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Are you an ArcheTYPE or a StereoTYPE?
March 13, 2008 8:59 PM   Subscribe

Typematching: Can Mistral find love with Papyrus? Who cares? Scroll down to find out which of these 6 stereotypical fonts is your type...
"But...but... I can't be Comic Sans!!!"
posted by wendell (47 comments total) 2 users marked this as a favorite

 
Im helvetica!
posted by subaruwrx at 9:18 PM on March 13, 2008


I'm totally American Typewriter, and wouldn't you know that's my default font on everything? This is totally genius.

Totally!
posted by padraigin at 9:21 PM on March 13, 2008


COMIC SANS? FUCK YOU!

Bodini or Antigua, maybe. Or Microgamma. Maybe OCR-A.

And, hey, why would I need any Extensis products if I only had 6 very common fonts, anyway? And the only one of those that isn't shitty is Helvetica.

Smells like a marketing-dork somewhere underestimated the target audience by a great deal. "What? Zurich? Caslon? Bembo Book Bold!? What the fuck? No one will know what that even means!" *opens Microsoft Word, looks at font list* "See, they're just making shit up. This job is about fonts or something. Better use these as examples. Now I can pay my friends in booze and thrift store clothes to act in some clips. Who needs real actors? I'll just have to tell them not to be "wooden" like my AD said, whatever that means. After supplies most of that $1000 bid is mine, all mine! Muhahaha! I'm so glad I went to DeVry!"
posted by loquacious at 9:29 PM on March 13, 2008 [4 favorites]


Comic Sans my hairy white ass. Boo! Hiss!

and boy is it white, let me tell you.
posted by ZakDaddy at 9:31 PM on March 13, 2008


Helvetica? Bleh. I would have accepted Gill Sans, maybe. But at least it wasn't Comic Sans. *points and laughs*
posted by maudlin at 9:33 PM on March 13, 2008


Goddammit. Comic sans.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 9:44 PM on March 13, 2008


Helvetica? Bullshit.

I wear black dresses with tights and boots and piles of Czech glass necklaces. Working knowledge of the work of the lovely C. and R. Eames is nice but far from a prerequisite as long as you tip the bartender. All of those movies sound like they suck, and we can watch Desperate Living and Heaven and Earth Magic at my house; I have a projector. We are not listening to any of those songs, and if I want to break up with you, I will tell you in person.

Most importantly, I like serifs. A lot.

How on Earth do you get Comic Sans? Who deserves that, really?
posted by louche mustachio at 9:51 PM on March 13, 2008 [1 favorite]


American Typewriter

Me so classy.
posted by Salmonberry at 9:54 PM on March 13, 2008


Helevetica*

*More likely some filthy web based rip-off of Helvetica, TBH.
posted by Artw at 9:54 PM on March 13, 2008


American Typewriter and Papyrus - I'm SO INTO YOU!
posted by tellurian at 10:14 PM on March 13, 2008


Comic Sans?

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU
posted by kalimac at 10:15 PM on March 13, 2008


Bah. Comic Sans can suck it.
posted by riane at 10:28 PM on March 13, 2008


Bad Pony?

Yeah, Comic Sans? Thats bullshit! I want my money back.

Oh yeah; great post; thanks!
posted by sir_rubixalot at 10:30 PM on March 13, 2008


This is timely - I just saw a font today that I thought, sheepishly was "me".
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:57 PM on March 13, 2008


As gimmicky as that site was, I'm surprised they didn't use the appropriate typefaces when writing out the subtitles for each character. Typographic humor is not an especially deep subject, guys. If you're gonna go with it, then you can't afford to miss any opportunities. Ride that little font pony till it dies!
posted by Rhaomi at 10:57 PM on March 13, 2008 [2 favorites]


Ugh, Comic Sans also.
posted by ralan at 11:26 PM on March 13, 2008


Does Stencil mean I'm empty inside?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:44 PM on March 13, 2008


i'm so NOT an american typewriter.

sheesh.
posted by CitizenD at 12:48 AM on March 14, 2008


Nthing "Comic Sans? Fuck you." I am Inkburrow.
posted by hjo3 at 3:13 AM on March 14, 2008


Whoever designed this site does not know what Comic Sans people are like. Comic Sans people think they're cheerful, whimsical and quirky. They smile a lot, and forward you inspirational E-mails. They wear brightly colored novelty sweaters, preferably incorporating light bulbs and sound chips, from Thanksgiving to New Year's. Inside, they are utterly hollow and unfulfilled. They envy the rest of us and wish to drag us down to their level, but their imaginations are so stunted that their attacks rarely rise above the level of passive-aggressive memos taped above the coffee maker. True fact: Over 99.3% of all Avon sales representatives are Comic Sans people.

I strongly suspect that the creator of this site is, in fact, a Comic Sans person.

Me? Times New Roman through and through.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:29 AM on March 14, 2008 [5 favorites]


Astonished, the agent asked "What do you call your act?"

