Comments on: Who would win in a fight, a minotaur with a trident or a centaur with a crossbow?

Who would win in a fight, a minotaur with a trident or a centaur with a crossbow?

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:33:43 -0800

Surely one of the great questions of of our time. Luckily the cast of Battlestar Galactica is on hand to answer. Basic cable scifi show not credible? Ask the cast of The Wire instead. The centaur seems to be ahead in the straw poling, but perhaps Brian Posehn is right: When a minotaur and a centaur fight, we all win.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:49:59 -0800

Dude, pleae... A crossbow does, what, like 1d4+1 damage?? Once the minotaur closes to melee range, it's all over.

By: odinsdream

odinsdream — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:50:09 -0800

Wow that was painful to watch. It would have been a lot cooler if they had split the videos up even more, maybe make each one a two-parter, with a lead-in and lead-out, so we could see the logo some more.

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:51:16 -0800

More importantly, who would win in a fight between a grilled cheese sandwich and a taco?

By: cameron.case

cameron.case — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:51:22 -0800

Minotaur would win easily, even if the centaur got a shot off with his crossbow. Anyway. Great post robocop. It's a lot of fun to watch.

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:52:48 -0800

A crossbow does, what, like 1d4+1 damage?? Once the minotaur closes to melee range, it's all over. A couple of called shots to the eyes will pretty much take Mr. House of Leaves out of the fight before it even starts, though. And closing to melee range on foot against a horse that knows it has the advantage at distance? Gladiator please.

By: spec80

spec80 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:54:31 -0800

I'm going to start saying Mine-o-taur. All the time. Every time.

By: PlusDistance

PlusDistance — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:56:08 -0800

KIRK! no wait PICARD! no wait KIRK! Definitely Kirk.

By: bove

bove — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:56:51 -0800

Great post. What amazed me is how many celebrities they have answering that question.

By: hifiparasol

hifiparasol — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:57:21 -0800

Interesting that, with a few exceptions, the people from The Wire (a non-SF show) generally seemed to take the question more seriously than the people from BSG (an SF show). As entertainment-reporter questions go, it's at least as relevant as "Who are you wearing?" I'm also sort of surprised that so many people have never heard of centaurs or minotaurs. My favorite part was where you have to scroll down really quick to see the video once it auto-starts.

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:58:23 -0800

Wait a minute. The centaur's only got a crossbow? They didn't say he also has any quarrels. Without any ammunition, his speed only means he can get away, which is the same as losing.

By: RokkitNite

RokkitNite — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:03:49 -0800

Too many unanswered variables - it totally depends on the terrain. It's like asking who would win in a 3-way battle between a tank, a helicopter and a submarine? But I am so pro this kind of healthy debate.

By: afx237vi

afx237vi — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:05:23 -0800

I'm going to start saying Mine-o-taur. All the time. Every time. Wait, isn't that how it's pronounced?! I'd never heard anyone say min-a-tarr before. It sounded weird. But then again, I flinch every time I listen to the podcast and hear someone say met-a-filter...

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:06:50 -0800

Also, can you even load a crossbow with hooves? I think you need feet for it.

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:12:21 -0800

A dinosaur with a machine gun.

By: symbioid

symbioid — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:17:48 -0800

I personally loved the Ozzy one. The one guy who's blasted off his ass from all the drugs has the tenacity to ask the interviewer if *he's* on drugs. WTF? I really loved the D&D answer. ICE-T certainly knew the jig. And Posehn definitely has the best one of all.

By: dinty_moore

dinty_moore — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:17:51 -0800

I'm wondering why the centaur isn't using the superior longbow. C'mon, that weapon was practically made for centaurs! Also, we all know that centaurs are archers, not crossbowmen. I'm a little disappointed that none of the women of Battlestar Galactica knew what a centaur or a minotaur was. I do appreciate the amount of thought Grace Park put into the question.

By: facetious

facetious — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:19:49 -0800

my frame of reference is nethack, and there, a whole pack of centaurs wouldn't stand a chance against a minotaur. the minotaur wouldn't need the trident, frankly.

By: tracert

tracert — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:20:26 -0800

Okay, Jon Favreau just convinced me to see the Iron Man movie.

By: bunnytricks

bunnytricks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:21:06 -0800

I like Baltar's slightly nuanced intelligence-bests-brutality answer, but he's still wrong. A minotaur is a fuckin' bull with hands.

