Comments on: "They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood."

"They don't call the vampire with math fetish monster, and me pretty sure he undead and drinks blood."

WCityMike — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:05:32 -0800

Me Know. Me Have Problem. Cookie Monster takes a hard look in the mirror and faces his cookie addiction.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:09:16 -0800

I'm not sure whether to be all cooler-than-thou because I stopped reading the McSweeney's website years ago, or because this is from 2006. Well, whatever, just as long as everyone knows that I'm cooler than them.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:11:09 -0800

This cookie stale.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:14:37 -0800

Very funny though. Possibly just because I've been exposed to a lot of Sesame Street lately. Also I have a growing hatred for Elmo.

By: Someone has just shot your horse!

Someone has just shot your horse! — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:16:15 -0800

My mom used to tell me that if I ate in the bed, the cookie monster would come to devour the crumbs and I would get eaten along with them. Oh, is it time for my therapist appointment already? Time sure does fly.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:19:12 -0800

By: msaleem

msaleem — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:20:44 -0800

Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with 'c'. You know what else starts with 'c'? Someone needs to go back to rehab.

By: ornate insect

ornate insect — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:22:45 -0800

Is nothing sacred?

By: TheophileEscargot

TheophileEscargot — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:24:50 -0800

Also, the Count battles sex addiction.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:25:15 -0800

Bitch I live in a fucking trashcan!

By: orange swan

orange swan — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:29:59 -0800

Bert is evil.

By: Artw

Artw — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:40:21 -0800

orange swan - you have reached the start of the internet.

By: Pastabagel

Pastabagel — Wed, 07 May 2008 11:58:00 -0800

The whole premise of the joke is flawed. By Muppet canon, Grover is indeed a monster, as are Elmo and Telly. In fact, there's a whole slew of monsters on Sesame Street. (Oscar the Grouch, however, is not a monster, but a Grouch.) posted by Faint of Butt at 2:19 PM on May 7 They are all monsters, that's the point. The show is for children, don't forget. They are monsters the kids don't have to fear. The show's message for kids was "We know you're sometimes afraid of monsters, but not all monsters are bad. Sometimes monsters can be cute and cuddly and quirky and funny. Elmo's a monster and he has such a cute giggle!. These are the good monsters. Not like the monster sitting next to you on the sofa, watching the TV. Not like the monster WHO TOLD YOU FOR THE LAST TIME TO STOP CRYING. Not like the monsters who kick your toys and curse under their breath. Not like the monsters who say you stole their youth and take pills because YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY. Not like the monsters who meet strange men at the door and leave you home alone. Not like the monsters who hit with their hands, or their words. Not like the monsters who come into your room at night stinking of whiskey and sweat, with madness in their eyes and a belt in their hands. On Sesame Street, the monsters have not HAD ENOUGH, and they aren't doing it FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Your monsters are not brought to you by the number 4 or the letter M. Your monsters don't want you to come and play, they want you to LEAVE THEM ALONE. Cookie monster is safe, and so are Elmo and the Count. Even Oscar and Bert are your friends even if they are bit grouchy or fussy. Your monsters think our monsters are harmless. To them. Your monsters bought you a Tickle-Me Elmo doll, didn't they? They bought it to JUST SHUT YOU UP ALREADY. So they let you play with Elmo and make him laugh and giggle. But Elmo doesn't just laugh and giggle. Elmo loves you, and he listens. And he records. And soon, Elmo is going to tell you exactly what to do.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:00:12 -0800

bert ate my balls.

By: m0nm0n

m0nm0n — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:08:47 -0800

BERT KISS YOU

By: giraffe

giraffe — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:16:44 -0800

Something I've always wondered: What exactly is the educational value of monsters that don't have a good grasp of (any, in Elmo's case) pronoun use? And why only some monsters? Are the public schools on Sesame Street poor, and the rich monsters (I'm looking at you, Zoe) are able to afford private education? Cookies are a Sometimes Food, but Decent Grammar should be an All The Time Thing. Did you ever see that episode of the Muppet Show where Bert and Ernie were "guest stars"? ...they have the same voices as Kermit and Fozzie. I was inconsolable for the longest time. (This happened about a month ago.)

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:17:37 -0800

Bert nine my balls

By: troubles

troubles — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:20:19 -0800

A Million Little Cookie Crumbs

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:35:56 -0800

Did you ever see that episode of the Muppet Show where Bert and Ernie were "guest stars"? Yeah, with the "Some Enchanted Evening" number. That's a great bit.

By: Cranberry

Cranberry — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:42:52 -0800

Affected much by TV show?

By: PM

PM — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:46:23 -0800

For a single-link post pointing to a McSweeney's article from two years ago, this thread is way less snarky than I'd expect. You all deserve cookies.

By: jabberjaw

jabberjaw — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:48:46 -0800

Hmm. This forum is Cookie Monster colored. And it certainly seems to require cookies, after putting about 30 on my computer.

By: Guy_Inamonkeysuit

Guy_Inamonkeysuit — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:57:06 -0800

Come on, come on -- you knew it had to come to this. A slight derail, but I just can't help it.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:57:27 -0800

Cute, but this sort of thing had been done, better, a long time ago.

By: paddysat

paddysat — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:00:45 -0800

Impossible to read without the voice of Cookie Monster in your head.

By: Koko

Koko — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:07:36 -0800

Oddly enough, I had the voice of Walter Kronkite in my head.

By: desjardins

desjardins — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:13:41 -0800

I move to change the MetaTalk line to "Note: everyone needs a cookie."

By: RokkitNite

RokkitNite — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:18:05 -0800

Meet the Feebles takes every 'Muppet personalities don't map very well onto psychologically-rounded human beings LOL' joke and fuses them all together into one, gigantic, horrendous, hilarious ball of wrongness. There can be no poetry after MtF.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Wed, 07 May 2008 14:02:22 -0800

What exactly is the educational value of monsters that don't have a good grasp of (any, in Elmo's case) pronoun use? And why only some monsters A show where everyone uses correct grammar is a show full of older kids and adults talking to one another. A show where some characters seem remarkably unfamiliar with much of the world and tend to speak more simply and break some grammatical rules (but predictably so, with an underlying logic) while asking the more experienced characters lots of questions? That's your world, 4 year old viewer. That's you in the show.

By: hrbrmstr

hrbrmstr — Wed, 07 May 2008 18:33:06 -0800

It's been an absolutely lousy few weeks in almost every respect and this post has been one of the first things to make me really laugh out loud. Thank you, WCityMike.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:38:17 -0800

A is for A - That's good enough for me

By: tadellin

tadellin — Thu, 08 May 2008 07:55:18 -0800

McSweeneys rocks. There are three sites I hit daily, and McSweeneys is one of them.

By: miss-lapin

miss-lapin — Thu, 08 May 2008 13:33:28 -0800

(Slightly off topic) Those of you who hate Elmo should check out Eddie Loves You (NSFW) an award winning short that transforms America's favorite giggling muppet into a maniacal knife wielding, surprisingly lusty, toy that refuses to be thrown away.

By: liza

liza — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:58:15 -0800

Metafilter : They are all monsters, that's the point.