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Still no similar offers for actual democracy in China
March 27, 2008 2:26 PM   Subscribe

Perhaps inspired by Taco Bell's World Series Stolen Base promotion, Dr. Pepper has promised to give every American a free soda if Guns N' Roses' long-awaited "Chinese Democracy" is released in 2008. Well, every American except for Buckethead and Slash, of course.
posted by Navelgazer (53 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Dr. Pepper. Mmmmmmmmm.

Guns N Roses. Ewwwwwwwww.
posted by Dr-Baa at 2:28 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


Buckethead and Slash were the only good things about GNR. Who cares what Axl Rose does by himself?
posted by doctor_negative at 2:30 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


I will use this opportunity to ask the question that humankind has pondered for lo, many years. What the hell is the deal with Buckethead?
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 2:37 PM on March 27, 2008


He wears a bucket.

On his head.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 2:38 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


Unfortunately, it'll be free Vanilla Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper.
posted by Lord Kinbote at 2:39 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


In chinese-made lead-lined bottles.
posted by blue_beetle at 2:42 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Dr. Blue (Pepsi's Blue's cousin, duh)
posted by oddman at 2:43 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


There will be actual democracy in China before this record comes out. And really, who the fuck cares anymore?

The last rumor I heard is that the album is actually complete, but the label was sitting on it because they're afraid they won't recoup their enormous expenditure and want to build anticipation (which is less anticipation than schadenfreude) even further. Because, like I said, who the fuck cares. Even the original Guns n' Roses blew, but they were just different enough from hair metal yet retained enough of the drug-addled live fast die young party hard attitude of it that they appealed to a lot of kids in the early 90s. Kids in the late 00s look at Guns n' Roses like I looked at Led Zeppelin and Grand Funk Railroad: boring old ridiculous crap for boring old people. When it comes out, a lot of people will download it for free just for curiosity's sake, say "they took 13 years to make THAT?", and delete it. I doubt many people will pay money for it.

As for Buckethead, what a dork. Ozzy wanted to take him on as guitarist, with one condition: "get rid of the fucking bucket". He declined. What a dork.
posted by DecemberBoy at 2:44 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


He wears a bucket.

On his head.
posted by mr_crash_davis


Sure. Sounds reasonable when you say it.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 2:47 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


Kids in the late 00s look at Guns n' Roses like I looked at Led Zeppelin and Grand Funk Railroad: boring old ridiculous crap for boring old people.

Did you know archaeologists now say they even had music before Led Zeppelin? God, it must be so gay.
posted by fleetmouse at 2:55 PM on March 27, 2008 [6 favorites]


I would like to point out that since Buckethead quit Guns 'n' Roses, he's released over 35 studio albums, one of which is a 13-album set.

Guns 'n' Roses began recording Chinese Democracy in 1994. Since 1994, Buckethead has released over 80 studio albums either as solo projects or as a member of a band.

At this point, it is my firm belief that Chinese Democracy is actually the soundtrack to Duke Nukem Forever.
posted by Pastabagel at 2:56 PM on March 27, 2008 [7 favorites]


Asking Buckethead to lose the bucket would be like asking the Residents to lose the eyes. (Did Snakefinger have snakes on his fingers? Sounds like he did.)

But releasing Chinese Democracy may be easier than making Axl pretty again.
posted by not_on_display at 2:59 PM on March 27, 2008


As for Buckethead, what a dork. Ozzy wanted to take him on as guitarist, with one condition: "get rid of the fucking bucket". He declined. What a dork.
posted by DecemberBoy at 5:44 PM on March 27


Buckethead rules.
posted by Pastabagel at 3:03 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


Somewhere in Waco there are 300 million cans of pop stockpiled in a compound, whose fate depends on the actions one strange and reclusive man.
posted by Tube at 3:04 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


This is just a promotional thing Dr Pepper made with record company to stir up hype for the album, which of course, will be released this year. Or am I stating the obvious?
posted by puke & cry at 3:08 PM on March 27, 2008


"Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose responded Wednesday to a Dr Pepper press release. 'We are surprised and very happy to have the support of Dr Pepper with our album."

GNR stopped being relevant to American pop music exactly four minutes and twenty-three seconds before pop was invented.

And I've sworn off pop, because I have high blood pressure and I get charley horses. Currently I'm trying to drink a gallon of water a day. I've been told it's good for me, by the same people who suggested I should quit smoking. Bastards.