By: Dreama

Dreama — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:24:26 -0800

Daniel Craig's reaction to the question is better than his response, but for the sheer force of his analytical nature, I give the overall award to My Name is Earl's Ethan Suplee.

By: waraw

waraw — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:29:36 -0800

Oderus Urungus wins.

By: djeo

djeo — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:37:31 -0800

This, THIS is what metafilter is for! Awesome post r.i.b. Minotaur, totally.

By: never used baby shoes

never used baby shoes — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:38:25 -0800

couple of called shots to the eyes will pretty much take Mr. House of Leaves out of the fight before it even starts, though. But has the centaur taken the precise shot feat?

By: 1

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:39:23 -0800

It's good to see that Sydnor's finally been given something to say.

By: krippledkonscious

krippledkonscious — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:45:58 -0800

This is definitely about where they fight. In close (labyrinthean) quarters, there's no question that the centaur will be whorin' for a gorin'. But in an open field, sooner or later the centaur is going to goad the minotaur into throwing his damned trident, and when he misses, look who's got all the weapons, four legs, and two middle fingers.

By: absalom

absalom — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:46:02 -0800

Dude, my money is always on the trident.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:47:16 -0800

The centaur would win. Yeah, you heard me!

By: absalom

absalom — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:47:31 -0800

Oh, and in all seriousness (!!), I go with the centaur on the open field. I envision the centaur using his speed to maintain range and attack at gallop. Although, the whole premise is absurd. Centaurs use bows.

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:48:23 -0800

never used baby shoes: Centaurs don't have feet!

By: JWright

JWright — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:53:02 -0800

He who lives by the sword (trident) dies by the arrow (crossbow).

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:53:38 -0800

Christ, even McNulty's real accent sounds fake.

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:58:00 -0800

A hoof is just a foot that is not fucking around.

By: rmd1023

rmd1023 — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:59:05 -0800

i thought "this is what a centaur is" was more mainstream than it apparently is. i mean, i know i'm a big old nerd, but still. minotaur, yeah, that's a bit more obscure, sure. also, nth-ing the fact that it's all about terrain.

By: kid ichorous

kid ichorous — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 15:59:42 -0800

never used baby shoes: Centaurs don't have feet! Damn, really? What am I gonna do with these Centaur shoes? Not again...

By: painquale

painquale — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:06:24 -0800

Donald Trump and Crispin Glover are not amused. I liked watching Helen Mirren take the question seriously. Always classy.

By: PercussivePaul

PercussivePaul — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:07:40 -0800

Oh, and in all seriousness (!!), I go with the centaur on the open field. I envision the centaur using his speed to maintain range and attack at gallop. Absolutely. Superior speed and superior range together are virtually unbeatable. It's true in naval combat, it's true in MechWarrior, and it's damn well true here. Unless, of course, they're fighting in a labyrinth.

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:12:18 -0800

PercussivePaul: We only have one account of a minotaur fighting anyone in a labyrinth and the minotaur doesn't even do that well there.

By: tehloki

tehloki — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:19:10 -0800

Wow. The poll is at exactly 50/50. I had no idea so many people played dungeons and dragons.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:20:32 -0800

I prefer the Onion AV club's take on filler interview questions.

By: painquale

painquale — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:21:15 -0800

You know, they really screwed this up. Going around to a bunch of celebrities and asking them a "who would win in a fight" question is a great idea, but they picked a horribly boring battle with too easy of a cop-out answer.

By: EarBucket

EarBucket — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:22:19 -0800

I love how delighted Will Farrell looks by the question. Also--most the women have no idea what the interviewer is talking about, while the majority of the men not only understand the question, but have strong opinions about which answer is correct.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:22:31 -0800

Minotaur: Meh. His centre of gravity is so high, the centaur could knock him down with nothing more than a couple of unimpressed sighs. And of course the Centaur would also get the leg up intellectually, what with his having a human head rather than a bovine one.

By: emmet

emmet — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:23:46 -0800

Just the best. Thanks for the post, my day is redeemed.

By: kid ichorous

kid ichorous — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:24:31 -0800

Also, according to an old classics prof., Centaur came from the Greek roots "ken" + "tauros," or "bull killer." Wiki agrees: The Greek word kentauros could be etymologized as ken - tauros = "piercing bull". Another possible etymology can be "bulls slayer". Some say that the Greeks took the constellation of Centaurus, and also its name "piercing bull", from Mesopotamia, where it symbolized the god Baal who represents rain and fertility, fighting with and piercing with his horns the demon Mot who represents the summer drought. (In Greece, Mot became the constellation of Lupus.) Later in Greece, the constellation of Centaurus was reinterpreted as a man riding a horse, and linked to legends of Greece being invaded by tribes of horsemen from the north. The idea of a combined monster may have arisen as an attempt to fit the pictorial figure to the stars better. Which means that Centaurs kill bulls implicitly. And since we're dealing with mythoi, constructs of language, we've no choice but to obey the language: Centaurs kill the Minotaur (son of the the bull of Poseidon), Michael Jordan (and his teammates), Richard Moll from Night Court, Bald Bull from Punch-out, and certain energy drinks. Then they kill Warren Beatty for the hell of it.

By: Megafly

Megafly — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:31:08 -0800

If it was a bow, I would go with the Centaur, but since he only gets one shot* I don't see it ending well for our equine friend. *since crossbows require that you put you foot in the loop on the end in order to cock them and he doesn't have feet.

By: echo target

echo target — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:40:35 -0800

No contest. Superior range + superior mobility = winner every time. Proof right here. Unless, as has been mentioned, we're talking about close quarters.

By: washburn

washburn — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:46:48 -0800

Dude, that whole name thing is just gonna piss the minotaur off. And you do not want to mess with a pissed off minotaur. In any case, comparing the results from a Google image search for Minotaur and Centaur is probably sufficent to settle this question.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:47:14 -0800

crossbows require that you put you foot in the loop on the end in order to cock them and he doesn't have feet. Centaurs have four hooves, which are comparable if not superior to clad feet. He could have a loaded crossbow in either hand, rear up on his hind legs, and cock both at the same time with his front hooves, and that in itself would kill you from the sheer awesomeness of seeing it.

By: kid ichorous

kid ichorous — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:52:56 -0800

In any case, comparing the results from a Google image search for Minotaur and Centaur is probably sufficent to settle this question. Or, at least, to see enough fantasy furry body-mod porn to settle all questions, forever.

By: baphomet

baphomet — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:11:51 -0800

From the d20srd (open source D&D3.0 reference guide) Minotaur Centaur Pretty clearly the minotaur has every advantage. While the centaur does have a significant advantage in base speed, the minotaur has Mighty Charge, which is made at a +9 attack bonus and deals 4d6+6 damage. Not only that, but he can fucking power attack with it. Considering that it's charge range is 80 feet, I have a hard time imagining that the centaur could really dance around it for long enough to keep the minotaur from charging. And while the centaur's Dodge could help it out of a tricky situation, it wouldn't even be able to flee after realizing it's severely outmatched due to the minotaur's Track. Additonally, the centaur's range bonus and presumed advantage from this is basically nullified by the fact that the minotaur can't be caught flat-footed.

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:12:55 -0800

I think the centaur would be smart enough to use poison arrows.

By: adamrice

adamrice — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:14:29 -0800

There were a number of different mechanisms to cock crossbows other than just sticking your foot in the toe-loop and yanking back on the string. There were even repeating crossbows in China. And the damage done by these things was serious. Serious enough to penetrate plate armor, and serious enough for a contemporary observer to exclaim that they were practically a harbinger of the end-times. 1d4+1 damage? Don't make me laugh.

By: baphomet

baphomet — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:14:46 -0800

On preview, what Rob Zombie said.

By: baphomet

baphomet — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:18:34 -0800

(adamrice: the heavy repeating crossbow could do some damage at 1d10 with reloading as a free action, but after 5 shots he'd have to spend a full-round action reloading, which gives the minotaur the perfect opportunity to use the charge)

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:23:17 -0800

Donald Trump and Crispin Glover are not amused. That's because Trump is a self-important asshole who should eat a centaur's dick. Crispin didn't seem irritated to me, though.

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:25:35 -0800

Oh, and I love the way Will Arnett takes apart the question.

By: birdsquared

birdsquared — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:30:22 -0800

Now THIS is what the internet is for. Minotaur, on average - I mean, you have to look at this from a statistical point of view, 'cause, y'know, the minotaur could trip during the rush and game over, or the centaur might hit one of the horns instead of a penetrating head wound (the likelihood of killing the minotaur without a brain hit is pretty small) - so it's a guessing game for any ONE interation (even in the D&D context - the preponderance of the time, the minotaur will win (as per the D&D guy on the linked site, and baphomet's answer above) but the minotaur rolls an epic fail, and he's screwed). I hope they get to ask Stephen Colbert one day...

