Pooooooooke!

April 30, 2008 8:04 PM

"How about if we say we met on an oil rig and we were lovers for 50 years!" What if real life was like Facebook? [YouTube, 2 mins.] From Idiots of Ants. Via.
posted by amyms (21 comments total)

I find Facebook fascinating. As a long time internet user I have always valued anonymity, I've got people I've been friendly with for a decade or more that I wouldn't recognize in person. The new generation turns that upside down with social networking. I hate to play the cranky codger card, but back in the day you were known for what you said and how you said it, not how many friends you have or how attractive you are. People consider it odd that I use a nickname. Face book and its' ilk turn internet discussion from a meritocracy to whatever the hell system is used to determine popularity in high school, mostly breast size as far as I can tell.

Now get off my lawn and pull up those droopy assed pants.
posted by Keith Talent at 8:16 PM on April 30, 2008 [3 favorites]

That was quite well done.
posted by danb at 8:49 PM on April 30, 2008

This is reminiscent of College Humor's Internet Commenter Business Meeting.
posted by christonabike at 9:03 PM on April 30, 2008 [5 favorites]

Anyone for Scrabble?
posted by grobstein at 9:14 PM on April 30, 2008

I'm surprised they didn't incorporate the billion invitations for stupid groups that people keep sending me.
posted by martinX's bellbottoms at 9:18 PM on April 30, 2008

I hate to play the cranky codger card, but back in the day you were known for what you said and how you said it, not how many friends you have or how attractive you are.

I'm sympathetic to this complaint, but it's hardly true that Facebook has done away with this. Rather, we're seeing a broader diversity of non-overlapping social networks and status hierarchies. In some corners of the Internet, apparently, what matters is how many friends you have (which some speculate is a function of breast size). In other corners, no one knows how many friends you have and what you say is all that matters. Much of the blogosphere is like this. There's room, of course, for many different ways of interacting and networking.

It's pluralism. The coexistence of multiple notions of the good, if I can be a little grandiose. You choose what you like, or (more likely) blend together your own mix.
posted by grobstein at 9:21 PM on April 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

Also reminiscent of Internet Party: When Google's parents leave town...
posted by redbeard at 9:35 PM on April 30, 2008 [3 favorites]

martinX - so true. I was waiting for the bit where you get bombarded with vampire sniggles and trivia pokes and all that crap.
posted by sleep_walker at 9:47 PM on April 30, 2008

I'm gonna keep hanging out in Keith Talent's corner of the internet then. You can have Facebook.
posted by rusty at 10:02 PM on April 30, 2008

I'm gonna keep hanging out in Keith Talent's corner of the internet then. You can have Facebook.

Likewise. And I have a verandah, a creaky old rocking chair, a pipe and a shotgun full-a rock salt if'n any of you whippersnappers come round these here parts.

You hear me? Stay away from my parts! (oh, wait...)
posted by 5MeoCMP at 10:26 PM on April 30, 2008

Keith Talent said: I've got people I've been friendly with for a decade or more that I wouldn't recognize in person.

Me too. I was introduced to Facebook and MySpace (and similar sites) by my kids, although I don't use them myself, and I thought the sketch was dead-on.

People consider it odd that I use a nickname.

I don't think it's odd at all. I think the majority of internet users use nicknames. In fact, my Metafilter name is the closest I've ever come to using my real name.

grobstein said: In some corners of the Internet, apparently, what matters is how many friends you have (which some speculate is a function of breast size). In other corners, no one knows how many friends you have and what you say is all that matters.

I prefer the places where my words mean more than my "popularity." I can't imagine willingly submitting myself to a website that was high school redux, where I needed "friends" to feel important. Btw, NO ONE on the internet knows my breast size.

5MeoCMP said: and a shotgun full-a rock salt

Do tell, what does the rock salt do? Maiming without causing permanent damage? My daughter has a dead-beat, smarmy boyfriend who might need some "get off my porch/veranda" lessons.
posted by amyms at 11:47 PM on April 30, 2008

redbeard,
The Digg-Cracked thing was great.
posted by Sangermaine at 11:55 PM on April 30, 2008

Do tell, what does the rock salt do? Maiming without causing permanent damage?
Against humans, in theory, pain without killing. Rock salt shot inflicts the wound, and stays inside to sting. Being salt, it's not likely to cause any permanent damage (beyond the wound itself, which could very well leave a nasty scar). Seen in the movie Kill Bill, in the scene where The Bride intends to ambush Budd, who is instead lying in wait for her.

Against birds, the theory is that it will kill the bird just as well, but the hunter does not need to spend time picking out the shot.

But, from what I found from a quick googling, it seems that salt is too light, and largely functions as blank shot, to scare off intruders. So actual uses may be largely anecdotal.

My daughter has a dead-beat, smarmy boyfriend who might need some "get off my porch/veranda" lessons.
Let us know what happens.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 12:01 AM on May 1, 2008

Yay! Let's have fun by talking about how Facebook is ruining a generation of children, social norms, privacy, human interaction and internet communications again!

cool video, though
posted by alona at 2:29 AM on May 1, 2008

Facebook's model isn't my thing either. But that guy really captures my biggest complaint: the annoying, confusing, arbitrary UI.
posted by DU at 4:13 AM on May 1, 2008

I think you're generalising too much be assuming that the only function of Facebook is to gain popularity by getting as many "friends" as possible. That is just a subset of the community, and they have and will always exist regardless of whether Facebook is around or not. There are so many appealing features to Facebook, that it's sad that you decide to shun the place simply because some people may use it for purposes that you disagree with. Why the assumption that your words don't matter on Facebook, or any part of the internet which may also involve pictures, physical interactions and the like?

Oh, and the video was so lacking! Where were the incessant invitations to find to applications that tell you What Celebrity Your Most Like?
posted by liquorice at 4:20 AM on May 1, 2008

I hate to play the cranky codger card, but back in the day you were known for what you said and how you said it, not how many friends you have or how attractive you are.

... Okay, Keith, your problem isn't just that you live in the past, it's that you've traversed several dimensions without realizing. Seriously, what alternate universe are you from and how do we get over there?
posted by bettafish at 11:47 AM on May 1, 2008

I've been encouraged to join Facebook but haven't yet. Couldn't figure it out as I have nothing against it. Now I know -- it must be I'm too shy.
posted by owhydididoit at 12:04 PM on May 1, 2008

I love how English people say "sick" instead of "puke" or "vomitus."
posted by Locative at 5:38 PM on May 1, 2008

It'd be funny to see a "what if real life was like MetaFilter" film...
posted by LakesideOrion at 6:26 AM on May 2, 2008 [1 favorite]

this thread made me do it
posted by owhydididoit at 11:45 AM on May 3, 2008