Comments on: "an expression of truckliness"

"an expression of truckliness"

mrducts — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:47:48 -0800

Senate lawmakers in Florida move to ban fake testicles on vehicles. NSFW(?)

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:52:11 -0800

fascinating.

By: DecemberBoy

DecemberBoy — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:52:16 -0800

They can have my ChatSack when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. I'm threeballin'!

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:54:29 -0800

That's just nuts.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:54:44 -0800

They're going to leave consumers holding the bag.

By: DU

DU — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:56:05 -0800

To sum up the rest of this thread: 1) Freedom of speech 2) Yeah, but truck nuts 3) shut UP beavis

By: DecemberBoy

DecemberBoy — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:56:10 -0800

Also, great use of the "vehiculargonads" tag. Also, "nutz".

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:57:29 -0800

If Bruce Lee put one of these on a truck he owned, I wonder if he would have bought one that only had one testicle?

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:58:40 -0800

No, that would be Lance RAMstrong. (I know, that's a dodgy pun)

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:58:43 -0800

I'd be okay with this if the Nutz weren't so realistically wrinkled. Because that's just nasty.

By: Countess Elena

Countess Elena — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:58:53 -0800

This is a terrible idea. Bumper Nuts are a clear indication of the kind of human being who owns the truck, and provide invaluable information to other drivers, i.e., that this here is a needle-dicked low-class no 'count with something to prove. Or, in other words, that he "AIN'T SKEERED."

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:59:04 -0800

Well, AZ, the ChatSack Solo is the upper-end model....

By: norabarnacl3

norabarnacl3 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:59:43 -0800

People worry about the children when they ask just say 'some people are mongrel neanderthropods left over from the triassic'. Learning experience.

By: mano

mano — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:00:04 -0800

what a great opportunity to play a prank on some friends. put some trucknutz on their prius and wait for the fun to start. "why no officer, i'm not aware that there is a pair of testicles attached to my vehicle..." which begs the question, how realistic-looking do these have to be before you get busted? will pet dogs also have to lose their testicles? what if said dog is in the back of your pickup?

By: DecemberBoy

DecemberBoy — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:05:42 -0800

You know, I had envisioned going through my entire life never seeing the phrase "click here for camo nutz!", yet upon viewing the link for the actual purveyors of said vehicular gonads, that all changed. Such a rich tapestry is this life.

By: Tube

Tube — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:08:14 -0800

Bull Balls work best on a Taurus, less so on a Volvo or a Monza.

By: mullingitover

mullingitover — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:09:31 -0800

When truck nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have truck nuts.

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:11:31 -0800

lolflorida

By: pupdog

pupdog — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:11:39 -0800

How am I gonna keep my '92 Acclaim going now? They're taking away its will to live...

By: 517

517 — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:13:07 -0800

I'm just glad they come in two different shades of blue.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:14:00 -0800

Lawmaker talking trucks and testicles.

By: jason's_planet

jason's_planet — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:20:55 -0800

you learn something new every day.

By: clearlynuts

clearlynuts — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:22:27 -0800

Obligatory?

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:26:20 -0800

Can we all just agree that anything—ANYthing—one adds to his or her vehicle is tacky? Let's make a short but representative list: Truck balls Truck ovaries Calvin peeing on something Calvin praying on something Christian fish Darwin fish Truth fish eating the Darwin fish Bush-Cheney 04 bumper sticker Obama bumper sticker "Martin Sheen is my president" bumper sticker Those goddamn Grateful Dead bears Truck boobs College alumnus decal Business school decal Luxury car brand plates Personalized license plate Meaningless, uninteresting state-chosen license plate Rear spoilers Performance exhaust "Baby on Board" sign "Ma Familia" decals "This car runs on biodiesel" stickers Smug-ass bicycle racks Calvin peeing on the Darwin fish

By: snofoam

snofoam — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:29:23 -0800

but this will totally mess up their tire valves.

