Sex in public park legal in Amsterdam

March 19, 2008 8:50 AM

Amsterdam plan to legalize public sex in park from this year September onwards. The police's National Diversity Expertise Centre (LECD) wants this to expand this plan to all public parks of the Netherlands.
posted by insatiablehee (53 comments total)

has Auden gotten wind of this?
posted by subgear at 8:52 AM on March 19, 2008 [6 favorites]

So, I assume Vondelpark is Dutch for "Fondle Park"?
posted by King Bee at 8:52 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

In addition, Amsterdam city council plan to make stricter rules on leashing dogs in parks.
Of course the ruling party, CDA(Christian democratic party) is against this move saying that "We aren't restricting people from having sex in open spaces because no one wants to enforce it. If we keep pushing the limit up, what will be next?"
posted by insatiablehee at 8:53 AM on March 19, 2008

In park? Fine. Reverse, drive, or even neutral, put me down as opposed. It's just too distracting.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:57 AM on March 19, 2008 [12 favorites]

Sex with Dutch dogs (consensual, gentle) ok?
Please advise.
posted by Dizzy at 8:58 AM on March 19, 2008

Completely earnest question: How does legalization in-and-of-itself protect gays from being physically attacked while cruising?
posted by mrmojoflying at 8:59 AM on March 19, 2008

As long as there's plenty of security. And by "security" I mean "webcams".
posted by DU at 8:59 AM on March 19, 2008 [3 favorites]

Completely earnest question: How does legalization in-and-of-itself protect gays from being physically attacked while cruising?

Presumably making it easier for them to go to the police.
posted by delmoi at 9:00 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Dizzy, no. The Dutch just outlawed sex with animals ... http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hwnIcHQean_6tdC0ENXG1qsoFMyQD8VCOGPG0 Sorry.
posted by Cathedral at 9:08 AM on March 19, 2008

What if the dog is (freshly, accidently hit by my Volvo but warm) dead?
And I'm sunbathing?
posted by Dizzy at 9:10 AM on March 19, 2008

Not even box turtles? What kind of a homosexual agenda they running, anyhow?
posted by DU at 9:10 AM on March 19, 2008

So it's going to be legal, but only at night, if nobody can see it from the public path, and it doesn't cause any 'nuisance'? Seems hardly worth changing the law for such a negligible practical difference.
posted by Phanx at 9:14 AM on March 19, 2008

Hoo boy...talk about taking all the fun out of cruising! It's like some bizarre Monty Python skit with Graham Chapman's Colonel stumbling upon two guys going at it:

Colonel: "What's going on here?"
Mr. Ipswich (Jones): "Aaah! Um..."
Colonel: "Pick up that condom wrapper! And you! Haven't you read Guideline 345 regarding the use of trees as handholds? This is a delicate, fragile ash! With the way he's going at it, you want to grab a nice, sturdy larch, like this one here..."
posted by sixswitch at 9:14 AM on March 19, 2008 [32 favorites]

I predict that in practice this is going to be way less hot than it sounds in theory.
posted by LarryC at 9:19 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

*packs bags*
posted by Mister_A at 9:25 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

I predict that in practice this is going to be way less hot than it sounds in theory

In fact, it will be pretty chilly, in practice, after September.
posted by beagle at 9:28 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Isn't half (OK, a quarter) of the fun that it's forbidden? I think they're up to a little reverse psychology. They just aren't working it hard enough. It should be: "Yeah, sure, go ahead and have your predictable government-sanctioned biological interactions in the approved public areas during sex-allowed hours. Just don't try anything in a soft, warm, clean, comfortable hotel bed, you filthy perverts, because hotel beds are only for decent travelers on business or holidays."
posted by pracowity at 9:34 AM on March 19, 2008 [8 favorites]

I seem to recall this impending decision was reversed.
posted by jouke at 9:36 AM on March 19, 2008

Wild fucking is definitely preferable to wild pissing. And often just as urgent.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:45 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

In addition, Amsterdam city council plan to make stricter rules on leashing dogs in parks.

I should think so as well. Imagine you're just about to legally mount/be mounted by your partner al fresco, when an unleashed Rottweiler decides he's going to take their place?

Not good.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 9:49 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Instead of telling public gropers to "Get a room,"^* now I'll say, "Take it to a Dutch park."

^*I do not actually say this to anyone.
posted by brain_drain at 10:03 AM on March 19, 2008

"Homosexuals' organisation COC is pleased that the Amsterdam Oud-Zuid district is to be the first to tolerate sex in the Vondelpark."

I can't believe nobody's commented on that acronym yet...
posted by diastematic at 10:14 AM on March 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

"Why should we try to maintain something that is actually impossible to maintain, which also causes little bother for others and for a certain group actually signifies much pleasure?" says Paul van Grieken, the responsible Alderman in the Oud-Zuid district of Amsterdam.

I'd love to hear what Rita Verdonk thinks of this.
posted by blucevalo at 10:25 AM on March 19, 2008

This is clearly the fault of immigrants.
posted by cell divide at 10:27 AM on March 19, 2008

Sex with Dutch dogs (consensual, gentle) ok?
Please advise.

As long as the dog is on a leash, you're A-OK.
posted by doctor_negative at 10:29 AM on March 19, 2008

I seem to recall this impending decision was reversed.

*unpacks bags*
posted by trip and a half at 10:51 AM on March 19, 2008

Fuck yes.
posted by lemonfridge at 10:56 AM on March 19, 2008

(eponysterical)
posted by not_on_display at 11:06 AM on March 19, 2008

"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle!"
posted by willmize at 11:10 AM on March 19, 2008

So it's going to be legal, but only at night, if nobody can see it from the public path, and it doesn't cause any 'nuisance'? Seems hardly worth changing the law for such a negligible practical difference.