By: bunnytricks

bunnytricks — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:40:17 -0800

MINOTAUR WITH A TRIDENT : CENTAUR WITH A CROSSBOW :: TEDDY ROOSEVELT WITH A LETTER OPENER : GEORGE W. BUSH WITH A NUCLEAR SUBMARINE MINOTAUR WITH A TRIDENT : CENTAUR WITH A CROSSBOW :: CHRIS HANSEN WITH A CHAT LOG : GARY GLITTER WITH A SCREEN NAME MINOTAUR WITH A TRIDENT : CENTAUR WITH A CROSSBOW :: WOMAN WITH DIGNITY : HIPSTER WITH FEDORA

By: The Power Nap

The Power Nap — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:43:14 -0800

As someone who plays Team Fortress 2, I'd have to say that speed and range are not showstoppers. While a sniper might be able to dominate heavies at range, a soldier can put an end to your shenanigans with a few well placed rockets. Another great illustration is how pyros can negate a snipers powerfull range attack with steady close range attack. So anybody who is discounting the minotaur, even in an open field, based only on speed and range is doing their argument a great disservice. My money is on the centaur, because I believe the centaur has a superior reasoning facility as someone pointed out earlier.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 17:45:31 -0800

Lot of folks in this thread really overestimate the amount of damage a centaur could do with a crossbow. Tiny little pointy sticks? Minotaur laughs at them!

By: Doohickie

Doohickie — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 18:14:45 -0800

You're all a bunch of friggen NERDS.

By: parmanparman

parmanparman — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:14:05 -0800

no, sorry Danny Glover has the right answer. God, I have got to move to Hollywood and become the next Byron Allen

By: cecilkorik

cecilkorik — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:29:53 -0800

I agree with Bookhouse. The minotaur has the advantage. How many crossbow bolts would it take to take down a minotaur? Probably a lot. Unless it gets hit through the heart, or the brain, or some other vital organ, it's just going to keep coming at you. On the other hand, once the minotaur gets close, there's no stopping it, the centaur will get torn to pieces. If it can't get close, it could throw the trident, back the centaur into a corner, anything that would negate the speed advantage, and the minotaur wins. Obviously if the Centaur gets lucky, the minotaur will either get struck in a vital organ or never get in range. But it only takes once. Overall, I think the majority of contests would end up going to the minotaur. Also, if you consider the centaur's intelligence, he might ask himself, "This fight is stupid. Why am I fighting this stupid minotaur anyway? What do I gain?" and decide to just leave. In which case the minotaur sort of wins by default. So yeah. Minotaur.

By: Grimgrin

Grimgrin — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:31:21 -0800

If the centaur was holding a puny little pistol crossbow like the one in the picture, sure, bet on the minotaur. A centaur holding a 500 pound draw weight ratchet cocked steel pronged Arbalest is another beast entirely however, one which can shoot on the move and has a maximum accurate range of 500m. And don't talk to me about how tough the minotaur is either. Latter day crossbows were used to shoot holes in plate harness from the distance of a football field, half a ton of ambulatory pot roast that gets hit by a crossbow bolt is not just going to shrug it off.

By: krippledkonscious

krippledkonscious — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:37:17 -0800

I'll change my bet to the minotaur if the centaur is forced to wear a Ronald McDonald costume. The minotaur's rage alone will cause the centaur's girlfriend to die.

By: brownpau

brownpau — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:46:22 -0800

I can't believe these people keep saying that a crossbow is only one-shot. As anyone who's played Half-Life knows, crossbow bolts come in reloadable magazines of five, each tipped with an explodey head. Duh. Centaur.

By: porpoise

porpoise — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:08:34 -0800

Crossbow or no crossbow. Have you ever been kicked in both nuts by both iron-shod rear hooves of a centaur?

By: WalterMitty

WalterMitty — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:47:29 -0800

Modern crossbows are pretty deadly things, what with advances in materials, ammunition design and such. Tridents? Meh. Also, crossbows are far more fun to use than tridents! Have you seen the things they do to enemies in videogames? They bring the smiley to my face, srsly. Half-Life and No One Lives Forever, for example. Centaur (and crossbow) ftw!

By: empath

empath — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:27:42 -0800

Is the Centaur on a treadmill?

