Comments on: America's Captains of Industry!

America's Captains of Industry!

uaudio — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:02:50 -0800

As is the custom these days, GMAC Bank is suing mortgage broker HTFC for selling them improperly secured loans. The deposition of HTFC's CEO Aron Wider reads like a Joe Pesci role with 73 creative uses of the f-word over twelve hours of testimony. A federal judge fined Mr. Wider and his attorney $29K for Mr. Wider's constant use of bad language, insults, refusals to answer questions, and his lawyer's failure to control his client.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:10:21 -0800

The $29K might sound excessive, but it's actually just what it cost to replace the 237 Linguos that spontaneously exploded during the course of the deposition.

By: BeerFilter

BeerFilter — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:14:04 -0800

'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.

By: bunnytricks

bunnytricks — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:16:39 -0800

Portfolio.com notes that the classy Mr. Wider got hit by a $29, 000 sanction for his performance, despite his lawyer's claim that his abusive language was caused by an anxiety disorder. How much would the fine have been if the lawyer just came out and said that his client was a corporate sociopath?

By: synaesthetichaze

synaesthetichaze — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:16:41 -0800

This guy is a fuck genius.

By: Slothrup

Slothrup — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:16:42 -0800

Oh my; that HTFC website is certainly hard on the eyes...

By: RichardP

RichardP — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:19:51 -0800

Eugene Volokh wrote a short post about this sanction, including a link to U.S. District Judge Eduardo C. Robreno's 44-page opinion.

By: burnmp3s

burnmp3s — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:20:20 -0800

This guy is a fuck genius. That's "creative use of the f-word" #1 for this thread. Still a long fuckin way to go to get to 73 though.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:25:45 -0800

Let me fucking help you out with that. We all gotta do our fuckin' part!

By: rtha

rtha — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:28:00 -0800

Christ, what a fuck face. (Should "fuck face" be hyphenated? I think so, although in the transcript, it isn't.)

By: junesix

junesix — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:29:49 -0800

Oh my; that HTFC website is certainly hard on the eyes... Quick! Name as many relics of 90's web design as you can in 60 seconds from that page. I'll start. #1 animated globe GIF...

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:35:18 -0800

"That watch costs more than your car. I made 970,000 dollars last year, how much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father. Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. You want to work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cock-sucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit. If you don't like it, leave. I can go out there tonight, the materials you got, make myself 15,000 dollars. Tonight. In two hours. Can you? Can you?"

By: roll truck roll

roll truck roll — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:36:21 -0800

Huh. I think of antiquated web design as a sign of the eccentric but harmless ranter. I figured all of the true corporate assholes had gone to fuckin' CSS by now.

By: Aversion Therapy

Aversion Therapy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:36:41 -0800

I'm an attorney in NYC, and I had a client a few years ago, in a personal injury case, that cursed almost that many times in a deposition. Oddly enough, noone get pissed off at the time, and I did remind him a few times to cut it out. I can only presume the lack of angry attorneys and subsequent sanctions came from the fact that the whole case I was dealing with was filled with mobster wannabes who just thought it was funny. I thought we were breaking new ground actually gangsters tryng out suing each other rather than shooting each other, just to see what happened. Anyway pardon the minor threadjack. Oh, and Fuck.

By: dersins

dersins — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:37:05 -0800

We all gotta do our fuckin' part! You are absolutely the fuck right we fuckin' do. I mean, fuck, if this fucking internet place can't the fuck out-"fuck" some fuckin' fuck of a fuckin' mortgage broker, we should fuckin' all the fuck be fuckin' ashamed of ourselves.

By: ninjew

ninjew — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:38:27 -0800

It also played music and hosed my browser. Wow, it's like they called MySpace for web design consulting.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:41:06 -0800

"It also played music..." Not just music, shitty music.

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:43:49 -0800

Not just music, shitty music. You mean shitty fucking music, right? We've got a quota to meet here. Slacker.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:50:20 -0800

I would have preferred "fucking shitty music", as "shitty fucking music" would, to me, indicate something like Skinny Puppy, or perhaps Boxcar Willie. But what the fuck ever. Suit your fucking self.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:53:05 -0800

Would you shit-fuckers quit fucking this thread's mother? I have the "coffee is for closers" scene memorized, and if I get bored in the car when driving alone, I play all the parts. It would be kind of a bad time to get pulled over. "License and registration, please." "A-I-D-A" "Excuse me?" "A - Attention. Do I have your attention?" "You're beginning to get it." "I - Interest. Are you interested? I know you are, because it's fuck or walk--you close or you hit the bricks." "Please get out of the car, keep your hands where I can see them." "D- Decision. Have you made your decision, for Christ?" "I have now, get out of the car!" "A - And action." [Sound of tazer hitting my body.]

By: Huplescat

Huplescat — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:55:09 -0800

Based on his boldness, this guy passes my litmus test for Ok, even if I wouldn't want him to move next door or marry my daughter. Then again, I wouldn't want a cop to do that either. Government is a criminal enterprise too. They just shit out more flags and bibles than Tony Soprano.

