Skip

How Not to Run for Congress
April 25, 2008 10:04 AM   Subscribe

Some advice for Mefites who want to run for Congress: It is probably not a good idea to give a speech at a birthday celebration for Hitler. It is also generally considered tacky to discuss segregation in a positive light. Also, posting anti-Semitic comments, links to David Duke's website, and other scary but interesting articles to your official campaign website is probably not a good idea, even if you actually seem to be a reasonably competent lawyer.
posted by cerebus19 (126 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

 
In another article I saw on this, the guy was quoted as saying, apparently in an attempt to make it seem like "I spoke to them because I'll speak to anyone":

"I've spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta."
posted by Flunkie at 10:09 AM on April 25, 2008


"The group was celebrating Adolf Hitler’s birthday while Zirkle spoke of ridding society of prostitution, pornography and the trafficking of 'young, white women.'"
Ummm...like previous hypocrites (David Vitter, Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Eliot Spitzer et al) something tells me this guy might have something to hide.
posted by ericb at 10:09 AM on April 25, 2008


It is probably not a good idea to give a speech at a birthday celebration for Hitler

I disagree. It's good to know exactly where a candidate for office stands on important issues (such as "is Naziism a good thing?"), and this is an excellent indicator.

Also, before anyone else says it: I hate Indiana Nazis. And: Godwin.
posted by adamrice at 10:10 AM on April 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


I've been getting a flood of e-mails and phone calls, some of which include death threats, about my attempt to raise awareness of how the great porn dragon inspires Jews into pornography and prostitution and then, like the snake he is, turns the public against the Jews. Some have questioned whether there is any link to Jews and porn-prostitution.
posted by Electrius at 10:12 AM on April 25, 2008


It's also probably not a good idea to anoint Rev. Moon as "humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent."
posted by mullingitover at 10:12 AM on April 25, 2008


It's good to know exactly where a candidate for office stands on important issues (such as "is Naziism a good thing?")

Sadly, Zirkle doesn't even know where he stands on Nazis. From the article:

When asked if he was a Nazi or sympathized with Nazis or white supremacists, Zirkle replied he didn't know enough about the group to either favor it or oppose it.

Perfectly understandable, considering the Nazis were an obscure political party that never got any traction.
posted by turaho at 10:13 AM on April 25, 2008 [9 favorites]


"I've spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta."
"'I'll speak before any group that invites me,' Zirkle said Monday. 'I've spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta.' He compared his speech to other politicians appearing at Bob Jones University." *
posted by ericb at 10:15 AM on April 25, 2008




ericb writes "He compared his speech to other politicians appearing at Bob Jones University"

Hmm...well he's got a point.
posted by mullingitover at 10:16 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


At the event, Hitler's birthday was observed with a cake

Anyone else giggling at this?
posted by Mikey-San at 10:17 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


"Let's save our Jewish brothers and sisters from this tyrant king porn dragon before we get to another world-wide pogrom."
posted by Flunkie at 10:17 AM on April 25, 2008


Yeah, if you don't know enough about Nazis or white supremacists to know that they're completely and utterly revolting, you don't belong in a political office.

/agree with ericb...maybe it's just confirmation bias speaking but it seems like the people who use sexual morality as a political force tend to be the most hypocritical when it comes to the issue.
posted by baphomet at 10:18 AM on April 25, 2008


Nerds: That wasn't a Portal reference. I just like the absurdity of a bunch of Neo-Nazis standing around a little Betty Crocker cake, a few candles on top, saying insignificant things like, "Mm, Jim, good cake." Once in a while, one of them quietly looks up to the Hitler portrait on the wall, then goes back to the tiny birthday cake. With frosting.
posted by Mikey-San at 10:19 AM on April 25, 2008 [11 favorites]


my attempt to raise awareness of how the great porn dragon inspires Jews into pornography and prostitution and then, like the snake he is, turns the public against the Jews.

*waves hands*

Stop everything!

Ok, now... what's this about a porn dragon?
posted by quin at 10:20 AM on April 25, 2008 [18 favorites]


After reading his campaign website I'm inclined to believe this is fake. Or possibly performance art. The nuance of mental density here is just too bizarre.

"Is it possible that a nation's embracing of porn-prostitution is one of the root causes of modern-day terrorism?"
posted by Ragma at 10:25 AM on April 25, 2008


Even wackos can run for office. If we didn't have guys like this out there, we'd probably have to invent them just for the lulz.
posted by jquinby at 10:25 AM on April 25, 2008


At the event, Hitler's birthday was observed with a cake.