I'm forty years old. I'm gonna die soon. We can't all be metal rock gods.

Must be nice to still have long hair and drink and smoke and scream into microphones and wear spandex no matter how old you get, then have A DOCTOR back up your insane and unhealthy lifestyle! MUST BE NICE! Axl Rose can go fuck himself.
posted by ZachsMind at 3:09 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


The thing with Buckethead is, if he took the bucket off, what the hell would he call himself? He's kinda painted into a corner, there.
posted by Devils Rancher at 3:11 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


The thing with Buckethead is, if he took the bucket off, what the hell would he call himself? He's kinda painted into a corner, there.

An unpronounceable symbol. "The Artist Formerly Known as Buckethead."

Unless that's been done before.
posted by Lucinda at 3:22 PM on March 27, 2008


Did you know archaeologists now say they even had music before Led Zeppelin?

Well, there obviously must have been. Otherwise, what would they have stolen from and homogenized and watered down? The archaeologists must have discovered Willie Dixon.
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:24 PM on March 27, 2008


"Pop" music. Har, har! Get it?
posted by mazola at 3:26 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


An unpronounceable symbol. "The Artist Formerly Known as Buckethead."

Unless that's been done before.


LEAVE PRINCE ALONE!!!1 Yeah, it was wacky, but he had a good reason for doing it: Warner Bros. had complete control over everything he released as "Prince", and he was in dispute with them over his contract. They really dicked him around. Prince is his real (first) name, and they claimed to own it. Prince is a genius, and too many people put his novel method of getting out of a bad contract above everything else he accomplished. He created Morris Day and The Time, who sold millions, just as a fuck-around project as an outlet for his B-side quality material, for pete's sake.
posted by DecemberBoy at 3:30 PM on March 27, 2008


Is this because Axl likes Dr. Pepper? Because I recall watching MTV News when I was about 10 and they were interviewing Axl and he was drinking Dr. Pepper on the set of the "Don't Cry" video and I thought "Wow, Axl Rose likes Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper must be cool to drink." and I swore by Dr. Pepper for about six months before finally admitting to myself that it wasn't all that great and I switched back to Pepsi.

It's weird the stuff you remember from childhood.
posted by Kronoss at 3:38 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


I actually thought Appetite for Destruction was a damn good album when it came out, though it was the soundtrack to my tour of Germany and England when I was 17, so that might have something to do with it.

I got tired of Guns N' Roses when they released Lies which was just the bootleg I'd already had for a year or so. I further lost interest with each subsequent album as their sound got further and further from what I liked about the first one.

Now I couldn't care less if they continue to put stuff out. But I'm willing to admit, that at least for a little while, I thought they were pretty great.
posted by quin at 3:41 PM on March 27, 2008


Safe bet.
posted by rush at 3:48 PM on March 27, 2008


I can't name a single one of Buckethead's songs, and I've only heard a handful once or twice each, but I have to say: I love Buckethead.

And I think that the suggestion that he change his name to "The Artist Formerly Known as Buckethead" is great, but would be even greater if he kept the bucket.
posted by Flunkie at 3:48 PM on March 27, 2008


This is just a promotional thing Dr Pepper made with record company to stir up hype for the album, which of course, will be released this year. Or am I stating the obvious?

Or they're not affiliated with the label, know like the rest of us that the record will never exist (and will never have to pay up), and are getting amazing free PR on every website on the planet.
posted by Mikey-San at 4:06 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


For the love of God and all that is holy, THERE IS NO PERIOD AFTER DR in DR PEPPER.

Please, stop the madness. A kitten dies every time this mistake is made.

Also, a free Dr Pepper would be nice.
posted by Floach at 4:24 PM on March 27, 2008


Axl Rose.
Cornrows.
CORNROWS, people!

I think I'd rather just buy my own Dr Pepper.
posted by willmize at 4:25 PM on March 27, 2008


"This came totally out of the blue. If there is any involvement with this promotion by our record company or others, we are unaware of such at this time. And as some of Buckethead's performances are on our album, I'll share my Dr. Pepper with him."