By: unSane

unSane — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:02:31 -0800

Wider is a cunt, but he's not the most difficult witness ever. Surely that prize goes to Arnold Chrysler, who was tried in London in 2002 for the theft of 40,000 apparently useless hotel coathangers. I say *apparently* because... oh, well, you really have to read his testimony.

By: unSane

unSane — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:04:28 -0800

This bit from Chrysler is particularly brilliant:

Judge: Tell me, Mr Chrysler, do these businessmen of yours also have Gideon Bibles by their bedside at home? Chrysler: Many of them, sir. Judge: And where do you get the Gideon Bibles from? Chrysler: Alas, they, too, have to be taken from hotels. Judge: Then why are you not also up on a charge of Bible-stealing? Chrysler: Because the Bibles do not belong to the hotels. They belong to the Gideon Society. And the Gideon Society has decided not to prosecute me, but to forgive me and tell me to go and sin no more. Judge: And have you sinned no more? Chrysler: Alas, no.

By: Joakim Ziegler

Joakim Ziegler — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:04:58 -0800

I think any typical Joe Pesci role would have a lot more than 73 "fuck"s in 12 hours. That's about 6 an hour, or one every 10 minutes, which means that in a typical movie it would be about 9-12 "fuck"s. That's not really very much at all, and way below Joe Pesci's par, I think.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:05:43 -0800

Only 28 "fucks" so far. I'm fucking ashamed of you, my brothers and sisters. (er, 29.)

By: lumpenprole

lumpenprole — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:11:35 -0800

Listen you fuckstained fuck-knuckle, counting the fucks in a thread is a fucking waste of everyones fucking precious fucking time, and frankly, fucktarded.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:19:48 -0800

You had me at "Listen", you fucking MENSA-meat.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:21:18 -0800

I want to know what happened to that Chrysler guy. Did he dodge the charges?

By: sugarfish

sugarfish — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:21:24 -0800

I dunno, I consider fuckface, like butthole before it, to be a compound word. Pig fucker is an adjectival phrase but that's as far as I'm going to go.

By: unSane

unSane — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:29:48 -0800

Now I'm wondering what would happen if Widen met Chrysler. I'm pretty sure it's a movie. /goes to write movie

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:35:49 -0800

I'm pretty fuckin' sure fuckface is one fuckin' word.

By: caddis

caddis — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:37:45 -0800

Hopefully he lied somewhere in there, under oath. He go off pretty easy for that performance. Guys like this should always get the video dep.

By: rtha

rtha — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:50:01 -0800

After careful fucking consideration, I've concluded that you fucktards who say "fuck face" is a compound fucking word have hit the fucking nail right on the fucking head. Fuck you very much, you fucking fuckfaces.

By: misha

misha — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:53:16 -0800

I want to send this man Chrysler some hotel hangers, Gideon bibles and "Do Not Disturb" signs now, just on general principle.

By: strontiumdog

strontiumdog — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:02:35 -0800

uhm, fuck. That's all I got.

By: Hogshead

Hogshead — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:22:55 -0800

Unsane, you are aware that's a piece of humorous fiction by the late humour columnist Miles Kington?

By: unSane

unSane — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:28:42 -0800

Hogshead, I had a sneaking suspicion, but there's an old journalistic maxim: never let the facts stand in the way of a good story. I've abided by it all my life and will continue to.

By: doctor_negative

doctor_negative — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:41:45 -0800

unSane, either way it's the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Thanks.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:51:03 -0800

As of September last year

out of about 660K total words [at Metafilter], [I had] 412 fucks, 335 fuckings, 46 fuckin's, 40 fuckeds, 23 fuckwits, 16 fuckers and fuckses both, 13 fuckerses and motherfuckers, 8 fuckwitses, 7 clusterfucks, 6 fuckheads, 5 fuckstickses and mothefuckerses, 4 chicken-fuckings and fuckalls and fuckerys and fuckos. Also, 3 fucked-ups, fuckoses, fucktards, motherfuckings, skullfucks and unfucks; 2 +fucks, chickenfuckings (curious hyphenation duality, sir), fishfuckers, fuckalls, fuckfaces, fuckitys, fuckins, fuckitys, fuckloads, fucknozzles, fucksakeses, fucksticks, pigfuckses, scumfuckses and whogivesafuckistans. And each of these are stavrosian fuckish hapex legomena: a-fuckin-men, a-fucking-gain, a-fucking-men, anti-fuck, anyfuckingthing, boo-fucking-hoo, bugfuck, bumblefuckery, child-fuckers, cou-fucking-rant, dog-fucking, dogfucker, donkeyfuck, dumbfuck, dumbfucker, everysinglefuckingissue, father-fucking, fuck-band, fuck-bands, fuck-ups, fuck-wit, fuckamericametafiltercom, fuckbag, fuckers'll, fuckheads, fuckingfilter, fuckjuice-typhoon, fuckknuckles, fucknards, fucknozzles, fucknuckle, fucknugget, fucknut, fuckoff, fuckpig, fuckpiggery, fuckr, fucks-per-minute, fuckswizzle, fuckswizzles, fucktacular, fucktards, fucktastic, fuckton, fucktrolliconica, fuckufuckme, fuckyou, horsefucker, klusterfuck, mothafucka, mothefuckin', motherfucktards, murder-fuck, nicky-fucking-new-guy, nunfucker, pigfuck, shitfucks, shutthefuckup, skull-fuck, skull-fucking, somefucking, somethingorfuckingother, un-fucking-believable, wegiveafuckistan, weirdo-fucknard, what-fucking-ever, whateverthefuck, and, auspiciously, whelk-fuckers.

