Comments on: Where are my fucking mushrooms?!

Where are my fucking mushrooms?!

Lord_Pall — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 10:59:31 -0800

You've seen Fast Food vs. Reality. Now witness the power of German ingenuity in the science of Photographing Food..

(Second Link is an easier to read link from Pundo3000, the perpetrators of this food taxonomy)

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:01:53 -0800

Your second link is, at the moment, borked with a 403 error.

By: Lord_Pall

Lord_Pall — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:03:42 -0800

Retry. It seems to be a bit honked. I clicked twice and it worked the second time. Can a mod person set the main link to Pundo3000, or nuke the post? I think the mirror site is having difficulties...

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:04:41 -0800

Ah, looks like its up again. Barely. I'd love to see someone execute these tips* while taking pictures of actual fast food. Artsy photography of shitty food. *Why won't photojojo accept my marriage proposals?

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:07:16 -0800

Yikes, these Germans sure eat a lot of soup!

By: Lord_Pall

Lord_Pall — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:11:06 -0800

soup made of LIES!

By: Pastabagel

Pastabagel — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:15:03 -0800

Germans sure like their vacuum-packed processed food. I wouldn't buy any of that stuff based on the photos on the package. Patton Oswalt on the KFC Famous Bowls.

By: zeoslap

zeoslap — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:16:50 -0800

I thought this was going to be great, but the stuff pretty much looked like what was on the box.

By: agregoli

agregoli — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:25:18 -0800

Americans sure like their vacuum-packed processed food too. I hope someone does this with American meals, cause damn. I'm sure they're just as gross.

By: monospace

monospace — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:26:04 -0800

You know, that's why I like SPAM. What you see is what you get. And it's might tasty grilled.

By: tocts

tocts — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:30:17 -0800

I think the deceptive photography is only half as alarming as the fact that Germans actually eat this shit. Kebabs in a can? Are you serious?!

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:31:01 -0800

I feel the same way about a fresh loaf of Velveeta, m-space. There is a certain purity in the extruded orange food product that satisfies like nothing else. I have never been more serious in my life.

By: eritain

eritain — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:43:40 -0800

I love how the fake photo-Whopper has grill marks on the edge of the patty.

By: monospace

monospace — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:46:17 -0800

Kebabs in a can, why not. And you should try Cheeseburger in a can too!

By: crazy finger

crazy finger — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:49:53 -0800

I love stuffing cheap poison into my mouth!

By: pineapple

pineapple — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:50:28 -0800

That funstasticus site can eff off. More like, fun-shittysitewithtoomanyads,soFirefoxcrashes-icus. The [via] convention is your friend. Yeah, I'm mostly in awe over the differences in the food culture. What are the odds on how much tinned seafood one can eat before botulism is the rule, not the exception?

By: rhymer

rhymer — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:58:16 -0800

Even in the official pics, both the famous bowl and the arby's sandwich look revolting.

By: sfts2

sfts2 — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:58:31 -0800

I hate it when the other links on the target page are more interesting than the linked article. While the fast food expose was fascinating, I was constantly drawn to the 'People in Newspaper Ads that Looked like they were Farting' page.

By: applemeat

applemeat — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:06:27 -0800

Can a mod person set the main link to Pundo3000??

By: Duug

Duug — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:07:43 -0800

Oh my golly gosh!

By: seanmpuckett

seanmpuckett — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:33:46 -0800

Needs a third photo: what it looks like after it's been chewed.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:37:17 -0800

But please, no fourth photo!

By: alms

alms — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:42:17 -0800

This is awesome. It almost makes we want to skip lunch.

By: bitteroldman

bitteroldman — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:43:36 -0800

I remember as a kid being so frustrated because I could never get my Nestle Quick chocolate milk to be as brown as it appeared on the packaging. No amoung of powder in my milk would darken the stuff. Then I thought it was because we didn't have the syrup. But when we finally got the syrup, it was just as light. Damn you Nestle with your promises of chocolatey, slurpy goodness!

By: Holy foxy moxie batman!

Holy foxy moxie batman! — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:47:55 -0800

Oh heavens! Appetite lost and I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:54:10 -0800

Kebabs in a can? Are you serious?! My thoughts exactly. Who knew? Why do I? I'm both amazed at human ingenuity and disgusted with the uses we make of it. Can I forget I saw this, if I want to badly enough? I love the basil leaves so tastefully adorning the ham n cheese slices. It's an elegant touch.

By: rusty

rusty — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:58:41 -0800

I call shenanigans on the cheeseburger in a can. Even with my extremely limited German I can tell that it's from a hiking and backcountry shop. That is, it's meant for the same market that eats MREs with apparent gusto and relish (if not mustard and cayenne pepper). It's a truism that anything tastes good in the woods, and that probably even extends to a cheeseburger in a can. But I don't think anyone ever would have claimed that it was the sort of thing you'd eat if there was any other choice. At all.

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:05:47 -0800

Because nothing says "balanced breakfast" like "Nougat Pillows."

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:06:26 -0800

rusty-- I agree 100% with you, but I've also got some pretty fond memories of Underwood Deviled Chicken (in a can, natch) on Ritz crackers followed by Space Food Sticks and Tang out of my trusty Alladin thermos. We'd feast in our tree fort. No better sauce than adventure! This stuff is catnip to my inner 12-year-old.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:06:38 -0800

If, while foraging in the wilderness, a cheeseburger in can was the only sustenance I could locate, I would indeed eat it. If, however, I was packing for such an adventure, I would weigh myself down with all the trail mix and nutrition bars I could carry before I ever doomed myself by placing such a thing in my backpack. I would pack ammunition for wild squirrels first. It's a cheeseburger. In a can. No, it won't kill me, but it will sap away what it means to be human.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:08:28 -0800

(And I'd argue I was more human before puberty than any time since then...)

