The Straight Line Flâneur
April 14, 2008 9:10 PM   Subscribe

London Cross: "If you walk across a great city such as London in two straight lines, south to north and east to west - a cross-section - what do you find?"
posted by Falconetti (34 comments total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
 
the least engaging writing found in the entire northern hemisphere?
posted by forallmankind at 9:42 PM on April 14, 2008


No map? Really?
posted by The Tensor at 9:47 PM on April 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


I was hoping for cross sections of the buildings intersected, as though an MRI, by the lines thus described, within which we could see people doing those dirty deeds no-one talks about.

Okay, so that's asking a lot. But no photos at all?
posted by George_Spiggott at 9:58 PM on April 14, 2008


There's a map per chapter, but dude hasn't bothered to include his route. That said, it's kinda sad that he went to the effort he did, yet forgot the magic ingredient of making your writing interesting to other people.

Walking north from Mollison Drive, along muddy grass between two tenement blocks, this part of the estate still feels run down and unregenerated. I pass a dark and dingy tunnel of garages and emerge on to Redford Avenue which lies almost exactly on the 300 easting. Joanna Bogle, a journalist, historian and local councillor, grew up on this road, which, she remembers, led to the airport. She is also the author, along with Bob Learmonth and Douglas Cluett (both now deceased), of four books on the history of Croydon Airport, the last of which was published in December 2003: 'Croydon Airport: From War to Peace'.

That's astonishingly dry. If there was an American Idol show for writing, this is the guy everyone'd laugh off the stage. And I do feel sorry for those guys....
posted by forallmankind at 10:07 PM on April 14, 2008


Yeah, I was put off by no photos, too, but my inner geogeek will probably get me past that. Live Search Maps helps too: this is the footbridge where he starts.
posted by dhartung at 10:15 PM on April 14, 2008


The author also has his novel on his site.

"There is no other fictional work about the near future anything like 'Kip Fenn - Reflections'," says he. I'm sure that's true.

Mr. Lyons appears to have stepped from the pages of a Sue Townsend novel, not that that's a bad thing.
posted by lukemeister at 10:19 PM on April 14, 2008


Needs more Palin.
posted by Cyrano at 10:28 PM on April 14, 2008 [2 favorites]


Along here, between the road and Devils Den Wood, there are a few houses, including the double-fronted and pebble-dashed Meadowview, which sports a silver London taxi in its large forecourt.

Well, I'll be damned if that isn't a silver London taxi still there. Bopping between aerial and bird's eye view allows me to find just about everything he's talking about.

What always gets me about this sort of thing is that in the US, this would be a great way to get shot at. In other words, everything defaults to private, unless posted otherwise, while in the UK and Scandinavia and so on, everything defaults to public unless posted otherwise. Roughly.

My own city does OK by establishing "greenbelts" in the drainage beds of new developments and we have a fairly extensive bike trail system (per capita). But the idea of just rambling across country like this, with gravel paths crossing farm fields and even doggy doors in the fences, is a bit alien.
posted by dhartung at 10:48 PM on April 14, 2008 [1 favorite]


This is great Falconetti. I love the dry, matter of fact style of writing and the many anecdotes too. I'll be dipping into this often.

I even like the lame jokes:
"Red tarmac was standing at a bar drinking neat vodka and boasting to the bar man about how tough he was. But, when green tarmac walked in, red tarmac cowered and looked very nervous. 'Why so frightened?' the barman asked. 'Don't you know', Red Tarmac replied, 'he's a cycle path'."
posted by tellurian at 12:14 AM on April 15, 2008


Great idea, terrible execution. Though I'm basing that on dipping into the occasional chapter. Maybe the extremely dull writing would build up a strange rhythm, if you read cover to cover.

Cyrano wrote: Needs more Palin.

Good Lord, no. Needs more Patrick Keiller. Or, if he's unavailable, I suppose more Will Self would just about do.
posted by jack_mo at 2:05 AM on April 15, 2008


You know when someone says, "His writing really bought the subject to life for me". Well, in this case, his writing took the subject out behind the barn with a shovel and bludgeoned it to death.
posted by rhymer at 2:52 AM on April 15, 2008


Interesting post. I like to read pretty much anything about London.

I've been living here about eleven years, but in 2001 moved to The East End. Always interested in the history of the area, a friend bought me Trevor Marriott's Jack the Ripper: The Twentieth Century Investigation for my BDay one year.

While no doubt a good read - and I do spend more time hanging out at The Ten Bells Pub than I should - I found the descriptions of London's East End during that period far more interesting that the undeniably interesting murder spree itself.