The Ultra Bodonis!
posted by hal9k at 3:52 AM on March 14, 2008 [3 favorites]


It claims I'm Comic Sans but I am in fact Caslon. Perhaps when I said, "Serifs up!" it misheard me.
posted by Hogshead at 4:20 AM on March 14, 2008


As the Achewood cartoon says, "What are you running from? The disease is inside of you!"
posted by theredpen at 5:05 AM on March 14, 2008


God how I hate papyrus.
posted by brevator at 5:06 AM on March 14, 2008


Stencil. I died a little inside.
posted by dabitch at 5:47 AM on March 14, 2008


More like typecasting, amirite?

Helvetica, it says. I would have thought *at least* Times New Roman. (I like serifs.)
posted by GrammarMoses at 5:51 AM on March 14, 2008


Looks like it defaults to Comic Sans when your answer to every question is "None of the above, you idiot, please give me an option that is remotely grounded in reality for fuck's sake" and then you randomly click what looks like the least stupid answer actually on the list.

I mean, what the hell? There are no options for actual people on those lists.
posted by caution live frogs at 6:04 AM on March 14, 2008 [4 favorites]


that was really shit
posted by mary8nne at 6:17 AM on March 14, 2008


I am secure in my typographic identity and do not need a web app to help me define it. I was born Garamond—that's right, the big G—and so help me god as a Garamond will I spend the rest of my days.

I know it might sound weird, but there's just something so sexy about low x-height relative to caps...excuse while I go have a typegasm. That's it, em dash...right there...
posted by sixswitch at 6:43 AM on March 14, 2008


Oh fuck, I'm Comic Sans.


I will go kill myself now.
posted by Katemonkey at 6:51 AM on March 14, 2008


I think it makes everyone comic sans apparently, just to fuck with us.

But yeah, if you take a bit of everything, you're comic sans.
posted by GuyZero at 7:03 AM on March 14, 2008


Apparently it's the default if you don't conform well to a particular stereotype.
posted by IronLizard at 7:16 AM on March 14, 2008


Helvetica?

Meh. I see myself more as Gentium. Elegant, quirky, leaning towards dead languages and theology, and offering full IPA support.
posted by ntartifex at 7:38 AM on March 14, 2008


COMIC SANS? FUCK YOU!

Comic Sans my hairy white ass. Boo! Hiss!

Goddammit. Comic sans.

How on Earth do you get Comic Sans? Who deserves that, really?

Bah. Comic Sans can suck it.

Yeah, Comic Sans? Thats bullshit! I want my money back.


I kinda hate to have to tell you this to all of you...
posted by cortex at 7:55 AM on March 14, 2008


Helvetica? No way, I'm full-blooded Futura.
posted by porn in the woods at 9:21 AM on March 14, 2008


I hatehatehatehate "quizzes" with questions that are based solely upon how misanthropic and clever the composer imagines himself to be.

It just irritates me for no good reason - why can't there be answers that normal, functioning, varied interest adults would choose?

This did remind me that I'd rather like a font directory wherein I can select what I need it for and get a list of fonts from "you probably already have this but designers frown upon it" to "everyone will know you really put some thought into is, hurrah!".

Wouldn't that rock?
posted by batmonkey at 9:59 AM on March 14, 2008


comic sans.

:(
posted by misanthropicsarah at 10:31 AM on March 14, 2008


Helvetica, they say.

Of course, I'm really Helvetica Neue.
posted by athenian at 10:47 AM on March 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


I wish I could doubletriple favorite things.
posted by dabitch at 11:13 AM on March 14, 2008


If I'm comic sans, can I at least be a self-hating comic sans?
posted by condour75 at 3:18 PM on March 14, 2008


I wish to dress in a style unlike any of those options.
I wish to meet none of those people in a bar.
I wish to see none of those films on a date.
I suppose I like Air and Thievery Corporation enough.
But I most certainly would not end a relationship in any of those ways.

I am Wingdings, forever seeking the Zapf Dingbats of my dreams.
posted by dosterm at 3:20 PM on March 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


And seriously, fuck Comic Sans.
posted by dosterm at 3:22 PM on March 14, 2008


I'm totally crushing on Papyrus. I think I will use Papyrus on all my resumes and cover letters in 19 point type in order to attract her into my life.
posted by Skwirl at 3:27 PM on March 14, 2008


You know, the typematching technology is incredibly scientific. We use only the most advanced squirrels and chipmunks to decipher your type quiz and let you know your type. With each question you answer, a nut is dropped into their cages. Upon completion of the quiz we read the patterns in their droppings and only then decipher your perfect type match. It's all about the science, you know.

(SPCA notice - no animals were harmed during the creation of this site.)
posted by jkidwell at 10:52 AM on March 17, 2008


Heh. Hiya, Jim.
posted by cortex at 10:55 AM on March 17, 2008


We use only the most advanced squirrels and chipmunks… With each question you answer, a nut is dropped into their cages. Upon completion of the quiz we read the patterns in their droppings and only then decipher your perfect type match.
Tufty, Alvin, Simon and Theodore divine the dropping of nuts?
posted by tellurian at 3:13 PM on March 17, 2008


Why, when I picked so many choices with European twists to them, did I get American Typewriter?

I actually like trebuchet and papyrus. Bah.
posted by misha at 4:08 PM on March 17, 2008


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