This guy's a fucking amateur.

By: jalexei

jalexei — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:51:15 -0800

Listen you fucks, I fuckin' pick bits 'o fuckers like you outta my fuckin' STOOL! (with fucking apologies to Joe Piscopo)

By: qldaddy

qldaddy — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:01:43 -0800

I was a cook for about 12 years and I would guess that I was averaging way more than 73 fucks a day towards the end. I guess that should read 73 "fucks" a day, because if I was averaging 73 fucks a day well, then fuck!

By: Exchequer

Exchequer — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:07:12 -0800

Props to Wider for the acronym..."Hit That, Fucking Clown."

By: hexatron

hexatron — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:09:33 -0800

It's "I shit fuckin PIECES of guys like yoo!" So a few years ago I was on this bus in New Jersey, and this 20-something guy in the seat behind me was fuckin talking to his fucking brother on a fucking cellphone for forty fucking similarly-adjectived minutes. Then he got off the bus. And the man who had been sitting next to him spoke aloud, to no one in particular: "You know how you spell 'New Jersey'? Fuckin N Fuckin E Fuckin doubleya ..."

By: loquacious

loquacious — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:51:31 -0800

The fuck, you say?

By: Saucy Intruder

Saucy Intruder — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:19:15 -0800

I want a fucking car. Right. Fucking. Now.

By: sharksandwich

sharksandwich — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:53:47 -0800

"Listen you fucks, I fuckin' pick bits 'o fuckers like you outta my fuckin' STOOL! (with fucking apologies to Joe Piscopo)" Might want to apologize with someone with talent--someone named Phil Hartman.

By: CuJoe

CuJoe — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 22:52:37 -0800

I'm not sure that this will count towards the total since it is an acronym and not an explicit and full expression of the word but WTF?

By: dmand7

dmand7 — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 23:53:08 -0800

This is one of the funniest fuckin' threads I've ever had the fuckin' pleasure to read. Kudos to Saucy Intruder for the fuckin' link- I've seen the movie so many fuckin' times on fuckin' tv, I'd fuckin' forgotten about the true fuckin' beauty of that fuckin' scene. But not to get too far off the real fuckin' topic, has anyone read through that fuckin' HTFC website? Holy Fuck, it's fuckin' unbelievable.

By: Marie Mon Dieu

Marie Mon Dieu — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 06:35:08 -0800

I don't feel fucking sorry for GMAC. Take a look at Wider's responses to a Newsday article about the suit. He claims GMAC is suing not only his company, but many others like his, due to huge losses. What I get out of it is that it's a big fucking finger pointing game. GMAC funded the Homeowner Preservation Foundation with $20 million in seed money. That is the HOPE project seen on the news in recent months. All the counselors are these folk, who are all probably accessible from going to the HUD website without calling the heavily-funded HOPE hotline. Chase and many others provide funding too. One wonders why these huge companies do not put more money into staffing and training loss mitigation personnel instead of setting up and funding something that already fucking exists.

By: eye of newt

eye of newt — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 08:31:13 -0800

This guy is a fucking CEO? How the fuck did that happen?

By: porn in the woods

porn in the woods — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 08:48:00 -0800

You guys are breaking my balls.

By: quin

quin — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 10:26:12 -0800

I love threads like this because they give foul mouthed folk like me the opportunity to really cut loose and just let it rip. So without further ado; Heck and Tarnation! I just love using this kind of danged language! It's so frickin' great to finally be able to express myself with some gosh darned expletives! Golly! I've gone a bit overboard here though, haven't I? Jeeze, I hope no one takes offense.

By: TravellingDen

TravellingDen — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 14:57:43 -0800

I'm not as outraged as I thought I'd be - other than the foul language he's just refusing to help the prosecution build a case against him. They ask if he flipped a property - he says "You tell me.." (although rudely)

By: FormlessOne

FormlessOne — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 17:54:19 -0800

This guy is a fucking CEO? How the fuck did that happen? By demonstrating that he could get the job done. A CEO can be rather antisocial, but as long as he's either driving profits up or costs down, he or she can get away with a lot. He's also a fine example of how "success" is defined here - as long as you can make money, you can do whatever you want. Social skills, empathy, sympathy, ethics, and morals take a back seat to revenue generation. Waitaminute...let me rephrase that... He's also a fine fuckin' example of how "success" is fuckin' defined here - as long as you fuckers can make some fuckin' money, you can fucking do whatever the fuck you want. Fuckin' social skills, empathy, fuckin' sympathy, all that fuckin' happy horseshit takes a back fuckin' seat to fuckin' revenue generation. (That should satisfy the demands of this particular thread.)