"First they came for the ice cream, but I didn't speak up since I was lactose-intolerant..."
posted by joe lisboa at 10:26 AM on April 25, 2008 [13 favorites]


Tyrant King Porn Dragon would make a cool band name.
posted by rtha at 10:27 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Is there an "uber-batshitinsane" tag?
posted by Paid In Full at 10:30 AM on April 25, 2008


Re: Cake

You expected what, Rugalach?
posted by klangklangston at 10:31 AM on April 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


I thought I was sick of campaign stories; thanks for restoring my interest in political news!
posted by languagehat at 10:33 AM on April 25, 2008


I'm considering discussing divorce aids and my plans for a "Derringer's for Dildos" policy to put guns in American women's hands instead of divorce aids. I may discuss the historical fact that before there were Nazi doctors, there were divorce aid doctors.

If he hadn't already run for office several times in the past, I'd be inclined to agree with Ragma.
posted by googly at 10:34 AM on April 25, 2008


The Great Porn Jihad War Tax: Prolific Porn Mule Serial Woman-Womb Slaughterers

I'm trying to wrap my head around this title, and I just can't do it.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 10:34 AM on April 25, 2008


Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, at least it's an ethos.
posted by brevator at 10:35 AM on April 25, 2008 [5 favorites]




Porn dragon (NSFW!)
posted by yeti at 10:36 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


the photo in the first link is just priceless, like an Onion photo, and then there's this:

When asked if he was a Nazi or sympathized with Nazis or white supremacists, Zirkle replied he didn't know enough about the group to either favor it or oppose it.

Man if the guy would just bone up to being a Nazi it would be bad enough, but if he wants to be evasive and "distance" himself from the Nazis then maybe a photo-op beneath a portrait of Hitler and surrounded by skinheads with swastika armbands is not, um, exactly a good PR move.
posted by ornate insect at 10:38 AM on April 25, 2008


I have the advantage of having attended both law school and a theological seminary

This word... I do not think it means what you think it means.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:39 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


yeti wins.
posted by brevator at 10:40 AM on April 25, 2008


I like how the cake had a photo of Hitler ON it.

I wonder if people fought over who got the mustache.
posted by tittergrrl at 10:41 AM on April 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


This guy graduated in the top 5% of his class from the Naval Academy. McCain is running for President and graduated 5 from the bottom. Also, look at his middle name. I think this guy might have lost his mind.
posted by Pastabagel at 10:41 AM on April 25, 2008


Without a rest, the porn dragon oppresses our society with constant work making bricks without straw, and a man's comfort from his toils is robbed by Chinese rabbits who can put even the most virile porn mule to shame in seconds.
Chinese rabbits?
posted by Flunkie at 10:41 AM on April 25, 2008


Porn dragon (NSFW!)
posted by yeti at 10:36 AM on April 25 [+] [!]


ouch

...
posted by VicNebulous at 10:43 AM on April 25, 2008


" he didn't believe the event he attended included people necessarily of the Nazi mindset, pointing out the name isn't Nazi, but Nationalist Socialist Workers Party."

Ha!
posted by freebird at 10:48 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


In 1999, the third runner-up in the Louisiana Governor's election was a black janitor who ran as Albert "Super Nigger" Jones.
posted by ColdChef at 10:48 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Okay. I read much more of his website. It turns out he's just a very ambitious Nazi. And a very disturbed individual.

How the hell do we have Nazis running for office in the U.S.?

And what the hell is this -

"If history can not produce one mono-syllabic tax cut king to stick his fluking harpoon between the porn Tiamat's oeilles, then perhaps history will one day send a homeless vet to attempt a confoundation of those incognoscenti who think they're wise. I'm starting to feel very strongly that a lot of very bad events are going to happen to me in the very near future for writing this. They say that fools rush to where angels fear to tread. Would that the world could produce just one punk porn dragon slayer. I think I'm going to be serving chowder, ice tea and fish to tourists in t-shirts like that freecreditreport.com guy."
posted by Ragma at 10:48 AM on April 25, 2008


Probably he just put his name on thsoe thinsg without looking at them.
posted by Artw at 10:50 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


the great porn dragon...

Hi, is the Great Pumpkin there? Oh, hi. It's lekvar. Hey, I'm sorry, but I think this just isn't working out. I mean we've had fun, right, good times? But I have needs too...

Yes. Yes there's someone else. I'm sorry it had to come out this way.
posted by lekvar at 10:52 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


I must have dyslexia or something. I first read it as:
Hillary's birthday observed with a cake.
posted by notreally at 10:52 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


How the hell do we have Nazis running for office in the U.S.?

