"They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood."
May 7, 2008 11:05 AM   Subscribe

Me Know. Me Have Problem. Cookie Monster takes a hard look in the mirror and faces his cookie addiction.
posted by WCityMike (33 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

 
I'm not sure whether to be all cooler-than-thou because I stopped reading the McSweeney's website years ago, or because this is from 2006.

Well, whatever, just as long as everyone knows that I'm cooler than them.
posted by shakespeherian at 11:09 AM on May 7, 2008 [4 favorites]


This cookie stale.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:11 AM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Very funny though.

Possibly just because I've been exposed to a lot of Sesame Street lately. Also I have a growing hatred for Elmo.
posted by Artw at 11:14 AM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


My mom used to tell me that if I ate in the bed, the cookie monster would come to devour the crumbs and I would get eaten along with them.

Oh, is it time for my therapist appointment already? Time sure does fly.
posted by Someone has just shot your horse! at 11:16 AM on May 7, 2008


The whole premise of the joke is flawed. By Muppet canon, Grover is indeed a monster, as are Elmo and Telly. In fact, there's a whole slew of monsters on Sesame Street. (Oscar the Grouch, however, is not a monster, but a Grouch.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:19 AM on May 7, 2008 [3 favorites]


Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with 'c'. You know what else starts with 'c'? Someone needs to go back to rehab.
posted by msaleem at 11:20 AM on May 7, 2008


Is nothing sacred?
posted by ornate insect at 11:22 AM on May 7, 2008


Also, the Count battles sex addiction.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 11:24 AM on May 7, 2008


Bitch I live in a fucking trashcan!
posted by shakespeherian at 11:25 AM on May 7, 2008


Bert is evil.
posted by orange swan at 11:29 AM on May 7, 2008


orange swan - you have reached the start of the internet.
posted by Artw at 11:40 AM on May 7, 2008 [4 favorites]


The whole premise of the joke is flawed. By Muppet canon, Grover is indeed a monster, as are Elmo and Telly. In fact, there's a whole slew of monsters on Sesame Street. (Oscar the Grouch, however, is not a monster, but a Grouch.)
posted by Faint of Butt at 2:19 PM on May 7


They are all monsters, that's the point. The show is for children, don't forget. They are monsters the kids don't have to fear. The show's message for kids was "We know you're sometimes afraid of monsters, but not all monsters are bad.

Sometimes monsters can be cute and cuddly and quirky and funny. Elmo's a monster and he has such a cute giggle!. These are the good monsters.

Not like the monster sitting next to you on the sofa, watching the TV. Not like the monster WHO TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST TIME TO STOP CRYING.

Not like the monsters who kick your toys and curse under their breath. Not like the monsters who say you stole their youth and take pills because YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY. Not like the monsters who meet strange men at the door and leave you home alone. Not like the monsters who hit with their hands, or their words. Not like the monsters who come into your room at night stinking of whiskey and sweat, with madness in their eyes and a belt in their hands.

On Sesame Street, the monsters have not HAD ENOUGH, and they aren't doing it FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

Your monsters are not brought to you by the number 4 or the letter M. Your monsters don't want you to come and play, they want you to LEAVE THEM ALONE.

Cookie monster is safe, and so are Elmo and the Count. Even Oscar and Bert are your friends even if they are bit grouchy or fussy. Your monsters think our monsters are harmless.

To them.

Your monsters bought you a Tickle-Me Elmo doll, didn't they? They bought it to JUST SHUT YOU UP ALREADY. So they let you play with Elmo and make him laugh and giggle. But Elmo doesn't just laugh and giggle. Elmo loves you, and he listens.

And he records.

And soon, Elmo is going to tell you exactly what to do.
posted by Pastabagel at 11:58 AM on May 7, 2008 [25 favorites]


bert ate my balls.
posted by quonsar at 12:00 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


BERT KISS YOU
posted by m0nm0n at 12:08 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Something I've always wondered: What exactly is the educational value of monsters that don't have a good grasp of (any, in Elmo's case) pronoun use? And why only some monsters? Are the public schools on Sesame Street poor, and the rich monsters (I'm looking at you, Zoe) are able to afford private education? Cookies are a Sometimes Food, but Decent Grammar should be an All The Time Thing.

Did you ever see that episode of the Muppet Show where Bert and Ernie were "guest stars"? ...they have the same voices as Kermit and Fozzie. I was inconsolable for the longest time. (This happened about a month ago.)
posted by giraffe at 12:16 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


Bert nine my balls
posted by emelenjr at 12:17 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


A Million Little Cookie Crumbs
posted by troubles at 12:20 PM on May 7, 2008 [4 favorites]


Did you ever see that episode of the Muppet Show where Bert and Ernie were "guest stars"?

Yeah, with the "Some Enchanted Evening" number. That's a great bit.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:35 PM on May 7, 2008


Affected much by TV show?
posted by Cranberry at 12:42 PM on May 7, 2008


For a single-link post pointing to a McSweeney's article from two years ago, this thread is way less snarky than I'd expect.

You all deserve cookies.
posted by PM at 12:46 PM on May 7, 2008


Hmm. This forum is Cookie Monster colored. And it certainly seems to require cookies, after putting about 30 on my computer.
posted by jabberjaw at 12:48 PM on May 7, 2008


Come on, come on -- you knew it had to come to this.

A slight derail, but I just can't help it.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 12:57 PM on May 7, 2008




Impossible to read without the voice of Cookie Monster in your head.
posted by paddysat at 1:00 PM on May 7, 2008


Oddly enough, I had the voice of Walter Kronkite in my head.
posted by Koko at 1:07 PM on May 7, 2008


I move to change the MetaTalk line to "Note: everyone needs a cookie."
posted by desjardins at 1:13 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


Meet the Feebles takes every 'Muppet personalities don't map very well onto psychologically-rounded human beings LOL' joke and fuses them all together into one, gigantic, horrendous, hilarious ball of wrongness. There can be no poetry after MtF.
posted by RokkitNite at 1:18 PM on May 7, 2008 [1 favorite]


What exactly is the educational value of monsters that don't have a good grasp of (any, in Elmo's case) pronoun use? And why only some monsters

A show where everyone uses correct grammar is a show full of older kids and adults talking to one another. A show where some characters seem remarkably unfamiliar with much of the world and tend to speak more simply and break some grammatical rules (but predictably so, with an underlying logic) while asking the more experienced characters lots of questions? That's your world, 4 year old viewer. That's you in the show.
posted by Tehanu at 2:02 PM on May 7, 2008 [2 favorites]


It's been an absolutely lousy few weeks in almost every respect and this post has been one of the first things to make me really laugh out loud. Thank you, WCityMike.
posted by hrbrmstr at 6:33 PM on May 7, 2008




McSweeneys rocks. There are three sites I hit daily, and McSweeneys is one of them.
posted by tadellin at 7:55 AM on May 8, 2008


(Slightly off topic)

Those of you who hate Elmo should check out Eddie Loves You (NSFW) an award winning short that transforms America's favorite giggling muppet into a maniacal knife wielding, surprisingly lusty, toy that refuses to be thrown away.
posted by miss-lapin at 1:33 PM on May 8, 2008 [1 favorite]


Metafilter : They are all monsters, that's the point.
posted by liza at 5:58 PM on May 8, 2008


« Older Free the Amazon One-Click! Long Live Open Source...   |   Not where he eats, but where he is eaten Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments