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The (not so) Friendly Confines
April 29, 2008 10:18 AM   Subscribe

Twenty-five years ago today, after a 1-0 loss to the Dodgers, Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia held a press conference. (SLYT/NSFW)
posted by timsteil (61 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

 
Back when the Cubbies were introduced to the national audience via cabled CGN tv, I'd always wondered how so many people in Chicago were able to take time off and attend all those mid-week day games.

Now I know.
posted by jsavimbi at 10:21 AM on April 29, 2008


Lee Constantine Elia (born July 16, 1937 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania)

Ah, it all makes sense now.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:23 AM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


April baseball will do that to a man.
posted by benATthelocust at 10:26 AM on April 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


fuck that shit.
posted by dawson at 10:26 AM on April 29, 2008


And now he's reprising it for charity.
posted by pdb at 10:29 AM on April 29, 2008


That brings me back. This made the rounds back in the late 80s on cassette tapes that were passed around from friend to friend. The version I had also included the infamous Casey Kasem "Long Distance Dedication" meltdown and a few others that I long since forgotten.
posted by psmealey at 10:30 AM on April 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


Yep. Baseball fans are complete assholes. It's so refreshing and novel to hear real life opinions.
posted by blacklite at 10:40 AM on April 29, 2008


If he thinks Chicago fans are tough, he ought to try Philadelphia.
posted by caddis at 10:51 AM on April 29, 2008


If they ever decide to send a probe into deep space again with one of those gold records with recordings on them, I hope they include this speech.
posted by dw at 10:58 AM on April 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


I want to know what is with the Mullet Family Portrait at 2:27. I mean, it's awesome, but what's the connection?
posted by adamrice at 11:01 AM on April 29, 2008


The Cubbies need more of this. While there's little better than enjoying a game at Wrigley, the fans are truly lame. There's nothing worse than seeing people text each other on their cell phones and then wave to each other across the field. "Here I am! Here I am!"

It's awful.

Seeing the Sox down on 35th, however, is a very different experience. Those fans are there to see a baseball game.
posted by aladfar at 11:03 AM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Reminds me of being around the dinner table with my father in the same era.
posted by autodidact at 11:04 AM on April 29, 2008


Translate a little of that swearing ability into baseball-playing ability and you might have something.
posted by DU at 11:05 AM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Earl Weaver's radio tirade.
posted by ibmcginty at 11:17 AM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


As a baseball non-fan who, due to geography, has to ride the Red line home from work sometimes with Sox fans and sometimes with Cubs fans, let me just say that they both suck equally.

However, the Elia rant is/was excellent.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 11:17 AM on April 29, 2008


If they ever decide to send a probe into deep space again with one of those gold records with recordings on them, I hope they include this speech Cubs fans.

Transferring at the Addison stop on the Red Line every weekday for three years will do that you.
posted by enn at 11:21 AM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I was talking to a friend about this a few weeks ago. Wrigley is in the trendy post-frat bar-crawl area of town: Therefore a large percentage of people at any given Cubs game are assholes who don't much care about seeing the game, but thought it would be rad to get drunk at one. Meanwhile, the White Sox play on the South Side, not in a dangerous area but your average get-drunk-at-a-baseball-game asshole is scared anyway, and also isn't generally in the neighborhood: Therefore Sox games generally have people there who want to see the game.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:23 AM on April 29, 2008


It was a 4-3 loss, sez BaseballReference.com.
posted by schmedeman at 11:30 AM on April 29, 2008


shakespherian: The big difference between the parks is parking. The Sox have a huge amount of parking and attract suburbanites and families who drive everywhere and dont want to have to parallel park their SUVs. Wrigley has bad (expensive) parking. Also Wrigley doesn't have a built-in Kiddyland and shopping mall amenities.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 11:35 AM on April 29, 2008


He wants to talk about stuck in a fuckin' stigma? The Cubs went 71-91 in 1983. Yeah, that sucks, but the Mets went 68 and 94. That's a winning percentage of .420, for a last-place finish 22 games out. Don't tell me about your fuckin' stigma.
posted by languagehat at 11:44 AM on April 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


Really funny, thanks.

I thought Jim Leland was going to say something similar after our beloved Tigers started off .. what.. 0-7, 0-8 this season?
posted by kbanas at 12:02 PM on April 29, 2008


Hat tip to Schmedeman, I meant 1 run loss.

As a die hard Cub fan, and not one of those yupster mooks taking pics with their cell phones, I thnk this could be THE YEAR!