By: jfuller

jfuller — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:28:35 -0800

Predator or Super Mario?

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:35:13 -0800

The correct answer is Minotaur, btw. Accepting that the centaur actually has quarrels, he needs to be using a light crossbow, as he lacks the feet to use a heavier one. And if he has some form of centaur-hoof-friendly heavy crossbow, that just sacrifices his main advantage - swiftness. Anyways, the centaur can pepper the minotaur at range with bolts, but it will take well-aimed shots to get through the bullman's thick beastly hide. For more than a random bodymass shot, the centaur needs to stop, again sacrificing swiftness, and aim. Yes, the random shots will hurt and will damage muscle and could cause the minotaur to bleed out, but that will take awhile. I assume that each fighter is well trained in their weapon. That means the minotaur also has a single-use ranged weapon. He can hurl the trident at the centaur. That shot won't kill either, but it will either ruin the centaur's aim (front shot) or slow him down (rear shot). For the minotaur, the trident is just icing on his holy-fuck-I'm-a-giant-bullman-with-horns-and-fucking-claws cake. Anything that slows the centaur down put him one step closer to being torn limb from limb.

By: Jpfed

Jpfed — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 23:57:51 -0800

Close combat will just not work for the centaur. The minotaur would be far better at circling. The horse-legged centaur wouldn't be able to turn as quickly as the minotaur could circle, and as the centaur's rotation lagged, its horse-shoulder would be exposed to trident attack. Some have suggested that the centaur could rear up and attack with its hooves. However, the minotaur's arms and trident would have greater reach; any hoof-attack would be met with a stab to the centaur's horse-chest. The only way the centaur can win this is by maintaining range.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:32:57 -0800

I'd think a centaur could cock a heavy crossbow just as well with a hoof as a foot, however, a crank or lever cocked crossbow would be quite sufficient for killing a minotaur in armor assuming sufficient space to maintain distance.

By: me & my monkey

me & my monkey — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:46:43 -0800

In any kind of arena, the centaur is going to get one shot with a crossbow. If it doesn't drop the minotaur, he's not going to have time to reload. And those Chinese repeating crossbows don't have any kind of serious velocity behind their shots - the bow has to be weak enough that the lever can extend the string when worked with one hand. And the quarrels are much less accurate than a regular crossbow, because they have no stabilization and have to fit somewhat loosely in the magazine.

By: zardoz

zardoz — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 04:21:32 -0800

The minotaur has superior upper body strength. If he can get just one good throw at that centaur, it's all over. This is almost perfectly analagous to the "Bruce Lee vs. Mike Tyson" question. Lee had the finesse, Tyson had the raw power.

By: Tenuki

Tenuki — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 04:44:15 -0800

Close combat will just not work for the centaur. The minotaur would be far better at circling. The horse-legged centaur wouldn't be able to turn as quickly as the minotaur could circle, and as the centaur's rotation lagged, its horse-shoulder would be exposed to trident attack. When I first saw this question it reminded me of this video. Horses can be pretty agile.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 05:57:39 -0800

Regarding the videos: Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon have my favorite response: decisive, thoughtful, lots of follow-up questions. But what surprised me most is how much scarier Tigh from Battlestar is than the dude from Gwar. Anyway, centaur. Better center of gravity, better ability to run if he needs to. Also, as far as I know, ancient mythology gives us only one minotaur. Centaurs are like, an actual race, you know? Dude can scrape up some friends if he's in a pinch. Crossbow Centaur has a posse.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 06:01:56 -0800

Anyways, the centaur can pepper the minotaur at range with bolts, but it will take well-aimed shots to get through the bullman's thick beastly hide. For more than a random bodymass shot, the centaur needs to stop, again sacrificing swiftness, and aim. Yes, the random shots will hurt and will damage muscle and could cause the minotaur to bleed out, but that will take awhile. Man, Centaur's got no place to go. He's got time, he's got time, he's got nothing to do today. I'd also like to remind all that if the Minotaur hurls the trident, and Centaur dodges, he has the ability to then use the trident himself. If the Centaur shoots a few bolts and misses, the Minotaur can only use those as little stabby daggers.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 06:14:48 -0800

Minotaur has stabby daggers coming out of his head.

By: Jpfed

Jpfed — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:28:50 -0800

Tenuki- your video is indeed impressive. I underestimated the horse's ability to circle. But I also have it paused at 1:57, where it looks like they jump-cut to avoid showing that the bull would've gored the horse's hindquarters if it had kept going. What with my confirmation bias and all.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:30:15 -0800

Did Nick Nolte fall asleep?

