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Virtual Age and Life Expectancy Calculator
May 4, 2008 6:21 AM   Subscribe

Virtual Age and Life Expectancy Calculator "Your Virtual Age is a reflection of your health and vitality. The lower your Virtual Age the better shape you are in. It is used to calculate the Life Expectancy of someone of your current physical age."

See also the Living to 100 Life Expectancy Calculator.
posted by paduasoy (69 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

 
My life expectancy: 81
posted by lahersedor at 6:41 AM on May 4, 2008


actual age: 55 virtual age: 44 expectancy: 88
posted by netbros at 6:45 AM on May 4, 2008


My virtual age is 14.5. Creepy.
posted by liquorice at 7:06 AM on May 4, 2008


There's also The Death Clock, something I bookmarked a couple years ago....then I reflected a bit; said to myself 'No, I saw it here..'. I must have (extensively) been going through the archives: Here it is in the 34th thread!
posted by Kronos_to_Earth at 7:06 AM on May 4, 2008


I'm a sexy virtual age 26! Do you hear that, ass and face?
posted by orange swan at 7:12 AM on May 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Virtual age 40, life expectancy 93. I can live with that.
posted by languagehat at 7:23 AM on May 4, 2008


My actual age and virtual age are basically the same. Huh.

I thought, "I'm jumping out of a plane right now" was hilarious.
posted by joannemerriam at 7:32 AM on May 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


I calculated on the behalf of my evil ex and got cheered up by the news that they are due to kick the bucket 5 years before me.
posted by pinkbuttonanus at 7:32 AM on May 4, 2008


Fun, I guess, but pretty much worthless.
posted by moonbiter at 7:43 AM on May 4, 2008


Actual Age:27
Virtual Age: 11

sex with me is going to feel so wrong now...
posted by munchingzombie at 7:45 AM on May 4, 2008


ugh. I'll live another 50.5 years, and I'm already SO BORED!
posted by subgear at 7:46 AM on May 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


@pinkbutton *blush*: but how did you peer into your evil ex's heart and determine the level of happiness therein?
posted by subgear at 7:50 AM on May 4, 2008


It says I'm already dead.
posted by goatdog at 7:56 AM on May 4, 2008 [5 favorites]


I miss goatdog.
posted by languagehat at 8:00 AM on May 4, 2008 [7 favorites]


goatdog: ouch...
posted by odinsdream at 8:00 AM on May 4, 2008


Actual age: 18
Virtual age: -1.9
Life Expectancy: 96

This is why I have to stop cheating on these quizzes.
posted by Oxydude at 8:06 AM on May 4, 2008


How the hell am I supposed to choose where I am on the spectrum from "average" to "stocky" to "bald and stocky"? That doesn't even make any sense!
posted by ErWenn at 8:07 AM on May 4, 2008 [3 favorites]


My actual age is 34, virtual age 9.6, life expectancy 98.4. Ridiculous.
posted by miss tea at 8:08 AM on May 4, 2008


I answered honestly and got a virtual age of 3.1, which doesn't seem right for someone who eats a box of Shur-Fine Macaroni and Cheese every day.
posted by yomimono at 8:09 AM on May 4, 2008


Virtual age: 4.5?

I don't think this is quite right. It reminds me of an old stress quiz developed by some psychologists in the 80s, wherein each cause of stress was assigned a numeric value, and your total numeric value was supposed to measure how stressed out you were.

The idea was that you could assign a fairly small score, say 5, to an event like getting cut off on the highway, and a fairly large score, say 50, to the death of your wife. But this implied that someone who got cut off ten times on his way to work was just as stressed as someone who had recently gone through his wife's death.

In other words, where the test failed, and where this one fails as well, is in acknowledging differences in kind of the various relevant factors.
posted by voltairemodern at 8:10 AM on May 4, 2008


I don't have very long to live!
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 8:13 AM on May 4, 2008


bio age: 37
virtual age: 45.6
life expectancy: 66.4

FWIW
posted by jonmc at 8:13 AM on May 4, 2008


Actual: 45
Virtual: 39
Sexual: 18
Textual: 60
Trifectual: 1 in 4
Vectral: +1.5
Spectral: yes
Bechtel: no
Jeckyl: Hyde
Pectoral: 2
Rectoral: once; I was drunk.
posted by Dizzy at 8:21 AM on May 4, 2008 [7 favorites]