I've got an A to Zed, so everytime I came across a new street name I'd look it up. Turns out less than one third of the streets from that period are still in place (the Blitz, the Great Fire, redevelopment have all taken their toll on Old London Town), but if a street was still there, still walkable, I made a point of walking it from end to end. Seemed to add a tangible dimension to the book.

So I would have found these guys book concept more interesting had he tied it to something specific - like the Ripper Murders - than an abstract geometric construct. A straight line seems only of interest to mathematicians and perhaps navigators.
posted by Mutant at 3:04 AM on April 15, 2008


Insomnia = cured
posted by Henry C. Mabuse at 3:11 AM on April 15, 2008


Those of you that like the concept but not so much the execution, might enjoy, London Orbital by Iain Sinclair:

Sinclair and several companions take to the road, specifically, the M25. This beltway, which circumscribes London, is considered by some to be the boundary of the city. As he walks the areas through which the M25 travels, the author delves into the past and present of places that may be overlooked in a city so large.
posted by meech at 4:12 AM on April 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


"This site is unavailable because it is too busy."

Oh yeah? Well, I'm too busy too! *stomps off*
posted by zerobyproxy at 4:15 AM on April 15, 2008


Needs more bandwidth.
posted by TedW at 4:20 AM on April 15, 2008


Not sure whether this community is interested in feedback. But it seems you are a bit of a prejudiced lot, easily led. One person has made a negative comment early on (‘least engaging writing’), and nearly everyone else is making the same judgement, but just trying to do so in a funnier way. Since that initial post was only earlier today, no one can have bothered to give the book more than a couple of minutes. So easy to slag something off, isn’t it. Why bother? And if you bother, why not explain your criticism, explain why the writing is boring, how it could be done better. Actually, no one’s ever told me the writing in London Cross is dull. I have had scores of people - mostly those who have lived on the route - writing to me saying they really love London Cross, and they can’t believe it hasn’t found a publisher. The idea itself - a straight line walk - is a bit experimental. It was an experiment, a project. I don’t make any great claims for it, or for the writing. I do think different parts might appeal to different people; but why not have a look at my aims in writing the book, and see if I met them. Really, I’ve not asked YOU (the Metafilter Community) to read it. But if you do, why not take it in the spirit that it was written, and freely given, for the web world. Love you all, Metafilter dudes, whether you’re slagging my book off or not. Paul
posted by Pikle at 5:28 AM on April 15, 2008 [3 favorites]


How can this possibly not prominently feature a map? What is he/she/they thinking?
posted by Perplexity at 5:54 AM on April 15, 2008


I have to agree with the commenters above -- there is no frame of reference except for the writing. I saw the map link at the top of each page, but the map content is largely unexplained. How about, on each page of text (easily seen), a Google Earth image with a line showing the traverse so we can "see" where we're going and relate it to the geography of the area?
posted by crapmatic at 5:56 AM on April 15, 2008


I have had scores of people - mostly those who have lived on the route - writing to me saying they really love London Cross, and they can’t believe it hasn’t found a publisher

"Hey, this is a great audience. Have we got anyone in from... Hornsey Rise?"
posted by cillit bang at 6:08 AM on April 15, 2008 [1 favorite]


Thanks Crapmatic, Perplexity - fantastic ideas. I really really wanted photos and route maps for London Cross. I only I didn't have the time, and my website's not big enough to hold more than one or two pics - but gosh, I'd love it if someone else had the time/money to put google maps and photographs to London Cross. I could pay . . . er oh! . . . er . . . nothing, since London Cross was just a writing experiment and has earned zero pennies/cents - not even any advertising on the site. Paul.
PS: Ah, cillit bang, thanks, yes, my advice exactly, if you're not from Hornsey Rise, don't waste a moment on London Cross. No one's asking you to.
posted by Pikle at 6:18 AM on April 15, 2008


Thanks for turning up Pikle and glad to see you are taking the snark in good humour. This website can be a bit mean-spirited sometimes.