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:21:23 -0800

Damn you Nestle with your promises of chocolatey, slurpy goodness! Chocolate Malt Ovaltine, man. Seriously.

By: Dr-Baa

Dr-Baa — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:24:05 -0800

What in the living hell is Bifi??? A biscotti-covered hot dog that's sold like a candy bar?

By: The corpse in the library

The corpse in the library — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:24:55 -0800

Urgh. Do you mind? I'm trying to eat.

By: vewystwange

vewystwange — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:25:05 -0800

I thought this was going to be great, but the stuff pretty much looked like what was on the box. posted by zeoslap at 2:16 PM on March 25 [+] [!] I'd say you're right for the most part, with the exception of the herring salad. Pretty far from goal. Also, where might one acquire some tasty, tasty nougat pillows?

By: lemonfridge

lemonfridge — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:38:53 -0800

Too much sauce. On everything.

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:42:34 -0800

Fleischsalat: Why don't you just drink some mayonnaise? Herringssalat: Why don't you just drink some pink mayonnaise?

By: pineapple

pineapple — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:50:15 -0800

Krabbensalat: Why don't you just drink some chowder? Also, Krabben ≠ Crab!

By: pineapple

pineapple — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:52:58 -0800

Actually, I think this one proves that it's a double post.

By: showbiz_liz

showbiz_liz — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:55:42 -0800

God, why don't WE have nougat pillows? I'd eat a lot of that vacuum-packed soupy stuff if it was available in the US. But then I'm in college.

By: Free word order!

Free word order! — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:55:56 -0800

Oh, this reminded me I still haven't eat my easter mämmi. 700 grams of rye goodness waiting in the fridge. Mm. Soft.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:57:11 -0800

The requested URL belongs to the following category: Swimwear, Lingerie, and Nudity. Those Germans will fuck anything (I'm assuming since my work wall has the second link blocked)!

By: Free word order!

Free word order! — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:02:33 -0800

fixtypos(haven't eaten) No, really writing with one hand, stuffing spoonfuls of mämmi with other.

By: krautland

krautland — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:25:52 -0800

damn, talk about a blast from the past. I ate pretty much all of that shite as a teenager and it took me years to lose that weight again. most of the pre-packaged stuff you see there is an industrialised and thus pale imitation of something actually good. especially krabbensalat (which is a mayo-based sauce with baby shrimps that taste unbelievably rich) is awesome when fresh of a cutter but just deplorable when factory-sealed and six months old.

By: krautland

krautland — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:26:42 -0800

oh yeah, the only two exceptions are hanuta and bifi. especially all that bifi shit is just vile and has no place in any civilized society.

By: vytae

vytae — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:35:01 -0800

What in the living hell is Bifi??? A biscotti-covered hot dog that's sold like a candy bar? Um, yeah, my first guess was granola-covered sausage. Can someone please explain?

By: smcniven

smcniven — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:36:33 -0800

But please, no fourth photo!

By: vytae

vytae — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:38:38 -0800

Also, are those mushrooms in the can labeled "hell"? I know some people who would agree...

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:42:03 -0800

Yikes. Remind me to never shtit in Stuttgart.

By: smcniven

smcniven — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:42:59 -0800

I just drove down to Heidelberg this weekend and was eyeing some of those Biffa products when I stopped to get gas. Thank god I didn't succumb to the temptation.

By: tastybrains

tastybrains — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:51:20 -0800

Just when I thought I'd imagined every possible use for mayonnaise there could ever be...

By: Jody Tresidder

Jody Tresidder — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:53:32 -0800

I read a very sweet memoir once about a guy basically roughing it around the USA. Standard stuff, but lovely...his ONE rule was always keeping a can of chopped liver in his knapsack. So he'd never, ever have absolutely nothing left to eat. (You might have to think for a second to get it...)

By: HotPatatta

HotPatatta — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:14:21 -0800

I think Barbara Walters hired the same dream team to do all her publicity shots and film her Oscar specials.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 15:59:04 -0800

Patton Oswald is a bitter, angry hobbit.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:01:57 -0800

Also, if it doesn't rot, don't eat it.

By: Durn Bronzefist

Durn Bronzefist — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:47:48 -0800

I hadn't seen fast food vs. reality. Thanks. Arby's the loser, hands-down, again. (on the road, I insist on a separate stop if my sig other insists on Arby's) As for this bunch, obviously Ritter is ok stuff, and I'd like a crack at that mini krustenbraten. But those Wasa sandwiches fill me with rage, and I bought some Knorr soup the other week (nice packaging) and couldn't figure out why they'd decided to stock the soup with sawdust and elmer's glue.

By: Dave Faris

Dave Faris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:48:36 -0800

I have a feeling that if you've reached the point in your culinary life where you're willing to buy a hamburger from a vending machine, you probably don't really care whether it matches the picture on the box.

By: Unicorn on the cob

Unicorn on the cob — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:33:29 -0800

Man, I remember playing with the rubber tacos from a photoshoot at Tricon International years ago and was grossed out by how realistic they were. I seem to recall that quite a bit of the fake food photographed for Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and KFC was actually from a place in Japan that did nothing but make fake food for advertising purposes.

By: bitteroldman

bitteroldman — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:29:53 -0800

Chocolate Malt Ovaltine, man. Seriously. Why do they call it Ovaltine? - The cup is round. - The jar is round. Maybe they should call it Round-tine? _{anyone else watch Seinfeld last night?}

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 07:30:56 -0800

I don't care what they call it. It's the Jesus-on-the-earth of beverage mixes, and that's the truth.