Anyone know any lawyer jokes?

April 16, 2008 1:41 PM

Where's Lionel Hutz, Attorney at Law, when you need him? Circumcision is sexual abuse. CIA is Brainwashing. Don't wait, choose your class action today!
posted by yoyoceramic (33 comments total)

This would be a totally awesome idea to implement as a honeypot for idiots.
posted by mkultra at 1:47 PM on April 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm suing MetaFilter Network LLC for something.
posted by birdherder at 1:56 PM on April 16, 2008

I wonder how long it'll be until the circle is complete and SueEasy is used to sue itself?
posted by mullingitover at 1:58 PM on April 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

If their logo is not a snake eating its own tail, it should be.
posted by Kadin2048 at 2:02 PM on April 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

Circumcision is bullshit.

I still don't get how for women it's genital mutilation, but for men it's an everyday norm.
posted by ruthsarian at 2:06 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Plaintiff's lawyers are such cut ups!
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 2:09 PM on April 16, 2008

Here comes a circumcision flamewar! I can hardly wait!
posted by mr_roboto at 2:10 PM on April 16, 2008

in the late 00's, deep in the heat of the Great Social Network Wars, a new contender emerges to rival undisputed leaders facebook and myspace: SueEasy!

Combigning 'pyramid-scheme strength' with unmatched 'get-rich-quick-via-class-action-lawsuit' incentives, and packaged with a slick, pale lavender interface, SueEasy quickly drew blood with the webs emerging core demographic: idiots.

Soon, nary a lul was to be found on /b/, as the infamous feud between Anon. and Co$ was brought before this new hall of justice, and promptly settled out of court (for an undisclosed amout of jolt cola and adderall).

Digg.com, formerly a bastion of both Rick and Roll, lay desolate as posters were sued for content piracy by both the huffington post and POTUS ron paul. Without these two mighty rivers of digg fueling the controversy, the great metaphysical debate over whether or not "it" would blend was soon abandoned.

and now... the conclusion
posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 2:10 PM on April 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

Circumcision is bullshit .

I still don't get how for women it's genital mutilation, but for men it's an everyday norm.

please please please let's not go there
posted by Pope Guilty at 2:11 PM on April 16, 2008

Here comes a circumcision flamewar! I can hardly wait!

Too late; I already nipped it in the bud.
posted by davejay at 2:15 PM on April 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

If only there were some official forum in which to formally resolve this dispute about circumcisions... hmmm.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 2:16 PM on April 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

Metafilter, know since the turn of the century as a place of thought, reason and children-being-on-lawn, was the first to go, stormed by litigation from both american men against circumcision, and the newly empowered sudanese female diaspora and its campaign against female genital mutilation

The winner: nobody
posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 2:17 PM on April 16, 2008

I'm suing MetaFilter Network LLC for something.
Just join the class action lawsuit already in progress.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 2:34 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

I am currently recommending a 3-stage circumcision process for all male newborns, in case anyone wishes to know or discuss. Totally better than the current single-stage method.
posted by docpops at 2:38 PM on April 16, 2008

Someone should scrape this for an RSS feed. Obviously, there will be genuinely sad and/or rage-at-corporations-inducing stuff there, but it will be worth it for the "Alfred Hitchcock... came into my room.... stole my ideas... also, did WTC" type of stuff.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 2:48 PM on April 16, 2008

There is no category available for Libel, Slander or Defamation suits. If there would, I would file a complaint against SueEasy.com for defamation against my sister Sue.
posted by wendell at 2:58 PM on April 16, 2008

Where's this guy when you need him?

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

posted by Leon-arto at 2:59 PM on April 16, 2008

Looks like they're removing some of them in real time
posted by mdoar at 3:01 PM on April 16, 2008

Nigga Stole My Bike!
posted by sir_rubixalot at 3:04 PM on April 16, 2008

Damn, that was fun while it lasted.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:05 PM on April 16, 2008

This would be a totally awesome idea to implement as a honeypot for idiots.

Paypal stole my money!

Yeah, who would be dumb enough to use paypal after all the crap they've pulled? (especially keeping $72k in the system)
posted by delmoi at 3:56 PM on April 16, 2008

I don't understand why mefi folks are so terrified of controversial issues, could someone please explain?

If the premise is that everyone can get along only by avoiding certain topics, then that camaraderie becomes merely an illusion and no one ever learns how to disagree respectfully. Did I miss something?
posted by bravelittletoaster at 4:41 PM on April 16, 2008

Here comes a circumcision flamewar! I can hardly wait!

Shut up or I'll declaw you.

If only there were some official forum in which to formally resolve this dispute about circumcisions... hmmm.

You mean there really is a Thunderdome?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:48 PM on April 16, 2008

First, as a lawyer, I'll say that this website is all kinds of awesome.

Second, I'll say that I'm not afraid of controversy so much as going .... OT.

So scared I can't even say the words underlying the acronym! But, there off I go anyways.
posted by jabberjaw at 4:51 PM on April 16, 2008

"Have you been injured in a slip and fall accident? Suffered on-the-job injuries? Circumcised? ..."
posted by p3t3 at 4:55 PM on April 16, 2008

blt: You really have to read those threads to understand. Nothing good ever comes out of these "discussions".
posted by liquorice at 4:55 PM on April 16, 2008

Please not the circumcision debate again. All you guys pining away for your holy lost willysweater: get over it. I don't miss mine and nobodys ever complained. Find a hobby.
posted by jonmc at 5:06 PM on April 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

no, no, they have a hobby...









horse?
posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 5:12 PM on April 16, 2008

No, [son] QUAALUDE, they can ride a hobbyhorse because without their lost man-tortilla, their peckers are just too tender and couldn't withstand the roughness of the saddle. Sad, really.

(unless it was a saddle made of foreskins, perhaps. Makes you think)
posted by jonmc at 5:16 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

seriously: LMAO +1
posted by [son] QUAALUDE at 5:18 PM on April 16, 2008

yoyoceramic, I will assume that it is due to your having only recently come around that you thought even mentioning the word "circumcision" on metafilter was a good idea. It's basically saying "fanatics of either type welcome, please derail my post."
posted by tehloki at 6:12 PM on April 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Tehloki, that is a very accurate statement. Thanks for the entertaining derailment, all.
posted by yoyoceramic at 6:56 PM on April 16, 2008

bravelittletoaster
Did I miss something?

Yes, yes you have. Please consult the roughly 50,000 previous circumcision threads for exactly what that something is.
posted by Sangermaine at 9:12 PM on April 16, 2008