The base is unhappy with McCain, which leaves a vacuum.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 10:52 AM on April 25, 2008 [4 favorites]


I thought I was sick of campaign stories; thanks for restoring my interest in political news!

The Nazi stuff was good enough, but the obsession with porn and dildos is really the icing on the cake. Add in the dragon and demon imagery, and this guy is a perfect storm of crazy.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:53 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Sweet Mother Macree, this guy is like one banana peel away from total Timecube.
posted by FelliniBlank at 10:54 AM on April 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


How the hell do we have Nazis running for office in the U.S.?
posted by ornate insect at 10:55 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Fluff the porno dragon
Lived by the sea
And frolicked in the San Fran mist
With a man named Well-Hung Lee
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:01 AM on April 25, 2008 [17 favorites]


Dear lord. He has a discusion forum.

"My historical research has lead me to conclude that porn-prostitution is the most effective implemented weapon of mass destruction throughout history. This thread is available to debate this topic."

Now I'm starting to think it's fake again. The whole thing is like one big troll.
posted by Ragma at 11:02 AM on April 25, 2008


The copy on the guy's website reads like he paid the automatic-books guy on Amazon to set his machine to "batshit insane" and seeded it with Mein Kampf.
posted by Kadin2048 at 11:05 AM on April 25, 2008 [3 favorites]


What's my middle name mean?

Fake crazy or real crazy? I want to think fake, but I just can't tell.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 11:11 AM on April 25, 2008


I can't stop reading....... This stuff is like popcorn.

"We should focus on [...] effective ways to cut taxes by [...] ending porn-prostitution"
posted by Ragma at 11:11 AM on April 25, 2008


Ha dragon porn! Like two dragons making love and shooting flames, with their wings stretched taught as the fly through the air. That is stupid. I bet they don't even have anything like that on the internet. I bet they don't. They might though. You never know. Wouldn't it be a laugh to see that though? Dragon porn? That would be really funny to make fun of that. Like if we knew where some of that was. That would be hilarious. Do you think that there is some of that online? Cause I would totally like to laugh at that.

Memail me.
posted by ND¢ at 11:13 AM on April 25, 2008 [5 favorites]


In previous news:
"Republican 2nd District congressional candidate Tony Zirkle has proposed a four-stage approach to stopping sex- related crimes such as child pornography, rape, sexual slavery and human trafficking.

Stage 4 contemplates the reintroduction of the guillotine and lynch mob into the criminal justice process, although Zirkle said in an interview that he is taking that position 'to stimulate debate.'"
posted by ericb at 11:15 AM on April 25, 2008


Sadly, Zirkle doesn't even know where he stands on Nazis

turaho: I saw that part of the article. I think he's being coy. It's not working. Nazis don't do subtle very well.
posted by adamrice at 11:15 AM on April 25, 2008


Wait a second...

ILLINOIS NAZIS ???

Like in the Blues Brothers????

Gruppenfuehrer: [to Head Nazi, as they plummet off the bridge] I've always loved you

Game, Set, Match.
posted by djrock3k at 11:16 AM on April 25, 2008


The really sad thing is that if you read his position on the environment, the war on drugs, health care, or tax cuts for the rich, his half-crazy opinions sound less crazy than a lot of the Republicans in Congress.

Still, if this guy doesn't have a stash of tranny fisting porn hidden in his garage, I'll eat my helmet.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 11:17 AM on April 25, 2008


My, oh my.
“During this past week, my e-mail box and cell phone have been repeatedly spammed with threats calling me names including multiple ones using the phrase ‘Nazi bastard’ and have included multiple death threats. I'm still not sure what ‘bastard’ has to do with Nazi.

... Had the European community enforced laws against prostitution and pornography, Hitler would not have had one of his most powerful arguments, that Jews cartelled 97% of all international prostitution, and perhaps his following would have been less powerful. Without porn (a broad term that includes prostitution), WWII may have never happened.

I'm getting my fair share of death threats. I would gladly give my life in a fraction of a heart beat if it would eliminate porn-prostitution from this nation (We had 100,000 Web sites linked to child porn by 2001 after the Customs Department engaged in Operation Blue Orchid); however, I'm quite sure the porn dragon is far too powerful for me to make any real difference other than the temporary attention I can draw to it from my protest campaign.

... People can lie about my motives, jump to wild conclusions, and slander me all they want; however, my position against the great porn dragon is correct and will be defended to the death.

I suspect though, that the porn dragon is far to smart to execute me at this time. If he did, there is a small chance that the public would connect my assassination to my stand against the porn dragon cults and that the public might actually wake up and realize this national security threat. No, more likely, the porn dragon will attack my loved ones, my friends, my job, my law license, my finances and my reputation in the community. Many of those attacks have already started.

The porn dragon will likely also start sending multiple women, or at least rumors of them, my way to create scandals that will be leaked to the press so that he can discredit me for being a hypocrite just like Governor Spitzer and many other strong men who fell.”
Methinks he protests too much!
posted by ericb at 11:22 AM on April 25, 2008


That's Uther Porndragon to you.
posted by symbioid at 11:22 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Like two dragons making love and shooting flames, with their wings stretched taught as the fly through the air.

That's not the dragon porn, that's the dragon romance novel.
posted by amyms at 11:23 AM on April 25, 2008


From his site:

The Great Porn Jihad War Tax: Prolific Porn Mule Serial Woman-Womb Slaughterers

The Nazis murdered on a previously unprecedented scale; however, the efficiency of the porn industry's womanslaughtering is rapidly becoming its rival.


Apart from the title sounding like a bad '80s horror thriller, he appears here to know who the Nazis were.
posted by Neale at 11:26 AM on April 25, 2008




The best ever porn dragon?
posted by Shepherd at 11:33 AM on April 25, 2008


Oh wow, he's from Indiana, let me go put on my surprised face.

(I'm from Indiana, dammit. I know from whence I speak.)
posted by the dief at 11:35 AM on April 25, 2008


"Sweet Mother Macree, this guy is like one banana peel away from total Timecube."

Yeah, as I read his site, I thought, "Well, he's got Gene Ray's vote."
posted by klangklangston at 11:35 AM on April 25, 2008


Without a rest, the porn dragon oppresses our society with constant work making bricks without straw, and a man's comfort from his toils is robbed by Chinese rabbits who can put even the most virile porn mule to shame in seconds.

Um -- mules are sterile.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 11:37 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


> I just like the absurdity of a bunch of Neo-Nazis standing around a little Betty Crocker cake, a few candles on top, saying insignificant things like, "Mm, Jim, good cake." Once in a while, one of them quietly looks up to the Hitler portrait on the wall, then goes back to the tiny birthday cake. With frosting.

That's a scene from the documentary Blood in the Face.
posted by ardgedee at 11:38 AM on April 25, 2008


He also told WIMS radio in Michigan City that he didn't believe the event he attended included people necessarily of the Nazi mindset, pointing out the name isn't Nazi, but Nationalist Socialist Workers Party.

Hmmm . . . what does Nazi mean anyway? Could it be it's an acronym for National Socialist Workers Party?
posted by Ironmouth at 11:39 AM on April 25, 2008


He also told WIMS radio in Michigan City that he didn't believe the event he attended included people necessarily of the Nazi mindset

I guess the huge portrait of Hitler on the wall and the swastika flags were just there for decoration.
posted by marxchivist at 11:42 AM on April 25, 2008


Why does he have a picture of the Supreme Court on his site's banner, if he's running for Congress?
posted by MrMoonPie at 11:42 AM on April 25, 2008


Damn, but don't we grow 'em batshit-crazy here in Indiana?
posted by Thorzdad at 11:43 AM on April 25, 2008


How the hell do we have Nazis running for office in the U.S.?

That's the crazy thing about democracies. Even the people you disagree with get to put their name on the ballot.

Also, I can't help picturing him as this guy.
posted by EarBucket at 11:43 AM on April 25, 2008


This post needs the "porndragon" tag. I may also be opening up a sock puppet account soon.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:46 AM on April 25, 2008


Hey........ What the hell is going on here? These are all his websites. This looks suspicious to me. Could this whole thing just be about Google rank or something?

