My happiness comes not from money, but from time, and doing things, and being, and creating and giving and sharing with people and respecting and appreciating them for who they are, and not judging them by the things they own"?

That being said, I can't really think of many products I would endorse for money. If I liked them that much, I'm already talking about them for free.

And that being said, if &CORPORATE_ENTITY just wanted to give me money - of course I'd take it. I'm not crazy. I could easily spend a few million just wandering the streets of just San Francisco solving problems and helping people in real, direct ways.

But I can think of lots of valid reasons not to be a marketing tool, and not to sign a contract like Jared signed. It would have to be a stupendous, ridiculous amount of money, and even then I probably wouldn't feel good about it.

But, hey, I like to sleep soundly at night, and peace of mind throughout the day is nice, too.
posted by loquacious at 6:14 PM on March 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'm not on, and never will be on, the Subway diet, but the 6" veggie sub with oil and vinegar and hot peppers is a tasty, healthy, and cheap lunch ($3).
posted by zippy at 6:28 PM on March 4, 2008


This man, he has sex appeal of biscuit with two shits inside.

Damn you! I was going to post that. I had the link in the clipboard and everything.

Oh well, here it is anyway.
posted by DecemberBoy at 6:35 PM on March 4, 2008


I like Subway sandwiches and Jared, but if you really want to rag. Someone post about Pizza Hut-gag!!
posted by brickman at 6:49 PM on March 4, 2008


Are there honestly people out there that thing as long as you throw money at someone, they can't say no? Have you never ever heard of someone turning down a job or promotion that pays more for a wide variety of reason? Free time, don't want the responsibility, don't want the headache, interferes with their relationships, the boss is a fucking twat, etc . . .? How would refusing to endorse a product in this hypothetically situation be any different? Or rather, how would such a situation be impossible to refuse? And how is it selfish to refuse money?


I'm honestly flabbergasted by this line of reasoning. Yeah, a lot of people would jump at the opportunity to make mad skrill for very little work. But some wouldn't, plan and simple. For more reasons than you can count on your digits and probably then some.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 7:40 PM on March 4, 2008


MetaFilter: You're totally, completely, and damn near fascinatingly dead wrong.
posted by bwg at 7:45 PM on March 4, 2008


I'll punch myself for $20. Any takers?
posted by puke & cry at 8:02 PM on March 4, 2008


Honestly, I can only envision a tiny number of reasons to turn it down:

Hey, I fucking love money and I think I would turn it down, because I wouldn't want to be Bookhouse-the-Formerly-Fat-Guy-Who-Isn't-Fat-Anymore-Because-He-Ate-at-Subway Dude the rest of my goddamn life. Everyplace I walked, people would look at me, get puzzled looks on their faces and then realize, oh, yeah, that guy used to be really fat but he isn't anymore, because of Subway.

They would want to have their picture taken with me, because I used to be fat but now I wasn't and that got me on the teevee. If I was eating Subway at the time, they'd say, hey, I guess you're not going to get fat again. If I wasn't eating Subway, they'd be all like, be careful, you wouldn't want to get fat again. They would laugh and laugh and I'd have to wait for them to leave before I could take a bite of the Subway/not Subway without feeling weird.

This would happen every place I went, except maybe at Subway corporate events, where I would be a rock star minus the drugs and sex. I'd have to hold a lot of Subway subs at these events. I'd have to smile a lot after taking another bite of another goddamn sub. I would wish the sub would have mayo on it, but it never, ever would. I wouldn't want to get fat and lose my job. I would have the food issues of a supermodel, but I would not be a supermodel.

Some day I might go on a cruise and gain ten pounds and then panic and realize, shit, man, that's the golden goose you're covering with flab. Better watch it. If I gained twenty pounds, it would wind up on the Internet: oh-oh, Bookhouse is chubbing up, better get him a goddamn sandwich.

It's got nothing to do with integrity (I have almost none). I just wouldn't want to be that dude. It reminds me of what Bill Murray said once that he tells people who say they wish they were rich and famous like him:

"Just Be Rich"
posted by Bookhouse at 8:41 PM on March 4, 2008 [4 favorites]


I mean, this doesn't look like hell to you?

Dude, you're getting a Dell. hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. Hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. Hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. Hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. Hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. Hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. hahaha. Dude, you're getting a Dell. Hahaha.
posted by Bookhouse at 8:43 PM on March 4, 2008


item

hahahahaha! Yeah, sure you would.

See that pile of money on the floor? There's a hundred million there. All you have to do is pick it up. That's right, bend over, pick it up, and it's yours.

Are you going to do it?

Of course you are.

No way you wouldn't.


That's a bit like situation Jared found himself in. (Drop a few zeros!)
posted by uncanny hengeman at 8:51 PM on March 4, 2008


There's like this mendacious idiocy in this country that desperately wants to believe the key to weight loss is eating more, if you can just know the right kinds of food to eat.

The thing is . . . it's true. How is this not intuitive? You could eat three Oreos, but if you opt for a head of lettuce instead you'll be having more volume, more nutrients, and fewer calories.
posted by booksandlibretti at 9:04 PM on March 4, 2008


Honestly, I can only envision a tiny number of reasons to turn it down:
1) Already have significant earning power
2) An association with Subway would hinder future expected earning power
3) Are so incredibly biased against wealth that you actually believe accepting will in some way harm or change you, rather than enabling you to do more of what you actually care about, while helping free yourself from cash-induced problems.


You forgot:

4) Would find it really, really embarrassing to be a natonally recognized diet guinea pig.
posted by orange swan at 9:57 PM on March 4, 2008


I have had food poisoning five times in my life.

1 x cockles on a welsh beach

2 x the Little Chef Training School on the A1 just north of London

2 x Subway
posted by unSane at 10:11 PM on March 4, 2008


Everyone has their price.

Mine is immortality.
posted by bwg at 10:20 PM on March 4, 2008


Slash fiction?

So the Verizon guy is doing Jared up the butt. Jared reaches back and begins fondling Verizon guy's nutsack. He slaps Jared's hand away and says, "What are you, some kinda fag?"
posted by Christ, what an asshole at 10:34 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'll punch myself for $20. Any takers?

Has to be Youtubed including you identifying yourself/Metafilter, has to be the face, has to HURT FOR REAL. Will pay via check, discreetly mailed cash, or Paypal. You punch yourself first, cortex can ban me if I welsh on this, which I won't.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 10:45 PM on March 4, 2008


Isn't the point of devaluing money and consumption to keep it from dominating the discourse of your life and having command over your identity? I'm no Buddhist, but all this struggle and anger surrounding the hatred or love of money seems to me to be more trouble than any pride in integrity to one ideal or the other may be worth. Life is short. Material is immaterial.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:20 PM on March 4, 2008


I talked to him on the phone once.

He had met one of my flight attendant friends on a plane and she let him take her out for a drink and apparently he was pretty hung up on her because when I demanded that she call him so I could talk to Jared and tell everybody about it, he only talked about how great my friend was.

Remember that one commercial where he had a fiancée? Apparently that didn't work out.
posted by Jess the Mess at 12:49 AM on March 5, 2008


Has to be Youtubed including you identifying yourself/Metafilter, has to be the face, has to HURT FOR REAL.

As identification, poster should be stripped to the waist with Metafilter 4 Life written in lipstick on his bare chest.

But, hey, I like to sleep soundly at night, and peace of mind throughout the day is nice, too.

Come back in 30 years, when you're facing retirement with no pension, no savings, etc. and let me know how soundly you sleep and how much peace of mind you have then.

Until you reach that point, get offa my verdant green lawn.
(Lawn care is courtesy of our sponsors, Miracle Gro Lawn Feed and Killemall Lawn Pesticide.)
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:21 AM on March 5, 2008


I would of thought it was pretty hard to be a sell-out unless you actually had something to sell. Musos who 'only do it for the music, man' or artists who are 'gonna make it out there on their own abilities, man' suddenly using their fame to shill q-tips - sure, that's a sell out. Some jo not-a-sixpack-but-a-keg from round the block? Not so much. Sure, you can say you'd not make the same choices he made, but unless there's something actively evil about what he's shilling (and in Jared's case, all he's saying is a true story about him....presumably), calling into question his integrity is pretty lame.
posted by Sparx at 2:51 AM on March 5, 2008


Sort of a tangent

The actual problem? Like eating too much junk food combined with spending way too much time being relatively inactive (perhaps playing too much video games, for example)? Funny, seems to me that's exactly what he was talking about. Both this comment and the comments in the 'Jared "blames" Nintendo' link remind me of the irrational rage that some amers can muster up.
posted by the other side

Funny that he name-drops Nintendo and not, say, Doritos, McDonald's or any of the junk food companies that actually made him fat. One does not gain weight with purely a sedentary life style, it's the shitty food that does it. Maybe he should have said that being lazy and bad eating got him where he was. Mentioning Nintendo was just to grab headlines. Videogames produce as much sedentary lifestyle as television and books. Maybe the irrational rage we keep mustering up is because we don't like being blamed for every fucking thing that is wrong with people. I'm just getting tired and irritated because our industry is now the scapegoat for everything.

posted by slimepuppy at 4:16 AM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


One does not gain weight with purely a sedentary life style, it's the shitty food that does it. Maybe he should have said that being lazy and bad eating got him where he was.

Yes, but again I think that's exactly what he was saying really. From the article that the 1up page links to (and blows out of proportion IMO):

At that point, Fogle said, he started playing video games more and riding his bike and playing sports less. He became sedentary. With his love of video games, he developed a love of junk food.

"I usually had one hand on the controller and one in a bag of chips," he said. By the time he reached sixth grade, he was bigger than the other children, he said, and his father, a doctor, started to worry.

"They tried restricting my Nintendo time, but I found ways to get around it," Fogle said.

He would tell his parents he was going for a bike ride, then ride to a fast-food restaurant and buy the biggest, fattiest meal possible with his allowance.

He's talking about the genesis of his own weight problem. So for him that was an inordinate time spent playing video games combined with eating lots of junk food. True, television can be just as bad, so if he'd mentioned sitting on the couch all the time playing games watching T.V. while eating lots of junk food would you think that's unfair? Yes, he could have talked about his excessive sedentary activity in terms of playing "video games" instead of playing "Nintendo," but getting riled up about that seems like an overly defensive reaction to me. (Note: I get annoyed at people blaming games for society's woes as well, but I really don't think he's doing that here; he's talking about his own bad choices.)

posted by the other side at 4:55 AM on March 5, 2008


Wait, people care one whit one way or another about this guy? Granted, I was fat in highschool and got less fat in better shape without any sort of contract, but where is the rancor coming from? Because Subway is a big company? Because you don't like their food?

Does this mean if Home Depot offers that Shovelglove dork a contract people on this site will stop jerking his dick about what a genius he is? I don't even need a sledgehammer, watch this: put the fucking burger down and go for a run you fat prick. Paypal me some adulation, I'm a diet master! (I do run with an iPod, so if Apple wants to kick me some duckets, email's in the profile, Steve.)

One or more people upthread said something about how Jared's existence and message instills false promises to people that all you have to do is eat more of the right things to lose weight. I would agree if that weren't the exact definition of dieting. You can lose weight eating McDonalds 3 meals a day if you know your daily caloric threshhold. The entirety of your daily meals might be pared down to 2 double cheeseburgers and nothing else all day, but you can do it. Even Mr. Shovelglove pushes a version of this, and everyone calls him brilliant for it.

As a gamer myself, I'd take more umbrage at the implication that Nintendo made him fat, but I don't really see that there. The focus was more on the poor diet choices combined with the sedentary lifestyle that video games often nurture. Sadly time spent playing video games and time spent exercising tend to be mutually exclusive, hence why there was such a cultural outcry of "holy shit, I have a cardiovascular system!" when Wii came out.

Look, I was a fat gamer too, and I'm not a shirtless model just yet, but I'm more annoyed by the throngs of people I know who whine about how "next week I'm gonna start working out" or "So can you get free passes to that gym you go to?" and then clock 6 hours a day playing WoW than I could bother to muster over Jared synonymizing "Nintendo" for "Video Games"
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 5:37 AM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


More achewood.
posted by ryanrs at 6:22 AM on March 5, 2008


Jared? Really? Are you guys ok?
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:06 AM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


Who wants to know an interesting twist to this whole thing?

After sending me a ludicrously nasty and threatening MeMail last night, long time user mosch disabled his account.

Ladies and gentlemen, we had a flameout over Jared from Subway.
posted by item at 7:30 AM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


THE BUTTON WORKS
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 7:31 AM on March 5, 2008


Look, here's the thing: Subway has quite a few 6" subs in the sub-400-calorie range. My standard fare there (and I hit it about twice a week) clocks in, sans cheese, at 360 calories. Combine that with a Diet Coke, and you have a reasonable lunch, at least as far as calorie intake is concerned. It's not a culinary delight or anything. But it beats a lot of what else is on offer in fast-food America. And not everyone like packing a lunch (obviously, or these places would all close up).
posted by wheat at 8:12 AM on March 5, 2008


*likes
posted by wheat at 8:15 AM on March 5, 2008


Late to the party, and, indeed, we're barely talking about Subway anymore, but here are two anecdotes:

1. I met Jared and had an extended conversation with him. This would have been back in the 2000-2001 range, so right at the height of the campaign's popularity. He was doing a media circuit (which, in and of itself, is a sad testament to just how successful this campaign was for Subway. They were actually able to get local radio stations to bring this guy on the air and talk about their food and have it presented as content. Spectacular marketing.) Anyway, this was back when I was still working in radio, and I was running the board for this show. On-air, it was all company line, all the way. Off-air, he was genial, funny, and very easy to talk to. Very down to earth, despite the hype surrounding him. I think the thing that made him so successful as a brand icon, but is ultimately the reason for backlash, is that he is staggeringly average. There is only one reason he's a celebrity, and it's because a sandwich restaurant decided he should be. Otherwise, he's just a typical post-grad. People HATE to see someone who is a lot like them, but also famous without any real talent. Almost as much as they hate to someone nothing like them who is famous without any real talent.

