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"Camels are just like humans."
March 17, 2008 8:08 PM   Subscribe

"It's just like judging a beautiful girl," said Fowzan al-Madr. "You look for big eyes, long lashes and a long neck." The art and science of Saudi Arabian camel beauty pageants. More Riyadh market photos here. Lots of information about Dromedary (Arabian) camels here and here. Listen to Dromedary camel sounds and read about Saudi camel history at this site.
posted by amyms (33 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Note: The first two links are to variations of the same article, but each had a little bit that the other didn't so I decided to include both.
posted by amyms at 8:08 PM on March 17, 2008


I hear that nice humps score well, too.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:24 PM on March 17, 2008


hubba hubba
posted by binturong at 8:34 PM on March 17, 2008


Which reminds me:

Why is the camel called "the ship of the desert?"
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:43 PM on March 17, 2008


I thought this was going to be sort of like judging dog or cat shows, until I read this:

""Camels are just like humans," breeder Haza al-Shammari told the International Herald Tribune. "They love and hate just like humans. That's why you have to bring them up very gently."

Mr Shammari grabbed his favourite camel's neck and kissed the beast on the mouth.

"She isn't married yet, this one," he said. "She's still a virgin. Look at the black eyes, the soft fur. The fur is trimmed so it's short and clean, just like a girl going to a party. "


Um... ?!
posted by louche mustachio at 8:47 PM on March 17, 2008


Why is the camel called "the ship of the desert?"

Here's one answer, Ubu.
posted by amyms at 9:02 PM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Unless you were setting up for a joke. In which case I'll bite: Why IS the camel called "the ship of the desert?"
posted by amyms at 9:03 PM on March 17, 2008


This guy joins the foreign legion and he asks his sergeant if there any single women in the desert.
"No girls around here, just camels", the sarge tells him. "There's a camel farm a mile from here with about a hundred female camels, and every Saturday morning after breakfast all 50 of us run over there, and believe me you have to run."
"Hold on, " the guy says, "there's 50 of us and 100 camels, so why would I have to run?".
"Well" the sergeant says, "you don't want to get an ugly one, do you?"
posted by w0mbat at 9:13 PM on March 17, 2008


Great... and just like with beauty queens, next thing you know a bunch of men are gonna try to get the poor things to wrestle eachother while they stand around gawking. Ha ha ha! Oh, wait.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:16 PM on March 17, 2008 [1 favorite]


Neat link, amyms.

(Apparently, camel hair brushes are named after the brit, Mr. Camel, who invented them, and contain no camel hair, that being too wooly.) (Citation needed)
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:17 PM on March 17, 2008


I think "Mr. Camel" might be a myth, sebastien: Camel Hair. This is the trade name for brushes made of squirrel, goat, pony, bear, sheep or a blend of the above. They range greatly in softness, quality and cost. Actual camel hair is too woolly for brushes. From here.
posted by amyms at 9:22 PM on March 17, 2008


Because it's full of Arab seamen!
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:23 PM on March 17, 2008


Sit, Ubu, sit. Bad dog.
posted by amyms at 9:27 PM on March 17, 2008


Apparently Ubu has never actually encountered a camel. If he had he would know how preposterous the idea of fucking a camel actually IS. And since the scots don't have their own religious day celebrated throughout the world through drinking and song we can't make jokes about sheep fucking on this day and have them be topical.
posted by Sam.Burdick at 9:38 PM on March 17, 2008


*sits*

Dammit, now all I can see are camel toes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:40 PM on March 17, 2008


And those don't make good material for foot fetishists.
posted by Sam.Burdick at 9:42 PM on March 17, 2008


True camel story:

Since I grew up in Saudi Arabia, Egypt was just a quick jaunt away. But we put off visiting for years and finally made the trip when I was twelve. And we were totally all touristy and shit. We did a barge thing down the Nile, went to The Valley of the Kings, saw all the museums and heard about how those damn Brits still had the Sphynx's nose...

One touristy day we did a camelback ride up to the pyramids. This is basically the pop shot of your whole Egypt Experience, mind you.

It seems the camel saddles were somehow secured with garden variety hardware store chains. One of the said chains on the lead camel was also right in front of the camel's asshole. So as we loped our way up to one of the great wonders of the ancient world, I had a smell-o-vision view of a camel taking an seeming impossible, near-constant, green-grassy shit, and the shit sticking to the chain and kind of rolling it around until, when the shitball was big enough, it fell off right in front of me.

This wasn't my first encounter with a camel, but it's the one I'll always remember.