ww.tonyzirklelaw.com
www.indianapolis-criminal-family-injury-lawyers-attorney-tonyzirkle.com
www.tonyzirklecriminal.com
www.tonyzirklecriminallaw.com
www.lawofficesoftonyzirkle.com
www.indianapoliscriminaldefense.com
www.indianacriminaldefenselawyertonyzirkle.com
www.indianadivorcecustodyfamilylawyertonyzirkle.com
www.divorce-indiana.com
www.tonyzirklefamily.com
www.tonyzirklelawfirm.com
www.tonyzirklefamilylaw.com
www.indianapersonalinjuryaccidentwrongfuldeathattorneytonyzirkle.com
www.tonyzirklepi.com
www.tonyzirklepersonalinjurylaw.com
www.indianapersonalinjurylawyertonyzirkle.com
www.indianapersonalinjurylawyertonyzirkleblog.com
trafficticketattorneylawyerindianapolisouthbendcrownpointzirkle.com
indianaattorneyslawyersindianapolissouthbendcrownpointonyzirkle.com
divorceattorneyslawyersindianapolissouthbendcrownpointonyzirkle.com
criminalattorneyslawyersindianapolisouthbendcrownpointonyzirkle.com
personalinjuryaccidentattorneyslawyersindianapolisouthbendcrown.com
duidrunkattorneyslawyersindianapolisouthbendcrownpointonyzirkle.com
carautoaccidentsattorneyslawyersindianapolissouthbendcrownpoint.com
www.lawyer-referrals.com
www.attorney-indiana.com
www.attorneysindiana.com
www.attorneys-indiana.com
www.indianapolistraffic.com
www.indianapolisdivorce.com
www.indianadivorceattorney.com
www.indianadivorceattorneys.com
www.indianapolisdivorceattorney.com
indianalawyer.wordpress.com
www.the-great-poorn-jihad-war-tax-blog.com
www.indianacriminaldefenselawyertonyzirkleblog.com
www.indianadivorcecustodyfamilylawyertonyzirkleblog.com
www.tonyzirkle.com
www.tonyzirkleindianaduiowilawyer.com
www.tonyzirkleindianacriminaldefenselawyer.com
www.tonyzirkleindianacriminaldefenselawyer.com
www.indiana-federal-criminal-defense-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.indiana-traffic-ticket-drunk-driving-dui-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.indianacriminaldefenseattorneytonyzirkleduisexdrugssouthbend.com
www.indianacriminaldefenseattorneytonyzirkleduisexdrugssouthbend.com
www.indianacriminaldefenseattorneytonyzirkleduisexdrugscrownpoint.com
www.indianacriminaldefenseattorneytonyzirkleduisexdrugscrownpoint.com
www.indianacriminaldefenseattorneytonyzirkleduisexdrugsindianapolis.com
www.indianacriminaldefenseattorneytonyzirkleduisexdrugsftfortwayne.com
www.indianacriminaldefenselawyertonyzirklesouthbendnorthern.com
www.indianacriminaldefenselawyertonyzirkleindianapoliscentral.com
www.indianacriminaldefenselawyertonyzirklecrownpointnorthwest.com
www.indianacriminaldefenselawyertonyzirkleftfortwaynenortheastern.com
www.tonyzirkleindianadivorcecustodylawyer.com
www.indianachildsupportadoptionlawyertonyzirklesouthbendnorthern.com
www.indianachildsupportadoptionlawyertonyzirkleindianapoliscentral.com
www.indianachildsupportadoptionlawyertonyzirklefortwaynenortheast.com
www.indianachildsupportadoptionlawyertonyzirklecrownpointnorthwest.com
www.indianadivorcecustodyfamilylawyertonyzirklesouthbendnorthern.com
www.indianadivorcecustodyfamilylawyertonyzirkleindianapoliscentral.com
www.indianadivorcecustodyfamilylawyertonyzirklecrownpointnorthwest.com
www.indianadivorcecustodyfamilylawyertonyzirkleftfortwaynenortheast.com
www.indianapolisbirthinjurylaw.com
www.indianapoliswrongfuldeathlawyer.com
www.tonyzirkleindianawrongfuldeathlawyer.com
www.indiana-dog-canine-bites-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.tonyzirkleindiananursinghomeinjurylawyer.com
www.tonyzirkleindianamedicalmalpracticelawyer.com
www.tonyzirkleindianaautomobileaccidentlawyer.com
www.tonyzirkleindianamotorcycleaccidentlawyer.com
www.indiana-brain-injury-accident-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.indiana-slip-fall-premises-liability-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.indiana-spinal-cord-accident-injury-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.indiana-drug-products-liability-defects-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com
www.indianaauto-truck-cycleaccidentinjurylawyertonyzirklenorthwest.com
www.indianaauto-truck-cycleaccidentinjurylawyertonyzirklesouthbend.com
www.indianaauto-truck-cycleaccidentinjurylawyertonyzirklefortwayne.com
www.indianaautotruckcycleaccidentinjurylawyertonyzirkleindianapolis.com
www.indianapersonalinjurywrongfuldeathlawyertonyzirklenorthwest.com
www.indianapersonalinjurywrongfuldeathlawyertonyzirklesouthbend.com
www.indianapersonalinjurywrongfuldeathlawyertonyzirkleindianapolis.com
www.indianapersonalinjurywrongfuldeathlawyertonyzirkleftfortwayne.com
www.zirkleforcongress.com
www.zirkleforpresident.com
www.zirkleforgovernor.com
www.tonyzirkle.com/CAMPAIGN
posted by Ragma at 11:50 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


www.indiana-dog-canine-bites-lawyer-tonyzirkle.com? WTF?
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 11:51 AM on April 25, 2008


Great. Now I'm humming ...