By: a robot made out of meat

a robot made out of meat — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:30:42 -0800

That youtube is just great. State lawmakers continue to live up to my expectations.

By: porn in the woods

porn in the woods — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:39:57 -0800

Don't nick your bag!

By: sotonohito

sotonohito — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:41:41 -0800

I've always supported vehicular testicles for exactly the reason Countess Elena mentioned, they are a fantastic indicator of the type of person I find to be annoying and obnoxious. I mean, how often to morons conveniently label themselves for our benefit? "Big truck == small dick" [1], and the giant metal testicles just show the penis anxiety and pathetic overcompensation of the sort of person who drives a giant truck in even more obvious terms. [1] Genuine working trucks aren't included in that calculation.

By: LionIndex

LionIndex — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:46:41 -0800

What if I also get some rubber hands and attach them to my exhaust pipe such that it looks as if the hands are trying to stretch the opening of the exhaust pipe wider? Would that work?

By: Saucy Intruder

Saucy Intruder — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:50:32 -0800

Calvin peeing on things is already banned.

By: grounded

grounded — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:51:04 -0800

I didn't know they made neuticles for vehicles.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:51:29 -0800

I always thought you needed to be a member of the Bad Boy Club to buy trucknuts. However, that site doesn't ask for any proof of membership.

By: Benny Andajetz

Benny Andajetz — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:58:53 -0800

My lovely, and totally ass-backwards, state of Virginia tried this last January.It strains the imagination to wonder what goes through lawmakers minds when they think that an issue like this warrants enough attention to jump ahead of the 3 billion more pressing issues we need to attend to first. And, yes, bumper nuts are stupid and possibly offensive. But so are politicians.

By: flarbuse

flarbuse — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:59:14 -0800

There may be a tremendously simple way to get around this law. Is there any law against hanging actual testicles from your truck?

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 17:59:43 -0800

infinitewindow writes "Truck ovaries" I'm trying to picture that.

By: telstar

telstar — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:01:32 -0800

On Chuck Norris' truck, those aren't fake.

By: krippledkonscious

krippledkonscious — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:03:16 -0800

C'mon, there's no need for a draconian law that bans production of nuts for trucks. You just need regulation. As in: "Artificially rendered vehicular testicles must be no larger than actual owner's testicles, as measured while submersed in a cold lake on a brisk winter's morn'."

By: tkolar

tkolar — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:04:37 -0800

In a different forum at a different time it might be interesting to compare this phenomena with the lingam and various other cultural symbols from around the world. However, at the moment we're staying just ahead of "*penis*! [snicker]" so I'm not going to press my luck.

By: anthill

anthill — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:11:45 -0800

As long as Scrotoss stays legal, I'm content.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:30:01 -0800

The way to get around this is to hang the testicles from your shotgun. Nobody's gonna mess with your God-given right to sport a pair of matched Purdies with plum pendants, or a high-tech Testicle and Koch from the rear window of your truck. Simply tell them that the nutsack is a chinrest and that anyone who wants to interfere with your right to bare balls is acting unconstitutionally and is downright un-American to boot.

By: everichon

everichon — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:34:54 -0800

When my wife and I first saw these on the road, we went back and forth about what they were. Yes, it certainly looked like a rubber scrotum, but no one would want that on their car, would they? Yeah.

By: paulsc

paulsc — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:39:34 -0800

This is patently sexist, as nobody is proposing to ban uterine representations on the front ends of trucks.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:43:24 -0800

But they have NutSacks to cover up your TruckNuts: "Perfect for Church and other get togethers!" Because you can't have the Sunday School teacher see yer nutz.

By: fixedgear

fixedgear — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:44:55 -0800

Here is a picture that I took of a truck parked in a lot at work. I'm so out of touch that I though it was a waterproof lock cover for the spare tire until somebody set me straigt.

By: The Straightener

The Straightener — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 18:47:47 -0800

It's impossible to say this without revealing the fact that I have the sense of humor of a weeded up twelve year old, but this FPP cracked me the fuck up.