By: absalom

absalom — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 09:17:51 -0800

Man, Tiger Woods is the coldest, most stone-faced interviewee ever. Ozzy, on the other hand.... poor ozzy. You could see his fragile brain chemistry breaking down under the strain of the absurdity.

By: schwa

schwa — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 10:17:58 -0800

People are really underestimating the Centaur. Probably because they have 1d4+1 stuck in their heads. I've always assumed the human portion of a minotaur to be larger than a typical human, likewise the human portion of a centaur. The centaurs we see in movies are generally attached to ponies instead of the larger, evil SOB destriers. As Tenuki points out, horses can posses extreme agility so, on the right battlefield the Centaur can engage the Minotaur in hit and run tactics. The Centaur should be able to wear down the Minotaur causing it to tire out and make mistakes. Presumably the Centaur possesses superior intellect and should be able to turn those mistakes and the terrain to his advantage. What I think this boils down to is the battlefield. If the the Centaur has the room to shoot and scoot, and enough ammo then the Minotaur is in serious trouble. A crossbow will do unimaginable damage to the Minotaur. Assuming the Centaur has a scaled up crossbow (their human torsos are scaled up remember), or maybe an arbalist, one good shot might be all it takes. The single dumbest thing the Minotaur could do is throw his trident, once thrown the Minotaur would need to resort to bull charging the Centaur. While bull charging the Minotaur would be bent low, with very little visibility. I can see the Centaur easily dodging this kind of semi-blind attack. Also don't forget, _if_ the Minotaur does hit the Centaur there is very little chance of causing serious damage. Because the Centaur has both a human and horse torso it has two sets of internal organs. That's an awfully big advantage. My money is firmly on the Centaur (unless it's a cage match, in which case I'm phoning the RSPCC).

By: quin

quin — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:09:31 -0800

On an open field it would be the Centaur no question. But I think that people are underestimating the combat power of one in a labyrinth; there seems to be some implicit assumption that it would suffer in the more confined areas. But I think it would enable a more hand to hoof style of fighting that might favor the animal that weighs as much as a horse over the one that weighs as much as a large man. Sure, the weapons will play a big part, but I don't know that I would want to go up against a normal horse with a trident, and when that horse is as smart as a man? And armed with a ranged weapon? No contest. I think the Centaur would win on nearly any battlefield.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 11:50:14 -0800

Please, it's so so CLEARLY the Centaur. Think of it this way: Simply between weapons, the trident is pretty much useless compared to the crossbow, especially in the hands of a creature who can do more damage bare-fisted. Trident gives the minotaur no advantage. Crossbow gives the Centaur the HUGE advantage of range. Now, between opponents, the Minotaur is a bull with a human body. The centaur is a human with a horse body and superior intellect. So put both battles relative to oneself. If out that a man-bull with a pointy stick is coming after you, it's scary, to be sure, but you also know that there are certain things you can do, such as getting to higher ground, use his rashness against him, etc. Hell, a man I know once successfully staggered a charging bull by punching him square in the face. So bulls can be taken care of. However, you hear that there's a creature out there that's just like a human except that it's bigger, stronger, faster, smarter and determined to murder you at all costs, well, you're pretty well fucked. Centaur every time. I don't care if it's in close quarters, the centaur will find a way. It is what they do.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 21:50:11 -0800

Listen, all you centaur people are just Wrongy McWrongersons from North Wrongerton. In every depiction of centaurs I've seen, the horse part has been scaled to match the human part. That is, it's a normal human sized torso with horse parts scaled down to match. On the other hand, the minotaur's human elements are always scaled up to match the size of the bull head. So humanoid mass-wise, the minotaur is just plain bigger. This size would come into play at a close range, no weapon, fight. The -and I cannot believe I'm typing this in a serious, non-furry slashfiction manner- minotaur could mount the centaur and break him like Misty of Chincoteague. And I'm not sure where you're getting the 'centaur had superior intellect' stuff, Navelgazer. The minotaur lives in a fucking maze! He's got to be smart to get to the bathroom from the living room! Centaurs just poop in a field! Yes, I give you that centaurs are more noble creatures, but I think that's their pride that comes before their fall and eventual glue-factory visit. The centaur would be all like, "I'm smarter and faster! Just have to wait this cunning, huge, stalking beast out and o fuck I'm dead." I mean, the only classical centaurs that spring to mind are rapists. The classical minotaur has people sacrificed to him he's such a badass. Someone needs to get asavage up in here. While this fight may be outside the scope of his show (despite being two actual myths who are busting each others' heads), I think he has the credibility to rule on this argument.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 06:31:37 -0800

It's clearly all about quarters. If the minotaur can get within striking distance of the centaur, it's all over, and he won't even need the trident. I don't think the centaur's hooves would do the minotaur much damage. But with enough room, the centaur can run circles around the minotaur, either peppering the minotaur with arrows until he finally bleeds out, or -- if the centaur's lucky -- getting in a headshot that'll probably end things pretty fast. If these are close quarters, the centaur is fucked unless he's a really great shot. Because Ice-T is right -- that's basically a gun with one bullet. He'd never get a chance to reload. My guess, though, is that these are not close quarters, because when a minotaur and a centaur fight, you know how many people want to watch it? Everyone. Everyone. You're gonna need a real big venue. Therefore: Centaur.

By: YouRebelScum

YouRebelScum — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 09:26:40 -0800

I don't rate all these "long-range/short-range" arguments. A proper crossbow would send a bolt straight through the Minotaur, game over. Worst comes to the worst and you don't kill it, you just canter away for a bit to reload. Centaur, no question.

By: EarBucket

EarBucket — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 09:32:16 -0800

Last night I dreamed that we got asavage and hodgman in here, and they figured it out between the two of them. Maybe we should MeFi Mail them.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 10:33:07 -0800

Last night I dreamed that we got asavage and hodgman in here, and they figured it out between the two of them. Which of them had the crossbow?

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 14:24:05 -0800

I have nothing else constructive to add, except that I'm listening to some Mötörhead right now, and I just realized that would be a fucking TIGHT soundtrack for this particular battle. Seriously, pop on "Ace of Spades." Now close your eyes, and imagine a minotaur and centaur bellowing and screaming as they charge each other, each lusting for the blood of the other. This is the best Easter ever!

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:10:25 -0800

Listen, all you centaur people are just Wrongy McWrongersons from North Wrongerton. Maybe if all you nerds put down your sixty-three sided dice and took a walk in the real world, you'd get it - and rib, I'm not even going to take your bait and start a derail about what's wrong with Southern Wrongertoners, sorry. I've spent time around bulls, hell, some of my best friends are bulls, and as much as I like them, despite an innate cunning, they aren't all that smart. A minotaur is a steroid popping thyroid case with a bull's head, and therefore, a bull's brain. The dumbass probably thinks his trident is for pitching hay for its breakfast. There's plenty of raw power there, but not much else, while the centaur has all the strength, agility, and power of a stallion, combined with buff human arms, and the most powerful weapon ever conceived, a human brain. There's a reason why, when you geeks are boring some poor girl who made the mistake of asking you if you were having a good time at the party (A party you probably weren't invited to, I might add), you describe a minotaur as a "bull-man" and a centaur as a "man-horse". Do the math, fools. And all that labyrinth static is just that, static - yes, in close quarters the minotaur could be a menace, but even in a maze the minotaur is at a disadvantage, because it's so freaking stupid, and its fancy pitchfork's effectiveness is rendered moot. Anyone who didn't have to repeat the third grade knows that Theseus handily escaped the labyrinth due to human cunning - meanwhile, the minotaur who lived there for decades never figured out how, hell, the idea of escaping from its dank prison probably never even occurred to to it, in much the same way you pencilnecks will never escape from the dank prison of your mom's basements. And that is why, once I start working out and get a T-Top Camaro, I will so be makin' it with tons of chicks while you sad little mouthbreathers are still throwing unsuccessful saving rolls against loneliness and wondering what it'd be like to go all the way with your pillows.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:13:39 -0800

That's okay Alvy, I remember my first horse tranquilizer too.

By: WalterMitty

WalterMitty — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:02:36 -0800

Regarding the Chinese repeating crossbow - it probably wasn't too effective a personal weapon, but as a weapon used by massed ranks of archers it probably would have been rather more useful. [The third link's a YouTube video of a guy who's testing his home-made crossbow.] And a link I found from "Vintage Projects" on how to make your own crossbow. I might have found something to do in my spare time this summer. I can think of a few people off the top of my head I'd love to plant a quarrel in.