2. A friend of mine was hired to do some VO work for Subway last year. He landed the gig, and despite being explicitly warned by his throat doctor that he was really teetering on vocal chord failure, drank himself silly to celebrate. The next day he showed up at the gig unable to perform properly, and was consequently sent home. Some time later, he received a call from a friend of his who had been hired in his stead (but was unaware that friend #1 was originally supposed to have the gig). He breathlessly reported that his two days of work were going to be used in a multi-national radio and TV campaign that, before residuals, would net him around $1,000,000.

Neither story has a point! Hooray!
posted by SpiffyRob at 8:59 AM on March 5, 2008


Thank you for sharing that, item. You have proven once and for all that, on Metafilter at least, smug self-righteousness can overcome anything.
posted by deadcowdan at 9:02 AM on March 5, 2008


For Christmas I gave my wife a signed photo of Jared in a frame.

She did not find it nearly as funny as I did.
posted by bDiddy at 9:06 AM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


Ladies and gentlemen, we had a flameout over Jared from Subway.

The open question is: more or less embarrassing than nattering on about your integrity in refusing hypothetical TV commercials due to a misconception of what integrity is.
posted by yerfatma at 10:54 AM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


brickman, today is your day. Kind of.
posted by Dr-Baa at 11:03 AM on March 5, 2008


The focus was more on the poor diet choices combined with the sedentary lifestyle that video games often nurture.

Yes, that's pretty much what I'm saying. I'd just like to point out that I'm a gamer as well, so I'm very far from some kind of crusader against video games or somesuch nonsense. I just can't help but shake my head when someone who relates a personal story about their own weight gain caused by a combination of fatty foods and excessive sedentary habits (apparently you're not allowed to be specific about your past habits?) gets called a douche, is told to choke on a "footlong," and more (read the comments at 1up*) because he "blamed" the gaming industry. It's not really concern for Jared (or whoever) as it is embarrassment for the gaming community (of which I'm a part).

*Actually reading some more of those comments, it looks like a number of people are actually getting that he's criticizing his own poor choices in his personal life that he saw as contributing to his weight gain and not simply reassigning blame. Yay!
posted by the other side at 1:56 PM on March 5, 2008


I agree that he probably didn't intend on 'blaming' the gaming industry directly for his poor health. I just find it interesting that he mentions Nintendo by name, but doesn't mention his fast-food of choice. Since, y'know, he's assigning blame he might as well name names. But I guess it's all about not biting the hand that feeds him these days. McDonald's can probably use him after subway as long as they don't get mentioned.

As far as the public is concerned games are about rape and murder as it is. Causing obesity is just icing on that cake. I happen to make a living off these fatty-creating murder/rape simulators, so I guess I might be a tad touchy when someone talks about Nintendo as his gateway drug to a sedentary lifestyle and eventual obesity.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:16 PM on March 5, 2008


Did Jared ever talk about all the loose skin he had to hack off? Or did he give it to Subway so they can use it at provolone cheese?
posted by dasheekeejones at 5:04 PM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


After sending me a ludicrously nasty and threatening MeMail last night, long time user mosch disabled his account.

Wow. Just went an read mosch's posts.


I've turned down commercial work more than once. I would've received more money for a few days work than I probably would've made in the 6 months.

I'm intrigued, item. What sort of person gets offered commercial work more than once?

1. People registered at agencies looking for that sort of work (an odd type of agency to be listed at, given your previous posts).
2. An incredibly beautiful / interesting / lucky person.
3. Something else I missed?

Which one is it I must know!!!!
posted by uncanny hengeman at 7:46 PM on March 5, 2008


Number 3, hengeman. The work was related to music production for advertising.
posted by item at 8:09 PM on March 5, 2008


meehawl: Is there slash porn with the guy from Subway and the guy from Verizon fucking? There should be.

If any of the people who favorited this comment are on F---m---z, I actually suggested a forumbuildr group about this exact sort of thing a couple of days ago and it ain't doing well, so look for it and vote it up plox. kthxbye
posted by britain at 8:11 PM on March 5, 2008


Hmmmm. So you walk the talk, eh?

[Baron Silas Greenback voice] I'll get you next time. I'll get you next time, item.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:25 PM on March 5, 2008


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