I am curious, were you aware of the book I linked to above - London Orbital? It got some fairly decent reviews.
posted by meech at 6:20 AM on April 15, 2008


My pleasure Meech, thanks. Yes, I was aware of London Orbital. It's a successful book, properly published, by a feted author. And, as far as I know, you have to pay for it No one's ever heard of me, and London Cross was not taken up by any publisher or agent. I understand why. I am absolutely aware of its shortcomings - the concept doesn't really make for a lively read, doesn't quite work for a proper book; and because I eschewed the idea of bringing my life and stories into it (with one or two exceptions), it doesn't have an emotional or personal element much beloved of publishers and readers. But I think London Cross is perfect for the internet where those who might be interested can dip in and out at their leisure - for free. I love the internet for that. But, I would never have wanted to write a book about the M25 and its environs. I can't think of anything more horrible than spending weeks and months close to the motorway - the very worst parts of doing the London Cross walk, were those near the motorways at both ends where the incessant noise took away any pleasure of the walk and the discoveries. Thanks again for saying hello Meech, Paul
posted by Pikle at 6:36 AM on April 15, 2008


Ah, doesn't it suck when everybody's flying in to strip the flesh of the cadaver, and it wakes up and is all polite and thanks again for saying hello?
posted by signal at 6:54 AM on April 15, 2008


signal,

Um, no. I'm sure that Mr. Lyons is a lovely man. I don't think anyone said anything vicious.
posted by lukemeister at 7:01 AM on April 15, 2008


Pikle -- I don't think there is anything wrong with your writing style; it certainly didn't grate on me but I did, as I mentioned, find the work a little abstract at times.

It does work more as a reference. What kept me going with Marriott's book was the underlying story. Before you posted I'd mentally categorised yours as a reference. FWIW, I'd already bookmarked as I love reading about London.

That being said, if you're dead set on publishing it then I'd suggest you keep pushing it onto prospective publishers. I'm not sure myself how your work already appearing on the 'Net changes things, but since you've already (largely) completed the manuscript it doesn't hurt to keep presenting it.

In the limit, self publishing is always an option. There have been posts here on Ask.MetTa about self publishing before, so it can be done.
posted by Mutant at 7:08 AM on April 15, 2008


I think all the criticism has been fair and balanced.

As for me, I think it's an interesting idea... I wouldn't say the writing is boring outright, it just doesn't mean much to me, having never been to the places you've described. Then again, isn't part of the point to describe something new? I don't know.

In any case, I think it would make for a fine book. And I'm sure the author is a nice man. No reflection on his writing or content.
posted by stvspl at 7:18 AM on April 15, 2008


Here's a quick map of the general route. It's only based on a few points, but as the route is a straight line this shouldn't diverge far from it.
posted by cillit bang at 8:45 AM on April 15, 2008


Thanks guys, comments much appreciated. As for maps/route, the more detailed maps of London show the 300 easting (a north-south grid line) so it's just a matter of locating this (the maps I've linked to show two north-south grid lines, and the 300 easting is one of them). I stuck to this as close as legally possible - as explained on the London Cross home page. (For George_Spiggott: In the case of the British Museum I was actually able to go through the building!). Paul
posted by Pikle at 9:35 AM on April 15, 2008


Ooh ooh!! I was in the Nid Ting last night!

now that the writer's here I can ask him if he's sure that the British Bathroom Centre is owned by Chris Stevens, since they seem to be two completely separate and competing entities AFAIK.

Has anyone cracked the joke about the writing being pedestrian?
posted by criticalbill at 10:57 AM on April 15, 2008


I've updated the map to be street by street accurate for the central section (Clapham to Crouch Hill)

Btw, you need to add the house from Spaced to page 65.
posted by cillit bang at 11:18 AM on April 15, 2008


Joanna Bogle, a journalist, historian and local councillor, grew up on this road, which, she remembers, led to the airport.

Booker Prize worthy.
posted by oxford blue at 10:27 PM on April 15, 2008


jack_mo, in a strangely PsycoGeographical echo I believe that Will Self him self lives in the area described in section 32.
posted by Dr.Pill at 5:45 PM on April 16, 2008


Dr.Pill writes 'jack_mo, in a strangely PsycoGeographical echo I believe that Will Self him self lives in the area described in section 32.'

Someone should tell him! Will Self doing metapsychogeography would be fun.

Deftly ensconced in my office chair, fingers reeking quietly of the Presbyterian Mixture with which I had so recently stuffed my pipe (a Viennese Meerschaum), my eye began to plod across the bumpy terrain of a sentence written - if we can call these turgid word-droppings writing - by a P.K. Lyons. "This is a pleasant wide road with handsome three-storey victorian houses on both sides," I read. Resisting the insistent ministrations of Morpheus, I gleaned further, yomping over a fen of Yogic factoids, each one glibly cribbed from that virtual charnel house of unreliable knowledge, the Wikipedia... etc. etc.
posted by jack_mo at 10:55 AM on April 17, 2008


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