Insect mating ritual porn
May 6, 2008 8:22 PM   Subscribe

Green Porno, Sundance Channel's new series of short films. Isabella Rossellini singlehandedly re-enacts mating rituals of the dragonfly, spider, bee, praying mantis, worm, snail and housefly by getting it on with cardboard cut-outs. Wired video interview.
posted by stbalbach (67 comments total) 69 users marked this as a favorite

 
at least it's not eco porn
posted by ornate insect at 8:26 PM on May 6, 2008


I love these.
posted by muckster at 8:31 PM on May 6, 2008


My favorites are Bee and Spider!
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:39 PM on May 6, 2008


Could we not just have human porn, but with carbon offset?
posted by pompomtom at 8:44 PM on May 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


Bee and Snail are my favorites but they are all wonderful!! I hope this becomes an internet meme.
posted by hecho de la basura at 8:54 PM on May 6, 2008


At least someone is taking the small digital screen seriously as a potential new format. I am so sick of film snobs screaming that the only way a movie should be seen is on the giant screen of an old movie palace.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:59 PM on May 6, 2008


...sorry but Green Porno is not available in your region (I live in Asia)...

...it will be released outside of the US in July...

This is the message that is displayed when trying to view the video.
posted by rmmcclay at 9:13 PM on May 6, 2008


This is essentially the best thing I have ever seen in my entire life. It encompasses nearly all my interests and ideas-- those I have, and those I have yet to acquire.

Seriously, this is what humans evolved to do.
posted by [NOT HERMITOSIS-IST] at 9:21 PM on May 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I didn't realize Isabella was the coolest lady ever.

Now I know.
posted by Alex404 at 9:22 PM on May 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


She is still the hottest woman on the planet after all these years, even wrapped up in an earthworm costume.
posted by caddis at 9:31 PM on May 6, 2008 [3 favorites]


I have a second on caddis's motion!
posted by Sam.Burdick at 9:59 PM on May 6, 2008


This is disappointingly safe for work.
posted by PM at 10:02 PM on May 6, 2008 [1 favorite]


I was hoping a heavy breathing Dennis Hopper would show up and shove a silk scarf in the earthworm's mouth.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 11:12 PM on May 6, 2008 [3 favorites]


Oooo, edutainment! I had no idea that earthworms urinate FROM EVERY SINGLE SEGMENT OF THEIR BODIES! The gratuitous defecation was also a complete surprise.
As an aside, trying to find ascii art of a pile of excrement is more difficult than it ought to be.
posted by numinous at 11:13 PM on May 6, 2008


I just watched the entire series, and yes, this truly is the best of the web. Isabella Rossellini is my theatrical heroine.

Also, I am astounded by the sadomasochistic nature of snail sex; is this consistent with all slug sex? If so, I'll finally be able to reconcile those students at Porter with our beloved bananaslug mascot.
posted by numinous at 11:27 PM on May 6, 2008


I am so sick of film snobs screaming that the only way a movie should be seen is on the giant screen of an old movie palace.

Apples and oranges, man. All this film snob is saying is let's not stop making movies that are designed to be seen on those big ole screens as most shift towards being framed for an iPhone screen.

And earthworm was fuckin' awesome.
posted by Roman Graves at 11:32 PM on May 6, 2008


Beyond wonderful. I had no idea that the bands around earthworms are movable sex scrapers that babies come out of!
posted by moxiedoll at 11:38 PM on May 6, 2008


These are really great, and I think better understand the whole David Lynch/Isabella Rossellini thing now.
posted by tula at 11:45 PM on May 6, 2008 [5 favorites]


Sent to all my entomology major friends. Spider was amazing.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 12:06 AM on May 7, 2008


"Two cerci way up!"
posted by podwarrior at 12:11 AM on May 7, 2008


I can NOT choose a favorite. They are all so luminous.

And I don't know any film snobs/academics worth a damn who carp about "maintaining the integrity of the apparatus" ie reserving media for big, dark theaters, much, what with all the phenomenal strides digital distribution of content has taken in enlarging the reach of the moving image. I call straw man.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:46 AM on May 7, 2008


numinous, it is worse than you think
posted by arruns at 12:49 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Isabella's bugfuck crazy, I tell you.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:57 AM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


(go slugs!)
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:58 AM on May 7, 2008


I LOVE Isabella Rossellini!!!

Isn't it strange, though, how she played the male of all the insects?

Strange.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:34 AM on May 7, 2008


any day now (tomorrow?) you will be able to find a podcast/interview of Isabella talking about these shorts here:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=202224986
(launches iTunes). In the mean time you can find some other interesting interviews of other filmmakers who took part of these Tribeca Film Fest podcasts at the SoHo Apple Store.

(disclaimer: I've edited most of these).
posted by matt_od at 1:38 AM on May 7, 2008


Sundance Channel? Shit, this needs to be on Sesame Street.
posted by Potsy at 2:33 AM on May 7, 2008


Downloadable for non-us from http://arco.vo.llnwd.net/o2/cust9/FLV/640x480/original/green_porno/green_porno_earthworm.flv

Just switch the earthworm bit to the other insects and you'll get all the different ones.
posted by scodger at 2:43 AM on May 7, 2008


29mb though? damn
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 2:49 AM on May 7, 2008


Direct link to all the files:

green_porno_bee
green_porno_dragonfly
green_porno_earthworm
green_porno_firefly
green_porno_fly
green_porno_mantis
green_porno_snail
green_porno_spider
gp_festival_buzz_02
green_porno_genital_geometry_02
green_porno_if_i_were_01
gp_love_story_02
green_porno_sex_to_die_for_02
gp_straight_02
bts_byers1
bts_compilation1
gp_sundance
bts_isabella1
bts_shapiro1
bts_gilbert1
posted by quiet at 3:05 AM on May 7, 2008 [11 favorites]


I don't know whether to be turned on or disturbed, but I seem to be somewhat both?!?
posted by Pollomacho at 3:57 AM on May 7, 2008


You just know she did all of those with David Lynch.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:05 AM on May 7, 2008


I'm not wearing any exoskeleton.
posted by Dizzy at 4:18 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Thanks, quiet!
posted by taz at 4:18 AM on May 7, 2008


*sniff*
Green Porno is not available in your region...until July, maybe?

