My fight for you is like a truck - Berserker

March 27, 2008 3:34 PM

Want to fight like a Viking , hahaha? When was the last time you were attacked by someone dressed in hot pants, wearing leather gloves, hahaha? Berzerker Viking Fighting Arts, for all your frozen carrot fighting needs (hail Thor)

Grandmaster Sven S. Svensson takes a dim view of punks like Grandmaster George Salusbury
Perhaps someday like the real and truly bad ass vikings , Svensson will kidney stabbing BERZERKOROBICS and turn to poetry.

posted by Smedleyman (29 comments total)

Bah, all I need is sleep. That's where I'm a Viking!
posted by champthom at 3:36 PM on March 27, 2008

lightning bolt! lightning bolt! pew pew!
posted by fuzzypantalones at 3:40 PM on March 27, 2008

My love for you is like a rock.
posted by pineapple at 3:44 PM on March 27, 2008

1. Vikings are mammals.
2. The purpose of a viking is to flip out and kill people.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:45 PM on March 27, 2008

Those emo kids better stay out of Norway, too.
posted by Tube at 3:47 PM on March 27, 2008

My love for you is ticking clock.
posted by PenDevil at 3:53 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

Not a danger. They can be stopped cold with just a tray full of foaming pints.
posted by Wolfdog at 3:55 PM on March 27, 2008

NOT A VIKING
posted by Free word order! at 4:35 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

Nor a Technoviking.
posted by bwg at 4:40 PM on March 27, 2008

YOUR PATHETIC AND RIDICULOUS SPACE UFO SYSTEM IS TOTAL DISGRACE AND PATHETIC JOKE!!!! AND IT MAKE ME PISSED OFF BEYOND NO END!!!!!! FOR THIS I NOW CHALLENGE YOU TO FIGHT WITH NO RULES!!!!!

Sounds more like the Hulk than Thor.
posted by doctor_negative at 4:43 PM on March 27, 2008

Would you like to smoke some pot?
posted by A dead Quaker at 4:47 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is so awesome that it eye-gouged awesome and then fish-hooked awesome and awesome was like, "Holy shit! I been Berzerked!"
posted by mikoroshi at 5:20 PM on March 27, 2008 [2 favorites]

You'd be Thor, too, if you tried that.
posted by MtDewd at 5:42 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

Among other things, the BERZERKER™ Viking Fighting system includes:
Unarmed Viking Combatives
Knife & Projectiles
Warhammer & Battle Axe
Sword & Shield
Staff, Stick, Baton & Spear
Improvised Weapons
Viking Battlefield & Raiding Tactics

This is one of those things, like the Heavy Metal fantasies on last night's South Park, that makes me realize that there is a part of me who will be thirteen forever. I've now combined my big-boob psychdelic fantasies with Viking Rading Tactics in my mind. My mind is awesome.
posted by Bookhouse at 5:42 PM on March 27, 2008 [3 favorites]

I don't know if you've ever met (or fought) Svensson fans, but I find them to be, typically, of the asshole variety. Somehow, that doesn't stop me loving it, and this site, and wishing on occasion to don the horned helm, take up arms, and pillage until I can't pillages no more.

Shame that a) that e-mail truly is scary and FULL OF CAPS; and b) their New Hampshire school is a Ninja-Ryu Dojo, thus

Interesting that 'mobile phones' is among the list of improvised weapons. Svensson does know the Motorola RZR isn't actually all that sharp, right?
posted by cosmonik at 6:27 PM on March 27, 2008

Fight like a viking?
posted by Mister Cheese at 6:27 PM on March 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

And henceforth my online comebacks shall consist entirely of: níðingr! níðingr! níðingr!
posted by cosmonik at 6:42 PM on March 27, 2008

Did he say "making fuck??"
posted by drjimmy11 at 6:56 PM on March 27, 2008

A Møøse once stabbed my sister with a frozen carrot...

No realli!
posted by darkstar at 7:36 PM on March 27, 2008

So is this fighting like a metaphorical or literal viking?
posted by [expletive deleted] at 8:19 PM on March 27, 2008

Fighting, that's where I'm a viking!
posted by Green With You at 8:29 PM on March 27, 2008

Berserker!
posted by Artw at 8:29 PM on March 27, 2008

This is not credible. Everyone knows that real vikings fight with giant robots.
posted by homunculus at 8:31 PM on March 27, 2008

Needs more Viking Commando!
posted by ooga_booga at 11:45 PM on March 27, 2008

I bet the Berzerker courses are a great place to meet neo-Nazis.
posted by acb at 4:32 AM on March 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

This post is hilarious. Viking Commando is a riot also. Thanks!
posted by hellslinger at 8:50 AM on March 28, 2008

Berserker!
posted by Artw at 10:29 PM on March 27

Awesome. I read all the Swords books, but never got around to the Berserker ones.

Also, OFFICIAL BERSERKER CHALLENGE is now in my phrasebook for everyday use.
posted by adamdschneider at 9:42 AM on March 28, 2008

I want to know how, exactly, one fights with the drilling war hammer.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 4:45 PM on March 28, 2008

I think, and I say this having no experience with war, that you hit someone with it.
posted by adamdschneider at 5:44 PM on March 28, 2008