By: stbalbach

stbalbach — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:01:28 -0800

Related: " Penis theft panic hits city" (Reuters).

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:19:09 -0800

You know, the other day, I was walking down the street and saw a great dane that hadn't been fixed. I guess his owner was planning on breeding him or something. When I saw that dog's enormous nutsack dangling about three and a half feet off the ground - exactly at eye level for many small kids - I realized that we had to create legislation to prevent children from ever seeing them. That's why I've written to my congressmen asking that legislation be introduced immediately into congress to chop the balls off of all male animals. Children will be safe from the horror of testes for all time once my bill is passed.

By: Zinger

Zinger — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:19:17 -0800

No, that would be Lance RAMstrong. (I know, that's a dodgy pun) Dodge pun, actually.

By: timsteil

timsteil — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:20:24 -0800

It's obvious we can all snark over this, but I swear I would just like to hear one guy who put those things on his vehicle, and the reason why, and why he thought it was cool, and what it meant to him. Its a total sub culture I just don't understand. Hey man....got me a new dodge with balls on it. Lets go beat up some fags er sumfin

By: spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints

spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:31:33 -0800

When I see stuff like this I just want to misappropriate the fuck out of it. People who mod their cars? Well I wanted to put a huuuuuge spoiler on the back of my car, one on the roof, and one on the hood. I'm talking like five feet tall, maybe with multiple wings like a bi-plane. When I see these on the road I just want to put an enormous vagina on the hood of my car. Labia majora peeled all the way back to my doors. Maybe I could rig up my wiper pump to route through the urethra. Either that, or make some paper mache testicles to hang off the back of my Matrix. Black (to match), about four feet across, wrinkly. It's a hatchback, so it would probably block my view, but that's ok. I want black giant old man balls on my car.

By: Stunt

Stunt — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:33:01 -0800

timsteil: My neighbor had them on his truck, and the best motivation for it I could figure out was that he thought it was funny. Subconsciously there might be more to it, but as far as he was concerned it was hilarious. I personally find them kind of dumb, but obviously the people with them don't, so...*shrug*

By: photoslob

photoslob — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:42:32 -0800

Story a reporter and I did on the woman behind Bumpernuts. If only the Times had the balls to run the photo I shot of the woman sitting behind a table full of these things with this total shit eating grin on her face. Oh, and for the record I couldn't be happier that my elected officials are wasting my tax money outlawing testes from car bumpers. Fucking clowns.

By: paulsc

paulsc — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:49:22 -0800

A guy in my neighborhood here in Florida made his own truck balls with a purpose. He bought some Chinese chiming iron balls, in 25mm diameter, and molded them into a thin "nutsack" he squeezed out of RTV silicone caulk, with a copper wire hanger loop molded in. He hangs 'em on his hitch, particularly when trailering his boat, where they make a dandy high side bump warning, at the more uneven boat ramps around here. He says he can hear 'em hitting pavement or rocks, from his cab, even when he can't see what is about to scrape or jam his hitch, in his mirrors. Just the ticket, he says, for the solo boating enthusiast.

By: fshgrl

fshgrl — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:56:56 -0800

I swear I would just like to hear one guy who put those things on his vehicle I know at least one woman who has them on her truck.

By: box

box — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:08:20 -0800

Guy I used to work with had 'em. As I heard it secondhand, he thought it was funny, and he thought of himself as, yeah, making fun of people who like that kind of thing less ironically.

By: netbros

netbros — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:33:17 -0800

Cut to the good stuff.

By: Tube

Tube — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:48:52 -0800

Florida lawmakers are concerned that use of Truck Nuts will lead to Oozinator drive-by shootings.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 20:50:35 -0800

Can we outlaw Florida? It's America's flaccid, droopy, impotent embarrassment.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:12:38 -0800

Can we outlaw Florida? It's America's flaccid, droopy, impotent embarrassment. I thought that stupid title was going to be associated with me forever. Thanks, Florida!

