Jesus Shaves
March 23, 2008 1:42 PM   Subscribe

"He nice, the Jesus. He make the good things, and on the Easter we be sad because somebody makes him dead today." Enjoy a little short story about cultural differences and Easter from David Sedaris.
posted by Del Far (34 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
Thanks, Del Far.
posted by BeerFilter at 2:07 PM on March 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Great story. Thanks!
posted by nonmerci at 2:21 PM on March 23, 2008


Eddie Izzard has a comprehensive description of this holiday as well.
posted by killy willy at 2:33 PM on March 23, 2008


I thought the crucifixion was on Good Friday, not on Easter. At least that's how they taught it in Sunday School.
posted by Class Goat at 3:13 PM on March 23, 2008


Makes you wonder what else they might have told you that wasn't true.
posted by found missing at 3:41 PM on March 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Easter is the celebration of Jesus' resurrection. So you would be correct, Class Goat.
posted by nonmerci at 3:53 PM on March 23, 2008


"The rabbit of Easter! He brings of the chocolate!"
posted by Sweetie Darling at 4:20 PM on March 23, 2008


Every Easter one of my fundamentalist Christian sisters sends me holiday wishes via text message. I actually kinda look forward to it every year because she always words it creatively instead of just being your run of the mill "Happy Easter!" greeting and I'm always curious what she's going to come up with next. Last year it was "Happy Resurrection Day!" which I thought was pretty catchy. This year's official greeting was pretty good too, though: "Happy Day of the Empty Tomb!" Which I LOVE.

Seriously, the whole rabbit/egg thing is fine, but I think Easter greetings really do need more empty tomb references. And instead of easter egg hunts, children should be searching for little chocolate bodies of Christ, preferably ones with raspberry stigmata filling. My sister is totally genius.
posted by miss lynnster at 4:34 PM on March 23, 2008 [6 favorites]


A bell? That's fucked up.

I'm taking French this year, and I totally sympathize with David's confusion about on, a pronoun that can apparently be used in any circumstances that strike a Frenchman's fancy.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:34 PM on March 23, 2008


Hilarious. Needed the laugh. Thanks, Del Far.
posted by hojoki at 4:40 PM on March 23, 2008


"A Joyous Inexplicably-Missing-Corpse-Day To You" would be a swell greeting card.
posted by CKmtl at 4:42 PM on March 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


Of course, there's always Paul & Storm's take:

Easter time is here again
And it’s the day we celebrate
The morning that the Easter Bunny rises from the grave
And if he sees his shadow then it’s six more winter
If he doesn’t see it, everyone gets Cadbury Crème Eggs
And he never sees his shadow, thank the Lord ...

posted by grabbingsand at 5:05 PM on March 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


"On" is just the way the French say 'you' (that general, universal 'you') and 'we'. So if you're hanging out with a bunch of friends, you'd say 'On peut aller au cinéma' instead of 'Nous pouvons aller au cinéma' and if you're talking about opinion (for example) you'd say 'On dirait qu'il ressemble à un mouton!' instead of 'je' or 'tu' or 'vous' &c. I didn't realize how often 'on' was actually used until coming to France.
posted by nonmerci at 5:11 PM on March 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


A deep-fried creme egg is one thing - a fine, fine thing! - but I think even I would feel a little blasphemous dropping a creme-filled Jesus into the frier.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:23 PM on March 23, 2008


It would seem germane to point to "David Sedaris Delivers a Pizza."
posted by steef at 5:25 PM on March 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


David Sedaris is the shit, no question.
posted by Pope Guilty at 5:39 PM on March 23, 2008


you'd say 'On dirait qu'il ressemble à un mouton!'

Man, you resemble one sheep...
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:45 PM on March 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


The rest of the book from which this story comes from, Me Talk Pretty One Day, is a good read as well.
posted by WalterMitty at 5:51 PM on March 23, 2008


Jesus sez: You people actually think I'm coming back soon. Get real..you nailed my arse to a cross. Klattu Niktoo Barada baby!
posted by doctorschlock at 5:51 PM on March 23, 2008


Also germane: Jesus Shaves - by Paranoid Larry and his Imaginary Band (youtube). There's a great cover done by the Roche Sisters, but I can't find it.
"Blessed are the ones who make peace / blessed are the ones who scrape by / blessed are the ones who live holy lives / and here's to the rest of us who try."
posted by The White Hat at 6:03 PM on March 23, 2008


This is pretty funny, but am I the only one who thinks his voice is really annoying?
posted by Joakim Ziegler at 6:40 PM on March 23, 2008


grabbingsand I love those guys! My favorite song of theirs has to be Opening Band, I saw them first when they performed with Jonathan Coulton a couple of years ago, I did not expect them at all, they were a nice surprise...
posted by Del Far at 6:45 PM on March 23, 2008


Always liked this Sedaris bit -- I pretty much like all of his stuff, other than the animal fables, which kind of annoy me. I think it was actually Metafilter that introduced me to Sedaris, way back when.

Much more Sedaris is available to listen to for free in the This American Life back catalog, of course, though he hasn't appeared on the program as much in the last couple of years.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:49 PM on March 23, 2008


David Sedaris' voice is half the allure. The books are brilliant, but you haven't lived until you've heard them read live!

(I wasn't crazy about the animal fables, either.. Apparently an entire book of animal fables is forthcoming.)
posted by Mael Oui at 7:54 PM on March 23, 2008


The books are brilliant, but you haven't lived until you've heard them read live!

I agree! I got to meet him/attend a reading recently; it made me love him all the more.
posted by mewithoutyou at 9:11 PM on March 23, 2008


Well personally, I just wish my last name was Sedaris. It would SO kick ass to be part of a crazy family that's actually cool and talented crazy instead of just "oh my god, why couldn't I have been raised by wolves?" crazy.
posted by miss lynnster at 9:52 PM on March 23, 2008


Bill Hicks on Easter. (audio only, really; starts with loud guitar intro.) Mmmm sacrilicious.
posted by Pronoiac at 11:06 PM on March 23, 2008


The morning that the Easter Bunny rises from the grave
And if he sees his shadow then it’s six more winter


In the joke/narrative tradition in our family, it's always Jesus himself who sees, or doesn't see, his shadow. Half of my family is devoutly religious and the other half is either agnostic or atheist, but somehow we make Easter (and Christmas) gatherings work. We respect the religious family members' need to believe what they believe, and they respect our need to tell the same silly joke every year.
posted by amyms at 11:07 PM on March 23, 2008


The video from the FPP has disappeared. Which is a shame.
posted by MrMustard at 4:10 AM on March 24, 2008


That is a shame. This is my favorite Sedaris passage, particularly the bell which flies in from Rome.
posted by punchdrunkhistory at 5:37 AM on March 24, 2008


Yup, what's all this bollocks about?

This is a private video. If you have been sent this video, please make sure you accept the sender's friend request.

I've got enough friends, thank you very much. Trying to bribe me with cheap YouTube gifts isn't gonna cut it.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:44 AM on March 24, 2008


I didn't get to see the video, but hopefully here's a copy of the text.
Reminds me of 6 to 8 black men, about another holiday.
posted by MtDewd at 6:54 AM on March 24, 2008


Thanks for the copy of the text - now I understand the comments.
posted by lunit at 9:04 AM on March 24, 2008


Man, I feel bad that the video was privated, I wish I could change the post to link to the text version instead. That's not possible is it?
posted by Del Far at 11:16 AM on March 24, 2008


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