Christvertising

March 16, 2008 1:32 AM

We believe that nothing is possible without the Lord's blessing and consent. Your product is no exception.
posted by dhammond (51 comments total)

So now some shady marketeers have found a new group of gullibles to exploit, or so they think. How typical of marketing people - Bill Hicks was right.
posted by DreamerFi at 1:47 AM on March 16 [1 favorite]

Good post and timely, I need something a Monday meeting.
posted by mattoxic at 1:51 AM on March 16

God Bless Your Brand

Little Joe and Hoss are gonna love this.
The other ranchers don't stand a chance.
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 1:57 AM on March 16

Is pharyngula becoming Metafilter's BoingBoing?

Read The Loom, more science.
posted by Dr. Curare at 2:01 AM on March 16

Is it just me, or is the zoom-out shot of the topiary maze combined with the vaguely predesinationish recruitment pitch just a bit too reminiscent of The Shining?
posted by Clay201 at 2:05 AM on March 16

Can't be serious. The guy's too deadpan, someone nutty enough to create a company like this really needs more smiling, wild-eyed intensity.
posted by verb at 2:09 AM on March 16 [5 favorites]

Thank God! Seems like years I've had this warehouse full of dildos just rotting away.
posted by carsonb at 2:11 AM on March 16 [7 favorites]

is the zoom-out shot of the topiary maze combined with the vaguely predesinationish recruitment pitch just a bit too reminiscent of The Shining?

It was the cuts to close-ups of the hands that gave me the goose-pimples. As to this being 'real' or not, he cracks in the very first video. That gave it away to me. Plus, his shirt is tucked all poofy from the lulz.
posted by carsonb at 2:16 AM on March 16

And Jesus entered the temple and drove out all those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves.

I'm pretty sure this is not an example of WWJD.*

*Jesus, not Jessamyn
posted by kamikazegopher at 2:19 AM on March 16 [2 favorites]

lolxians!
posted by Dave Faris at 2:31 AM on March 16

If you would like to come by for an introductory meeting, please do not hesitate to contact us. We have a wide variety of refreshments.

Brilliant.
posted by farishta at 2:36 AM on March 16 [1 favorite]

Lol$chri$tian$
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:53 AM on March 16

Dr. Curare I'm sorry, I don't understand your comment... I think it's an obscure reference to a blog/portal/social bookmarking site, but I don't understand the reference.

What is "the loom?" Cause if it has more science, than I would like to have it on my RSS feeds.

Thanks
posted by spott at 2:57 AM on March 16

What a Triumphal post! And Just in time for Palm Sunday!!
posted by sambosambo at 3:34 AM on March 16

spott: I also didn't understand Dr. Curare's comment and was about to second your questions, but a google search for 'pharyngula' brings this up. Still don't know what the loom is...
posted by farishta at 3:46 AM on March 16

And Just in time for Palm Sunday!!

I see those palms are supplied by Lutheran World Relief. I'm happy to attest to the fact that there's little more enjoyable after Sunday Services than a bit of Lutheran Palm Relief.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:52 AM on March 16 [1 favorite]

I mean, I'm no Christian, but it seems like it takes a really egocentric mindset to think that you could make a supreme, all-powerful being like a product more for your customers... it seems like the same logic that leads to a whole platoon praying before battle.
I hope these people are soulless heathens that don't believe a word of what they're saying.
posted by ignorantguru at 4:21 AM on March 16 [1 favorite]

You know, I'm so convinced that this is fake... but then again I felt that same way about a certain banana video only to find out its creators were very serious about what they were saying.
posted by ignorantguru at 4:28 AM on March 16

i think the thing with satire is that if you don't know whether it is real or not - then it's good satire - not because of the satire being subtle, but because of real life being stupid enough that we're not sure our commentary of it has caught up yet. it's a good sign that something went wrong a while ago and we didn't notice it in time.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 4:45 AM on March 16 [5 favorites]

A platoon praying before battle is different, in my opinion. This guy will sell you the Lord's blessing. That's a bit different from asking for it on your own behalf.
posted by creasy boy at 4:53 AM on March 16

Well, I'M disgusted.
posted by konolia at 4:58 AM on March 16

You can petition the Lord with prayer!
You can petition the Lord with prayer!
You can petition the Lord with prayer!
YOU CANNOT PETITION THE LORD WITH PRAYER!!!
posted by Daddy-O at 4:59 AM on March 16 [5 favorites]

LOLAXEGRIND!!!!1!
posted by pyramid termite at 5:07 AM on March 16

The Loom is science writer Carl Zimmer's blog on ScienceBlogs.com.
posted by plastic_animals at 5:17 AM on March 16

I've worked with Eddie for years in the marketing of my used car lot in Detroit.

For the first ten years the lot was a money hole, I couldn't turn a profit no matter what I did, and then I turned to Ed.

Ed spent a week with us at the lot, most of the time sitting, watching, praying. Once or twice he helped out by laying hands on a car reluctant to start, once even turning water into gasoline for an old Buick.

Yes sir, Ed's the real thing! This guy has connections, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, after that week with us, Ed really went to work. He organized a network of Baptist mechanics, instant oil change guys, transmission specialists, and NASCAR drivers. He kept saying "Huron, this is the way son, these people connect with your cars, and they connect with God."