Of course, this might always be in the future as well.

A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request
Steve Goodman

By the shore's of old Lake Michigan
Where the "hawk wind" blows so cold
An old Cub fan lay dying
In his midnight hour that tolled
Round his bed, his friends had all gathered
They knew his time was short
And on his head they put this bright blue cap
From his all-time favorite sport
He told them, "Its late and its getting dark in here"
And I know its time to go
But before I leave the line-up
Boys, there's just one thing I'd like to know

Do they still play the blues in Chicago
When baseball season rolls around
When the snow melts away,
Do the Cubbies still play
In their ivy-covered burial ground
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy
But now they only bring fatigue
To the home of the brave
The land of the free
And the doormat of the National League

Told his friends "You know the law of averages says:
Anything will happen that can"
That's what it says
"But the last time the Cubs won a National League pennant
Was the year we dropped the bomb on Japan"
The Cubs made me a criminal
Sent me down a wayward path
They stole my youth from me
(that's the truth)
I'd forsake my teachers
To go sit in the bleachers
In flagrant truancy

and then one thing led to another
and soon I'd discovered alcohol, gambling, dope
football, hockey, lacrosse, tennis
But what do you expect,
When you raise up a young boy's hopes
And then just crush 'em like so many paper beer cups.

Year after year after year
after year, after year, after year, after year, after year
'Til those hopes are just so much popcorn
for the pigeons beneath the 'L' tracks to eat
He said, "You know I'll never see Wrigley Field, anymore before my eternal rest
So if you have your pencils and your score cards ready,
and I'll read you my last request

He said, "Give me a double header funeral in Wrigley Field
On some sunny weekend day (no lights)
Have the organ play the "National Anthem"
and then a little 'na, na, na, na, hey hey, hey, Goodbye'
Make six bullpen pitchers, carry my coffin
and six ground keepers clear my path
Have the umpires bark me out at every base
In all their holy wrath
Its a beautiful day for a funeral, Hey Ernie lets play two!
Somebody go get Jack Brickhouse to come back,
and conduct just one more interview
Have the Cubbies run right out into the middle of the field,
Have Keith Moreland drop a routine fly
Give everybody two bags of peanuts and a frosty malt
And I'll be ready to die

Build a big fire on home plate out of your Louisville Sluggers baseball bats,
And toss my coffin in
Let my ashes blow in a beautiful snow
From the prevailing 30 mile an hour southwest wind
When my last remains go flying over the left-field wall
Will bid the bleacher bums adá­eu
And I will come to my final resting place, out on Waveland Avenue

The dying man's friends told him to cut it out
They said stop it that's an awful shame
He whispered, "Don't Cry, we'll meet by and by near the Heavenly Hall of Fame
He said, "I've got season's tickets to watch the Angels now,
So its just what I'm going to do
He said, "but you the living, you're stuck here with the Cubs,
So its me that feels sorry for you!"

And he said, "Ahh Play, play that lonesome losers tune,
That's the one I like the best"
And he closed his eyes, and slipped away
What we got is the Dying Cub Fan's Last Request
And here it is

Do they still play the blues in Chicago
When baseball season rolls around
When the snow melts away,
Do the Cubbies still play
In their ivy-covered burial ground
When I was a boy they were my pride and joy
But now they only bring fatigue
To the home of the brave
The land of the free
And the doormat of the National League
posted by timsteil at 12:08 PM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


also, anyone else think that is Jeff Garlin standing there at 1:33?
posted by timsteil at 12:13 PM on April 29, 2008


LOL CUBBIEZ!
posted by Mister_A at 12:17 PM on April 29, 2008


Metafilter: It's a disheartening fucking situation we're in right now.
posted by YouRebelScum at 12:19 PM on April 29, 2008


Metafilter: It's a disheartening fucking situation we're in right now

I thought it was "multiful"
posted by timsteil at 12:23 PM on April 29, 2008


Through in a few more "cocksuckers" and it's like Al Swearengen became manger of the Cubs!
posted by Justinian at 12:24 PM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


Throw. Sigh.
posted by Justinian at 12:24 PM on April 29, 2008


I lived in an apt over the rightfield wall around this period. I also have the Lee Elia thing on cassette somewhere, b/w some Chicago voiceover guy doing a filthy filthy imitation of Walter Brennan taking it around back. Good times.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:27 PM on April 29, 2008


caddis: If he thinks Chicago fans are tough, he ought to try Philadelphia.