Fuck camels.
posted by Cyrano at 9:55 PM on March 17, 2008


Maybe we shouldn't be judging beautiful girls or camels.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 9:57 PM on March 17, 2008


Sometimes one can't help but judge.
posted by maryh at 10:02 PM on March 17, 2008 [3 favorites]


Judge not, lest ye be judged.
posted by binturong at 10:04 PM on March 17, 2008


"It is far easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to get into a beautiful girl"

Hold on, that doesn't work...
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:51 PM on March 17, 2008


I hate myself for linking to this yet again, but how can I not? Sexy sexy devout Christmas camels!! Whatcha gonna do?!
posted by maryh at 11:11 PM on March 17, 2008 [2 favorites]



"Dogs are just like humans," the girl walking the cocker spaniel told me "They love and hate just like humans. That's why you have to bring them up very gently."

She grabbed her favourite puppie's neck and kissed the cute little beast on the mouth.

"She isn't bred yet, this one," she said. "She's still a virgin. Look at the black eyes, the soft fur. The fur is trimmed so it's short and clean, just like a girl going to a party. "
posted by Dr. Curare at 11:21 PM on March 17, 2008



Apparently Ubu has never actually encountered a camel. If he had he would know how preposterous the idea of fucking a camel actually IS.


It is their inaccessibility that makes them so infernally desirable.
posted by louche mustachio at 11:35 PM on March 17, 2008


maryh, you are a naughty girl (not that there's anything wrong with that, but you're just encouraging Ubu's camel fetish).
posted by amyms at 11:37 PM on March 17, 2008


*had no idea the FPP would take this direction (please forgive me, mods!)*
posted by amyms at 11:39 PM on March 17, 2008


"She isn't married yet, this one," he said. "She's still a virgin. Look at the black eyes, the soft fur. The fur is trimmed so it's short and clean, just like a girl going to a party. "

Well, I suppose if all other possible female companionship is covered up under tent-like black garments and not allowed to leave the kitchen, a man's gotta look for alternatives.
posted by sour cream at 12:05 AM on March 18, 2008


The sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to bugger the Sphinx.

But the Sphinx's exterior sphincter,
Is blocked up, by the sands of the Nile.
Which accounts for the hump on the Camel
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 2:17 AM on March 18, 2008 [4 favorites]


Now all we need is a MEMRI piece which emphasises the horrific heart-of-darkness brutality behind camel judging.
posted by acb at 4:07 AM on March 18, 2008


On the subject of inaccessibility. A friend of mine got his hand bitten off while wanking a camel in Jordan.

He worked in the Wadi Rum with a bunch of bedouin. You can imagine the scene: there you are, one sunny day in the desert, watching a Strange Practice. Apparently, when a female camel is in what is described as "good condition" the male camel has difficulty, ah, mounting her. Seems counter-intuitive, but there it is. The herders have to give some assistance. As would any good livestock specialist, curiosity would get the better of you, you join in.

Anyway, the male camel took umbrage, whipped round, and bit his hand off, such that it hung by no more than a thread of gristle. Don't worry, it got sewn on again, gawd bless the Jordanian doctors: 25% functionality. So the story goes.
posted by YouRebelScum at 4:24 AM on March 18, 2008 [3 favorites]


On the subject of inaccessibility. A friend of mine got his hand bitten off while wanking a camel in Jordan.

Mods: I've *never* lobbied for a post to be sidebarred, but if this one isn't, then nothing should be.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:10 PM on March 18, 2008


I've always liked Terry Pratchett's take on camels, particularly their personal naming conventions: there's Evil-Smelling-Bugger, Bloody Stupid, and You Vicious Brute.

The last time I was at a county fair, I was standing in the petting zoo area taking pictures of the crowd when one of the two camels leaned down to eat something, and a little kid started to pet it's head, and the animal decided to tolerate it. The kid, being a youngster, was very excited at this and started to squeal with glee. The camel, clearly not as thrilled with the sudden noise, gave the child a nudge with it's nose. Now, the thing is, camels are really much bigger than you think they are, and even being kind of gentle, it's still got a lot of mass, so needless to say the kid went sprawling into the thick straw bed that covered the barn floor.

The child was completely freaked out and the camel looked very self-satisfied.

I suspect that it's name might have been something like Complete and Total Bastard, but I don't speak camel so I can't be sure.
posted by quin at 2:57 PM on March 18, 2008


The most beautiful camels have filters and are made with the finest Turkish tobacco.
posted by jonmc at 5:52 PM on March 18, 2008


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