April 13, 2001

12:28 PM

Brando ill.The saddest, scariest part of this story is that he was just getting ready to film Scary Movie II when he got sick. Scary Movie II...and the Oscar for "Most Pathetic Former Genius" goes to....
posted by jpoulos (17 comments total)

Have you seen the first Scary Movie? I thought it was one of the funniest movies to come out of holywood in years.
posted by Neb at 12:53 PM on April 13, 2001

Yeah, except for the parts with actors and stuff.
posted by sonofsamiam at 12:55 PM on April 13, 2001

*lol*

after i finished watching scary movie on video the following thoughts went thru my mind:

1-i will never again get back the time i had just wasted.
2-i didn't pay for the rental, and was watching it alone. I could have stopped it at any time to watch Dune again.
posted by th3ph17 at 1:11 PM on April 13, 2001

It was awfull, a lot of the sex jokes just come out flat.
And I want my money back.
posted by tiaka at 1:27 PM on April 13, 2001

What about Orson Welles? He was pretty pathetic...
posted by smackfu at 2:00 PM on April 13, 2001

At least Welles could act, and memorize lines. Brando can't, or doesn't, learn his lines. If he's not provided with cue cards, there's no performance. So you've got some poor guy following him through the shoot, staggering under the weight of these Brando-ass sized cards, while the Great Thespian mumbles and snorts his way through another million-dollar day.

Welles never sunk this low. He probably would have if he had the chance and needed the scratch, though.
posted by lileks at 2:11 PM on April 13, 2001

It is a bit sad, but if Brando can make a quick $2 million, I have no problem with it. Look at the crop of actors pulling down $20M or more per movie and compare them to Marlon in his prime. I'm glad he lived long enough to cash in somewhat. Hopefully, he'll recover and the movie with De Niro & Norton will be a more worthwhile project.
posted by gimli at 2:13 PM on April 13, 2001

Welles never sunk this low.

Apparently you missed him in Transformers: The Movie.

[...]

Actually, you're right. Welles never sunk this low.
posted by tingley at 2:28 PM on April 13, 2001

Bela Lugosi?
posted by fable at 3:23 PM on April 13, 2001

I think Brando's only living competition is Liz Taylor, but at least she's had the decency (with the exception of a Flintstones movie) NOT to work.

Also, lileks, Brando has never really memorized his lines, so that's not really the problem. The problem, I think, is that he's pretty much insane. Maybe it's a genius/madman thing, but the guy is (from what I gather) pretty much crazy.
posted by jpoulos at 3:35 PM on April 13, 2001

Has anybody seen the SNL Jeopardy skit where Brando was a contenstant? The writers obviously though he was seriously crazy. It was quite amusing as well -- most of their Jeopardy parodies were, IMHO. When I was in college someone had realmedia copies shared on the dorm network, and I'd give one a quick watch when procrastinating in writing a paper.
posted by OneBallJay at 3:41 PM on April 13, 2001

I've seen SNL Celebrity Jepardy files floating around the P2P community. Try one of the Napster servers that allows .MOVs.
posted by aaron at 4:45 PM on April 13, 2001

Welles never sunk this low.

Apparently you missed him in Transformers: The Movie.

[...]

Actually, you're right. Welles never sunk this low.

Bah. I was just about to respond to smackfu when I scroll down and see that. I guess that's sarcasm at the end. Whatever. I love that movie, the Unicron voice is cool, and there were alot of other "sunk" actors in that movie too.

Doing voices in cartoon's is probably be the best thing for another formerly good-looking guy that let himself go (way too much) like Brando.

Better than dying after making a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie.
posted by redleaf at 7:37 PM on April 13, 2001

Welles also did commercials for fish sticks. The Readings in the June 2000 issue of Harper's has hilarious out-takes from the recording of the voice overs.

Brando so openly has a sense of humor about his post-career gigs cf. The Freshman that it doesn't really affect his stature. Everyone gets nutso and/or fat eventually.

This is as good a time as any to mention Truman Capote's New Yorker interview with Brando in high wacky mode, "The Duke in His Domain."
posted by Joe Hutch at 10:38 PM on April 13, 2001

That Orson Welles fish stick commercial is floating around the Web somewhere as audio. I couldn't find it in a Google search, but it's hilarious.
posted by rcade at 8:39 AM on April 14, 2001

The fish stick commercial was also spoofed on The Critic. That show has a lot of pretty obscure references in it, which probably explans why so many people didn't get it.
posted by kindall at 11:30 AM on April 14, 2001

Don't forget Orson's famous commercials for Paul Masson wine. "We will sell no wine before its time." The sad truth is that many more people are familiar with that than with Citizen Kane, Touch of Evil, Compulsion, etc.
posted by gimli at 2:42 PM on April 14, 2001