I was doing fine until I had to enter the average life spans of my parents and grandparents half of whom died really young from bizarre diseases that no one gets. I also tested out cortex and jessamyn (making it all up, since I know nothing about them) and discovered that they will live forever! Mathowie, however, is screwed.
posted by nax at 8:44 AM on May 4, 2008


Actual age: 24
Virtual age: 96

This was a depressing revelation, but a bottle of vodka and a pack of Lucky Strikes were able to quickly numb both the depression and the wounds from being repeatedly stabbed with a broken bottle.
posted by Demogorgon at 8:51 AM on May 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


I wonder if anyone's ever died while doing one of these quizzes?
posted by JanetLand at 9:03 AM on May 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


105. Can't remember if that's my life expectancy, my virtual age, or my real age.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:05 AM on May 4, 2008


I am virtually 10.8. From now on when anyone guesses my age, if they guess higher than 11 I'm going to be really offended.
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 9:17 AM on May 4, 2008


ack! my virtual age is greater than my life expectancy! i'm dead!

oh, wait, no. this is bullshit. right.
posted by mr_book at 9:45 AM on May 4, 2008


My virtual mage has always existed.
posted by DenOfSizer at 10:16 AM on May 4, 2008


I couldn't help but notice that having untreated cancer only adds a couple years to your virtual age. Doesn't seem quite right, does it?
posted by Commander Rachek at 10:21 AM on May 4, 2008


The Internet told me I have just nine years left to live.

*sob*
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:24 AM on May 4, 2008


Actual 33

Virtual 26

Expectancy 81
posted by Senor Cardgage at 10:36 AM on May 4, 2008


I was doing great but 20,000 miles a year of driving destroyed me.
posted by Xurando at 10:52 AM on May 4, 2008


I obviously got a defective birth certificate from Qu├ębec because this wee little Flash test states that I'm 12 years younger than that document claims. But this rigorous, iron-clad, absolutely scientific and deeply truthful test also says that I'm living to 87.5. *checks RSP value* So, anyone got any good cat kibble recipes?

Seriously, this is pretty weakass, and I can see how some people here are getting fetal ages. I tried it a second time, plugging in some values assuming I make a few feasible changes to my lifestyle, and got an estimated age 22 years younger than my actual age. This time, I'm supposed to hang on to the age of 98. Soylent Green is obviously going to be everyone who runs slower than me.

RealAge is much more detailed and generally gives a much more conservative estimate, but it buys into a lot of standard health and lifestyle advice. ("What? You aren't eating 6 servings of grain products EVERY DAY, short female person? You're gonna DIE soon!"). You can try it out, but have a disposable email address on hand for registration. These guys will spam you into eternity. (Oh, and you don't have to wait 1-2 hours for an email after you finish the test. Just click the tab for "My Plan").
posted by maudlin at 11:02 AM on May 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


What exactly is "stocky?" Is that code for "short?"

It says I'll live to 86, which means my musing in the mirror last night on the approach of my 41st birthday that in all likelihood I had already swept past the mid-point of my life was wrong. Party on.
posted by maxwelton at 11:21 AM on May 4, 2008


Wow. Interesting toy. Virtual age 18.9 (!), biological age (in a few days) 38. That's weird. Tell that to my creaking joints after working out...

94.1 estimated life expectancy. Not surprising when I consider how many people lived (and continue to live) long lives in my families.
posted by spnx at 11:24 AM on May 4, 2008


I like how it knocks three years off your life expectancy if you are cheating on your spouse.
posted by SmileyChewtrain at 11:26 AM on May 4, 2008


According to this, I died last year. Which explains a lot.
posted by found missing at 11:38 AM on May 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


"You can expect to live approximately another 1 more day."

Bye guys. It was nice to have posted here.
posted by Memo at 11:52 AM on May 4, 2008 [2 favorites]


Actual age: 27. Virtual age: 27. This thing is amazing.
posted by 517 at 12:15 PM on May 4, 2008


biological age - 26
virtual age - 41.1
average life expectancy - 74
my life expectancy - 58.9
"You can expect to live approximately another 12000 more days."

Sounds about right.
posted by Grod at 12:17 PM on May 4, 2008


but that other calculator says I'll live 72 years. Split the difference and get 65.45.
posted by Grod at 12:42 PM on May 4, 2008


Because clearly the thinner you are, the longer you're automatically going to live. That's totally how the world works.
posted by Caduceus at 1:16 PM on May 4, 2008


And the fact that you're cheating on your significant other means you're going to die sooner.