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:10:53 -0800

As the balls age they turn into a fleshy, scary looking uHaul.

By: mewithoutyou

mewithoutyou — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:38:12 -0800

Story a reporter and I did on the woman behind Bumpernuts. Oh good, St. Petersburg. I was so worried that we wouldn't be adequately represented on this very important issue. The animated squirrels with enormous swinging balls give her website such a classy touch.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 23:55:34 -0800

They can have my ChatSack when they pry it from my cold, dead hands. I'm threeballin'! You know who else had the Solo, by Karl Lagerfeld? Yes, that's right. His mother, who had confiscated one early in life with the intention of donating it to medical science , persuaded him to put it on display in the Albert Hall. What? It's an iconic cultural object! It definitely deserves a place in the V and A's permanent collection rather than being continuously 'on loan' to the AH. Iconic it may be, but it's not like it plays an instrument or anything.

By: Mitrovarr

Mitrovarr — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 23:57:08 -0800

What would be even more effective is a law that allows police to cut them off the truck with a pair of hedge clippers. Also, the owner has to watch. Seriously though, like peeing calvin stickers, these vehicular testicles serve a useful purpose; they make it far easier to identify douches in the wild.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 00:49:11 -0800

Also: shouldn't the title of this post be 'an expression of truckulinity' ? Or has my own Karl Lagerfeld chatsack started turning me into a grammar nazi?

By: three blind mice

three blind mice — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 03:13:26 -0800

Seriously though, like peeing calvin stickers, these vehicular testicles serve a useful purpose; they make it far easier to identify douches in the wild. And lawmakers trying to ban them also serves a useful purpose; they make it far easier to identify douches in the state government.

By: longbaugh

longbaugh — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 04:41:49 -0800

This is nothing. I had my truck circumcised and pierced.

By: StickyCarpet

StickyCarpet — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 04:44:33 -0800

The way to get around this is to hang the testicles from your shotgun. So true. My brother, a resident of central PA, liked to set off fireworks at his yearly BBQ. After the police hassled him, he switched to fireworks that were shot from a 12 gauge. They were kind of like regular fireworks, and designed to scare birds away from crops. No problem now, as he said, "if it comes from the barrel of a gun, it's constitutionally protected." I suppose fireworks that spell something out would be Ok too, free speech and all.

By: oxford blue

oxford blue — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 05:23:48 -0800

I'd be willing to associate my genitalia with various motorcars (not at the same time though. Ouch!) for a small fee.

By: VicNebulous

VicNebulous — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:14:09 -0800

OMG, what's next, pissing Calvins??? Mud flap girls? WOW stickers?

By: Kabanos

Kabanos — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:30:07 -0800

Turn the steering wheel to the left and cough, please.

By: Pollomacho

Pollomacho — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:30:48 -0800

Florida truly is paradise. Their lawmakers have solve all the serious problems of modern existance and can now spend millions of taxpayer dollars on things like deliberating the removal of potentially offensive plastic dangles from cars. Bravo Florida, huzzah to you!

By: ODiV

ODiV — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 07:54:44 -0800

Peeing Calvin stickers are already illegal though, right?

By: quin

quin — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 07:54:44 -0800

I want to get a set of these trucknuts and dangle them right in front of one of those trailer hitch props that spin when you drive. I just like the idea of people wincing at the perpetual near castration my car is experiencing.

By: sotonohito

sotonohito — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:45:45 -0800

ODiV Dunno about illegal, but they're copyright violation. Watterson never allowed any Calvin & Hobbes merchendise to be licensed, so every one of the pissing Calvin, and the (to my mind anyway) more annoying praying Calvin, stickers is a violation of his copyright. Of course, enforcing that has proven to be neigh impossible, and Watterson doesn't seem to have any desire to expend his personal time and resources going after the manufacturers. I always did wonder how all the twits with the praying Calvin sticker rationalize it as not violating the 8th commandment.....