He did.
posted by hangashore at 12:40 PM on April 29, 2008


I do believe that is Jeff Garlin. He and Conan O'Brien roomed together in Chicago years back, and I think Garlin is originally from Chicago.
posted by schmedeman at 12:45 PM on April 29, 2008


I think Garlin is originally from Chicago.

he is schmedeman, was a member of second city for a while, and he is also in that THE YEAR link
posted by timsteil at 12:52 PM on April 29, 2008


Wrigley Field: A playground for cocksuckers.
posted by Trampas at 1:08 PM on April 29, 2008


From April 19th, 10 days ago: Marty Brennaman of the Reds rips into the Cubs and their fans. Pretty harshly.
posted by thread_makimaki at 1:16 PM on April 29, 2008


eh, make that 12 days ago (it was on the 17th)
posted by thread_makimaki at 1:17 PM on April 29, 2008


The big difference between the parks is parking

The big difference is the fans. The suburbanites are all Cub fans. The Sox fans are like the Mets, only people from the South Side or who come from South Side people like them. Only a Cub fan would indicate that the difference between the two fan bases has something to do with parking. Cubs=Rich Yuppies. Sox=Poor Yahoos.

You can put me down with the Yahoos any day.

My two favorite teams are the Sox and whomever is playing the Cubs.
posted by Ironmouth at 1:25 PM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


This rant is amazing in both its accuracy and timelessness.
posted by drezdn at 1:42 PM on April 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I grew up a Cubs fan, but I have to admit, having worked as a vendor in both parks (at the old Comiskey), Sox fans are better tippers.
posted by adamrice at 1:50 PM on April 29, 2008


Ironmouth: I indicated the big difference between the parks. You somehow read that as me indicating the difference between fan bases.

And yes, parking has a lot to do with who actually attends games at the parks. That and the myriad kiddy activities available at 'The Cell®"
posted by jeff-o-matic at 1:53 PM on April 29, 2008


"I would love it, just love it".

Most famous rant in English Premiership history. Pretty tame by comparison really.
posted by djgh at 2:02 PM on April 29, 2008


That and the myriad kiddy activities available at 'The Cell®"

Due to a series of Cellular One commercials featuring Joan Cusack that only ran in the Chicago market, us folks north of Madison Street refer to it fondly, as "The Joan"

I've been to games at both parks, and I don't wants me no damned sushi when I'm watching baseball, and I sure don't go to a ball park for mall shopping. I take my kids to Wrigley all the time, day games usually, and their preferences run to hot dogs and nachos. Me? Pulled pork and Old Style. Peanuts? yes. Cotton candy, no. And I always send a tip with my money as I pass it down the row.

I agree the parking is easier around the Joan, but I get season tickets from the local TV weatherman, so I always get parking included in the Green Lot so that isn't an issue with me.

Once difference I've noticed I suppose, is that, as obnoxious as some of these frat boys are, Wrigleyville is still alive hours after the game. Around 35th, they tend to roll up the sidewalks after the last car pulls out of the lot.

Some props supreme to adamrice for being a vendor!!!!

Yo! beerman!! Yo! Peanuts!!! (as they come flying up eight rows and smack your son right in the chest with a perfect throw. Peanuts usually. Always kills me how those guys can remember who the hell owes them what by the time they complete one terrace level.
posted by timsteil at 2:15 PM on April 29, 2008


Schadenfreude is a concept I learned while taking great pleasure in the many stellar seasons the Cubs have had. I really wish the new US Cellular Park wasn't so ugly - I miss the old Comiskey, warts and all.
posted by readery at 2:45 PM on April 29, 2008


I've been to games at both parks, and I don't wants me no damned sushi when I'm watching baseball

As someone who enjoys the occasional Ichiroll, you offend me, sir.
posted by dw at 2:45 PM on April 29, 2008


That's an awesome writeup DW, truly a good day at the park my man. I have a few baseball related things like that on my blog as well.

However, that doesn't mean I won't fwap you upside the head with a good ole Vienna Beef. And stop letting the wind blow your damned fish scales into my beer willya already?

Fer Chrissakes.

It could be! It could be!! HEY HEY!!!!
posted by timsteil at 3:05 PM on April 29, 2008


Actually, that wasn't me who wrote that; I was just trying to find a picture of an Ichiroll and this was the only good one I could find.