Porn ... the magic dragon ...
posted by grabbingsand at 11:52 AM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


All that, but not www.porndragonslayer.com?
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:53 AM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Well, thankfully there are two other Republicans on the ballot for the May 6 primary. If I remember right, this was one of the swing seats in the 2006 upset.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 11:55 AM on April 25, 2008


OBEY
posted by Tyrant King Porn Dragon at 11:55 AM on April 25, 2008 [7 favorites]


Between this "divorce aid" nutball and the Koror thing, we've got some serious penis issues going on today.

...and not in the good way.
posted by aramaic at 11:57 AM on April 25, 2008


From http://www.the-great-poorn-jihad-war-tax-blog.com/ -

"In this blog, I will outline a few of the arguments in support of a poorn tax cut. Poorn is spelled with two "o"s in order to emphasize that fact that few factors promote poverty more efficiently than having an undisciplined intimate life.

Poorn derives from the Greek and is translated proostitution or foornication. The word encompasses a wide spectrum of abberant, deviant behavior."


This website is associated with his law office. And there's a PayPal link.

This is getting weirder.
posted by Ragma at 11:59 AM on April 25, 2008


Just because I was curious, but if I'm reading this right, (pdf) it seems like all you need to do in order to get onto the primary ballot is be eligible for the office, and fill out a form.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:04 PM on April 25, 2008


OK, I haven't clicked on the links, but I just gotta know...

Are you guys just making this shit up? Because this thread really reads like random words flung together in some sort of... hell, I don't even know what it's something to be compared to.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 12:04 PM on April 25, 2008


Best of the web, no question. TGIF.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:05 PM on April 25, 2008


Hmmm . . . what does Nazi mean anyway? Could it be it's an acronym for National Socialist Workers Party?

A nickname, not an acronym, but yes, Ironmouth: Hitler renamed the German Workers' Party as the Nationalist Socialist German Workers' Party (Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei, if I'm spelling that right).

Also:
Zirkle said the group asked him to speak to discuss the effect of pornography and prostitution on young, white women and girls.
...
"(The National Socialist Workers Party) was interested in the targeting of white people for prostitution."
...
"That's the risk you have to take to get your point across," Zirkle said. "If the Black Panthers or the Jewish Zionists want me to speak about these issues, I'll do it."
Of course. When the Black Panthers hold a conference on the effect of pornography and prostitution on young white women and girls, Zirkle will gladly speak to them. Quite an offer.
posted by Elsa at 12:07 PM on April 25, 2008


Ok, now... what's this about a porn dragon?

It's the damn furries, is what it is.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:08 PM on April 25, 2008


Incidentally, cerebus19, I got halfway down this page before I scrolled up to check for the batshitinsane tag. Well done.
posted by Elsa at 12:08 PM on April 25, 2008


Tyrant King Porn Dragon would make a cool band name.

I think Tyrannopornus Rex would be even better.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 12:09 PM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Tyrannopornus Rex

Tyrannosaurus Sex?
posted by uncleozzy at 12:11 PM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Recently neonazi radio host Hal Turner was accused of being on the FBI payroll: is it possible this Zirkle dude is a kind of Nazi-trap to make it easier for the Feds to keep tabs on the far right? Either that, or he's just a really dumb Nazi.
posted by ornate insect at 12:14 PM on April 25, 2008


He seems to be an actual candidate. He's described there as "Tony Zirkle (R) - Attorney, Navy Veteran & Frequent Candidate"
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:14 PM on April 25, 2008


Just because I was curious, but if I'm reading this right, (pdf) it seems like all you need to do in order to get onto the primary ballot is be eligible for the office, and fill out a form.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 3:04 PM on April 25 [+] [!]