By: sotonohito

sotonohito — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:46:20 -0800

Er... I meant "illegal" in the sense of criminal law, not civil law.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:04:38 -0800

In related news, Florida is also considering a license plate proclaiming your faith in Christ. Complete with cross, stained glass window, and the text "I Believe". Presumably a plate saying "أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله" will come soon after. Preferably in a lush green with a beautiful minaret on the background.

By: oxford blue

oxford blue — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:05:01 -0800

By: oxford blue

oxford blue — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:06:09 -0800

What dem squiggles say?

By: everichon

everichon — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:11:45 -0800

From photoslob's profile: "For some people, (taters) symbolize courage, which for me gets me all choked up. It does." She thinks about them over there in the desert, dangling from the back of those big tanks. It makes her so proud her eyes water. This is where, a few years ago, I would have made some wishful crack about emigrating to Holland. I realize now, though, that the idiotic will always be with us. If you are a Dutch IT shop and need a sys admin, meMail me.

By: Kadin2048

Kadin2048 — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:17:49 -0800

By: jquinby

jquinby — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:44:41 -0800

Has anyone started selling matching wangs to go along with the nuts? Am I smelling a ground-floor opportunity here?

By: fnord

fnord — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 10:41:22 -0800

I, for one, support this law. For too long have we had problems with Truck Aggression. Consider how many times you've been minding your own business in traffic, only to have a Dodge Ram attack your minivan. This aggression will not stand! (man) And every time I take the old Prius out , I have to worry about some Dually trying to hump it. For the last time! It's a Hybrid, it's not in heat. I bet that mongrel doesn't even have its papers. This is a purebreed Toyota. So I whole heartedly support this legislation of castrating vehicles.

By: ODiV

ODiV — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:24:44 -0800

Am I smelling a ground-floor opportunity here? No. That's definitely not what you're smelling.

By: Marie Mon Dieu

Marie Mon Dieu — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:39:58 -0800

You left this out of the list. I used to have one on my car because I thought it was funny. One day someone followed me home and I thought, oh no, I'm going to get a lecture from an offended Christian. Turns out they just wanted to know where I bought it. I think it's a silly fad and also a waste of lawmakers' time just to please a few stick in the muds. Goodness knows we have enough to be depressed about in this world without worrying what people put on their cars. Let people have a laugh. Free the ball sacks from this tyranny!

By: Neiltupper

Neiltupper — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 13:22:48 -0800

Hanging nuts trump hanging chads.

By: oncogenesis

oncogenesis — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:18:45 -0800

As a Murkhin, I demand that y'all respect my right not t'be affenned.

By: vsync

vsync — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:31:24 -0800

Bullard, wtf. Guess I'll have to be making another enraged call or writing another enraged letter to my local (Florida) legislators, to prompt only a letter saying "I share your concern that religious faith be encouraged by government". Yeah, seriously, this will bite Florida when the Muslims and the atheists want a plate. Except this plan won't even get to the point of letting other groups have a plate; rather the whole plan will be thrown out, as the intent is blatantly discriminatory:

Bullard, the plate's sponsor, isn't sure all groups should be able to express their preference. If atheists came up with an "I Don't Believe" plate, for example, he would probably oppose it.

Also, why the Jew-hate specifically?

"It's not a road I want to go down. I don't want to see the Star of David next. I don't want to see a Torah next. None of that stuff is appropriate to me," said Skidmore, a Democrat who voted against the plate in committee. "I just believe that."

By: phliar

phliar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:02:40 -0800

Dem squiggles say that Nelson testifies that there is no god but God, and that Mohammed is his prophet. (Doesn't seem quite correct, though -- some of those vowel marks look fishy. Also, you wouldn't usually say "I testify that X", but simply "X".)

By: tkolar

tkolar — Fri, 02 May 2008 12:25:18 -0800

Your testicles are safe! [for the moment]