I'd kind of like to know what Axl actually said, because whatever it was, I'm sure it didn't emerge in the form of consecutive coherent and grammatically-sound sentences, nor did it contain the phrase "we are unaware of such".
posted by Wolfdog at 4:28 PM on March 27, 2008


"The Artist Formerly Known as Buckethead"

Buckethead did have a Prince like period where he was in a label dispute. He released songs under the title Death Cube K (Buckethead anigram). Some really good minimalsit industrial along the lines of Lustmord, he also did one with Bill Laskwell.
posted by The Power Nap at 4:38 PM on March 27, 2008


Kids in the late 00s look at Guns n' Roses like I looked at Led Zeppelin and Grand Funk Railroad: boring old ridiculous crap for boring old people.

If there isn't already a German word for "facepalm," someone needs to come up with one stat.
posted by Cyrano at 4:47 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


...like I looked at Led Zeppelin and Grand Funk Railroad: boring old ridiculous crap for boring old people.

Guilty as charged. Lawn. Off!
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:04 PM on March 27, 2008


I think the bucket was meant to be a homage to the leather hoods worn by medieval executioners, in fine metal tradition, only with an edge of white-trash disaffection.
posted by acb at 5:14 PM on March 27, 2008


[...blah blah...] Led Zeppelin [...blah...] boring old ridiculous crap

What kind of music will the best bands play and love in 100 years? I don't know, but they will cover Stairway to Heaven and love John Bonham and they will certainly know what they've been missing and have seen the open road motherfucker.
posted by freebird at 6:01 PM on March 27, 2008


Some really good minimalsit industrial along the lines of Lustmord, he also did one with Bill Laskwell.

Yeah, but who at this point can honestly say they haven't worked with Bill Laswell? Just last week I was taking out the garbage when Bill Laswell showed up in my driveway with a theremin, shoved a jug in my hands, and roped me into recording fifteen minutes of post-juke dronecore for an upcoming Knitting Factory comp.
posted by bunnytricks at 6:02 PM on March 27, 2008 [5 favorites]


Nobody's made a 'bucketful of cocks' remark yet? C'mon, people!

I love Buckethead, and many people who don't even know he existed may have found themselves finger-tapping out one of his riffs. He's liquid guitar love, and I want it poured on thick. Thankfully, he just did that, releasing 13 albums in a single day (from same site as FPP).

Dear gods acb...what an awesome theory. I don't care if it's true or not, consider it propagated.

This Dr (no period) Pepper/GNR thing is a bizarre nexus of pop and rock, but we've seen stranger. Interesting choice of words by Axl, calling it "out of the BLUE". Pepsi Blue?

What I find amazing is the sidebar to this article: "Eagles of Death Metal to Axl Rose: Go Fuck Yourself, Motherfucker". That article indicates that Axl learned nothing from his previous time in the spotlight, is still full of himself, and will soon isolate those he works with (again) and hopefully slink back into the shadows. GNR without Slash? Prepare for fail.

And: Cornrows. WTF. Didn't Vanilla Ice already do that? Keep trying, Axl.
posted by cosmonik at 6:10 PM on March 27, 2008


The thing with Buckethead is, if he took the bucket off, what the hell would he call himself? He's kinda painted into a corner, there.

Maybe just go back to what he used to be, Dickhead?

The amazing thing is that I was just thinking about this because GNR came up randomly on my ipod. Is the bucket real? Does he change it, like, every night? Or does he have a few silk-lined plastic analogues?

Sorry. I don't get it. I've seen him live, and with musicians I really like. He seemed like he had some chops, but nothing really knocked me over. Can anyone point me to something that might knock my socks off?
posted by nevercalm at 6:16 PM on March 27, 2008


You can have mine. Even when I drank soda, I hated Dr Pepper.
posted by sugarfish at 7:09 PM on March 27, 2008


Meh, I'm just not that into shredditude anymore. I get my sock-knocking from Django and Chet. Technical, but, you know... restrained and musical.

Recently, I was watching some footage of GNR from their Japanese tour in 92/93. So confident, playing under-arranged piano ballads and lard-assed rockers in front of worshipful stadium crowds... how could they know they were already toast back in the states?

Tough biz.

BTW - remember what you learned in school about dinosaurs? How it took so long for sensation to travel from a brontosaurus' tail to his head that he had to grow an auxiliary brain in his butt? Could this work for Axl?
posted by ducky l'orange at 7:22 PM on March 27, 2008


I'm a Pepper. Axl's a full-on nutjob. You can have my copy of Appetite For Destruction when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
posted by jonmc at 7:36 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Spoiled for choice! I still can't decide which one I hate more - sunglasses-on-bandana'd-forehead Axl, or corn-rows-with-wispy-facial-hair Axl.