I see from your profile that you are from Indiana. If you register and run as the pro-porn dragon candidate and show up at five or more of his events with posters of dragons in revealing outfits and buttons that say "A vote for KirkJobSluder is a vote for porn dragons" then I pledge to donate the maximum amount allowed under law to your campaign, or $50, whichever is less. $100 if you get more votes than him.
posted by ND¢ at 12:15 PM on April 25, 2008 [6 favorites]


He has a plank in his platform called "Derringer's for Dildos" (sic) that will, and I quote: "put guns in American women's hands instead of divorce aids."
posted by EarBucket at 12:17 PM on April 25, 2008


Am I the only one here who's already seen the porn dragon tatoo, like 3 years ago? (someone sent it to me via email, I don't go hunting porn dragons, no, really, I don't!)

Also, this guy is crazier than a shithouse rat. What are they dumping into the water over there in Indiana?
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 12:20 PM on April 25, 2008


I was from Indiana. I relocated last month to a dragon-safe bunker in an undisclosed location. And that district is the region and the Michigan border. Not at all my neighborhood which has the perpetual mudfest between Hill and Sodrel.

At any rate, the filing deadline is past, and I think he's going to get kicked out of the pool come May 6 anyway. His chances of getting on as an independent are even worse under Indiana regs.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:26 PM on April 25, 2008


"He seems to be an actual candidate."

Hardly. He isn't running for office as much as he's just pontificating. Given the ease of legally becoming an "actual candidate", I to think this is a symptom rather than a calling.

I suspect he may be suffering from some sort of clinical mania. I'm just a programmer so what do I know. But it's possible that creating over 80 websites and running a law practice just isn't enough to keep him busy.
posted by Ragma at 12:29 PM on April 25, 2008


I live in his district. I'm thinking of taking a Republican primary ballot and voting for him. For, you know, shits and giggles.
posted by lathrop at 12:29 PM on April 25, 2008


Now this is some quality crazy.

Also, Punk Porn Dragon Slayer is clearly the superior band name.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:31 PM on April 25, 2008


Also, this guy is crazier than a shithouse rat. What are they dumping into the water over there in Indiana?

Dead mobsters from Chicago.
posted by KirkJobSluder at 12:31 PM on April 25, 2008


I see your lips moving KirkJobSluder, but all I can hear is the porn dragon crying tears of disappointment that you will not stand up for him. Sexy sexy tears.
posted by ND¢ at 12:31 PM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


But... but... what the...

This has to be fake, right?
posted by dersins at 12:31 PM on April 25, 2008


he's just a really dumb Nazi.
Either that, or they're really dumb to have invited him in the first place, because he's pretty clearly deeply sunk into the batshit. Where bat shit meets shit house rat crazy, yes. Now, given that Nazis and contemporary midwestern Nazis at that are probably not noted for either sanity or collective IQ, can you imagine the conversation at that party?
Zirkle: Harness the porn dragon!
Nazis: Look, the furniture's melting again. Alert the Knights Templar!
Zirkle: Chinese mule divorce aid . . .
Nazis: Cake is nice.
Really, I bet it was a great party.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:39 PM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


What's his middle name mean? It's "Hvfvgpd," which is an acronym. Based on the clues he gives, so far I have "Homeless veteran (something) versus Great Porn Dragon." But what's that "f" stand for?

Also, while reading the list of his websites, the back of my mind kept yelling out "Dilute! Dilute!"
posted by jtron at 12:40 PM on April 25, 2008 [1 favorite]


Is there an "uber-batshitinsane" tag?

Ueberfledermausescheisseverrueckt just doesn't have that same ring.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 12:41 PM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Dammit, where's that link to the Adolf Hitler action figure...?

Ah, here it is.

Don't mention the war.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:47 PM on April 25, 2008


You know, it's occurred to me that guns are typically much more expensive than dildos. So if he ever does that exchange thing, it'll probably be a pretty good way to make some spare cash at his expense.

1) Buy dildo
2) Exchange for gun
3) Sell gun to dealer
4) Profit!
posted by aramaic at 12:47 PM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


Based on the clues he gives, so far I have "Homeless veteran

I think the HV are short for HIV, which he said some asshat claims "doesn't exist" (a very asshat thing to do) and the fact the he left out vowels as a "protest".
posted by grubi at 12:53 PM on April 25, 2008


But what's that "f" stand for?

fluke
posted by Armitage Shanks at 12:58 PM on April 25, 2008


Aramaic, you left out some steps:

1) Buy dildo
2) Exchange for gun
3) Sell gun to dealer
4) Profit!


5) Use profits to buy a case of dildos.
6) Exchange for case of guns.
7) Sell guns to dealer.
8) Profit even more
9) And so on.

Eventually you'd have enough guns to equip an army.