But here's a better shot.
posted by dw at 3:20 PM on April 29, 2008


I went to a game at old Comiskey in 1990 and (briefly) stood in line for a beer behind a guy with a full back tattoo of a Klansman with the words "White Power" right above his belt. Say what you will about Cubs fans -- and I have been one for 35 years -- but I ain't never seen that at Wrigley.

Also, this thread proves that the old joke is true: the only thing that Cubs fans and Sox fans have in common is that all they talk about is the Cubs.
posted by hawkeye at 3:21 PM on April 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


adamrice: I want to know what is with the Mullet Family Portrait at 2:27. I mean, it's awesome, but what's the connection?

It's because cubbie fans are hoosiers. I thought everyone knew that.

xoxo,
Lifelong Cardinals fan
posted by (bb|[^b]{2}) at 3:31 PM on April 29, 2008


"I'm a man! I'm 40!"

Is it football season yet?
posted by chiababe at 4:56 PM on April 29, 2008


Wow, lots of hatred here.

Whatever, Wrigley is one of the nicest places to take in a ball game on a summer day, second only to Fenway, and perhaps even nicer.
posted by caddis at 5:45 PM on April 29, 2008


Count me among the 15%. I used to love going to Wrigley back in those days. You could walk up to the gate in the bleachers around noon, get a ticket (were they really $3?), stretch out and knock back a few Old Styles with 5,000 other un(der)employed cocksuckers. Then Harry Caray moved to the North Side, WGN became a superstation, Cubs started selling bleacher seats in advance of game day, and pretty soon it was Disneyland.
posted by stargell at 6:13 PM on April 29, 2008


Whatever, Wrigley is one of the nicest places to take in a ball game on a summer day

Ok, just because this is a part of my life that is so frickin powerful me, I'm gonna break the old self link rule here for a sec. If you didn''t catch that last part, just a damned self link, do not read it, I should be banned and skinned for even doing it, my children should work in your Nike factory for the next several generations.....but with those warnings here are two days at Wrigley Field that I experienced.

mods, delete the post if you want, but please not me. I needs my MeFi.
posted by timsteil at 7:23 PM on April 29, 2008


Ahh, the National Pastime...


Goose Gossage: You can take it upstairs—to the Fat Man!

Hal McRae: I'm tired of all these stupid-ass questions every night!

Tommy Lasorda: What's my my opinion of Kingman's performance? What the f--- do you think is my opinion of Kingman's performance?

Earl Weaver: You're here for one goddamn specific reason: to f--- us!

Earl Weaver on Manager's Corner
posted by stargell at 7:29 PM on April 29, 2008 [3 favorites]


I'm gonna break the old self link rule here for a sec.

It's more like a guideline when it comes to comments, one with much flexibility, and you haven't even come close to overstepping the boundaries. Now, if you comment spam your own website on a regular basis......
posted by caddis at 7:46 PM on April 29, 2008


Once we hit that fucking groove it'll flow, and it will flow. We've got the talent.

Words to live by.
posted by StarForce5 at 7:52 PM on April 29, 2008


Oh, and those were nice little vignettes too.
posted by caddis at 7:56 PM on April 29, 2008


Holy fucking shit, that cocksucker stargell's a fucking genius. I love this fucking post!!! Jesus fucking Christ! Hal McRae is the craziest motherfucker I've ever seen.
posted by popechunk at 8:32 PM on April 29, 2008


The fucking changes that have happened in the Cubs organization are multifold.
[pause]
Alright, they don't show 'cause we're 5 and 14...

posted by Civil_Disobedient at 2:45 PM on April 30, 2008


"...us folks north of Madison Street refer to it fondly, as "The Joan""

Ironically, Joan lives within walking distance of Wrigley.


A Dying Cub Fan's Last Request
Steve Goodman


I used to run a fantasy baseball league named the "Steve Goodman Memorial League."

Sad story...He died at the age of 36, just before he was supposed to sing The Star Spangled Banner before the Cubs' first post-season game since 1945.
posted by jaronson at 5:31 PM on April 30, 2008


Sad story...He died at the age of 36, just before he was supposed to sing The Star Spangled Banner before the Cubs' first post-season game since 1945.

His ashes are under home plate
posted by timsteil at 8:28 PM on April 30, 2008


Yeah, pretty much sums up my feelings about cubs fans too...
posted by wfrgms at 9:03 PM on May 1, 2008 [1 favorite]


Bill Murry sits in for Harry Carrey.
posted by wfrgms at 9:13 PM on May 1, 2008


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