I haven't really thought about GNR since Slash appeared on Letterman (video) late last year and talked about having to handle Axl with kid gloves:

“One morning, I took off to work, and in the afternoon I guess he woke up and passed out on my grandmother’s couch. “I came home from work and my mom said, `You know, that guy Axl, I came home and he was asleep on the couch and grandma had nowhere to sit.’ “I told him he had to get up and whatnot, so he went downstairs.’ I thought I had to confront this issue. “So we got in the car and I very delicately put it that that was sort of rude. His reaction was to jump out of the car at about 35, 40 miles per hour on Santa Monica Boulevard. I realised what I’d said to him had offended him.”

Such a fragile, delicate flower.

jon, I too am deeply conflicted about hating Axl but loving almost every track of Appetite.

Here I am. Your Rocket Queen.
posted by cosmonik at 8:15 PM on March 27, 2008


Someone has already released "Chinese Democracy" anyway - a French guy called Dr Eggs who lives in Hong Kong.
posted by awfurby at 8:26 PM on March 27, 2008


Slightly off topic but i read today that Weiland quit in the middle of a Velvet Revolver show in the UK
posted by mannequito at 11:58 PM on March 27, 2008


I'm a Pepper. Axl's a full-on nutjob. You can have my copy of Appetite For Destruction when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Inscribe that on an ingot of titanium and fire it in the deepest reaches of outerspace, because it's going to be just as true at the heat death of the universe as it is now.
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:20 AM on March 28, 2008


Dr Pepper already gave away a free Dr Pepper to everyone in America. Just last fall. Score 23, Win DP. The offer in that case is if a Div I-A team won with a score of 23 points during the opening weekend, you could go to their website and request a coupon for 23 hours after it happened. It ended up happening a few times that weekend. I got mine. And they actually mailed it out pretty darn fast.
posted by skynxnex at 7:30 AM on March 28, 2008


Chinese Democracy is actually the soundtrack to Duke Nukem Forever.

Coming soon to the Phantom console.
posted by cog_nate at 7:46 AM on March 28, 2008


I know it can't happen, but wouldn't it be great if the record was good? Even, really really good? Like, transcendently, genre-smashingly, populously, artistically good? I know it's not just astronomically improbable, it's impossible. Still, I have to admit that I have, buried deep inside me, a teeny-tiny, almost invisible, white hot kernel of molten ROCK that aches with the hope of What Could Be.

Don't release the record, Axl. I like that kernel.
posted by dirtdirt at 7:53 AM on March 28, 2008


This thread is making me feel old, old, old.
posted by tommasz at 8:29 AM on March 28, 2008


Dirt Dirt, I think this is what you're yearning for:
Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault To Save Rock And Roll
posted by straight at 1:15 PM on March 28, 2008


Even the original Guns n' Roses blew, but they were just different enough from hair metal yet retained enough of the drug-addled live fast die young party hard attitude of it that they appealed to a lot of kids in the early 90s. Kids in the late 00s look at Guns n' Roses like I looked at Led Zeppelin and Grand Funk Railroad: boring old ridiculous crap for boring old people.

Wait, you're the guy who seriously cares what bands are and are not emo.

Perhaps the problem is that you hate fun?
posted by klangklangston at 2:21 PM on March 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


Actually, Axl's nutjobbery is part of what made him compelling in the same way that Ice Cube used to be compelling. If you ask me "One In A Million," is the rock and roll equivalent of Taxi Driver, but catchier.
posted by jonmc at 4:35 PM on March 28, 2008


Led Zeppelin: boring old ridiculous crap for boring old people.

Never have I been prouder to be boring, old or ridiculous.
posted by cell divide at 5:02 PM on March 28, 2008 [1 favorite]


I like(d) GnR. I like Dr. P. I haven't been drinking more Dr. P since I heard about this offer though. But maybe the Dr. P people no longer care about sales and only care about the music?
It kind of reminds me of when Lorne Michaels tried to bring the Beatles for $3,000.
posted by puckupdate at 8:57 AM on March 29, 2008


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