*if Mi-Fi had a selection of emoticons, I would insert an eye-roll here*
posted by Caduceus at 1:19 PM on May 4, 2008


74 or 86, depending on whether or not genetics plays a significant role (my grandparents all lived into their 80s or 90s).
posted by misha at 1:45 PM on May 4, 2008


Actual age: 53. Virtual age: 52.5. Guess I'm maintaining an even strain.
posted by SPrintF at 2:28 PM on May 4, 2008


Oh, yeah, actual age and virtual age were almost identical, I was talking about lifespan! I am not THAT old!
posted by misha at 2:33 PM on May 4, 2008


Actual age: 21
Virtual age: 14.3
Life expectancy 80.7
posted by Lotto at 3:05 PM on May 4, 2008


braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaainssss........
posted by einer at 3:28 PM on May 4, 2008


Virtual age: 23.4. Damn. Nobody likes you when you're 23.
posted by IronLizard at 3:51 PM on May 4, 2008


Having few friends should be a positive. Lowered stress and decreased incidence of murder, baby!
posted by DU at 4:27 PM on May 4, 2008


Because clearly the thinner you are, the longer you're automatically going to live. That's totally how the world works.

And the fact that you're cheating on your significant other means you're going to die sooner.


Correlation. Life insurance companies looking to maximize profits will have associated all sorts of factors with mortality. So, all else being equal, those who are fat are more likely to die while those in shape are less likely to die, and apparently those who are cheating on their significant other are also more likely to die. In the weight/fitness case we tend to posit a rather direct causality, i.e. being fat leads to heart disease, diabetes, and myriad other conditions which increase mortality, although there's some who will deny this causality. In the second case, causality probably isn't there, meaning that cheating on your spouse is associated with something else which increases mortality. An unhappy and stressful relationship could be such a thing - and remember these are statistical, not individual, predictions.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 4:36 PM on May 4, 2008 [1 favorite]


Next time someone tells me I'm acting immature I will inform them that I am virtually 13.
posted by limnrix at 5:17 PM on May 4, 2008


Actual age....murmer murmer... virtual age 20, expectancy 94.

So...who's gonna buy me some booze?
posted by dejah420 at 5:38 PM on May 4, 2008


I got kicked out of an AOL chatroom for having a virtual age of 13.
posted by found missing at 6:09 PM on May 4, 2008


Well, this isn't dumb. Like, at all.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 7:39 PM on May 4, 2008


Sorry, that may have been a little unnecessarily grumpy. And low on content. I must be tired, or just regressing to my virtual age of 15.4.
posted by six-or-six-thirty at 7:44 PM on May 4, 2008


I'm already dead.
posted by pjern at 7:53 PM on May 4, 2008


Actual age 37, virtual 23.2 -- so does this mean it's *not* creepy for me to date 19 year olds??
posted by LordSludge at 8:08 PM on May 4, 2008


Virtual age: 188.2
Your life expectancy: 14.8

You can expect to live approximately another -31100 more days.


I WIN
posted by Citizen Premier at 8:25 PM on May 4, 2008


It's Thursday?? 3pm?! How can it be that specific?

That, or I've got another 45 years to go.
posted by sysinfo at 10:56 PM on May 4, 2008


Life expectancy quiz?
posted by amuseDetachment at 11:48 PM on May 4, 2008


Virtual Age: 5.8
Real Age: 19
Expectancy 87.9

I think I like this test =P
posted by cholly at 11:57 PM on May 4, 2008


The statistical odds of you living to 100 are actually falling much faster than you might believe. In the UK Bookmaker William Hill has stopped paying out bets that people will live to 100 and extended the age to 105 or even 110.

And from this article: "[for babies born this year] Their chances of living to 100 are 18.1% for boys; 23.5% for girls, according to the Office for National Statistics. The odds for a 40-year-old male reading this article are somewhat longer, at just 8%. A 40-year-old woman has an 11.7% chance of reaching the magic three figures."
posted by rongorongo at 3:27 AM on May 5, 2008


Actual Age 50, Virtual Age 44.9
I suppose I can live with that, at least until I'm 81 (according to the calculator).
posted by lordrunningclam at 8:18 AM on May 5, 2008


I like the other calculator better. It says I'll live to be 94.
posted by lordrunningclam at 8:36 AM on May 5, 2008


90.5? No thanks...
posted by adamms222 at 9:25 AM on May 5, 2008


Real Age: 32
Virtual Age: 10.7
Life Expectancy: 95.3

Time for a beer!
posted by ob at 9:54 AM on May 5, 2008


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