They prayed like mad, every Wednesday evening, every Sunday morning, all through Lent, and every day during the Christmas season... sitting right dab in the middle of my showroom. It took a while, nearly a year, but then we noticed the upturn in sales, hell, I even sold that 1974 Gremlin that had been sitting on the lot since I repo'ed it from my sister's idiot son after he got arrested.

Within two years the lot was successful, we had customers coming in like Walmart on Social Security check day! Eddie's network was still praying for us, although they had moved the prayer sessions to the new casinos (which actually freed up some showroom space, I moved all those folding chairs out), and were charging a bit more for the service.

Anyway, we're still doing good on the lot, profits are sweet, we move a few cars...enough to pay the bills and finance my annual trip to Disney World.

But, sometimes I think (don't let Eddie here this!) that it wasn't so much all that praying that turned it around for us, I think that Eddie's idea about selling crack out of that old Lincoln Mark II behind the showroom is the real reason for the success.
posted by HuronBob at 5:33 AM on March 16 [9 favorites]

Carl Zimmer also has the Science Tattoo Emporium.
posted by lukemeister at 6:47 AM on March 16 [3 favorites]

Thanks for the link, lukemeister. I particularly liked this one.
posted by farishta at 7:12 AM on March 16

I look forward to a GodBlock Plus browser plugin.
posted by mhoye at 7:35 AM on March 16 [3 favorites]

ignorantguru > it takes a really egocentric mindset
Yep. Similarly I remember at university the Christian Union had services where they'd specifically pray to do well in their finals - with no examination of the underlying assumptions of that request (e.g. it's assuming that God shares your aspirations, which might not be the case - maybe he wants you to fail, to kick a bit of humility into your smug pious arse or to direct you into some different career track).
posted by raygirvan at 7:45 AM on March 16

Hahahaha. Awesome. Absolutely has to be parody, and it's absolutely brilliant.
posted by EatTheWeak at 7:48 AM on March 16

I sincerely hope he makes a stack of cash off dumb business owners.
posted by EatTheWeak at 7:51 AM on March 16 [1 favorite]

. . .something something, snowball's chance in hell?
posted by nola at 7:57 AM on March 16

Well the Catholic Church isn't selling indulgences any more, so it's about time free enterprise stepped in for those who would prefer the convenience of buying salvation.
posted by localroger at 7:59 AM on March 16

Seems too well done for such a bad name. Really, chirstvertising? I think (hope?) its a hoax.
posted by batou_ at 8:12 AM on March 16

This has to be fake. It *has* to be egregiously taking their lord's name in vain, no?
posted by loiseau at 8:12 AM on March 16

Anyone know if the name itself (nevermind the concept) would be construed as offensive.
posted by batou_ at 8:14 AM on March 16

lolmarketers!
posted by kuujjuarapik at 8:25 AM on March 16

Anyone know if the name itself (nevermind the concept) would be construed as offensive.

Construed by who, dude? There's no fact of the matter on what's offensive. There's just a bunch of people running around and either they get offended or they don't.
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:27 AM on March 16

Ha! Brilliant.
posted by malocchio at 8:32 AM on March 16

Christvertising's Christmas 2007 video.

Some people are taking this stuff seriously. [Folks it's a joke!]

Adverblog:

"The US is known for taking their Christian believe very serious. But this initiative from Aberdeen tops it all. Check out the Christvertising website and learn about their brand targeted prayer which involves millions of people pray for your brand. Here's Christvertisings Christmas wish."

posted by ericb at 8:39 AM on March 16

AdRants | March 14, 2008

"Today, everyone's talking about Christvertising. We mentioned it back in December. Come on people!"

posted by ericb at 8:44 AM on March 16

I've seen that actor before. This is a joke.
posted by WCityMike at 8:59 AM on March 16

Jesus was a capitalist?
posted by HotPatatta at 10:25 AM on March 16

I always had this theory that the best way to sell something is to market it to Christians and get them to glom onto it. An endorsement from a televangelist is like getting on Oprah's Favorite Things list. As of October 2006, The Purpose Driven Life had sold 24,000,000 copies. If you can make it seem like your product is endorsed by The Almighty, you're good as gold.
posted by HotPatatta at 10:30 AM on March 16

I'm almost certain I saw a little, sideways stepping, pointy headed gnome in that fountain shot....
posted by HuronBob at 10:43 AM on March 16

Supply Side Jesus strikes again.
posted by IronLizard at 11:20 AM on March 16 [1 favorite]

Have God,Will Travel
posted by Benny Andajetz at 12:04 PM on March 16

the real joke is the mefites who didn't immediately see that was a joke.
posted by quonsar at 12:58 PM on March 16 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: running out of things to bash.
posted by chlorus at 1:12 PM on March 16

the real joke is the mefites who didn't immediately see that was a joke

the real joke is one can't tell the difference between reality and parody any more - they put a nice little logo with a cross on every car they sell, too
posted by pyramid termite at 2:14 PM on March 16

Didn't this already make the rounds on the inner tubes last year?
posted by jeblis at 5:06 PM on March 16