The gift that keeps on congealing...

April 2, 2008 7:44 PM

Looking for a gift for someone special? Got everything you thought you'd ever need? Why not treat yourself to the blood of innocents?
posted by crossoverman (28 comments total)

Umm ... what?
posted by jbickers at 7:48 PM on April 2

whoa. It's not April 1st anymore, is it?
posted by robinrs at 7:51 PM on April 2

I'm old enough to remember when humor was funny.
posted by found missing at 7:52 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

Hmm...
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 7:54 PM on April 2

i know it's a joke but still. gives me the willies.
posted by pearlybob at 7:56 PM on April 2

I'm old enough to remember when humor was funny.

Yeah, their "Disclaimer" might have been worth a read for its fullness, but the "Privacy policy" was a bit anemic.
posted by zeugitai_guy at 7:58 PM on April 2 [1 favorite]

This is a condiment, right?
posted by Balisong at 8:01 PM on April 2

The thing is, the blood of the innocent is really overrated. I mean let's face facts; sin really has a nice bouquet and richness to it that you just can't get from someone who has led a vanilla life. Don't get me wrong, it's great to bring out at parties, you know, just to prove that you can still get it. But real connoisseurs know that the blood of the wicked is far more appealing and interesting.
posted by quin at 8:03 PM on April 2 [5 favorites]

gives me the willies.

Lucky you! Willies can be expensive.
posted by CKmtl at 8:05 PM on April 2

Willies can be expensive.

AS SEEN ON OPRAH.
posted by crossoverman at 8:07 PM on April 2

Whatever. It's no ManBeef. (God, I miss that site.)
posted by katillathehun at 8:21 PM on April 2

©1583-2005 Infants-Blood.info.

The internet in 1583 had like one BBS. It was made of pigeons.
posted by mayfly wake at 8:27 PM on April 2 [7 favorites]

Is it Passover already?
posted by PlusDistance at 8:33 PM on April 2 [4 favorites]

I admit that if this had been around when I was active in a certain vampire-centric role-playing system, I would have quite happy to send my fellow players to this site as a bit of in-game ambience.
posted by batmonkey at 9:15 PM on April 2 [1 favorite]

I prefer the blood of guilty babies.
posted by hojoki at 9:19 PM on April 2

I've had baby blood. It's overrated.

(Waits expectantly for a long, deadpan review of baby blood that is linked to all over the internet.)
posted by Astro Zombie at 9:26 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

For their sake, I hope they include a baptismal certificate with that blood. Otherwise, they're liable to get slammed with a false advertising suit.
posted by invitapriore at 9:35 PM on April 2

Finally I have something to serve with my Manbeef!
posted by loquacious at 9:40 PM on April 2 [1 favorite]

oh. baby blood, oh baby blood
i need you oh how i need you
i just hope you ain't turned bad
after the long trip you've had
they guaranteed you won't turn wrong
3 to 5 weeks can't be that long

cause baby blood, my baby blood
been missing ya, miss kissing ya
instead of 7 up
i want you in my crystal cup
can't throw my blood away
in my fridge why don't you stay
need ya, ooh, need ya
baby blood, oh, baby blood

baby blood, oh, baby blood
i can't stand to forsake my blood
all of my whole life through
you're my favorite drink of grue
why do you taste like you do?
i get this need

ooh, ooh, need to slurp you
need to chug and burp you
feel your warm thick taste, my blood
can't throw my blood away

please don't spill yourself away
i'm not filled up like i used to be
thirstiness has got the best of me
my blood, my baby blood

i need you, ooh, how i need you
why do you fill me like you do
i could drink until i spew
i love the taste of you

baby, baby, gulp til it's hurting me
til it's bursting me
ooh, baby blood
can't throw my blood away
can't throw my blood away
posted by pyramid termite at 10:18 PM on April 2 [1 favorite]

I know what makes a turducken, but what do you get when you stuff a chicken with Manbeef?
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 10:20 PM on April 2

About 3 to 5 years?
posted by hojoki at 10:31 PM on April 2 [2 favorites]

Depends on if the chicken is frozen or not... Just ask the British Aerospace Research Department.
posted by Sam.Burdick at 10:32 PM on April 2

If you want a really good deal on blood, head to Davenport. I hear they have a surplus.
posted by Rhaomi at 10:55 PM on April 2

As famed blood historian Ladislaw Basarab IV, Professor of Exsanguinatory Sciences at Bob Jones University, notes, "In Elizabeth's time, as now, peasants often failed to see that the expenditure of their wonderful blood – be it in the bathtub to preserve our youth and beauty, or on the battlefield to preserve our fuel and freedom – is simply necessary for the continuance of our civilized way of life."
posted by maryh at 11:00 PM on April 2

I prefer brains from Brains4Zombies.com.
posted by ALongDecember at 11:48 PM on April 2

re: maryh

ah Bob Jones University faculty...tails better than Patriot University (CO).
posted by wantwit at 11:59 PM on April 2

BWAHAHAHAHA
posted by auralcoral at 6:30 AM on April 3

Balisong - This is a condiment, right?

If the donor baby is in a coma, does it qualify as a vegetable?
posted by porpoise at 12:07 PM on April 3