Read delmoi's comment again.

If an activity's illegal, people harmed while doing it can't go to the authorities for help. It's why illegal aliens are so vulnerable to being fucked over at work, for instance — they can't complain to OSHA or whoever for fear of getting caught.

Right now, if you get attacked while cruising, you can't go to the police without confessing to a crime. I don't know if Amsterdam's got a big gay-bashing problem. But if it does, and if fear of prosecution is keeping the victims from coming forwards, then actually this could have made a practical difference.

(Hard to say if it would have been a good idea, though. There would have been negative effects along with the positive ones, I'm sure. But it's an interesting suggestion and I almost wish they would have gone through with it, just so the rest of us could watch and see its effects. It's cool that the Netherlands don't seem to mind being the test case for weird-but-clever policies.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 11:19 AM on March 19, 2008

It's only so the National Diversity Expertise Centre can get their public toilets back.
posted by davemee at 11:25 AM on March 19, 2008

But it's so family-friendly there! Especially in the parks at night!
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 11:26 AM on March 19, 2008

It's no fun if it's legal.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:35 AM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

It wouldn't be legal if it were fun.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:40 AM on March 19, 2008

Y HALO THAR WETDRIM FUEL
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 11:48 AM on March 19, 2008

As long as the dog is on a leash, you're A-OK.
Presumably if you just keep him tied, that would suffice.
posted by Wolfdog at 11:56 AM on March 19, 2008

How does legalization in-and-of-itself protect gays from being physically attacked while cruising?

Most major US cities have gay cruising grounds in parks that have been active for 20+ years. Boston's Fenway, for instance. They're not secrets, certainly not from the cops, but they're allowed to persist because they're discrete enough to not be a public nuisance. But those same cruising grounds can be very dangerous because of predators: gay bashers, muggers, etc. Because the same unspoken agreement that keeps the cops from policing the cruisers also keeps the cops from policing the thugs.
posted by Nelson at 12:02 PM on March 19, 2008

As long as the dog is on a leash, you're A-OK.

Wolfdog: Presumably if you just keep him tied, that would suffice.

Eponys... ah, fuck it.
posted by hincandenza at 12:33 PM on March 19, 2008

"has Auden gotten wind of this?"

yes.
posted by Auden at 12:55 PM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Where is dios? I want to hear his opinion on this. Seems like the Dutch are finding answers to "hard questions which must be asked and answered regarding the proper role of democratic majorities to govern".
posted by Dr. Curare at 12:59 PM on March 19, 2008

Did Amsterdam get a large influx of Republican Congressmen from the US?
posted by ryoshu at 1:06 PM on March 19, 2008 [2 favorites]

delmoi - agreed.
Funny how, generally speaking, uptight some people are to just PDAs. Some guy, looked to be barely out of his teens, said “get a room” to my wife and I when we were kissing in a store. “Yeah? Get a life you unloved troll geek!” I swiftly retorted the next morning, at home, brushing my teeth
I can only imagine what gay folks have to go through. If they’re not bothering anyone, why not extend them the protection of the law?
Van Grieken’s quotes are pretty solidly practical. Cops have better things to do then be at the beck and call of prudes.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:27 PM on March 19, 2008 [3 favorites]

This is something I can't get behind. Or in front of. Or on top of, or underneath.
posted by Daddy-O at 1:55 PM on March 19, 2008

If they enforce the leash law but loosen the sex law you'll still have to watch where you step.
posted by Pollomacho at 1:59 PM on March 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

A similar law was proposed by State Senator Angelo Moore of the great state of California. This law sought to allow legalized sex in various cemeteries in Los Angeles County, known in the legislature as Prop. 763, it was more popularly referred to as the "Bonin' in the Boneyard Act".
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:33 PM on March 19, 2008 [3 favorites]

Dutch gays no longer in dutch.
posted by Tube at 4:35 PM on March 19, 2008

All over Europe, peeping toms are charging their camera batteries.
posted by jonmc at 5:54 PM on March 19, 2008

Dutch in ditches; bitches in stitches; a lark in the park; I'm posting on Fark.
posted by Dizzy at 5:56 PM on March 19, 2008

Dutch gays no longer in dutch.

Well, not if they meet a comely tourist. Then they're in Italian, Indonesian, American, German, whatever...
posted by jonmc at 6:40 PM on March 19, 2008

as i understand it the Dutch have some of the toughest sentencing laws for the limited amount of drugs they actually have made illegal. the logic is that if don't seek medical help for your addiction, along with not using it during the moderate levels permitted, then you are knowingly becoming a threat to society. this is at least what i was explained by some historians 2 years ago when i visited Amsterdam.

what's interesting to me is that i've really never met a "fast and loose" Dutch. they're rather uptight socially, if you ask me and they view these laws as a form of tourism incentive.

i can totally understand their making cruising legal given the prostitution industry and it's secondaries are some of the biggest producers of taxes in the country. so it goes beyond protecting individuals. i can see them rationally deciding is a labor protection measure as well.
posted by liza at 10:35 PM on March 19, 2008

In that case, MeFi Meetup, anyone?
posted by VulcanMike at 11:11 AM on March 20, 2008

In other news, Chilean teens follow suit.
posted by vira at 5:30 AM on March 21, 2008

September? Should be May 1st.
posted by shecky57 at 6:10 AM on March 21, 2008