Dick Assman.

April 17, 2008 4:18 AM

'Danilo' had to have a spray can removed from his rectum after a one night stand gone wrong. The good doctors over at Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center recorded the event and someone posted it. Possibly NSFW.
posted by gman (30 comments total)

This is a pretty fucking ridiculous post.
posted by horsemuth at 4:24 AM on April 17

(and not in the good way)
posted by horsemuth at 4:25 AM on April 17

Dude! I was eating breakfast.

Also I agree he has a right to privacy. WTF?
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 4:26 AM on April 17

Flagged.
And I'd like a word with your parents, please.
posted by Dizzy at 4:27 AM on April 17 [1 favorite]

What is with your post title?
posted by R. Mutt at 4:29 AM on April 17

That must have been one hell of a nightstand, indeed.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:34 AM on April 17 [1 favorite]

What is with your post title?

I think it is derived from an old Letterman bit.
posted by chillmost at 4:35 AM on April 17

I'm posting so that later I can easily see the hilarious reason given for deleting this post, banning this user and erasing the internet.
posted by DU at 4:39 AM on April 17 [2 favorites]

Well, that's got to be a pain in the ass.
posted by jaduncan at 4:40 AM on April 17

somebody should lose their medical license for this

somebody should have their head examined for thinking this is an appropriate post
posted by caddis at 4:42 AM on April 17

This is totally farked up.

(I'm posting for the same reason DU is.)
posted by availablelight at 4:50 AM on April 17

Couldn't bring myself to click "play". The horror!
posted by liquorice at 4:55 AM on April 17

/me introduces DU and availablelight to the add to favorites link...
posted by benzo8 at 4:55 AM on April 17

The link, it does nothing!
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 4:56 AM on April 17

(Which obviously doesn't work as I've linked it, I guess to stop people gaming the system... Still, it's there so you can easily come back to a post at a later date, so you don't have to fill up the thread with "." or "[this is good]"...
posted by benzo8 at 4:56 AM on April 17

Is Mr. Hands far behind this post?
posted by mediocre at 4:56 AM on April 17

Metafilter: Lowering our purely arbitrary standards since 2006.
posted by SinisterPurpose at 5:02 AM on April 17

Still, it's there so you can easily come back to a post at a later date

your optimism in the face of oncoming annihilation is admirable
posted by pyramid termite at 5:02 AM on April 17

Not This.
posted by Elmore at 5:04 AM on April 17

I don't think I want "Dick Assman" in a list of my "favorites".

Also, won't my favorites be hard to find when the internet is deleted? QED.
posted by DU at 5:05 AM on April 17

If only there were someone who could answer a 3am phonecall ...
posted by R. Mutt at 5:06 AM on April 17

BUT, gman, I wonder what is BEHIND your posting this? I mean, is this POST EERIE OR what? Oh, would that I were out walking in the brisk DERRY AIR instead. And now, for the RUMP of this thread, which surely will be noted in the ANNALS of Metafilter.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:07 AM on April 17 [2 favorites]

Bad post.

Being but men, we walked into the trees
Afraid, letting our syllables be soft
For fear of waking the rooks,
For fear of coming
Noiselessly into a world of wings and cries.

If we were children we might climb,
Catch the rooks sleeping, and break no twig,
And, afert the soft ascent,
Thrust out our heads above the branches
To wonder at the unfailing stars.

Out of confusion, as the way is,
And the wonder, that man knows,
Out of the chaos would come bliss.

That, then, is loveliness, we said,
Children in wonder watching the stars,
Is the aim and the end.

Being but men, we walked into the trees.

by Dylan Thomas 1932
posted by Samuel Farrow at 5:07 AM on April 17

so, what was in the can, man?
posted by quonsar at 5:10 AM on April 17 [1 favorite]

Christ, what an asshole.
posted by piratebowling at 5:14 AM on April 17 [2 favorites]

Gman: I wouldn't want my embarrassing surgeries videotaped and posted to the internet, and neither would you. And neither does this man, as he explicitly states in the story you linked to. What kind of a jerk sees that and posts it anyway?

Honestly, I'm surprised this post survived for a whole hour.
posted by JDHarper at 5:18 AM on April 17

"Danilo said he had heard about the Black Suede Internet scandal but he never realized it was about him until Basak Pardo barangay (village) Captain Dave Tumulak showed him the video."

He thought that somebody else had a can of the same brand of body spray shoved up their ass? And he was able to tell that the grainy asshole on the film was his?
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:18 AM on April 17

so, what was in the can, man?

they ran out of crisco, so they used non-stick pam
posted by pyramid termite at 5:19 AM on April 17

I don't want to be exposed to oh, never mind.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:20 AM on April 17

The Hours Rise Up Putting Off Stars And It Is

the hours rise up putting off stars and it is
dawn
into the street of the sky light walks scattering poems

on earth a candle is
extinguished the city
wakes
with a song upon her
mouth having death in her eyes

and it is dawn
the world
goes forth to murder dreams….

i see in the street where strong
men are digging bread
and i see the brutal faces of
people contented hideous hopeless cruel happy

and it is day,

in the mirror
i see a frail
man
dreaming
dreams
dreams in the mirror

and it
is dusk on earth

a candle is lighted
and it is dark.
the people are in their houses
the frail man is in his bed
the city

sleeps with death upon her mouth having a song in her eyes
the hours descend,
putting on stars….

in the street of the sky night walks scattering poems

E. E. Cummings, 1923
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:23 AM on April 17 [1 favorite]