On preview: I second that thanks, quiet!

I adore The Rossellini.
posted by squasha at 5:10 AM on May 7, 2008


Never have I ever wanted to click a link more.
posted by steef at 5:18 AM on May 7, 2008


A truly great book of bug sex (and more). She has a blog, too.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 5:27 AM on May 7, 2008


The bee one is fucking terrifying.
posted by ColdChef at 5:35 AM on May 7, 2008


This only proves my theory that David Lynch's madness is sexually transmitted.
posted by Bathtub Bobsled at 6:09 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I love the fly video. especially the end.
posted by eustatic at 6:31 AM on May 7, 2008


Isabella Rossellini: Good
Bugs: Bad

My feelings are mixed.
posted by tommasz at 6:43 AM on May 7, 2008


sigh... another post for people in the US only.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:49 AM on May 7, 2008


"...'sorry but Green Porno is not available in your region' (I live in Asia)"...

Apparently Canada is an alien nation, too. Oh well, it'll probably get here with the Zune.
posted by Mike D at 6:53 AM on May 7, 2008


There's a dark turn at the end of "Fly" that I wasn't prepared for.
posted by ColdChef at 7:07 AM on May 7, 2008


Dave Foley kinda messed with my aesthetic appreciation of Isabella Rossellini by pointing out how much he looks like her.
posted by Mister_A at 7:21 AM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Oh, I knew--I didn't expect it would be her head, but I was waiting for what she would do with maggots the whole time.

She even skipped the whole egg-laying bit to get straight to the maggots.
posted by eustatic at 7:23 AM on May 7, 2008


Oh well, it'll probably get here with the Zune.

Unlike the Zune, it is actually worth having.

Anyway, earthworms, while sexually very hot, are not insects. They are annelids.
posted by Mister_A at 7:28 AM on May 7, 2008


I've always wondered what that worm muff thing was. Ew.
posted by cowbellemoo at 7:51 AM on May 7, 2008


Snail: Love me! Love me! Hit me! Hit me!
posted by shakespeherian at 8:10 AM on May 7, 2008


The part that weirds me out most is she plays many of the porn roles cross-gender. Ie: she's the boy bug. Does that make it hotter?
posted by Nelson at 8:44 AM on May 7, 2008


Spider Isabella will DIG her palpae in your epigyne...and run off!
posted by horsewithnoname at 8:46 AM on May 7, 2008


Pretty fly for a white gal.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 9:03 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Can't...help...it. Want...her...in...the...worst...way....
posted by Mental Wimp at 9:26 AM on May 7, 2008


Indeed, I am only sorry that slug sex was not featured. For anyone who wonders why, look up the word apophallation. It's my new favorite word, right up there with defenestration.

Careful, or I will apophallate you!
posted by redbeard at 9:30 AM on May 7, 2008


There's a dark turn at the end of "Fly" that I wasn't prepared for.
posted by ColdChef at 7:07 AM on May 7 [+] [!]


This... from the mortician.
posted by miss lynnster at 10:32 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Isabella is a goddess. She is. And a damn sexy one too, even as an earthworm. I would give up my fave pair of shoes (and I love my shoes) to have just an iota of her charisma. Woof.
posted by dejah420 at 10:53 AM on May 7, 2008


This only proves my theory that David Lynch's madness is sexually transmitted.

See, I was thinking she caught this just by being in the same room with Guy Maddin.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 11:01 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


I think I'm in love.
posted by scrump at 4:10 PM on May 7, 2008


I remember these from Jr High Sex ed!
posted by PHINC at 6:39 PM on May 7, 2008


Wait, hold the presses... I just watched it again, and is it me, or did she said a worm had a long, slimy body, "like a jew"???
posted by PigAlien at 8:03 PM on May 7, 2008


uh, "did she SAY a worm HAS..."

ah hell, that's what preview's for...
posted by PigAlien at 8:05 PM on May 7, 2008


hahahahahaha, OMG, so I did a google search and someone else asked the same question and was met with the answer that she actually says, "like a tube", but with her accent, it comes out, "like a chube". Somehow, I must not be hearing the percussive 'b' at the end.
posted by PigAlien at 8:11 PM on May 7, 2008


Of course you realize this is all just furry pr0n... I mean you start with insects and it's all cool and weird and that but soon you'll be into dressing in a giant fox costume (not that there's anything wrong with that.)
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 12:57 AM on May 8, 2008


Isabella Rosellini is an obvious freak. And I hate to tell you, but she is not hot anymore.
posted by tadellin at 8:37 PM on May 8, 2008


See what Lancome did to her?
posted by dasheekeejones at 6:19 AM on May 9, 2008


Isabella Rosellini is an obvious freak. And I hate to tell you, but she is not hot anymore.

I hope I'm just as freaky as she is at her age. Also, she might not be hot, but I think she's just so beautiful. I like that she's still doing really experimental, creative things. She's awesome.
posted by bluefly at 1:24 PM on May 9, 2008


And I hate to tell you, but she is not hot anymore.

God, what a stupid thing to say.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 5:04 PM on May 9, 2008


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