Or enough dildos to satisfy an army of great porn dragons.
posted by dersins at 1:02 PM on April 25, 2008


mygothlaundry--there's definitely a market for intelligence into hate groups, and the FBI has been known to infiltrate these groups for the purpose of keeping tabs on them. Given that a major prison riot on Hitler's birthday just occurred in Colarado that appears to have been instigated by neonazi prisoners, and resulted in both two murders and a lockdown, the Feds still watch these groups closely (one hopes).
posted by ornate insect at 1:03 PM on April 25, 2008


The Great Porn Dragon
posted by Neiltupper at 1:15 PM on April 25, 2008


Would you like to come to the Furher's birthday? The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked; and then there will be cake.

still alive
posted by The Bellman at 1:23 PM on April 25, 2008


He's like Ben Stein's long-lost, more ridiculously evil twin. But funny.
posted by Tehanu at 1:33 PM on April 25, 2008


Tony Hvfvgpd Zirkle: What's my 2nd middle name mean? That's a mystery, wrapped in an enigma and couched in a riddle. Whoever gets it first and e-mails me the answer gets to shred the first Penthouse ever published...

January 2008 clue: The 2nd v stands for "versus."


Oooh..ooh...let me guess...the "pd" stands for Porn Dragon!
posted by anazgnos at 1:46 PM on April 25, 2008


dang, shoulda previewed...
posted by anazgnos at 1:48 PM on April 25, 2008


Ok, now... what's this about a porn dragon?

Arthur Porndragon pulled the sword from the stone and went on to lead the Knights of the Round Table. Any watcher of Disney movies could have told you that.
posted by Afroblanco at 1:57 PM on April 25, 2008


mefi's porn balrog.
posted by yeti at 1:59 PM on April 25, 2008


This smells like a major league "Borat" type of scam. The people who take it seriously become part of the joke. When I noticed the same thing that MrMoonPie commented on, I realized that this is more commentary on how gullible and stupid the American Public is regarding things political. I'm guessing this guy is covered by a film crew 24/7?
posted by spock at 2:15 PM on April 25, 2008


The hippies gave us Generation X. Gen X, thanks to Clinton, skipped right over XX and spawned Generation XXX. The jihadist will never tolerate what Gen. XXX will sire. That should keep the snarky bloggers in business.

I'm not sure we're going to have time to get to that one, we have a lot of work ahead, but thanks for flagging it for us. Maybe Sunday?
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 2:26 PM on April 25, 2008


The jihadist will never tolerate what Gen. XXX will sire.

So fuck 'em.
posted by three blind mice at 3:08 PM on April 25, 2008


Without a rest, the porn dragon oppresses our society with constant work making bricks without straw, and a man's comfort from his toils is robbed by Chinese rabbits who can put even the most virile porn mule to shame in seconds.
Um -- mules are sterile.
Yes, but these are no ordinary mules. These are porn mules.
posted by Flunkie at 3:12 PM on April 25, 2008 [2 favorites]


XXX

That movie SUCKED. James Bond with X-treme sports my ass!
posted by Artw at 3:31 PM on April 25, 2008


Dragon porn is real! By strange coincidence, Dan Savage has a letter on the topic this week. Maybe it's from Zirkle.
posted by binturong at 3:34 PM on April 25, 2008


XXX

That movie SUCKED.


If you just think of it as a remake of Gymkata (only with more Asia Argento) it's not so bad.
posted by dersins at 4:03 PM on April 25, 2008


Still, if this guy doesn't have a stash of tranny fisting porn hidden in his garage, I'll eat my helmet.

Possible clue -- asked on his discussion page what kind of porn is the most damaging, he replied:
I'd have to say child porn. After the Clinton Administration fired all the federal obscenity prosecutors while the Internet took off,
the market for a child's flesh skyrocketed. While women turned to dildos, lonely men turned to children.
posted by msalt at 5:58 PM on April 25, 2008


At the event, Hitler's birthday was observed with a cake with a photo of Hitler and the words "Seig Heil."

Fire that cake decorator!

Fucking morons -- good Nazis can at least spell "sieg!"
posted by fourcheesemac at 4:45 AM on April 26, 2008


Doesn't your computer have dragon-drop capability?

Well, then.


posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:03 AM on April 26, 2008


Way to kill a thread, Kirth.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 11:55 AM on April 28, 2008


It was time.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 1:49 PM on April 28, 2008


Zirkle 'soundly defeated' in Indiana GOP primary: Just Can't Shake That Nazi Party Hangover.
posted by ericb at 8:57 AM on May 7, 2008


« Older See? Forts!   |   Penis-Theft Victims Get Testy Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments



Post