Comments on: In tribute to Charlton Heston, Russia has begun a real-life Planet of the Apes.

In tribute to Charlton Heston, Russia has begun a real-life Planet of the Apes.

myopicman — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 12:50:15 -0800

By 2020, Mars may have monkeys, adding to the impressive roster of primates in space.

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 12:53:43 -0800

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:06:08 -0800

Are we sure Mars hasn't already been colonized by monkeys? I mean, it's a pretty big place, and monkeys can be pretty wily.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:10:04 -0800

Next Jupiter, and Saturn, then at long last, monkeys will fly out of Uranus.

By: Kabanos

Kabanos — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:20:35 -0800

Classified photo of the first primate the Russians hope to shoot into space

By: pracowity

pracowity — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:23:41 -0800

Prolonged weightlessness, isolation, a liquid and goo diet, plenty o' radiation, and then death. Poor monkeys. Just send hairless apes if that's the goal. The line of capable people willing to risk it would stretch right round the Kremlin.

By: kldickson

kldickson — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:28:36 -0800

You forgot the humans!

By: Pecinpah

Pecinpah — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:33:47 -0800

I like the phrase, "approximately identical," best.

By: Class Goat

Class Goat — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:39:27 -0800

Monkeys? No, no, no... Mars needs Women!

By: Avenger

Avenger — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 13:43:42 -0800

I love spaceflight, exploration and the whole shebang, but apart of me cringes whenever I hear ideas about sending highly non-sterile lifeforms (ourselves, monkeys, mice, whatever) to Mars. Mars could potentially harbor indigenous bacteria-like organisms which could potentially resemble life on Earth -- but if we spread our monkey-seeds across the planet, it would be impossible to ever say definitively if any particular bacterium we come across really originated on Mars or just hitched a ride from Earth in the decaying carcass of a monkey. Also, insert 100-page dissertation on why human spaceflight to Mars is expensive, wasteful and unnecessary [here].

By: psmealey

psmealey — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:09:55 -0800

You're both wrong... Mars Needs Guitars

By: pombe

pombe — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:13:40 -0800

I like the phrase "approximately identical" (from the first link).

By: Skwirl

Skwirl — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:13:55 -0800

Pretty much raises all the same ethical, humane treatment red flags as Project X. And yes, everything I know about ethics I did learn from 1980s Matthew Broderick movies.

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:14:20 -0800

MetaFilter: just hitched a ride from Earth in the decaying carcass of a monkey.

By: PlusDistance

PlusDistance — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:29:10 -0800

Colonizing a planet with damn dirty apes? Has the world learned nothing from the life of Charleton Heston?

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:33:19 -0800

You'd rather they sent fluffy little kitties instead?

By: roystgnr

roystgnr — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:37:20 -0800

I didn't get it at first; most of the point of sending humans to Mars right now would be to make decisions and operate scientific equipment without the ridiculous Earth->Mars round trip latency in the way, but surely for those sorts of tasks we can program a robot better than we can train a monkey? There's also an interesting question of what the medical effects are of prolonged time at 1/3rd gravity (are your bones and muscles 2/3rds as screwed, or is the problem nonlinear?) But, while you could test that with monkeys you can probably test it more effectively with humans in Low Earth Orbit. Putting a spaceship, counterweight, and tether spinning in LEO is more convenient than putting just the spaceship on Mars, and human astronauts are probably slightly more likely than monkeys to stick to their prescribed exercise program. But the article explains: it's all about the radiation exposure testing. And while monkeys may not be ideal for this (can you train them to reliably huddle in a cramped shelter area for the duration of solar flare ups?), they're probably a good start. On the other hand, it would be much simpler to just forget the problems of learning to build for and survive in suboptimal conditions. Avenger's dissertation doesn't go far enough, though; just think of how much effort we've been wasting struggling everything from ice ages to food that doesn't raise itself, when we still haven't fixed our problems at home near Olduvai Gorge!

By: Class Goat

Class Goat — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:15:34 -0800

...if we spread our monkey-seeds across the planet, it would be impossible to ever say definitively if any particular bacterium we come across really originated on Mars or just hitched a ride from Earth in the decaying carcass of a monkey. Well, it depends. If native Martian life is an example of panspermia, carried out to Mars from Earth by the solar wind, then you're pretty much right. But if native Martian life is an independent origination, then even if it uses exactly the same DNA, RNA and amino acids, the odds of it using exactly the same translation matrix from RNA triples to amino acids is negligible. So if that translation matrix can be determined (and it isnt all that hard to do in a lab these days with the right equipment and sufficient budget) then if it uses the same translation matrix as we do, it's either recent contamination or panspermia. If it uses an entirely differen translation matrix, it's an independent origination.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:40:05 -0800

Athena's monkeys will kick Mars' monkeys little pink asses.

By: kcds

kcds — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:54:42 -0800

I like the phrase, "approximately identical," best. posted by Pecinpah at 1:33 PM on April 14 [+] [!] I like the phrase "approximately identical" (from the first link). posted by pombe at 2:13 PM on April 14 [+] [!] Hey! Those two comments are roughly indistinguishable!

By: Tube

Tube — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 18:43:47 -0800

Is the "Bion" space capsule some sort of orgone box, perhaps launched by a Cloudbuster?

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:38:23 -0800

"I'm sure scientists will repeat the story of Laika, the first dog in space. Today it's no secret that the dog died from the nervous stress immediately after the rocket launch and its dead body revolved in orbit for two weeks." Actually, no. We know she likely died from overheating anywhere from 4 hours to 4 days into the launch. And true Laika was probably crapping her doggy spacesuit, but that's why we have ketamine nowadays. Besides, if you want to stress out a monkey there are more creative ways.

By: cmonkey

cmonkey — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:49:25 -0800

Oh how I wish for an ecological mercenary squad armed to the teeth who could go and execute every single motherfucker at the Sochi Institute of Medical Primatology.

By: myopicman

myopicman — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 23:46:31 -0800

What if when the monkeys left Earth, the Earth blew up during the mission? They'd be our planet's only envoys at that point, commanding technology they definitely didn't build. I'd recommend including a manual that perhaps fools other civilizations into surmising that the macaques did in fact construct this vessel to explore other planets.

By: celerystick

celerystick — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 10:22:35 -0800

one small step for Man .. one spastic leap for Monkeykind